Shattered Dreams (4 page)

I look at Emma and I can see her pain. Her
eyes are always so honest; they reveal the truth of her thoughts.
Her lip quivers, her eyes well up with tears, and her fair-skinned
face instantly becomes blotchy. I hold her and wrap her safely into
my arms.  

“
I’m sorry,
Em.” 

She shakes her head. I bend down to kiss her
soft smooth hair. She smells like James. I close my eyes and
picture my perfect family. “All right,” I say.  

She slowly looks up at me with tear-stained
cheeks. “Really? Do you mean that?” 

“
I do, I only want you and
James to be happy. In two more years, we’ll pack up and move back
to Florida.”  

“
You won’t change your
mind?” she asks, hesitantly.  

“
No, if that’s what you
want. We’ll move back to Florida.” 

“
Oh, Max. Thank
you.” 

“
Em, I just want you and
James. I don’t care where we are, as long as I have you two by my
side.” I smile and say, “Always and forever.” 

Emma smiles, too, and says, “Forever and
always.”  

We both laugh. Mom and dad walk into the
room. “What is so funny?” my dad asks. 

“
Your son — he can never get
our saying right.” Emma pulls away from me and wipes the tears from
her cheeks.  

“
Emma, I’m sorry. I didn’t
realize the mention of the meeting tomorrow would upset you. That
was very inconsiderate of me. I didn’t mean to ruin your dinner,”
my dad says. 

“
Danny, it wasn’t you. Since
I had James, I am just one big emotional wreck. These hormones are
going crazy,” Emma says, wiping her cheek and straightening her
hair with her fingers.  

“
Please accept my apologies.
I didn’t mean any harm.” 

“
I know that. Do you want to
hear some good news?” Emma beams. 

“
We would love to,” my dad
says, standing tall and confident beside my
mother.  

“
We are going to move back
to Florida in two years. You guys will get to watch James grow
up.” 

My father doesn’t say anything, but my mother
runs over and hugs Emma. Having been a military wife, my mother can
relate to Emma’s concerns and worries. “Oh, Emma, I get to be near
my grandbaby. This is wonderful news.” 

I step away from Emma and walk into the
living room to get James from his bassinette. As I expected, my
father follows me. “Have you thought this through,
Max?”  

I lay James down to change his diaper then
look up at my father. “I have. Emma worries non-stop about me and I
want to be involved in my son’s life.” 

“
Max, the military can offer
you and your family a great living and unlimited free education,
and you can travel and see the world at no cost to
you.” 

“
Dad, I know that. I want
all those things for my family. I would do anything for Emma
and
for James. Please try
to understand, and I mean no disrespect to you or the military. I
have a wife I love more than myself and a son I would kill for. I
just want to be with them. I don’t want to look back on my life in
20 years and wonder where the time went. I don’t want to count how
many of my son’s birthdays I missed.”  

My dad stands tall without slouching and
squares his shoulders. “I’m sorry. I wanted to be there for you and
your mother.” 

“
No, dad, it’s fine. You did
what you thought was right and it worked out for us as a family. We
had a good military life and I had a great childhood because we did
travel and move a lot. I saw some amazing places and met some
amazing people. But now, I want to do what Emma and I feel is right
for our family. I hope you can understand that.” I look at my dad
and add, “I want to be home with them and be present in James’
life. I’m not sure the Army is right for me to do that. I love
being a soldier and I will miss it, but I will miss seeing James
and Emma more.” 

Dad walks over and sits beside me on the
couch. “I have always been proud of you, but I don’t think I have
ever been more proud of you than I am right now.” 

“
Thank
you.” 

At that time Emma and mom walk into the room
smiling.  

“
Two years will fly by in no
time,” mom says.  

“
Look at what has happened
in the last two years. We got married, joined the service, got
pregnant, and became parents,” Emma says, looking at me, and then
she looks at our son. “I guess time does fly.” 

