Shake Down the Stars (25 page)

“Lucky you.”

I roll my eyes and continue unloading the car. When we have everything, we follow Selwyn into the house. The kitchen and living room are all one large open space, both rooms decorated early-American style with antique tables and rockers. I catch Margot staring at the furniture derisively. When our eyes meet I mouth,
Be nice.

We take our things upstairs, and Selwyn continues the tour. There are three bedrooms, two baths, and an office. I also glimpse an outside balcony spanning the length of each bedroom. We end up in the room that Margot will share with Little Margot. It's been decided that the girls shouldn't sleep alone. I'll sleep with Sophia in the room next door.

The girls ask if they can go downstairs and play with the dogs. Selwyn tells them where he keeps the dog biscuits and says they can give them two biscuits each. It's nice to see the excitement on their faces.

Margot picks up a pillow and studies the embroidery before returning it to the bed. “Piper says you're an attorney. You can live out here on that kind of money?”

“Margot!” I'm tempted to explain how living off various men has done nothing to help her understand what it means to earn a living, but Selwyn takes her question in stride.

“It's okay. It was actually relatively inexpensive to buy this place. Not many people want to live out in the middle of nowhere, but it suits me fine.”

“A lot of space for one person. You're not married?”

“Margot
.
”

“I was married, but we divorced three years ago.”

“What happened?”

“Geez, Margot.
You'll have to excuse my sister. She has a social disorder called ‘too nosy for her own good.'”

“I'm just curious. He doesn't have to answer if he doesn't want to.”

“It's fine,” Selwyn says. “Guess you could say Charlene and I had issues that couldn't be resolved. She's in DC now. The house is too big for one person, but I can't get myself to move. I'm a country boy at heart, and this is as good as it gets without having to move out of state.”

“I don't blame you,” I say. “It's a beautiful place.”

“Thanks.” He starts toward the door. “You all must be hungry. I'll get dinner started.”

“You're going to cook?” Margot asks, as though he's just told us he's about to perform a backflip.

“Yeah. I'm no four-star chef, by any means, but I'm sure I can put together something fairly edible.”

“We don't want you to go to any trouble, Selwyn,” I say. “We could just as easily order pizza.”

“No delivery out here.” He laughs. “Besides, I don't mind at all. You two make yourselves at home.”

When I hear his footsteps on the stairs, I turn to Margot. “What's with all the personal questions? You'd think Mom never taught you manners.”

“Oh calm down. He seemed okay with it.”

She sits on the edge of the bed and takes out her phone. The bruise near her eye is already turning a deep purple and taking on the shape of a lima bean.

“He's left five messages,” she says, already pressing the phone to her ear and listening intently. “He says he misses me.”

“He's full of shit. Come downstairs.”

She's too busy listening to her messages and doesn't respond. “Margot.
He slept with your best friend.
Why are you bothering with him?”

“I know I know. I just want to hear these messages. I'll be down in a sec.”

I pause at the door, but then I think of what I'm learning in AA. I can only take care of myself. And with that in mind, I tell her I'm going downstairs to help with dinner.

•   •   •

S
elwyn and I clean the kitchen while the girls play Scrabble. Margot ate with us but has since returned to her room to call the producers of her show and talk to Curtis. After I help Selwyn load the dishwasher, he claps his hands together. “There's something I want to show you. Will only take a second.”

“What is it?”

“Follow me.”

I follow him upstairs to his bedroom. “You have something to show me—in your
bedroom
?”

He raises his hands in defense. “It's not like that. If you haven't noticed, I'm a perfect gentleman.”

He leads me into the bedroom where there are two oil paintings on the wall and an antique bureau and dresser. On his bureau I notice a picture of a woman I assume is his mother and a second picture taken decades ago of a young man in a football uniform, a younger, leaner version of Selwyn.

“That's Sylvester.”

“You two do look alike.”

“Yeah, like I said, everyone thought we were twins.” He picks up the photo. “I don't know of any single person who could make me laugh so much.”

I try to remember the last time I laughed with Margot. I think and think. “You were lucky you two got along so well. You have a lot of good memories you can look back on.”

“Good memories are one thing I do have.” He returns the photo. “This way.”

He leads me to the balcony. I feel my breath catch as soon as I step outside and stare up into the night sky. I had assumed there would be low light pollution out here, and it looks like I was right. I instantly make out double the number of constellations I'd see in the city. I can even see Delta Cepheus and Antares, and just to the south, Scorpius's butterfly cluster.

