Shattered Essence (7 page)

Steve went all out on the food—steamed
crawdads, corn on the cob, corn fritters, barbecued chicken, hamburgers, hot
dogs, potato salad, chips, brownies, and plenty of beer. I was talking to Steve
about his military experience when Jen walked over and gave me a bear hug.

“Hey Squirt, how’s it going?” I
asked.

She had changed quite a bit since
the last time I saw her. For one thing, she no longer had braces or glasses.
Her hair was more of a platinum blonde than the dirty blonde I remembered. I
noticed she had filled out in all the right places. 

“I’m doing just fine. I’ll be a freshman
at San Jose State University.”

“What are you majoring in?” I asked.

“I think I want to be a teacher.” She
was talking more to her older brother than to me.

I took a sip of my beer prior to
inquiring, “Oh yeah? Ankle bitters, brats, pubies, or know-it-alls?”

Laughing, Steve said, “Oh my god,
that’s funny.”

Ignoring her brother Jen replied,
“Definitely ankle bitters or brats. The only thing I have to worry about with
them is snot and colds. Junior high wouldn’t be too bad either except rumor has
it eighth graders are the worst. They discover the opposite sex and their
hormones are all over the place. It’s when they’re trying to figure out who
they are along with fighting for their independence.” Shaking her head back and
forth she finished with, “No way do I want to teach teenagers. I’ve heard
horror stories about what you and Steve used to do in high school, so no thank
you. High school is not for me. I have no desire to be surrounded by a room
full of pricks and bitches.”

Laughing I asked, “You sure teaching
is the right career?”

Simultaneously Steve said, “Jeez
sis, you make it sounds so appealing. You sure you want to teach?”

Steve and I busted out laughing. Jen
ignored us both. Apparently she didn’t find it as funny as we did. Tilting her
head back to take the last sip of her soda she asked, “Would you two like
another beer?”

“Hey thanks, Squirt. I’m ready for
another one.” I said.

Steve said, “Me too. Thanks, Sis”.

“Wow, Steve, your baby sister grew
up.” Provoking him, I flexed my eyebrows up and down in a flirting motion.

“Hey, fucker, don’t even think about
it.” He said in a teasing voice and yet I knew he was totally serious.

Smiling, punching him in the arm I
said, “She’s like a sister to me and I would never disrespect you.”

He put his forefinger in the center
of my chest. “Dude. Whatever. You just don’t want me to kick your ass.”

Catching him by surprise, I grabbed
his head in my forearm, putting him in a head lock and rubbing my knuckles on
his head. “Who’s going to kick who’s ass?”

He pulled away from my grasp. “Damn
dude, you’re quick for a nerd.”

“And you’re pretty slow for a
special ops fucker. You only have four weeks to get the sand out of your
vagina.”

He stared at me, trying to register
what I had said. “That’s a good one. You kiss your mother with that mouth?”

It wasn’t long before we were
laughing hysterically. He was holding his side trying to catch his breath before
he said, “Stop, I have diarrhea.” Which only made us laugh harder.

Looking around the party he said, “Where
in the hell is Jen with our beer?”

“What do you think is keeping her?
You probably made her cry,” I said.

I nodded as he headed toward the
house. “Hurry back, I’m thirsty,” I hollered after him.

I was reaching for a handful of
potato chips when I noticed a tall blonde behind me. She had shoulder-length straight
hair with bangs and dark roots. She was wearing a light yellow sundress with thin
straps. A V-neck opening offered me a glimpse of cleavage. Her skin was very copper
and her hair had a tinge of green from spending too much time in the pool. She
reminded me of a tall Umpa Lumpa. She would be cute if she wasn’t so leathery
orange.

“How do you know Steve?” she asked.

“We grew up together. You?” I asked
while putting another handful of chips in my mouth.

“I work at the mall with Jen.”
Extending her hand, “Hi, I’m Paige. Paige Thomas.”

I shook her hand. “Drew Malone.”

“Hey, you two.” Jen finally returned
with my beer.

“Where you been, Squirt? It’s a good
thing I didn’t die of thirst or anything.”

“Sorry, I got sidetracked. Where’s
Steve?”

