Shatter (33 page)

Mitch opened his eyes to stare at the corner of the gilded ceiling. Jessica was sitting beside him. “You’re always so encouraging, Jess.”

“Maybe I’ll give up lobbying for inspirational speaking.”

A smile tugged at the corner of Mitch’s mouth. “Then you’ll have to put that lazy-ass husband of yours to work. Somehow I don’t think the pay will even out.”

Jessica laughed softly.

He lifted his head from the window. The room spun for a second, then stilled. He looked down at the box. “I’d completely forgotten about it.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that out.”

“Did the others see it?”

Her warm eyes met his. “Of course not. We Hill people know how to keep secrets.”

Mitch smiled and covered the box and her hand with his, squeezing gently. “Thanks.”

He stared at the box, holding it between the fingers of both hands, turning it around and around.

She let the silence linger a moment. “Mitch.” Her voice was just above a whisper and hit him harder than any of the guys’ shouts. “Honey, you can’t go on like this. Halina can’t go on like this. It’s killing you both.”

Guilt swamped him. His eyes closed and he nodded. “I know.” He took a breath, opened his eyes to the box. “I don’t know what . . . or how . . . I feel like I’m on a roller coaster and I’m at a total loss. I’ve been through enough to always find some decent way to handle every situation. But this . . .”

“You’re a guy who functions with his body and his mind. You’re physical and intellectual. Not emotional. That’s why you’re so off balance.”

He nodded again, thinking back to when he’d been all three. When he’d been with Halina. And wondered if his emotional side was so damaged it was irreparable.

“In some ways,” Jessica said, “we’re a lot alike.”

Mitch looked up from the bright blue box. Jessica had her elbow resting on one thigh, her chin resting on her fist. Those understanding eyes gazed up at him, smoothing the raw edges of his pain. “How do you figure?”

She shrugged one slender shoulder. “Halina was virtually dead to you for seven years, the way Quaid was to me. We never really got over them. Never really let them go. We’ve both slept with untold number of other lovers, but no one else ever satisfied. You’ve used your money and notoriety to buy distractions with parties, toys, and travel the way I used cocaine. You’re a workaholic the way I used to be, on seven days a week, eighteen hours a day. But nothing’s ever erased her from your heart or wiped her from your mind.”

She paused, giving him room to argue. To tell her she was wrong. But they both knew she wasn’t.

“Now that you know she’s alive,” Jessica said, “that the reason she left you wasn’t what you thought it was, you have to decide if you could live without her if she walked back out of your life.”

Mitch winced. His fingers tightened on the box.

“She lied to you. Abandoned you. Left you hurting for years when she could have eased your pain. Unlike Quaid, she had a choice, even if her choice had grave consequences for the person she loved most. If that’s what you focus on, you’re going to continue to feel angry and miserable.”

Jessica lifted her hand to his forearm and squeezed. “You also have a lot of choices. You could choose to focus on different facts. Like the fact that she made a smart, savvy decision that everyone agrees saved your life. Or that she’s here helping us when we all know she’s skilled enough to run. Or that she’s told you the truth when she didn’t have to.”

“Yeah,” he said, feeling stronger about the new direction of his thoughts. “I was just working on that outside. It’s . . . getting easier.”

He uncapped the blue box, dumping the black velvet one inside onto his palm.

“Let me just say one more thing that might help you put things into perspective,” Jessica said, “and I’ll leave you alone.

“Think back to what happened just three weeks ago, with Quaid. We
all
lied to him about one of the most important, fundamental realities in his life—that he and I were married.
You included,
mister.” She tapped his bicep with one rigid finger. “But I’m his wife. I had the highest duty to him out of everyone and I still lied at the most critical moment—because I love him. Because telling him the truth at that point could have ruined his recovery. Because I wanted the best for him. We all did.”

Mitch’s heart skipped. Sped. “Never thought about it like that.”

“This is a good time to revisit your memories of the situation, then before you go condemning Halina for loving you so dearly she gave up her own happiness for yours. And remember—Quaid forgave me because he loved me more than he hated the lie.”