“Amazing.”
I keep my gaze on the magnificence of it all. “A sky like this makes living out here completely worth it.”

“Won't argue with you there. But
this
is what I want to show you.”

I turn and see him at the opposite end of the long balcony, his hand extended toward—“A Meade 280! I forgot you owned one!”
I walk over and run my hand over the tubing. “Selwyn,” I say, inhaling deeply, “it's gorgeous.”

“I'm telling you, Kil, I've been hooked since I bought her. I've been to the Danner Observatory a few times now, too. Last winter I went to the Gheller.”

The Gheller Observatory in New Mexico is supposed to have amazing views. “I've always wanted to go to the Gheller.”

“It's certainly worth the trip. Well,” he says, pointing the Meade farther upward, “what are you waiting for? Why don't you take a look-see? Go ahead.”

I peer through the viewfinder until I find Mercury; the power of the Meade 280 is that strong. I stare briefly at the planet, but then, in a burst of sheer, unadulterated happiness, I stop stargazing altogether and give Selwyn a hug.

“Whoa! Hey, what's this for?”

•   •   •

“E
verything,” I say as I continue to hug him. “Everything.”

Selwyn and I have decided to stay up late and find Neptune, named after the Greek god of the sea due to its perfectly blue coloring. It's a windy planet with thirteen moons, and since it's in conjunction with Jupiter this week, we have the opportunity to use Jupiter as our necessary starting point to chart our way to its territory. We have to wait until Jupiter comes into view at one a.m., but we don't mind; Neptune is the farthest planet from Earth, and worth the wait. I also sense we're both happy for the excuse to stay up and talk. Selwyn has made hot chocolate, and we sit at the table out on the balcony. I tell him about my childhood and Mom's exploits, about Mr. Hoffman, Spence, and AA. He in turn describes his life in Alabama, and the devastating loss of his mother to cancer three years ago, coupled with his divorce the very same year. “Worst year of my life. My mother passes, and then I have to find out my wife is having an affair. We were growing apart, but why not ask for a separation? Why cheat?”

He explains that Charlene was his college sweetheart, but over time she became more of a “city mouse” while he wanted to slow down and have a family. They bought the house together with the intention of doing just that, but she wanted more time for her career. “That's probably not the entire truth,” he says. “I just don't think she wanted me.”

“Don't say that. She married you.”

“Yeah, she loved me, but I think she married me because that was what she thought she should do at the time. We were together for three years in college, and I think we both thought the next step was marriage. But did she love me for me? Nah.”

I follow his gaze up to the blanket of stars, but I soon find myself looking over at him. I feel much like when I saw him in San Francisco, startled by how handsome he is. He's lean and muscular with nice eyes and a kissable mouth. With all the work I have to do on myself, I'm not ready for a relationship, but I can't deny the feelings I have for him. Why else would I have thought of hiding out in Livermore?

He feels me staring. “What?” He finds his napkin and begins wiping at his mouth. “Do I have a hot-chocolate mustache?”

“No. You're fine.”

He pulls back, then, and stares suspiciously. “What is it?”

“Nothing.”

He grins slowly. “Were you checking me out?”

I feel myself blush deeply. “No! Absolutely not.”

“Yeah, you were.”

“No, I wasn't.”

“I think you were. It's okay if you're starting to like me, Kil. Just don't objectify me. I'm a human being, not just a piece of meat.”

I know I'm busted and smile.

“I will add, however, that if you
were
checking me out, it means you're a smart woman, and I like smart women. Momma always said better to have one smart woman than a roomful of beautiful ones.”

“Oh brother.” Still smiling, I go back to staring at the sky.

“I can't believe what you told me about Curtis. It's a shame that one of our premier football players has to behave like . . . like an ass. But, Kil, how crazy is it that Curtis Randolph's fiancée is inside my house right now! Right now! How crazy is that?”

“Selwyn,” I warn.

“Curtis Randolph's fiancée is inside my house! And she's your sister!”

“Selwyn.”

He leans back in his seat and brings his hot chocolate to his lips. “It's pretty remarkable.”

I smile at him as he takes a swallow.

“Will you stop obsessing, please?” he teases. “I feel like you're unclothing me with your bare eyes.”

“Oh my gosh, you're so conceited.”

