Shatter Me (15 page)

             
“The nurse said she gave you pain meds two hours or so ago.” He seems concerned and I can’t explain that the pain is more in my heart than in my body. But the doctor standing beside of him seems to understand and steps forward.

             
“Hello, Kari.” He murmurs soothingly.

             
I frown up at him. “Hi.” I whisper.

             
“Kari, this is Dr. Hayes. He is the chief of psyc
hiatry
and I would like you to talk to him.
” Dr. Shelton explains as he introduces the other man.

             
“Have I lost my mind as well as my memory?” I murmur, and the doctors smile at my small attempt at a joke.

             
“No, Kari.” Dr. Hayes assures me. “We just think that your memory loss has more to do with a mental block rather than a neurological problem. With my help I think we can get your lost memories back.”

             
I sigh, feeling tired when I have only been awake for a few hou
rs. “If you think it will help…
What does my father say?”

             
Dr. Shelton shrugs his shoulders. “He wants us to try anything and everything to help you.”

             
“Okay.” I pull the covers closer. The day shift nurse has already helped me put on a hospital issued gown, but I still feel vulnerable.

             
Dr. Hayes smiles reassuringly and takes the seat beside of my bed. Dr. Shelton does a thorough examination. Listens to my lungs and gives me a thumbs us as he leaves me alone with the older doctor. When the door closes behind him Dr. Hayes pulls out a
notepad
from his coat pocket and begins to write.

             
“What is the last thing you can remember, Kari?” He asks once he has raised his eyes to look at me.

             
I bite the inside of my cheek
. “I remember shopping with my mother.”

             
He nods. “And what are you shopping for?”

             
“A book, for my father.
A first edition.”
I play with the edge of my sheet. “But the antique book store doesn’t have the one I’m looking for.
So we decide to have lunch at a small Italian place.”

             
“What did you discuss?”

             
“My mother tells me that she has met a new man.” I roll my eyes. “She is always meeting new men.
And marrying them almost as soon as she can manage it.”

             
The doctor raises a brow at that. “How do you feel about that?”

             
I shrug. “It’s her life. She can do what she wants. I just don’t want to have to be around to play house with her.”

             
He just stares at me for a long moment. “I thought you had a close relationship with your mother.”

             
“We do.” I assure him. “It’s just that we have grown apart a little since her last marriage. But since she divorced the old bastard we are back on the right track again.”

             
There must have been something in my voice to alert him. He doesn’t scribble on his notepad, just sits there for a long moment before speaking ag
ain. “You didn’t like your step
father?”

             
“No, not really.”
I turn my gaze down to my hands, where they are twisting the corner of the sheet and blanket. “He…He gave me the creeps. Always looking at me…”I trail off, feeling slightly nauseas at the memory. “He tried to touch me once, when my mother wasn’t around.”

             
“Did he?” He doesn’t say another word, just sits there and gives me the time I need to confide in him.

             
“I was home from school for a few days. And my mother was having lunch with friends. He touched my breasts.” I shudder at the memory, feeling dirty.

             
“What did you do?”

             
I couldn’t help the evil grin that crosses my face. “I
brought him to his knees.”

             
Dr. Hayes smiles.
“Good for you.” He scribbles on the pad again. “Tell me about school. How are your grades? Do you know what college you want to go to in the fall?”

             
“I have the second highest GPA in my class.” I inform him, and he blinks at me. “And I plan on going to NYU. Bianca and I…” Blinding pain forks through my head and I whimper as I put my head in my hands.

             
“Kari?”

             
Slowly I raise my head to find the doctor giving me a strange, concerned filled look. I rub at my temples for a moment, filling sick.

             
“Who is Bianca?” He asks after a few minutes.

             
I swallow hard. “Be
e is my best friend.” I whisper, confused because saying those words cause such a terrible ache deep in my heart.

             
“You go to school together?”

             
“Yes.” I bite the inside of my
cheek
, hard
er
. “She’s been my best friend since pre-school. I…I can’t imagine how boring my life would be without her.” So why does the thought of seeing her now feel me with such pain?

             
“And you two are going to go on to college together at NYU?”

             
I shrug. “It’s our plan yes.” I grimace. “But my mother doesn’t agree with it. She wants me to go to Harvard, or Yale, or Princeton. I already have my acceptance letters.”

             
He frowns. “You don’t like those schools?”

             
“They are fantastic schools…I just…Bianca didn’t get in. And I don’t want to leave her.”

             
More scribbling.
“So…Your mother doesn’t approve of Bianca?”

             
“I didn’t say that.” I quickly correct him. “My mother loves Bianca. She just thinks that Bianca…” I couldn’t explain it. Not without sounding wimpy. “She thinks that Bee runs my life and that I need to go my own way.”

             
Dr. Hayes nods. “And you don’t think that is the case.”

