Shattered Skies: Beginning's End (19 page)

I didn’t mean to start crying; it was stupid. If any of the monsters had cared enough to stop me and ask what was wrong, I didn’t know how I would answer. Dominus women did not show weakness around men. They were equal to them, and to shed tears would be unheard of. I had to pull myself together. Worse things happened in this world than being raped, videotaped, and displayed to the most important people in your life, right? I mean, at least I had the chance to walk away from it. As far as I knew, other human women were constantly raped by the Vampires. The mating class was just for that, they were raped and forced to carry and deliver tiny little monsters. What the hell was I complaining about? My suffering was minor compared to theirs, yet if that was the case, why did I hurt so badly? I stumbled around for I don’t know how long. I told myself that it was all in the name of science; the Doc hadn’t done it to be mean, he just saw things differently than the rest of us. I had to believe that or I would go mad. 

I needed to get myself under control or I would never make it to Akia
’s. I needed to pull it together. I was a blubbering mess. It was just sex after all. I was trained to use it as a weapon. When I used sex for my purpose, it was like second nature to me; something that I did willingly, knowing the consequences. Why was I so arrogant to think that one day someone wouldn’t use the same weapon against me? 

A solider doesn’t cry; they take everything that happens, all the pain, and all the fear, and they ball it up inside of them. They carry it with them until they are given that chance to get revenge upon the people that put the ball there to begin with. It made them harder and stronger. The feelings of hatred and fear that formed the ball was something that every real solider had to carry with them at some point in time or another. My time was now. I had begged for this life after all; I had pushed my way onto the battlefield. Did I really think that it would be easy and painless? 

I really didn’t think it would be easy to
get to the Regent himself, but strangely enough, the guard outside of his mansion said, “Good morning Ms. Catalina. Sir Akia has been expecting you; allow me to get you an escort to the game room.” 

I stood there dumbfounded and staring at him. What did he mean that he had been expecting me? How did he even know that I was still alive? Things just kept getting stranger and stranger and I didn’t know how much more I could take. 

“Miss, are you OK? Do I need to call for a doctor? You look very pale.”

“I didn’t tell Akia I was coming today. How could he have been expecting me?” I didn’t know what about this situation was bothering me more; the fact that he knew I was coming or the fact that he told everyone in the palace to watch for me and treat me as deferentially as him. 

“I don’t know Miss. I was told that a beautiful young lady would arrive late this morning and she would appear very angry. Boy, did he describe you right down to your angry little scowl!”

On a typical day, I might be amused by that greeting but not today. “Cute. Just point me in the right di
rection. I need to talk to the Regent now.” I knew how bratty I was sounding, but damn it, I didn’t need some psychic Dominus knowing my every move. That needed to be stopped before more things about me were discovered. 

“Little lady, I am supposed to
keep harmful things away from The King, and you look ready to kill. I am not so sure I should send you in there without an armed escort.” 

I didn’t think he was joking. Did I really look that mean?  Well goo
d. I hoped so because I wanted to scare Akia. “I promise you, you have nothing to worry about. I will be on my best behavior. You have my word.” I gave him my best doe eyed innocent smile, and it must have worked because he opened the door and stepped aside.

Akia was sitting on what looked like a five hundred year old couch; he didn’t even look up from th
e novel he was reading. “Hello Kitten. I have been expecting you. Please come join me.” He patted the cushion right beside him on the beautiful sofa. 

“This isn’t a social visit and you damn well know it. I want to know what the hell you gained from leaving me there in that room for what I thought was dead.” 

He didn’t even try to hide the shock on his face. “Leaving you for dead? What are you talking about? I would have done anything to be in that room with you, to make whatever was hurting you stop, but I wasn’t with you in that room.” Everyone had to be crazy, I knew he was there by the way he was acting, the way Darien and the Doc made it out to be nothing. But maybe it was all a dream?  “You called out to me for help but I didn’t know where you were. I couldn’t find you. The only place that we met that night Kitten was in our minds. I thought I had lost you and there was nothing that I could do about it. I mourned, but there was nothing I could do. I watched you fade and I couldn’t hold you for real or comfort you. My heart broke for you. You asked me to kiss you and I felt your lips grow cold beneath mine. You were gone and there was nothing that I could do to save you. I was so devastated that for a moment or two I was sure that you were going to take me with you; that we would die together. I have never felt anything like it. You were pulling me to death with you. I stopped fighting and I accepted it. I even bargained to take your place. Then it stopped. There was no longer a pull; you were gone. I sat there numb. I wasn’t sure that I was going to live. Then I felt you awaken again and I couldn’t believe it. It was like something inside of me came back to life. I couldn’t explain how it felt to another soul, but it was unbelievable. I hunted for you, but I couldn’t find you. I knew you were OK, but I didn’t know where.” He sounded so sure of himself. 

“What do you mean I called out for help from you? Some guy was strangling me to death. You were the furthest thing from my mind, I promise you that.” This man’s ego was out of control. 

“I don’t know how to explain this to you. It is new to me also, but I felt the life flowing out of you and then something happened and my scars started to bleed. They reopened and bled, which was incredibly odd since I had not fed at all that day. Then I was there. I could see you laying there. You were not moving. When you asked me to kiss you and I did as you wished; I pictured myself kissing you and it was like it really was happening. We were kissing then you were gone again and I thought you were gone forever.” 

Even though I had protested earlier, my knees suddenly felt weak and I needed to sit down and the closest place was the damn sofa cushion right beside him. If he was telling the truth and he wasn’t really in that room with me, if he was really only in my mind, then we were both in trouble. He was in trouble because if he could truly walk into my mind that way then he was putting my family’s life in jeopardy, and family as much grief as they cause, for me family always comes first. I was going to have to kill him. There was no way around that. I was in trouble because something inside of me was nagging me because I wasn’t sure if I could kill him. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I didn’t think I could live without him. I don’t know what brought that thought into my mind but I knew no matter what, I was going to resist it with my last breath. I killed these monsters; I didn’t fall in love
with them, especially not the King of all evil. 