“But you know you're fallin' for me. Can't help but fall under my spell.”

“Shut up.”

“You know you like me.”

“It would help if you weren't so cocky. Then I might tell you whether I do or not.”

“I'm listening.” He sits straight up and pretends to zip his lips together.

“I like you, okay? There. I said it. Maybe at some point we can go out for coffee, or dinner. If you want,” I add, already feeling somewhat discomfited by my admission.

“Dinner would be great, Kil.”

“When I'm ready for something like that,” I say. “I'm just kind of getting my act together right now.”

“Of course.” He leans back and shakes his head at the stars. “It's a beautiful, beautiful night,” he says with a sigh. After a moment, he reaches over and takes my hand and kisses it. I in turn take his hand and do the same. We continue holding hands as we keep our heads tilted back and our gaze toward the swath of sky where Neptune shines. I understand why we amateur stargazers get caught up in images of planets like Saturn, with its razzle-dazzle ring, and Earth, marked by its land formations, but there
is
something about Neptune, warranting its name as it does as it shines at the edge of our galaxy, some two billion–plus miles away, cloaked in perfect cerulean blue.

O
nly five hours after saying good night, Selwyn and I are now making breakfast together. The girls, still in their pj's, are in the living room, continuing the game of Scrabble they started last night. Margot is asleep upstairs. A mix of Bill Evans, Art Tatum, and Chet Baker plays on the stereo.

Selwyn's property lies between two vineyards and is surrounded by oak trees. Every time I get a glimpse out a window, I'm taken aback by all the wide-open space. I'm putting water in the teakettle when Selwyn says, “Sounds like someone's here.” He's in charge of making his famous biscuits, and flour covers his apron.

I didn't hear a thing. “Really?”

He tosses the towel he's holding over his shoulder and cocks his head. “Who'd show up this early?”

I follow him into the living room, and we look out the window as a white Mercedes makes its way up the long gravel driveway.

“That looks like my mother's car.”

Sophia says from behind, “Granny's here already?”

“What do you mean
here already
?”

“Mom told us Granny was coming,” says Margot.

I look out the window again. Sure enough. Mom.

“You knew she was coming?” I ask.

Little Margot glances up from the game board. “Yeah, Mom told us last night.”

I look at Selwyn. He knows all the drama going on with my family, so I can only hope he'll forgive me for leaving him to greet Mom alone. I'm already boiling mad and have no time for manners. I haven't spoken to her since my disastrous visit when I stopped by the house two months ago. It's not as though I'm afraid of her or afraid she'll push me toward the bottle again, but I don't want her to see me right now either. Don't we have enough going on? I say to Selwyn in a pleading tone, “Would you please excuse me for a second? I need to find out what the hell is going on. I'll be right back.”

“Sure.”

I march directly upstairs and find my sister fast asleep. I give her a hard shake.

“Mmm?” She pulls her sleeping mask slowly from her face. Her bruises have darkened, and her hair is a mat of curls.

“Why did you tell Mom we were here?”

“Because I need her, why do you think? What time is it? Is she here?”

“Yeah. Downstairs.”

She sits up and yawns. “Oh good.”

“You could have told me she was coming, you know.”

“Why? I assumed you'd know I'd call her. If I ever needed her, it's now.”

“But it's rude to invite people without telling the host.”

“I thought you'd tell him.”

“Why would I tell him?”

“Because you'd know that I'd call her and that she'd be coming.” I watch her put on her robe and push her feet into her slippers. “This isn't about you for once, okay? My life is in shambles right now, and I would think you'd be happy Mom is here to be with me.”

She walks out, leaving me to follow. We find Mom just inside the door, talking to Selwyn. Channeling Vivian Leigh in
Gone With the Wind
,
Margot takes the stairs two at a time with her arms outstretched.
“Mom!”
Mom opens her arms, and they hug as the adagietto from Mahler's Fifth swells in the background.

Mom holds Margot at arm's length. “Let me look at you. Oh, this is terrible.”

“I know, Mom. What about the wedding? And my show?” Her voice rises. “Mom, look what he did to my face! The wedding is in three weeks! What am I going to do?” She breaks into her ugly cry.

Mom takes her by the arms and shakes her so that her head wobbles like a rag doll's. “Margot! Margot, listen to me. You've got to stand firm, baby. Now is the time to rely on faith. If you're not better by the wedding, you'll get a good makeup artist; that's all there is to it.”

