Shattered Hart (3 page)

Sitting next to him is
a form of torture.  My heartbeat is faster tha
n usual, and I swear that I can
feel my blood as it
zips
through my v
eins. 
The smell of his cologne
,
something smooth and
heady
, is
a complete turn on.
  Everything about him forges together to create a package that I find enthralling. 
Against my will, my eyes keep finding their way back to him.  For a moment I get sidetracked as I imagine him using that fantastical mouth on me, everywhere. 

I flush at the thought and shift uncomfortably in my seat
, mortified that I’m sitting here
in full arousal
thinking such outlandish thoughts about someone I’ve literally just met
.  I’m not sure what’s
going on with me.  I’ve never responded to
, or been turned on by,
anyone like I am to Damien right now
, so this flood of thoughts is a complete surprise
. 

Even turning my body away f
rom his
doesn’t
help. 
It’s
as though
there is
an invisible tether pulling me to him. 
I’m aware o
f every movement that he makes
no matter how hard I try to ignore him.

Struggling to regain my equilibrium, I spend the
majority of dinner
talking to Hart twi
ns, Dominique and Delilah.  I like
them
right away
. 
They’
re both fun and spirited.  In a
lot of
way
s
, they are
a reminder of the girls I hung
out with before my parents died
and my life went to shit
.

The last year has been hell.  As my
old
friends have continued living and going
to parties, I’ve been effectively
trapped in a depressing limbo.
 
I love my friends and I always will, but many of them have all but given up on me over the course of this last year. 

I’ve been so down, and have only recently started to come back to some semblance of normalcy. 
Losing both of my parents at the same time was a blow I cou
ld never
have been prepared
myself to deal with
, and for a long time, I failed to do so
.

When I would try to go out with friends it was
so damn hard to be
with them and hear them call their parents to check in
or just say hello
. Inevitably I would
think I t
oo should call my
mom or dad
…
only to realize
that I
will never be able to do that again
.
Each
time
something like
that would happen
,
I
would
relive
the moment
that
I opened
the front door
to
a policeman
who had come
to
notify us
that my parents
were dead.
 

My life will always be divided into two parts.  Before my parents died, and after.  Before I answered the door that day, I was a daughter.  I was happy, well-adjusted and super social.  After I answered the door, I was an orphan.  I was broken-hearted, sad and socially awkward.
  There is no manual to deal with the agony that I’ve felt over the last year.  I had to get through it, but it was tough.

Unfortunately,
i
t got to be too much for me to
hang out with my old friends, and
I’ve been a social hermit for months
. I’m getting better
,
but even after a year
it still hurts
every single day
to know that
my parents
are
gone
forever.

The saving grace in all of this is my relationship with my sister
.
  We’ve always been best friends, but the last year has
strengthened
the
relationship
even more
.  With
our
parents gone and no other family to turn to, Sabrina and I are closer than close.
We relied heavily on each other to survive the first Christmas, first Thanksgiving and first birthdays without our parents.  The anniversary of the day they were killed was especially tough, but together, we survived. 

Jack and Josie Tyle
r didn’t raise quitters, and Sabrina and I have had to fight hard to get ourselves back on solid ground to live up to the legacy that they left behind.  The fact that we are moving forward is really a testament to their love for us.  Even with the way things turned
out, I wouldn’t trade the time with my parents for anything in the world.   They gave my sister and me a strong foundation, and
that more than anything is what’s pushing us forward now.

Going to dinner with Sabrina and Dante a few times over these last few weeks was a good segue into dinner with his family.  I feel very comfortable with Dante, a
nd I enjoy his sense of humor.  As ridiculously attractive as he is, he’s got a paternal vibe with me that I find very comforting. He’s got a very specific set of core values that guide his life, and his work ethic is a big part of that.  In a lot of ways, he reminds me of the type of man my dad was, which is probably why I get a paternal feeling from him.

Fortunately his family is just like him, so tonight’s dinner is a big success.
I’
m
thrilled
to see that Rina is
enjoying it
too.  My sister takes too much on, and I’m relieved to see her unwound and relaxed. 
Her new job and
friendship with
Dante
have
helped her start to move forward.
  Tonight’s dinner reminds
me of life ‘Before the Accident’, but not in the u
ncomfortable way I feel when I’d be
watching my friends with their parents. 

