Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) (31 page)

One
of Tricia’s colleagues calls her from the other side of the room and she
excuses herself, leaving Alex and I alone.

“She’s
right.  That was quite a speech, Mr. James.”  I playfully nudge him with my
shoulder.

“Well,
if that isn’t a one-eighty from yesterday.”

“What?”

“You
playing nice with Tricia.”

“Just
because I admit she was right doesn’t mean we’re going to become friends,
Alex.”

He
nods his head, seemingly dismissing the ludicrous idea of her and I becoming
friends, at the same time looking around the room as the employees begin to
slowly dissipate.  We talk briefly about the presentation, which is when I
confess that I have a slight fear of public speaking.  I almost admit how
thankful I was when Arianna told me Oliver would be attending this presentation
with me.  I said almost, but unfortunately, I wasn’t quick enough and continued
my rant about how I was planning on pushing the presentation off on him since
he likes to hear his own voice so much.

You
could tell that Alex didn’t appreciate the mention of Oliver’s name.  He was
quiet for several minutes, deep in thought.  I didn’t mean to change his
playful mood and cause a gloomy cloud to cover our heads for the rest of the day,
so not knowing what else to do, I attempted to change the topic. 

“Have
you ever been asked out during an enrollment presentation before?”  I glance at
Alex over my shoulder and catch him smirking.  Him refusing to answer the
question is answer enough.  I cough, incredulously.  “Are you serious?  That
just seems….desperate.”

“Some
women know what they want,” he shrugs, “So, they go after it.  I can appreciate
determination.”  I purse my lips and look away.  I know what he’s hinting at. 
I’d have to be an idiot not to catch his implications.  Little does he know how
much determination is required to keep myself from crossing the very thin line
with him.

“Sometimes
determination and desperation appear the same.”  I look over to the exit where
the cocktail waitress and her friends loom.  Most likely hoping to catch Alex
on his way out, eager to entice him again.

“Your
fan club seems very…desperate.  No sorry, determined.”  I point my chin in
their direction as I turn to pack up the laptop and gather the left over
packets.  Alex follows my eyes and notices the group as they quickly look away,
trying not to seem obvious. 
Nice try girls. 

“Huh.” 
Alex kneels down opening the rolling suitcase to help me pack away the left
over materials.  “Maybe there is a thin line between determination and
desperation.”  We both erupt in laughter.

After
we finish packing away the laptop, Alex grabs the handle of the rolling suit
case from me and starts to walk to the exit.  “So, I have an idea.” 

“What’s
that?” I ask, slowing down our pace as we get closer to his fan club.

“Well,
I was thinking we should go out on a date.” 

“When
did you have a chance to think about this?  Was this while your old friend,” I
air quote as I accentuate the word friend, “has been blatantly checking you out
since the moment we arrived.  Or was this when you were asked out in front of a
few hundred people?”

 He
ignores my snippy comments and dives right into his explanation.  “We would be
friends, who would be going out together, who also enjoy each other’s company. 
What’s wrong with that?”

“Alllleeeex…” 
I draw out his name, hoping to seem playful when I’m actually a bundle of
nerves.  He wants a date, like a full blown date.  I bite the inside of my
cheeks as I contemplate the idea.

“You
look adorable when you do that.”  He shouldn’t find me adorable; then again, I
shouldn’t like it so much that he does.

“Alex!” 
I look around, hoping that no one has heard our conversation.  The crowd around
us seems inconsequential to him.

“What? 
Are we not friends?” he questions while we maneuver toward the exit.

“I
think you know the answer to that question.”  We are far from friends. 
My
heart’s more invested than that.

Alex
stops, causing the crowd to shuffle around us.  “Let me get this straight.  I
can’t have you…and I can’t be your friend?  How’s that fair?”  I shake my head
and open my mouth to respond, but he cuts me off.  “After dinner with Tricia, I
want to take you out.”  He takes a step forward, now only inches away from me. 
“Time with you; that’s all I’m asking.”

I
contemplate his request.  He already has every other part of me, what’s a
little time.  I’m branded to the core, my heart, my soul, everything, including
and especially the baby I’m carrying.  “Fine Alex, time…I can give you that. 
Just promise me one thing.”

“Anything.” 
His voice lightens, realizing that I’m giving in to his requests.

“Wherever
we go, it has to be somewhere public with lots of people.”

His
brows furrow, “Public…why?”

“Safer
that way.  It will keep everything…PG-13,” I joke.

“Hart,
do you really think a room full of people could keep me away from you?”  His
fingers brush against my arm as he passes me, walking out of the conference
room..