Margot lowers her eyes in an affected manner that portrays both humility and strength. “You're right.”

I roll my eyes at the drama. In an attempt to focus on letting go, I haven't called or tried to contact Mom since I last saw her, and watching her with Margot feels a bit surreal. I finally realize that I need to let go of my idea that we might one day be close. I'm no longer willing to bang my head against the wall Mom has in place. Still, there's no need for me to act resentful or ugly either, so when it's clear Margot has calmed down, I walk over and tell Mom hello. She stiffens under my embrace but then hugs me back, if only briefly. She calls to the girls to come and say hello, and they leave their game long enough to give her a hug.

Knowing good and well the girls will only eavesdrop, I suggest they finish their game upstairs.

“Can we go outside?” Margot asks.

“Sure. Put some clothes on first.”

They run upstairs while Mom and Margot find a seat on the couch.

Selwyn says, “May I get you anything, ma'am?”

Margot sniffles. “Is there coffee?”

“He was asking Mom,” I grumble.

Mom says, “Call me Margaret, and coffee would be nice, thank you.”

I follow Selwyn into the kitchen while Mom and Margot converge on the couch. “I'm sorry about this,” I tell him.

“Don't apologize. There's plenty of room, plenty of food.”

I glance back at them—Margot clutching a tissue and carrying on, Mom holding her and stroking her hair—and I feel somewhat jealous. I'm a new, sober Piper, yes, but jealousy is jealousy, sober or drunk. I take the plate of bacon to the table while Selwyn puts together a tray of coffee.

Margot calls out, “Shawn, would you mind if my mother joins us for breakfast?”

I practically slam the platter down. “His name is Selwyn, Margot.
Selwyn
.”

“I'm sorry! It was a slip. I apologize, Selwyn. I'm a mess right now, if you haven't noticed. Please forgive me.”

“Hey, no worries. And of course everyone is welcome. We've got plenty.” He leans in close to my ear. “You okay, Kil?”

“I'm fine,
Shawn
.”

Minister's wife that she is, Mom is more than pleasant as we eat and asks Selwyn questions about his job and his house and compliments his cooking. She also asks me about school and my plans for summer vacation. She's so nice, in fact, I soon feel myself relax. Maybe catastrophes like having to drive your sister to Livermore, after her loser boyfriend has practically beaten her, do bring people together. Or maybe our latest family catastrophe has helped Mom realize she needs me as much as Margot and she wants to make up. I offer to pour her more coffee; she smiles politely and raises her cup. I'm not sure what the hell is going on, but it's nice to have a family breakfast. I can't remember the last time we were all together like this.

When we're finished eating, Sophia pushes her chair back. “Can we go back outside?”

Margot stops her latest text long enough to check her watch. “We're leaving soon, so no more than fifteen minutes.”

I watch the girls run off. Based on their nonreaction to the news that they're leaving, I gather the girls knew something else I didn't know. “Leaving?” I ask.

“Curtis talked to the producers and convinced them no taping until the wedding,” Mom replies. “We'll get a good makeup artist in the meantime and stay low.”

My gaze shifts back to my fool of a sister. “You're going back to him? Are you insane?
He slept with Danni.
”

Mom glances over at Selwyn. “Lower your voice, Piper.”

“Apologies.” I turn back to Margot. “Are you insane?” I say through gritted teeth. “He slept with Danni!”

“He's more than sorry, P. He knows he messed up.”

Mom pulls back in her chair. “Mathew 26:41: ‘Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.' Curtis made a mistake. But bottom line, he's a good Christian, and as Romans 8:1 says, ‘There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.'”

“So you're saying your daughter should marry a cheat?”

Margot now says, “You don't understand, P. Curtis and I had a long talk last night. He knows he was wrong. I'm not trying to excuse his behavior, but I'm not sure I was there for him last year the way he needed me to be. We realize none of this would have happened if we had kept our relationship first and everything else second. We lost our focus, and he lost his way.”

Mom nods. “The man needs to be the head of the household, or it becomes a house divided. Don't you think so, Selwyn?”

Selwyn, obviously startled to be pulled into the conversation, chuckles nervously. “You're looking at a divorcé here, ma'am—Margaret. I should probably stay out of it. More coffee?”

Mom tells him she'd love more coffee, and he escapes to the kitchen. “Curtis is a good man who made a mistake,” she reiterates.