“I think he did die of thirst.”
Laughing. “Nah, kidding, he went to see what was taking you so long.”

“I see you met Paige. What do you
think? She’s pretty, right?”

I loved Jen except sometimes she
talked too much and usually said exactly what she was thinking. “Yeah, we met.”

“Hey I was sorry to hear about your
grandmother. I met her once and she seemed really nice.”

“Thanks. She was a good lady and
will be missed.”

“I heard she left you loaded.”

I hated talking about money. With a
smile I said, “What lies has Steve been telling you?”

“He didn’t tell me anything, not
even after I begged him to tell me. Rumor has it she left her only three
grandchildren millions each in a trust fund they can’t touch till they’re like
thirty or something. Is it true?”

I was surprised the rumor was pretty
accurate. The only discrepancy was it couldn’t be touched until I turned twenty-five,
not thirty. I winked at her and said nothing.

“So it’s true? You are loaded. Come
on Drew, tell me,” she pleaded.

“I will neither confirm nor deny.” Doing
my best to ignore her I tried to change the subject. “So, Paige can I get you
something to drink?”

Smiling she said, “Yeah, I’ll take a
wine cooler, if you don’t mind.”

“Want to come with?” I asked as I
extended my hand out to her.

Jen crossed her arms pouting. “Fine
Drew, I’ll stop asking. I can take a hint, you know.”

I reached out to Jen, wrapped one
arm around her shoulder, and kissed her on her head. “Come on, let’s go get Paige
a drink.” The three of us walked to the bar Steve had set up next to the pool.

Several drinks later I realized I
spent the majority of the evening talking to Paige. She was going to school to
be a graphic designer. She was the fourth of six kids. She worked at the mall
so she could get a discount on clothes. She loved to shop. She asked about my
family, my grandmother, where I grew up and if I was truly loaded. I answered
all her questions except for the one about money. I even managed to kiss her
once or twice before the evening ended.

The following morning I woke to the
sun hitting me in the face. It took me a minute to realize I was not in my
bedroom. I was not wearing any clothes and a naked Paige was sleeping on my
arm.

As I lay in bed trying not to
disturb Paige I thought about the women I had slept with over the past several
years. They all served a single purpose. Sex. Nothing more. Paige was no
exception.

Over the next month, when time
allowed, Paige and I hung out together, ate together, and slept together. We
even managed to go on several dates. I wasn’t looking for a serious
relationship. I enjoyed our time together, but beyond that I had no intention
of continuing our relationship once I left for training in a couple of weeks. I
didn’t want to complicate my life. She was a summer fling. No more, no less. Besides,
as soon as I complete training I had every intention of finding Esperanza. I
missed her. I needed her.

Fall

Drew

In early September, three weeks into
training, I finally decided to return one of Paige’s many calls. I opened a
bottle of water, picked up my phone, and dialed her number.

“Hey Paige, it’s me.” I said
nonchalantly.

“I’m glad you called.”

“Oh yeah?”

Silence
.

Oh shit
, silence is never
good.

“Paige, what’s going on?” I asked,
regretting my decision to call her.

“I’m pregnant.”

My heart stopped beating. My water
bottle fell to the floor.

“What?”

“I said I was pregnant.”

At first I thought she was going to
be upset I hadn’t called. Ask me why I’m ignoring her? Why didn’t I like her? I
thought maybe she was going to rip me a new one for being an inconsiderate selfish
ass. Then I would have to tell her I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship.
Blah, blah, blah. Nowhere in the scenario in my head did I ever think she’d
call to tell me I knocked her up. Nowhere! Wasn’t even on the radar.

I put my free hand on my forehead,
disbelieving I was having this conversation. “I thought you were on the pill?”

“I am. Was.”

“What does that even mean?” I asked
matter of factly. “Explain. Please.”

“I don’t know what happened.”

Raising my voice a few octaves I
asked, “What do you mean you don’t know what happened?”

More silence.

“Are you sure it’s mine?” I hated
having to ask but I had a right to know if she’d been sleeping with anyone
else.