Mitch didn’t think he needed to revisit any memories. His chest was already filling with a giddy, nervous excitement at the thought of rushing up those stairs to Halina—which told him he’d already worked out the kinks in his mind.

Only, that didn’t fix the problem of Halina’s need to run from him.

“You can still have everything you once wanted,” she whispered earnestly. “All you have to do is reach for it, Mitch.
She’s
. . .
right
. . .
there
.” Jessica punctuated her words with clear, deliberate speech.

She stood, clasped her hands, and glanced at the door over her shoulder. Then turned back with her lower lip between her teeth and a spark in her eyes. “Okay, I can’t leave until I see it again. It’s killing me, it’s so gorgeous. I’ve wanted to stare at it this whole time. Took you freaking forever to come in from the river.”

Mitch laughed—a real one this time—and rolled his eyes. “You’re such a
girl
.”

He tossed it lazily to her. She caught it in both hands with an exaggerated bend of her knees and gently opened the lid. She pulled in a breath. One hand splayed high on her chest as she stared down at it. The way Mitch had dreamed Halina would when he gave it to her—but with more screaming and happy tears and kisses and a whole lot of “Yes, yes,
yes
! Oh, my God, I love you so much. Can we do it tomorrow?”

The way that dream had been slashed still made him bleed inside.

“Seriously, Mitch.” Jessica shook her head, her gaze lingering on the ring as if it held her transfixed. “This is the most beautiful damn thing I’ve ever seen.” She finally lifted her gaze and those deep brown eyes drilled into him in warning. “And if you don’t give it to Halina, I’m going to hunt . . . you . . . down.”

After a split second of replaying the words, Mitch burst out laughing. When he looked up, Jessica was grinning smugly. She closed the box and offered it to him.

When Mitch reached for it, Jessica gripped his hand between both of hers until he looked at her again.

“She’s worth the risk, Mitch. You know that in your heart.”

A white-hot jolt speared him from head to heel, but it wasn’t fear. It was excitement. Yeah, he did know.

Mitch pulled Jessica close for a hug. “Thanks, Jess.”

He kissed her temple and released her. She patted his chest and stepped away, shaking a finger at him on the way out the door with a half grin. “Don’t make me hurt you. Oh, and if you could just mention where you got that stunner to Quaid, you know, in passing, I’d be forever grateful.” Her face lit up with a grin. “He’s going to buy me a new one.”

As soon as Jessica closed the door, Mitch flipped open the box.

His breath whooshed out. “Damn.” He pulled the ring from the velvet slot and brought it closer. “I had good taste . . . even back then.”

Mitch stuffed the ring box into his pocket and slid the doors apart enough to peek into the hallway. It was empty. Conversation and children’s giggles drifted along the hardwood. He darted across the hall and jogged quietly up the steps.

All the doors on this floor were open but one, and Mitch went directly there. He paused only long enough to draw air into his lungs so his head stopped swimming and knocked softly. For a second he considered calling to her and announcing himself, but didn’t want to take the chance she would reject him.

He turned the knob quietly and opened the door enough to peer in. The room was huge, with a lot of furniture. A four-poster bed with a sheer canopy formed the centerpiece and papers were scattered over the shimmering gold comforter. Mitch had a sudden and savage need to make love to Halina in that romantic setting. But Halina wasn’t on the bed.

He pushed the door wide and stepped into the room with a soft, “Halina?”

No answer. No Dex. His gaze skipped across the room, to a window with the curtains pushed aside. Alarm sliced through Mitch’s body. He released the door handle and strode into the middle of the room, his gaze moving faster, his heart picking up speed. “Halina!”

No answer.

Fuck
. “No.”

Panic pushed into his throat. He rushed to the window, grabbed the sash with both hands, and threw the window open. He leaned out so far, his momentum nearly took him over the ledge and out onto the roof.
The roof.
Goddamn, the roof was right there. The window easily accessible from the ground. And when he looked down, the guard, Dillon, wasn’t there.

“Halina!” Mitch screamed as his gaze scanned the darkness.
“Halina!”

His heart pounded so fast it seemed to string out one frenzied continuous beat. Just as he pushed off the sill and turned to a sprint toward the door, Teague appeared in the hallway. A split second later, the others surrounded him.