“Kitten where are you? You are a million miles away. What are you thinking about?”  I didn’t want to believe that a monster could actually care about me or any human for that matter. The concern in his voice was making it hard for me to remember exactly why I killed. I had to turn this conversation around fast or I was going to forget why I had gone there in the first place.

“Why don’t you tell me, your Highness? You are good at invading my head…. And for the last time, stop calling me Kitten!” Good, anger. I liked anger. It pushed every other useless emotion from my head. “Shouldn’t you be out ruling or whatever it is that you do? I am sure somewhere in the rule book it says that you are not supposed to even look at lower class vermin like me for long, let alone stalk me.” 

“Please stop with the ‘your highness’ garbage. Why do you insist on holding my position against me? I didn’t ask for the title you know. I am sorry for the kitten thing. You will be Catalina from now on. I mean you no disrespect.”

He reached for my hand and grabbed it before I had time to react. When his skin touched mine, the world stopped making sense. All I felt was him. He was so close to me already, but that wasn’t good enough. I wanted nothing more than to close the distance. The air was so thick with need that I was almost positive I was going to choke on it. I had never had this strong a reaction to a man. Nothing ever came close to what he could do to me with just a light brushing of my skin. 

When I looked up and saw Akia staring back at me, I knew that he wasn’t acting; he was just as puzzled as I was. His hand was trembling and he looked like he was afraid that if he moved the wrong way or said the wrong thing, that I would flee again. It was that look that mad
e me realize that this powerful heartless monster was afraid of me. I knew at that very moment that he mourned me just like he said. When I looked into his eyes, I could feel the pain that he had felt. He knew what I was doing, and since he didn’t turn away, I could see what happened in his eyes. 

When I cried out to him, he had gone insane with rage. For the first time in his life he was helpless. He couldn’t find me, and because he couldn’t save me, he lashed out, destroying everything in his path. His rage was bad; there were things he destroyed that he could never get back; priceless things that I am positive he had to answer to someone
for, even though he was the Regent. Even worse than the anger was what happened when he felt me slip away. He screamed like an animal, so raw, so real, and when his voice was gone and the screaming finally stopped, he laid there and cried like a baby. Apparently he too was feeling what I was, because he dropped my hand suddenly as if it was hot and burning him. 

“Please Catalina. I cannot live through that memory again. I almost didn’t live through it the first time. Let’s not tempt fate twice.” There was begging in his voice that I would have done anything to take away.

“I am sorry. I didn’t know. I mean, you said that you were upset, but I had no clue you took it like that. I mean, why would you take my loss so hard? You barely know me. I am a nothing by your standards.” I was shaken by his reactions, even more so than the fear I was feeling. I needed to know the truth, I needed to know why I was feeling so connected with this beast that I knew nothing about. I had no one to turn to for answers except Akia, and he was the man that was causing the issues. Nothing good was going to come of this for either of us, of that I was positive.

He was truly going to cry. The King of monsters was begging me not to torture him and some far off part of me loved it. I could hurt him in a way that no one else could. If I wanted to, I could rip out his half beating heart and step on it; make him hurt the way that I had. He was, after all, the progeny of the creatures that took away my future. I could kill him without getting blood on my hands. The twisted part of me wanted to smile. It was a knowledge that caused me jubilation. The other part of me wanted to cry because I was pretty sure he would let me take his life without trying to stop me.

It took him a moment to fully recover from his memories.

“Catalina, I can’t explain any of this. The feelings that I have for you make no sense to me. I have never felt this way toward another person, and believe me it isn’t for lack of offers. I have important royal women throwing themselves at me constantly, wanting to make my every need, every want, a reality. Yet, you are the one I can’t stop thinking about.” I didn’t like where this was going at all. I didn’t want him to take my feelings towards him and reflect them back to me as his own. Until he confirmed what I was feeling I could remain in a state of denial. “You are the most spiteful, hard headed, unloving woman that I have ever met, not to mention the fact that I think you are incapable of getting along with another individual, and still it is you and your smartass remarks, and your cold persona that I dream about.” Well so much for denial.  “You can hate me and disbelieve me all you want, but I didn’t cause any of this. I am as clueless about the situation as you are. In fact, I have tried and tried to ignore it, hoping it would go away, but I knew after the other night when I thought that I had lost you forever, that I was in trouble. You are the one thing in my life that I can’t control, and I will be honest with you, that scares me.”

I didn’t know what to do or what to say. He thought he was scared. He had no idea what scared was. Scared was knowing that you are going to have to kill someone, and even though you can’t explain it, you don’t know if you will personally survive their death. He was lost in his sickening thoughts and then he had started talking again and I caught up in what he was saying. 

“You don’t know what it is like to want nothing more than to tell a person your true feelings because you fear that they will leave and never come back. I don’t know how to handle you Cat. I know that you want me. I can see it in your eyes. I know that you feel it when I touch you, but you won’t give yourself to me. Are you afraid that I will hurt you? Do you think that this is all some sort of sick
joke, that I get off trying to win your heart just so I can break it? I assure you, this is no game.”

I had to think carefully about what I said next.
The truth of the matter is I am afraid. I am afraid of how you would look at me if you find out what I truly am
. Well that is what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t let it get to that. I had to stop myself before the last memory I had of him was the disgusted look on his face when he found out I was a human. Hell, if it came to that and he came to know the truth, it would more than likely be the last memory that I had period.