Shatter Me (16 page)

             
“So you aren’t the one that always does the following after all.” He comments with a small smile and I shrug, which pulls at the scar on my chest.

             
“Did you have a good visit with Mr. Marshall?” He asks a few minutes later.

             
“He didn’t get to stay long…But…” I bite the inside of my
cheek
.

             
“But?
Did you remember something?”

             
“Something small.
I remembered sitting at a red light. It was dark and snowing. It was cold outside but for some reason I felt even colder, despite the heat turned all the
way on in the car.” My head aches as I recall the few details. “And I look over at Christian and he gives me the saddest smile. He says that we will get over it, but I can’t remember what we need to get over.”

             
He is quiet for a long while as he watches the emotions pass over my face. Then he scribbles something else. “What else? How did the rest of the visit go?”

             
“Christian seems to blame himself for the accident. He said if it weren’t for him we never would have been on the road that night. When I told him that it wasn’t his fault I got the oddest feeling that it wasn’t the first time we had had a conversation.” I lean back against the pillows and close my eyes. “Then he muttered something about a guard dog as he left.”

             
A smile teases the doctor’s lips. “With Mr. Winthrop monitoring every visitor you have I’m sure it must feel like that.”

             
I stiffen. “Mr. Winthrop?
The stranger?”
Dr. Hayes inclines his head. “I…I had a dream about him.” I have no clue why I’m telling this man about my unusual dream. But there is something about him that just invites me to tell all.

             
“Tell me about it.” He urges.

             
“He was holding me, and whispering words…Sweet, sweet words. I felt like I had been waiting all my life to hear those words. And then…He begged me to remember him.” I swallow hard, emotion clogging my throat. “What…What is his first name?”

             
“Keith. Keith Winthrop.”

             
I roll the name around in my mind. It makes something deep in my heart cry out in agonizing pain. I wrap my arms around my chest, trying to protect myself from the pain. Dr. Hayes watches me with a concerned frown.

             
He gives me a few minutes before starting the questions again. “Tell me about Mr. Marshall…Christian. Have you been friends long?”

             
“For a while.”
I try to remember when exactly we became friends but it makes my head ache.

             
“Do you love him?” The question is blunt and makes me laugh. “Why is that funny?”

             
I shake my head. “Christian and I don’t feel that way about each other. He has always been more like a brother to me…Well, maybe a brother-in-law. Bee is crazy about him, though. And even if I did have feelings for Christian like that, which I never would, I couldn’t do something like that to
her
. It’s kind of a best friend code.”

             
“So he is just a friend?” I nod. “Is there someone special in your life?”

             
The pain in my head nearly doubles me over. I bite my lips to keep from crying out. But the doctor wants an answer. “Kari! Kari, is there someone special in your life?”

             
“No…” I shake my head as tears, tears I have no idea why I am shedding, pour from my eyes. “No. There is no one.” I whisper.

             
“Why are you so upset?” He questions, handing me a tissue. “Why has my question made you cry?”

             
“I…I-I don’t know.” I mutter as I blow my nose while the tears keep falling. “It just makes my heart ache.”

             
“Where you thinking of something—someone perhaps—when I asked my question?”

             
The image of Keith Winthrop had crossed my mind. I twist the tissue until it breaks in two. “Keith.” I finally answer while the doctor patiently watches me.

             
“And you don’t remember him.”

             
“No.”

             
More scribbling.
“Tell me what your first impression of him was.” The doctor asks.

             
“He frightened me.” I answer honestly. I frown, wondering why someone who scares me so badly makes me ache to be with
him
.

             
“What about a second impression? What was your first thought of him then?”

             
I bite my lip and blush. “That he was incredibly sexy…He raised a brow when I was distressed about findi
ng my hair shaved
. It was almost…Sardonic, I guess. He laughed and I hated him for making fun of me.
For still scaring me.”

             
“Hate is
a very powerful emotion to feel for someone you don’t
even know, Kari.” Dr. Hayes comments. “Do you still feel hate?”

             
I close my eyes. “I don’t know.” I tell him honestly. “There is a part of me that keeps whispering to me that I should. While another part of me just keeps hurting whenever I think about him.”

             
The doctor scribbles more before standing. “I think that I will let you get some rest now, Kari. You seem tired. Can I get you anything before I go?” I shake my head. “Okay then. Will you be up to talking to me again in the morning?”

             
“If you want.”
I mumble, not thrilled about sharing my feelings any more with this man.

             
He smiles down at me. “Good. I will see you around ten, then.”

             
I don’t watch him leave. I am so tired and my head is aching so badly. I just lay there and try to forget about my dream from earlier. But it is so hard when
I want Keith Winthrop, a complete stranger,
laying
beside of me.

             
I hear the door open again and suddenly the harsh light over my bed is forcing my eyes open. “Please.” I whisper as I shield my eyes with my hand.  The light is making my head throb and I am starting to get nauseas.