I can’t breathe. I’m freaking
out. I have no idea what to do. But having a baby at this time in my life is
not at all what I need or want. I haven’t even had the chance to get my career
off the ground. I’m in shock, angry as hell, and completely caught off guard.

“I’m nine-and-a-half weeks pregnant
and yes, I’m sure it’s yours,” she said.

“I need a minute to think,” I said
as I rubbed my right eye with the palm of my hand.

I started calculating back nine-and-a-half
weeks. Figured the first night I met her was when she became pregnant. I tried
to recall as much of that night as I could. One, I was a wee bit intoxicated at
Steve’s and agreed to go home with Paige. Two, I had sex with Paige and the
condom tore. Three, she told me she was on the pill and I had nothing to worry
about. I recalled thinking at the time,
Thank god she’s on the pill because
the last thing I need right now is to deal with a baby.
Four, I saw a
bottle of antibiotics on her bathroom sink. I remembered learning about how
antibiotics weaken the effects of the pill. I wondered if she knew. I wondered
when
she took the antibiotics, but at the
time I was too intoxicated to give a fuck, much less remember to ask.

I hate myself for not being smarter.
I should’ve thought with the head on my shoulders, not my dick. I should’ve
asked her about the antibiotics. I shouldn’t have drank so much at Steve’s. I
was furious that my stupidity might cost me my dream.

It took me several minutes before I
was able to gather my composure and continue my conversation with Paige. I found
out she was taking the antibiotics at the time we slept together for a sinus
infection. Neither one of us were comfortable with the thought of aborting the
baby. As much as I hated the thought, I realized I was now forced into a
committed relationship with Paige. I hardly knew her and I sure as hell wasn’t going
to marry her. I didn’t love her and
hell no
I wasn’t ready to be a
father. How did this happen to me? What the hell was I supposed to do now? Finding
Espe wasn’t an option any more.

Bad fucking timing!

I’ve always wanted children and
regardless of the way this one was coming into the world I was going to be a
dad. I was going to be a part of this child’s life. This meant I had two
options. Loyal father or deadbeat dad.

Humph! Decisions, decisions.

Winter

Espe

The weekend was finally here. I had
no trouble accepting the invitation to happy hour with a few coworkers. The
local brewery portrayed a let your hair down and get loose sort of vibe. The
bar area and patio were packed with all sorts of patrons. There were people in
suits, scrubs, shorts, jeans, even people in cocktail dresses. One thing was
for sure, the place was hopping. Four of my coworkers headed for the pool tables.
Three of us sat at the bar. My companions were talking about football when I
felt someone standing behind me.

“Excuse me, can I take a picture of
you? I’d love to show Santa what I want for Christmas.”

I turned in my bar stool to see who
was talking into my hair. “No.”

“I know I don’t have a chance, but I
just wanted to hear an angel talk.”

“Trust me, I’m no angel,” I said to
the lanky guy standing in front of me.

He was wearing black chino pants, a
short-sleeved black nylon shirt and a pair of tattoo sleeves with some sort of
tribal design. His hair was dark brown, curly, spiked, and several grouped strands
were carefully pasted to his forehead. He wore thick-rimmed black glasses.
Finishing off his outfit was a pair of red canvas tennis shoes.

Not willing to give up, he said, “No
offense. I was just thinking I could be your sheets and cover you up with my love.”
He raised his eyebrows up and down several times in a flirtatious manner.

I put my hand up in a stop motion to
keep him from advancing any closer. “NO!” I stated.

He touched my upper arm. “Come on
babe, you’re so hot I’m getting a tan just looking at you.”

I looked at his hand on my arm, and
shaking my head slowly back and forth I said, “Please remove your hand before I
break it.” I looked up at him and gave him a forced smile.

Following the removal of his hand he
slid his glasses back to the bridge of his nose with his forefinger. “You don’t
have to be so mean. I was just hoping we could get to know each other.”

Feeling a little bad for the guy, I
thought I should try to let him down easy. “I’m sorry, you seem nice enough but
I don’t think I want to get to know you. You’re not ugly or anything, you’re
just not my type.”

Backing away from me he said, “Dang
girl, I was only trying to be nice.”

“So was I,” I said honestly.

Hissing he spat, “You are a serious
bitch. You know that?”