“Mistake
sss
,” I say, leaning on the
s.
“What are you teaching the girls, Margot? Stay with a man who beats you?”

“First of all, he didn't beat me, and don't you ever tell anyone he did. And second of all, I'm teaching the girls the importance of forgiveness.”

“Please, I doubt if either of you would be so forgiving if he wasn't worth a fortune.”

“That's not true. Margot knows where her riches lie.”

I look over at Margot who has her phone out and is texting furiously.

The girls, dressed by now, run through the kitchen.

“Be careful of those dogs,” Margot says without looking up from her phone. She holds it up so Mom can see what she's typed.

“Good for you. Do what you have to do.”

Margot says to me, “I just told you know who she shouldn't expect a cent for the work she's done on the wedding, and I'm going to sue her ass something good.”

“On what grounds?”

“I'll get Curtis's lawyers to figure that out. I'm going to take her for everything she has; I know that much. She should be happy I don't go over there and kick her skinny butt. Fucking two-faced bitch.”

Selwyn, who has since returned with coffee, clears his throat lightly.

“I'm so sorry you have to hear all of this, Selwyn,” Mom says demurely. “You must think we're the most dysfunctional family there is.”

“We are,” I mutter, rising from the table. “I think I'll go outside for a while.”

Selwyn shoots up from his seat. “Mind if I join you?”

“Tell the girls five minutes,” Mom says.

“Margot, they just left.”

“I realize that, but we need to get back, and we've taken up enough of your friend's time as it is.”

“His name is Selwyn,” I tell her, but she and Mom both have their phones out and either don't hear me or choose to ignore me. I glare at them both until I feel Selwyn's hand on my back.

“It's okay, Kil. Let's go.”

Far off in the distance, Margot pushes Sophia on a tire swing while the dogs bound around them. Selwyn and I are in no rush and walk at a languid pace. I'm seething inside, though. I thought at the very least Mom was here to help, but she only showed up to take the girls away, right when they were starting to relax and have fun. And then there's my idiotic sister.

“You okay?” Selwyn asks.

“I'm fine, except I worry that my sister is teaching my nieces that they should put up with bull.” I add halfheartedly, “I'm starting to wonder if there's a way I can keep them legally. I could certainly charge on grounds of neglect and foolish parenting.”

“On the bright side, considering all that's happened in the last twenty-four hours, it's nice that they can be kids right now and relax.”

He has a point, of course. I also know that I need to calm down. To that end, I take a deep breath and gaze at the vineyards and sloping hills. “Hailey would have loved it here.”

“It's a good place for children.”

“Adults, too,” I say. “I really have to apologize for my family.”

“Don't worry about it. It's nice having you here, Kil.”

“You're kidding, right? This has been total chaos.”

“Not at all. And you're here. I still can't get over that.”

“Well, thanks for having me. And thanks for being so nice to my family.” I stare at him briefly. We did nothing last night except to share a couple of long hugs, but I feel myself blush, nonetheless. “It's nice being here. With you,” I add cautiously.

He starts to say something but stops himself. Starts again. Stops.

“What?”

“I know your family is leaving, but if you want to stay longer, I'd love to have you. There's plenty of room, and you can start your summer vacation off right.” He raises his hands. “Strictly platonic, of course.”

I gaze around the property. It's a tempting offer. Very tempting. Although—“strictly platonic”?

“I'd love to take you out to dinner, but it doesn't have to mean anything other than a nice meal. Now that you're here, I don't want to ruin anything. I'd like to get to know you and take things slow. I don't want to mess this up, Kil.”

“I don't either. And dinner would be nice.” I look down at my clothes. Except for the T-shirt Margot loaned me, I'm wearing the same outfit I had on yesterday, which, thanks to all the drama, feels like days ago. “I can't go out to dinner like this, though.”

“Not a problem. I can drive you back to your apartment so you can pack a few things, or you can borrow my car. So what do you think about the offer?”

I bring my hand to my brow and watch the girls briefly. If I stay, we can continue talking and stargazing. Watch movies and take walks. And given more time, when I'm more sure-footed in my sobriety and settled in my life, who knows? Maybe Selwyn and I can have something real together. I'd like that, actually. And I like the idea of taking things slow, starting with a few days together. “Thanks for the invite, Selwyn. I think I'll stay.”