             
“Kari!” The unmistakable voice of Bianca does something to
me. My head suddenly feels as
it is going to explode as I slowly lower my hand and find my bestie standing at the end of my bed.

             
My ex-bestie!

             
And I open my mouth and scream as the blinding pain from my head sends me into total darkness.

             
The past swarms in on me as I slowly blink open my eyes. Thankfully the overhead light is off, replaced by the softer glow of the lam
p
by my bed. But the harsh voices at the foot of my bed do nothing for the throbbing pulse in my head.

             
I moan. Trying to focus on the loudest of the voices and glare at him. “Keith my head is killing me. Can you please just shut
up!
”

             
Heads snap around to gaze dazedly down at me. There is Dr. Hayes who seems concerned and anxious for me.
Dr. Shelton beside of him as he
stands between Bianca and Keith, as if he ha
s
been trying to keep the two from coming to blows.
I glare at them all. “There are two of you that don’t belong here. Take a quick guess
who
they are.”

             
But Keith seems
s
o shocked that I have spoken to him to realize he was one of the two I wanted out of my room. “Kari...?” He moves to my side and clasps my hand. His fingers are trembling ever so slightly, but I am too
mad to
care. “Kari, you remember me?”

             
I pull my hand away from his. “Yes. I remember everything!”

             
Those emerald eyes darken with something that looks like pain and regret. “Kari…Please. I know this isn’t the time, but we need to talk.”

             
I ignore him to glare at my ex-best friend. “Get out.”

             
She flinches as if I have hit her and all the color drains from her face. “Kari, please don’t send me away. It isn’t what you think. I swear it isn’t.”

             
“So you didn’t take my boyfriend? Didn’t announce to every gossip hungry dick, bitch and ass-hole in the Manhattan area that you were going to marry him right before he kissed you like he has never kissed me?” The pain in my heart is numbing the rest of my body. It eclipses any other pain, but it is so harsh, so incredibly bad that all I can allow myself to feel just then is pure hate. “Is that what you are trying to tell me, Bianca?”

             
“Yes. No.” She wrings her hands together. “
You don’t understand. Please, just let me explain.”

             
“I have had enough explanations from you to last a life time. Now all I want is for you to leave.”

             
“Kari…” Dr. Hayes and Dr. Shelton seem concerned by something on the heart monitor but I pay them no attention as I continue to glare at the one person in the world I have always trusted.

             
But she has betrayed me in a ways I never would have thought to do to her. “I don’t ever want to see you again, Bianca.”

             
“Kari..!” Tears stream down her pallid face and then she turns and runs out of the room.

             
Once the door
is
closed behind her I turned my hate filled gaze on the man I had thought I would always love.
“You too.”
I whisper.

             
“No.” He grasps my hand tighter. “Not until you listen.”

             
“Kari…” Dr. Shelton is once more concerned with the monitor. “Mr. Winthrop…”

             
“You were sneaking around with Christian.” Keith says, refusing to accept that I want him to leave. “I thought you wanted him.”

             
I feel as if I am in a movie as I look up at him and watch his mouth move. It is the most peculiar experience. I am numb from everything except for the excruciating pain in my heart.
And even as
I
lay there, and the doctors are suddenly pushing Keith out of the way and calling a code blue I wonder if this pain he has caused will ever fade.


      
 

             
I open my eyes to find that I am in a different room. This one is not as big as the private room from before. There is a glass wall with a sliding door and I find that there is a
nurses
station outside.

Two nurses in scrubs are sitting behind the desk. But I am quickly distracted from them by the man seated in the chair beside of my bed. With a sigh I attempt to sit up in bed. But strong hands urge me back down.

             
“Please, don’t try to get up.” Keith murmurs softly. “You shouldn’t move around too much.”

             
“What happened?” I whisper and find that my throat feels raw again.

             
“You went into cardiac arrest.” He looks and sound
s
tortured. “I nearly lost you.
Again.”
He stabs his fingers through his unkempt hair. “I think that I have died a million times since Thanksgiving.” He mutters to himself.

             
That confuses me. “The accident happened right before Christmas.” Hadn’t it? Or am I missing some memories again?

             
His laugh is full of so many emotions; humor, however, isn’t one of them. “You were sneaking around with Christian. I thought I was losing you, Kari.”

             
I glare over at him. “I loved you.
I came home to you every night, made love with you every night.
How could you think I was messing around on you?
”

             
“Why didn’t you
just
tell me what was going on?”
His tone is soft but no less fierce and demanding
as he comes back with a question of his own
. “Why did you have to keep Christian’s proposal a secret from me?”

             
I look away, no wanting to tell him my reasons…Not wanting to tell him my biggest dream had been that he would propose to me too. And that by telling him about Christian’s plans and my excitement for my friend would make him feel like I was forcing his hand.
“I don’t want to talk about this right now. Can…Can you just go?”