Later that night, I am unable to sleep. I am
surprised to see my dad sitting at the dining room table. “Can’t
sleep either, huh?” I ask.  

My dad is already dressed and I wonder if he
is up for the day. 

“
I was hoping to have a
chance to talk to you in private,” my dad says, looking up from his
coffee cup. 

“
I was wanting to talk to
you as well,” I say, taking a seat across from
him. 

“
I just wanted to make sure
you are ready for your deployment.” 

“
Well, I think I have
everything I need.”  

“
Are you mentally ready? Are
you ready to go over there and fight for your
country?” 

“
I am. I love Emma and James
more than anything in this world. The Army has informed us of the
dangers that invade the Middle East at present. I plan to go over
there and do what I have to do to protect Emma and James and my
country, but I also plan to come home alive when it’s done and over
with.” 

My dad nods and drinks the rest of his
coffee. “Well, it sounds like you have it all worked out. I am very
proud to call you my son.” 

“
Thank you. I need you to do
something for me while I’m gone. I know they said the deployment
would be in six months, but I think you and I both know what the
meeting will be about tomorrow.” 

“
An earlier deployment. Go
ahead, I’m listening.” 

“
I need you to make sure
Emma and James are taken care of while I’m gone.” My dad nods but
doesn’t say anything. “I increased my life insurance policy the
other day, and if something happens to me I want you to make sure
that Emma and James get every benefit from the Army they are
entitled to.”  

“
Son, I will. Don’t worry
about her and James. If the time comes for those things, I won’t
let them fall through the cracks.” 

“
Thank you. 

Emma

Max went to work today at 6:00 a.m. and I am
staying home with his mom and dad. His dad actually left with Max
this morning and was going for his morning run. Danny is so
disciplined; even out of the service, he still acts and looks like
a soldier. He has the best posture of anyone I have ever seen.
Cheryl, Max’s mom, makes breakfast and has it on the table
precisely at 8:00 a.m. I am certain this is a routine that has been
around for a long time.  

Danny comes in from his run and showers, and
Cheryl has the food ready for him when he comes downstairs. I join
them at the table and nibble on some toast and ask Danny about his
exercise routine.  

Danny explained to me, “I get up, I go to the
bathroom, I go for a run. If I don’t go for a run immediately after
I get out of the bathroom, then running doesn’t get done.
Therefore, I go for a run immediately after I get out of the
bathroom — I don’t even have coffee first.” 

Cheryl replied, “While Danny runs, I stay at
home and do my aerobic exercise.” 

“
She means that she gets
back in bed and snores,” Danny said. 

“
Snoring is aerobic
exercise," Cheryl joked. “I figure that as long as I am alive and
breathing without the help of a machine, I am working
out.” 

“
Actually, Cheryl prefers to
do yoga and exercise in the afternoons with her Tamilee Webb DVDs,”
Danny said. “Both of us know that if we take care of ourselves in
our sixties, we are much likelier to have healthy
seventies.” 

After breakfast Cheryl helps me bathe James
and once I am ready, we head out to Alexandria Bay for some
sightseeing. I know this is Danny’s attempt at taking my mind off
the meeting Max’s platoon and their leaders are
having.  

Cheryl knows it is a lame distraction, but
she goes along with it. I also go along with it. Danny is trying so
hard. Getting out and seeing Alexandria Bay and having lunch on the
water is very nice. It’s March and still cold in upstate New York.
We visit a lot of the shops and mostly sightsee from within the
buildings. If this were mid-summer, we would be able to take a boat
ride and visit some of the many islands and old castles that
surround Alexandria Bay.  

We stop by the store before heading home, I
want to grab something special to make Max for dinner. I know Max
well enough to know that if today was stressful for me, it was also
stressful for him.  

Max comes home from work with a smile on his
face. He is still wearing his Army fatigues and combat boots. He
greets his parents warmly before walking over to James and
me.  

“
I have missed you.” He
smiles and bends over and kisses me. 