If I
weren’
t
so ridiculously aware of Damien Hart, the night would be perfect.
  I just hope he
doesn’
t
know that I’m sitting over here tied up in knots over him
, fantasizing about licking his
lips
with my tongue
. That would be humiliating.

I’m sad when din
ner comes to a close.  The Hart’s are a
fun family with a great dynamic. 
It
’
s
un
likely that I’ll see them
terribl
y
often, which sucks.
I really enjoyed hanging out with them, and I felt settled during dinner, even though I couldn’
t stop thinking about Damien. Now h
e
seems anxious to leave,
saying
his goodbyes
to everyone else before turning
to
address
me. 

“It was lovely to meet
you
Brooke.  I’m sure my family must seem
nuts since we’re
loud and
silly and
we don’t
stop joking around with each other
. 
It’s probably
a bit much to take.”

I smile at him and shake my head.  “If anything,
it
made me feel
remarkabl
y
light for the first time in forever.  My sister and I lost
our
parents last year.  The loving and fun dynamic reminds me of how
our
family was when they were alive. 
It’s
just Rina and I now.  We’re extremely close, but with no family left,
it’s
different.  I’ve missed this feeling.”

I’m touched that Damien seems to care about what I’
ve just said, his eyes telling me that he
truly
heard me.
 

“I’m so sorry Brooke, I
didn’t
know. It must be awful t
o have lost such excellent parents. I’m sure they would be tremendously proud of
you
both.  It
’
s clear to see that
you
are both amazing.”

Flushing with pleasure at his words, my heartbeat speeds up as
I reach out and touch his hand as I smile up at him.   “What a lovely thing to say.  Thank
you
Damien.”

My bubble deflates
as
he jerks his hand from mine.
 
The expression on his face looks almost pained
, and
I’m embarrassed that
I was so tactile.
  Yikes.

Once
he
’
s
pulled his hand back he smiles at me briefly.  “Well. It was
lovely
meeting
you
both.  Enjoy the rest of your
night.”

J
ust like that,
he
’
s gone
. 

Turning my attention back to the group, I bid my goodbyes to Spencer and Dante.  The Hart twins are next, and they both ask for my cell number and email address. 

Dominique smiles broadly at me.  “We’re totally hanging out ag
ain ASAP! How about
you
come
to the mall with Delilah and me tomorrow around four?”

I smile as I agree.  It would be
lovely
to hang around more with people who
do
n’
t
remind me of the past and
all that I’ve lost.
  Dominique says her goodbyes and then leaves.  I’d assumed that she and Delilah came together, but it turns out that Dominique lives at her fraternity house.

After Dominique leaves,
Delilah asks me for my cell phone
,
and
I hand it over so that she can program both her and Dominique’s info in to it. 
When
she’
s
finished
, she gives me the phone back. 

Smiling at me
she asks, “What are you doing now?”

I shake my head and laugh.  “Nothin
g at all unless doing
laundry counts.”

Grabbing my hand, she giggles.  “Awesome! Come with me.  I’m going to a party in my apartment building. 
It’s
being thrown
by my new neighbors.
I’m dying to go to the party, but obviously Dominique bailed on me and there is no way I was going alone.  
It
wi
ll
be fun
I promise.  Oh please, say
you
’
ll
come with!”

I
chuckle
as I nod my head. 
Delilah is one of those “don’t take no for
an answer"
girls, and I know resistance would be futile.
  Besides, I
haven’t
even tried to go to a party in months. 
It’s
time to get back in to the flow of life.

“Hey Brooke, I’m going to be there in about five minutes.  You ready?”

I can hear that she’s rushing about, and I laugh.  As I’ve come to
learn over the last year,
Sabrina is always early,
and
Brooke is always behind schedule.  Never actually late, but she’s
always right on the verge. Generally it’s because she gives people too much of her time.  Dammit if I don’t find it quite endearing.

“I’
m close.  Sorry! I got up early, started
working on a paper for my business ethics class, and
lost track of time
.  Don’t worry, I’ll be
ready.  See you in a few.  Bye!”

It’s beyond hilarious that she hung up on me.  Brooke is the only woman I’ve ever
known
, aside from my family and her sister, who
I
know for certain isn’t
pretending to be
someone she isn’t. To say that it’s r
efreshing is an understatement.
I trust her, totally and without reservation.  It’s a very interesting
turn of events for me, consideri
ng the fact that I’ve spent my entire life keeping outsiders away.