“What’s wrong?” Teague asked.

“She’s gone.” Mitch moved as he spoke, pushing past Teague, running past the others and down the stairs as he pulled the gun from his jeans. “Dillon’s not under her window. Radio the guys.”

Cash spoke into the radio before Mitch had even finished his sentence. His hands were shaking so bad, he fumbled with the locks on the front door, but finally yanked it open and darted out, yelling Halina’s name and running.

He’d lost it. Abandoned all thoughts of safety, all security protocol. He didn’t know if she’d been taken or if she’d run. He didn’t know how to look for her and didn’t know where to start. Everyone was yelling at him, but his head was filled with the memory of Halina hanging over Abernathy’s shoulder like a limp doll when he’d abducted her and taken her to the harbor.

He couldn’t lose her.

“Halina!” On the side of the house with Halina’s window, Mitch stopped and squinted into the darkness, scanning the terrain. Fury and desperation erupted inside him when he could see nothing beyond twenty feet. “Dillon!” He dropped his head back and screamed into the sky,
“Ha-li-na . . .”

One of the guys grabbed his arm and shook him. Anguish slowly replaced the fear as he turned to look at Luke. Dillon stood just behind him. They were both speaking, mouths moving, but Mitch couldn’t hear them. He focused harder and the men’s words filtered in.

“Earth to Mitch.” When Luke came into sharp focus, he said. “About damned time.”

“I just went to take a leak,” Dillon said. “I wasn’t gone more than a couple minutes.”

Mitch darted looks right and left. Members of the team and a couple of the guards hovered at a distance. The bite of icy air registered, raising gooseflesh on his exposed skin and cutting through his clothes.

“That’s better.” Luke pulled on his arm to start turning him. “Look behind you.”

Mitch’s head whipped toward the house so fast, he almost toppled. His vision blurred and his head went light. It took him several seconds to refocus. When he did, he saw a small figure sitting at the base of the house, back against the siding, knees up, head down. And Dex sitting by her side.

“Oh,
fuck
.” He breathed the words in such wicked relief, he almost went down again. Mitch bent at the waist, pressed his palms to his thighs and drew air. He turned his head up to Luke. “Take the others inside. I’ll bring her in.”

“No fucking way.” Luke scowled at him. “I’m not leaving you alone with her the way you’ve been—”

“Come on, Luke.” Jessica appeared behind him with a hand on his shoulder. “Mitch is okay. We had a talk earlier. He needs time alone with Halina. And Dex will rip his face off if he’s an ass.”

Luke argued but Jessica immediately cut him off with that iron streak of hers—the one that had helped her survive her husband’s death, resurrection, rescue, and now kept them both going through his recovery. Halina had that same strength. And Mitch needed it. For both of them.

Within sixty seconds everyone had retreated—the team back into the house, the guards back to their stations, and Mitch pushed the weapon back into his jeans. He approached Halina with a heart beating triple-time and muscles ready to give out.

He dropped to a crouch in front of her, curved his hands around her thighs, and pressed his forehead to her bent knees. Dex whined and licked his face. “Fuck, Hali, you almost killed me.”

Only when his breathing slowed and the rush of blood in his ears dimmed did Mitch realize she was shivering violently and sniffling back tears. His head came up and he slid his hands along her arms. Her skin was icy.

His gut clenched. But he didn’t haul her to her feet like he wanted to. “You were running.”

She nodded. Her gaze was glassy. “But I c-couldn’t do it.” Her teeth chattered and tears rolled out of her eyes to freeze on her skin. “I c-couldn’t make myself go. I j-just . . .” She hiccupped. “I g-got here and g-got stuck.”

He turned her face so she was looking into his eyes. “Why, Halina?”

“Because . . . I’m weak.” Guilt swamped her expression and a flood of new tears poured from her eyes. Her voice was filled with so much anguish, Mitch felt it in his bones. She dropped her gaze and pushed the tears off her face with her fists. “Because I love you and I don’t want to l-live without you anymore. But I need to g-go . . . to keep you s-safe.”