Shadows in the Silence (4 page)

“Ellie?” he asked.

“I don’t know what that is,” I confessed, holding on to him.

“Please don’t leave me,” he begged. “Please stay here so I’m not alone.”

A vice clamped down on my heart. “I can’t control this.”

“Ellie—”

Then something yanked me back at a lightning speed and Will’s form blurred to nothingness at the end of a dark tunnel as he cried out my name. The sensation of flying through the air came to a halt when I woke up in a soft bed. I thrashed in the sheets with a desperate gasp of fright and I sat bolt upright. My pulse hammered beneath my skin, which was damp with cold sweat. Once again, I had no idea where I was, but this place was real. I was truly awake this time.

The room around me was dark and unfamiliar, and I pulled back the sheets to find myself still wearing my clothes from earlier. They were ripped and dirty from the fight at the nightclub. As I started to slide off the bed, a door on the far wall opened and Cadan appeared with a frightened look on his face.

“Are you okay?” he asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Where am I?” I demanded, ignoring his concern.

“Relax. We’re back at my apartment. You fell asleep on the drive so I brought you here. I tried to wake you, but you wouldn’t respond. I figured you were exhausted so I let you sleep in my bed. Are you upset? I’m sorry if I—”

I realized that tears soaked my cheeks and I wiped them away. “No, it’s okay. I had a bad dream, or something. I didn’t know where I was for a second. Just freaked me out a bit.”

He sat down on the bed beside me and smoothed my hair back. “Do you always sleep like that?”

“Like what?” I asked defensively. I touched the corner of my mouth to check for drool.

He studied me curiously, his opal eyes bright in the dim light pouring in from the doorway. “You were practically out cold. I was pretty worried about you.”

I shook my head. “Just a deep sleeper sometimes, I guess.” I wasn’t about to confess to him what had really happened. How I had been sucked into Will’s dream was a mystery, but part of me wanted to fall immediately back to sleep in case I could be with him again. I could still feel the ocean wind, his touch on my skin, my lips numb from his kisses. I closed my eyes at the memory and inhaled, but instead of Will’s scent, I caught Cadan’s.

“You should go back to sleep,” Cadan offered. “Stay here a few more hours and we can figure out a plan once you’ve had some more rest.”

“Sleep…here?” I asked, suddenly remembering I was in Cadan’s bed.

“It’s okay,” he said. “I’ve got a couch.” He gave me a kind smile that made me feel a little reassured.

“I don’t mean to take your bed.”

“Sleep. Just come on out when you’re ready. The world
won’t end if you sleep a bit more.”

I wanted out of my dirty clothes, but I was too tired to think of an alternative. I crawled back into the bed and sank into the silk sheets. Cadan rose and walked toward the door. I rested my head against the pillow and watched him.

He paused with one hand on the doorknob. “Sleep sweet,” he said softly and closed the bedroom door behind him.

I could only muse over the strange, almost archaic phrase for a few moments before I fell into a fitful sleep, one in which Will was noticeably absent.

WHEN I WOKE IN THE MORNING, I WAS FAR TOO aware of the blood on my skin and clothes from the night before. My hair was crusty and stuck together in clumps with the stuff, and there was even blood under my nails. I was so used to gore by now that instead of being as grossed out by it as I used to be, I just found it annoying. I felt sorry for sleeping in Cadan’s bed while covered in filth. The afternoon sun poured across the carpet and walls through the floor-to-ceiling windows. I bathed in the warmth for a few precious seconds before the task ahead of me tore into my thoughts.

I left the bedroom and found my way to the living room, which was overlooked by the kitchen. Beyond the bar counter, I saw Will rummaging about several cabinets and my breath caught in my throat. I blinked, and then it wasn’t Will
I saw; it was Cadan. I stood frozen, unable to approach him until my pulse settled. A memory hit me hard, the memory of waking up late after that stupid college party to find Will cooking breakfast. When I looked at Cadan, now that I knew that Will was his younger half brother, I could see how strongly he resembled Will. It was the curve of his lips, the straightness of his nose, the heavy line of lashes over his eyes. But they weren’t Will’s emerald-green eyes. The fire opals that made up Cadan’s irises flickered when he saw me, the prism flames spinning for a heartbeat.

“I hope you slept well,” he said, and focused back on the food in front of him. “I can’t cook, so I had lunch delivered. You’ve got to be starving.”

As a matter of fact, I was. But when I glanced at the blood caked under my fingernails, I couldn’t imagine eating before I showered. “That was generous of you,” I replied, “but I’ve got to clean up. I’m so gross right now. There’s still blood and…
stuff
…everywhere on me. Do you mind if I get a shower first?”

“No, of course not.” He led me to the bathroom and offered me a clean towel. I took a scorching-hot shower and scrubbed myself until my skin was raw but clean. I gingerly stepped back into my dirty clothes, unhappy I had nothing else to wear.

Back in the kitchen, Cadan and I made small talk while I ate. It was obvious how hard he’d tried. “Thank
you so much. I ought to get going.”