Silently
I answer his question. 
No, but a girl can hope for a little sympathy on her
soul.  Can’t she?

~~~~~

Torture
is defined as the action of inflicting pain on someone as punishment; at times
for the sheer pleasure of inflicting pain. 

Well,
that’s what dinner is…torture. 

We
met Tricia at six o’clock at the hotel steakhouse.  I recognized the gentleman
with her from the first day we arrived.  I learned his name is Tom and he works
alongside Tricia as the VP of Marketing.  From an outside observer, dinner
could have easily been mistaken for a double date.  Except in this case, Tricia
seemed to be under the impression that Alex is who deserved her sole attention
as she batted her lashes at him and continued to rub her foot against his shin
throughout the meal. 

How
do I know, you ask?  Well, she gave it away when she initially mistook my leg
for his.

Small
talk ensued, but the hot topic of conversation always lead back to Alex and his
newfound relationship.  Of course, Tricia hounded him.  She’s relentless.  And
when Alex confessed his relationship was new and he was taking it slow, Tricia
made the already awkward conversation even more uncomfortable.  Letting anyone
within earshot know that the Alex she knew didn’t do any other speed besides
warp speed, which usually led to the bedroom.  She chuckled; I, of course,
didn’t find it funny.  Thankfully, neither did Alex.

Throughout
dinner Alex eased my torment by continuously placing his hand on my knee or
running his fingers along my arm under the guise of the table.  Or, maybe I
shouldn’t say he eased it, because by the time dinner was over, my body was
humming with anticipation. 

I
can stop you right there and let you know how aware I am of the back and forth
my heart and mind are battling with each other.  It was just the other day that
I left him at the bar, breaking him and myself yet again, only to reunite with
him yesterday.  What can I say?  He’s so deep in my soul, it’s hard to breathe.

Fortunately,
we had already made plans to spend
time
together, so when Tricia and Tom
suggested we go to the lounge, Alex quickly explained we had prior engagements
we needed to fulfill.  And since we tried to rush through dinner as fast as
possible, it was early enough that we had
time
to do something we both
enjoyed.

When
Alex asked what I wanted to do, he was a little surprised when I suggested
roller skating.  It’s been years since I’ve been; the last memory being with
Rachel when I was in middle school.  And even though I love my sister to
pieces, when I was a hormone fueled, boy-crazed teenager, I wanted nothing more
than to have a boy hold my hand during a slow song at the rink.

Alex
helps me out of the rented SUV, but hasn’t touched me since dinner, and
continues not to touch me as we head into the building.  We agreed to spend
time together as friends, so I’m happy he’s respecting those boundaries.  But,
I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t also feel a pang of disappointment,
especially after he was so attentive earlier. 

“What
in the world possessed you to want to go skating?”  Alex hands a few bills over
to the cashier as she makes change and places bright green paper bracelets
around our wrists.

“You’ll
laugh.”

“Try
me.”  We walk to the rental counter where we will surely share athlete’s foot
with the numerous people who have rented the skates before us.

“When
I was a teenager, Rachel used to take me all the time.  It was sort of our
thing.  As I got older, I’d pay attention to the couples and how they always
looked like they were having such a good time together.  I guess it’s something
I’ve always wanted.”  I blush, fidgeting with the hem of my sweater.

“I
find it hard to believe that some boy didn’t take you up on the opportunity to
hold your hand.” 

“I
was an awkward teenager.  Some of us weren’t God-like from the start.”  I bump
against him.

“Well,
let’s go.  This God wants to make your inner teenager swoon with boy band
fanaticism.” 

Alex
leads me to the benches that surround the smooth, wood surface.  It’s
practically empty in here and that might actually be a good thing.  It’s been
too long and I already know I’m going to make a fool out of myself in front of
Alex; I don’t need any more witnesses.

I
sit, taking off my shoes, readying to place my skates on.  I’m pleasantly
surprised when Alex drops to a knee in front of me and starts to fix the laces
of my skates, helping me put them on.  “Thank you,” I whisper.  Seeing him on
his knees in front of me brings only two things to mind; neither being feasible
possibilities in public. 

His
brows rise.  “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” 

“What’s
that?”  My cheeks feel red imagining what Alex would think if he could only
read my mind. 

“Time
for your first question.”  We agreed on our way over here that we would force
ourselves to get to know each other better, something we never really had the
opportunity to do before.  So, we made a game of it; the more difficult the
question, the more points you get for answering.  If you refuse to answer, then
you get points deducted.  The winner at the end of the night gets to name their
prize.  Sounds simple enough, right?

I
place my hands on his shoulders as he continues to put my skates on.  I nod,
gesturing for him to ask away.  “This is worth one point.”

“Wait,
how do you determine the point value?”

“The
more difficult the question, the more points its worth.”  I nod in
understanding.  “What did you think of me when you first saw me?”

“In
the elevator?”

“No,
at the gas station.”

That’s
too easy.  “I thought that you were cocky.”  He laughs as he sits next to me
and works the laces on his own skates.  Alex seems slightly disappointed by my
answer.  Of course that’s only half the truth.  I sigh.  “I thought you had the
most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.  I thought you were way out of my league,
but…it didn’t stop me from regretting not saying anything to you before I
left.”

“You
regretted it?”

I
nod.  “I drove away wondering if I missed my chance.  Lucky for me, I didn’t.”

“So,
you don’t regret what happened between us?”  I turn to face him with a look of
shock.  Does he regret it?

“I
could never regret what happened between us.  Are we where we thought we’d end
up?  Probably not, but I don’t regret what I experienced when I was with you. 
Most people love someone a fraction of what I feel for you.  I, at least, get
to say that I gave my whole heart to someone.  I loved fearlessly.” 
Okay,
maybe not fearlessly, at least not in the end.
 

“I
think that was worth at least 5 points,” I joke hoping to cut through the fog
of tension surrounding us.

Alex
absorbs the weight of what I just told him before standing and extending his
hand to me.  “Alright Hart, show me what you got.”  He pulls me up and we both
take calculated steps toward the gleaming hardwood floor. 

“I’ve
got moves you’ve never seen.”  I turn backwards and glide across the floor,
giving him a mischievous grin before turning and making my way around the
rink.  I dig my heels into the floor and push forward faster and faster.  It’s
like riding a bike.  I haven’t felt this carefree and young in what feels like
forever.  Life got too heavy, too quick.  I forgot to appreciate the joys while
I was busy focusing on all of the deception, lies, and heartache. 

I’ve
been selfish.  This baby, my LJ, needs to become my world.  I need to love and
protect him or her as much as I possibly can.  I need to think of the best
decisions in life for the baby, which does not include the extreme amount of
drama and stress I’ve been under lately.  I need a break from my life.