             
“No. It i
s
not
the case. I am not some little shadow that follows Bianca around. I have goals of my own. I don’t
have
to have
Bee
with me every second of every day. I just like having her there. She’s like a sister to me more than my best friend.”

             
“So what is she doing over the Christmas holiday?”

             
“She’s in Boston with her parents and grandparents. But she will be back before New Year’s and we are going to a party with…With Christian.” Another pain nearly blinds me for a moment. When I can see clearly again I raise my head. “Where is Christian? Can I see him?”

             
The doctor frowns. “Christian…Mr. Marshall?” I nod, tears leaking from my eyes. “Why do you want to see him so badly, Kari?”

             
I wipe my eyes with the backs of my hands. “I don’t know. I just need to.” I am shaking now, and as I keep thinking about Christian I feel cold and alone. “Can I see him? Please?”

             
Dr. Hayes stands and closes his notepad. “Let me see if he is here…But I think we should talk more
later
. May I come back this evening?”

             
I nod, unable to speak.
The doctor leaves and I lay back against the pillows. My eyes close and an image of me smiling sadly over at Christian as we are stopped at a red light flashes across my mind. “We will get over this.”

             
A cry escapes me. The pain behind my eyes nearly doubles me over. But the pain in my head is nothing compared to this throbbing in my heart. I remember feeling emotional pain like I have never felt before…But I cannot remember why!


      
 

             
The door opens a long time later. The pain in my head has eased some, but my heart still feels weighted down with lead.
Ye
t I am happy to see the man walking through the door. He stops, with the door still open and just looks at me.

             
He looks pale and there are dark circles under his eyes. He seems older, but then again my memory of him is from three years ago, when he
was
younger. “Kari?”

             
I give him a small smile. “How are you?” I ask.

             
He laughs but there isn’t any mirth in it. “
I had a small bump on the head.” He comes into the room, closing the door behind him before crossing to me. “You are the one who scared us all.”

             
I grimace. “Three weeks in a coma isn’t that bad.” I try to tease, but he only gets paler. “I’m sorry. Just ignore me. I seem to have developed a sick since of humor from the head injury I sustained.”

             
“You also developed a big case of amnesia.” He carefully touches the side of my head that has been shaved. “I’m sorry, Kari. We never should have been out on those damn roads!”

             
“It wasn’t your fault!” I exclaim. “My father says that a drunk driver hit us. You did nothing wrong.”

             
He start
s
to say something then sh
akes
his handsome head and shut
s
his mouth. I reach for his hand, giving it a gently squeeze. “Don’t blame yourself.”

             
A feeling of
d
eja
-
vu
overwhelms me. Flashes of another time in a hospital telling him the same thing! Christian sees my confusion and tightens his hold on my hand. “Just let it come to you. Don’t force anything. The doctor said that it could hurt you worse if you try.”

             
“I remembered being in the hospital with you another time.” I whisper. “But I can’t figure out why.” I shake my head. “But we were both so upset.”

             
“Yes.” He agrees but doesn’t ela
borate. The look of pure agony crossing
his face makes me hurt for him.

             
The door opens without warning and the nurse peeks her head in. “Mr. Marshall…She needs her rest, sir.”

             
“Of course she does.” He grits out and drops a gentle kiss on my forehead. “More like the guard dog keeping me on a time limit.” He mutters under his breath, but I still here him and it leaves me even more confused as I watch my friend leave.

             
My father comes in to see me. But I am tired and the nurse has just given me my pain meds, so he doesn’t stay long. While I sleep I dream that the stranger holds me close, whispering words that I fear I have always longed to hear.

             
He brushes my hair from my face and kisses each eye lid ever so gently. “Remember me, Kari.” He begs in an emotionally choke voice.

             
I wake soon after, feeling alone and hurting.

             
Dr. Hayes comes by right after my liquid dinner of chicken broth and apple juice, neither of which I do not touch. He jumps right in asking questions. “Have you met the new man in your mother’s life?”

             
“Not yet. Mother doesn’t like to bring me into her relationships until after she has secured the wedding ring.” And I was alright with that. No way did I want some guy sucking up to me to get to my mother.

             
“Does she talk about him much?”

             
I shake my head. “She knows I wouldn’t listen even if she did.”

             
He scribbles more notes. “So what do you talk about while you are shopping for your father’s present?”

             
“School.
Paris in general.
I love Paris.
All th
at
romantic history.”
I smile, remember
ing
one of my favorite places in the world. “When
Daddy first mentioned boarding school I hated the thought of living so far away for most of the year. But then he took me to visit the one in Paris and I was hooked.”

             
“And Bianca?
Does she love Paris too?”

             
My smile drops. “Not as much as me. Her mother is Gr
eek and she likes Athens more
than Paris. But when she found out I was going to school in Paris she jumped on board quick. Her mom was pretty upset for a while.”