He nodded. “What do you think should be the plan? Regarding Antares?”

“We find her,” I said clearly and surely. “If she’s in the Rocky Mountains, the same place you saw her last, then we go there. I’ll pack and we can get going today.”

“Tonight,” he corrected. “Sunlight and I don’t get along.”

“Right.” I surprised myself with how easily his demonic nature escaped me. “Okay. Why don’t you arrange travel plans for us? I need you with me. You’re the only one who knows where Antares is.”

He stared at me, his gaze firm and drilling. “Are you sure you want me along?”

“Absolutely,” I said, recalling how well we fought together last night. “We’re a good team.”

He watched me a moment longer before tearing his eyes away, and he put the food away in a bag and slid it across the counter toward me. “I hope you liked the stir-fry. It’s from my favorite Thai restaurant. A little hole-in-the-wall downtown. You should go there sometime.”

I smiled at him. “I appreciate this—everything you’ve done for me. Thank you.”

The corner of his mouth pulled back for an instant before he shrugged. “All right. Get out of here so you can get back. I’ll find us plane tickets into Denver.”

On my way out, I glanced back at him. He leaned over the counter heavily on his hands and he wore an expression hard with determination and worry. I had to force myself to keep going.

“I’m beginning to dislike seeing you come home covered in blood,” Nana said as I dragged myself through the front door. She didn’t seem pleased in the slightest. “We have a visitor as well.”

Marcus stepped into the foyer, his expression a mixture of relief and irritation. “Where in the—”

“Save it,” I hissed.

“My car had better be in one piece,” he growled back, and I shoved past his shoulder. Then he grabbed my arm. “Hey—”

I jerked away from him and gave him a scathing glare. “Don’t you dare touch me, or I’ll torch your stupid car.”

He wasn’t amused. “Where have you been? For the love of God, please tell me you weren’t with that demonic vir.”

“That is none of your business.”

“It sure as hell is!”

I laughed bitterly. “How is it your business? You are not my Guardian and I am doing whatever is necessary to save the one who is. I’m not sitting around on my ass like you are while he wastes away!”

“You’re going to get your ass
killed,
that’s what you’re doing!”

I crunched my teeth together so hard they squeaked.
“Get out of my face, reaper.”

“You’re an idiot,” he said exhaustedly. “Running off with Cadan? What’s the matter with you?”

“Don’t you dare say a word against him,” I warned Marcus. “All he has ever done is help me. He told me that Bastian found the sarcophagus, about the necklace they used to give Lilith corporeal form—not to mention he
killed
Ivar and Bastian to protect me. He’s even the one who warned me that Bastian feared we’d find something called the hallowed glaive, a weapon that can destroy the Fallen. Once Will is better, we’re going to find it.”

“I can’t believe that you’d trust a demonic reaper, that you’d risk everything by doing so.”

“I’m not an idiot to risk everything for Will,” I snapped back. “He’s done the same for me for hundreds of years. I’m going to save him and I’ll do whatever it takes.”

“He would hate you risking your life for him—”

“Too bad!” I shrieked. “Cadan knows where Antares is and he’s going to take me there.”

His eyes bugged. “Antares? That’s who you’re after? You’re mad for going after a Grigori, let alone a Cardinal Lord. She’ll eat you alive.”

I lifted my chin in defiance. “If she tries, then I’ll at least make sure I get what I need from her first.”

“
Listen
to me,” he rasped hurriedly, leaning over me. “The Grigori are powerful and beyond dangerous. You don’t know—”

“I
do
, actually,” I shot back. “Cadan has already warned me. You all seem to forget who I am. I am the archangel Gabriel. I commanded the legion of Heaven that defeated and banished the Grigori to Earth eons before the first reapers were created. I know better than anyone what they’re capable of. Antares may be too much for a reaper, but she knows who I am just as well as I know her.”

He seemed to deflate. “Fine. Then go. You’re making a huge mistake.”

I bit back a snarl. “I wish everyone would stop telling me how stupid I am and at least offer to help me.”

He was silent. After the longest moment, I shook my head and marched up to my room to change my clothes and pack a bag. I threw in jeans, warm- and cold-weather tops, toiletries, and then raced down the stairs to find Marcus and his car gone. Nana stood on the porch, her arms folded over her chest. I eased around her carefully, peering at the sad look on her face.

“Come back, okay?” she asked.

I fought a sob in my throat and dropped my duffle bag to the ground before hugging her tightly. “I promise, Nana. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she replied. “And I trust your judgment. No one’s perfect, but I believe that you believe you’re on the right track. Do what you need to do, and I’ll be here waiting. Go save your Guardian.”

It was so hard to pull away, but I had to hurry. I threw
my things into my car and peeled out of the driveway, forcing myself not to look in the rearview mirror.