“
And we missed you, too,” I
say, kissing him back. 

“
It smells delicious in
here. Seafood?” he asks, kneeling down in front of
me. 

“
I decided on a clam bake
for dinner.”  

“
You brought Florida to us?”
He smiles as he strokes James’ soft cheek. “Do I have time to
shower?” 

“
If you
hurry.” 

“
Good, I’ll be right back. I
love you,” he saying, smiling at me, “and you, too,” he says,
kissing a sleeping James. 

I smile from a sitting position and watch Max
walk up the stairs, taking them two at a time. Once he is out of
sight, I place James in his bassinet and walk into the kitchen. I
check the two pots of boiling water and add some final ingredients
and seasoning. I even bought strawberries for Max’s favorite
dessert, strawberry cheesecake.  

Cheryl comes into the kitchen to offer her
help. We set the table with a white lace tablecloth and white
tapered candles. I step back and look at the table. It looks
beautiful. Once Max comes down from his shower, Cheryl and I get
the food out on the table. I can see from the corner of my eye
Danny and Max talking. I know they are talking about the meeting he
had at work today. I also know Max won’t talk about it with me
until he is ready. I worry, but I try to put a smile to my
lips. 

We sit around the round table and everyone
holds hands for the grace. Once Danny finishes the prayer, we begin
to eat. 

The boiled red skin potatoes, corn on the
cob, clams, crab legs, and boiled shrimp are all laid out on a
beautiful white platter. Cheryl even made homemade cornbread,
another of Max’s favorites.  

“
Emma, this is delicious,”
Max says, wiping the melted butter from his
hands.  

“
She is a wonderful cook,
son,” Danny says, breaking a crab leg with his
hands.  

“
Please, all I did was boil
water and throw everything into the pot,” I laugh, because it’s the
truth. “Your mom made the cornbread from scratch. She’s the real
cook.” 

“
Mom, as you already know,
this is my favorite. Em, I’m gonna need you to start making these
once they leave.” 

“
Um, Max, not gonna happen,”
I say. And we all laugh. “If you’re lucky, she’ll make some and
freeze it for you before they leave, tomorrow.” 

“
Mom?” Max asks, looking at
her with a sad face. 

“
I already did, Max, there
is enough to get you by for the next few weeks.” 

Max looks over at me and smiles. He is such a
momma’s boy. That explains why he is such a great husband. Any man
who loves his mother will treat his wife with a great amount of
respect. Before marrying someone, you should watch how he treats
his mother. 

“
Thank you,
Mom.” 

“
Let me know when that’s
gone and I’ll overnight you some more.” 

“
Thank you, and Em, you’re
off the hook this time.” He smiles. 

We eat and nothing is mentioned about the
meeting. I don’t mention it, but I make eye contact with Cheryl
throughout dinner and I know she is also covering up her concern.
Once we have finished dinner, Cheryl and I clear the table and
start a pot of coffee. Maybe he’ll say something when we have
dessert.  

Max and Danny sit at the table with James and
talk quietly. Danny holds James and rocks him side to side. Cheryl
and I dish out the strawberry cheesecake onto dessert plates and
pour the coffee into cups for everyone. Once we are all seated at
the table, the atmosphere changes. There is an odd feeling that
wasn’t there earlier.  

“
What’s going on?” I ask.
Usually I wait for Max to start a conversation about the Army, but
today feels different. I look at Max, then at Danny and then at
Cheryl. I can tell Cheryl feels it, too. 

“
Max?” Cheryl says, reaching
for her husband’s arm. He reaches out and takes her hand in
his.  

I can’t look any longer. I close my eyes. My
nose begins to tingle, and I can’t be certain why. No one has said
anything, so why do I feel like crying? It’s too quiet, and it’s an
eerie feeling. I open my eyes and stare into my lap. I can’t look
at him, I fidget with the paper napkin I am holding. “You’re being
deployed sooner, aren’t you?”