Cadan and I caught a direct flight to Denver and I slept almost the entire way. He rented us an SUV that was blacked out all over to offer himself protection from the sun and we headed northwest toward the Rocky Mountains. After a few hours of driving, I had him take the wheel so I could rest. When I woke again, it was after dark and my ears were popping from the altitude. Somewhere in the mountains, we would meet another of Cadan’s “friends,” but he assured me that this one was friendly through and through. Antares’s location was too remote for access by car, so we would travel the last few miles by horse and foot.

“You’re going to need to sleep here pretty soon,” he said, glancing over at me. “In a real bed where you can get some rest instead of in a plane or car.”

I watched the headlights paint the winding road ahead a dull yellow. The higher we climbed into the mountains, the more upset my stomach got. “I’m fine. Just keep driving.”

He huffed. “I’m getting a room at the next town. I’m not dealing with your attitude the entire time I’m risking my ass for you. You at least owe me a good mood and a continental breakfast.”

I rolled my eyes and ignored his remark. “There better be a room with two beds. If we have to spoon in a double, I’ll be even grumpier.”

“I hog the blankets anyway.”

“I kick crotches in my sleep.”

A small smile curved his lips and he caught me watching him from the corner of my eye. I pinned my gaze back to the road. “So we sleep for a few hours, grab a bagel in the morning, and head out. Deal?”

“Deal.”

He managed to find us a moderately not-seedy motel in a small town with a few stoplights. Once we checked in, I dragged my duffle bag into the room and tossed it on the bed closest to the heat register and put the vents on full blast. It was almost June, and yet Colorado hadn’t caught on.

I hugged my arms to my chest and, exhausted, flopped onto my bed.

“You need the shower?” Cadan asked me.

“Not yet,” I grumbled. “I want to just lie here for the rest of my life.”

He huffed a short laugh. “All right. I’ll be out in a few.”

I must have drifted off because I opened my eyes what seemed like seconds later and he was already out. He was bare from the waist up and ruffling through his bag for a shirt. I tried not to stare too hard, deciding then and there that reapers just automatically came with Photoshopped chests, arms, and abs. Ridiculous.

“All yours,” he said without looking at me.

I grabbed the baggie filled with my shampoo and stuff, and before I disappeared into the bathroom, I caught a
glimpse of Cadan’s muscled back out the corner of my eye. My breath caught. Burn scars were shredded down his back, a marbled and gleaming slash of them. They mirrored Marcus’s scars almost exactly, and I knew only divine fire could cause such a permanent injury. Cadan wore scars from angelfire.

He glanced over his shoulder at me before tugging a shirt over his head. “Don’t forget that I know what we’re about to walk into,” he said, understanding what I’d been staring at. “I never fear anything unless I have a good reason to.”

I said nothing, or rather I could think of nothing to say, and I closed the bathroom door behind me. I paused for a minute, absorbing what I quickly began to understand. Only angels could wield angelfire, and the only angel Cadan knew besides me was Antares. She had done that to him, nearly killed him.

I undressed and ran the water as hot as I could stand it before hopping into the shower. The water practically scalded me, but I savored it. Hard as I tried, I couldn’t think of anything else but what would happen tomorrow. Only when we found Antares would I know if I could save Will’s life. What if Antares wasn’t there? What if she refused to or couldn’t help me? What if Marcus or Ava called to tell me Will had died in the night? As tears fought to break free, I stood under the water and let it hammer my face, the stinging heat and pressure keeping me from concentrating too hard on the horrible thoughts. If I cried, Cadan would surely hear me with
his stupid super reaper hearing and then he’d bug me with questions. Why was it that people always asked you about why you’re crying? If you’re crying, then something shitty happened and you don’t want to think about it. In this case especially, it was better for me to be left alone.

The hot water had turned my skin pink, but it didn’t hide my puffy eyes and generally crappy appearance as I’d hoped. If I was lucky, Cadan would keep his questions to himself. I combed out the tangles in my hair and let the damp curtain fall over my shoulders. My pajamas never felt more comfortable. I felt so sore and tired everywhere, but my journey had barely even begun.

When I left the bathroom, I plopped onto on the edge of my bed and Cadan turned off the TV from his seat on his own bed. He moved to sit across from me and rested his elbows on his knees, peering into my face studiously.

“It’d be stupid to ask if you’re okay,” he said softly.

I gave him a pathetic smile. “Good thing you’re not stupid.” I waited for him to respond, but he was quiet. “Would it be stupid to ask if
you’re
okay?”

“I’m fine, I promise. And everything else will be fine too. Antares will be where I left her. It’s been a few years, but I’m sure she’ll remember me.”

“You left that big an impression, huh?” I joked.

“In a way.” His tone was serious.

“What did she have that you tried to kill her for?” I was just as grim that time.

“I didn’t want it,” he replied. “Bastian did. He wanted the grimoire. She didn’t have it, but I thought she was lying. Bastian ordered me to bring him the book and I’d been tracking her down for years, so there was no alternative, and I was desperate. Of course she beat me to a pulp, but she’d tossed me beyond the reach of her bindings and couldn’t finish me off. I was even luckier to walk away alive from Bastian after he was through disciplining me.”