Shattered Skies: Beginning's End (26 page)

“You are right,” he said and with that, he
turned and left.

I had messed up again. Before I had given us a month’s head start and now I
had taken it away. What was it about this monster that could turn my life every which way but right? There was nothing I could do to fix this now. My only hope was that Akia stayed pissed for a long, long time. I never got the goodbye that I had wanted, but that was all right. If he hated me, it would be easier for him when I left; easier for him, for Dr. Walker, and easier for Darien and Jaden. How had I messed up so many things in such a short time? They were all amazing men and I knew that very second that I’d never come to deserve any of them again.

I sat alone and I cried. I cried away all the hurt and pain. I cried everything away until all I had left was numbness. I had lost a lot in the past two days and
everything and everyone I’d lost deserved to be mourned. Once my tears were dried and gone, I made a promise to myself that I would never let tears fall again. No tears could bring back my family and no tears could tell me why my heart wanted the one man that I knew I could never have. I wasn't weak and I wasn't going to start acting weak now. All my lost loved ones deserved me to be strong. I needed to avenge those lost and I was going to stop at nothing until I earned my vengeance, and if that meant killing every monster that walked the planet by myself then I would do it or die trying; it really was as simple as that.

Akia never did come back. Not that that was my problem. When the last tear fell, despite my headache, I got up and I pushed through it. This chapter of my life needed to end and it wouldn’t end unless I was willing to let it happen. I was done crying and I was done caring for monsters. My job was to kill them and that was what I was going to do. I was going to take down every one of them that I could, and I was going to watch them die. I was going to make sure they knew as they died that I was just a useless human. I wanted them to realize that I was the lowest life form on the planet and yet they were the ones that would soon turn to dust, forgotten. I needed to see the look in their eyes the second they realized that they had no idea that I had been playing them. Their look of despair would be my new inspiration for living; nothing else would matter to me ever again. I was ready to kill the light that refused to burn out inside me and for once I would welcome the darkness in me with arms wide open.

When I finally made it
back outside, the air was refreshing. All of the tears had dried on my face and it made me feel stronger. I went and I found Darien and Jaden sitting just where I had left them back at our meeting point in the middle of the woods. 

“Where the hell have you been? I didn't send you up there to have sex with your boyfriend, I sent you so we could get Dr. Walker out of there tonight.” 

Wow, Darien was in rare form tonight, and I wasn't in the mood for it at all. “Look you son of a bitch. I know your pride is hurting so I will forgive you for talking to me like that just this once. You disrespect me as a part of this mission one more time though, and as far as I am concerned you can be dead with the rest of the family. I wasn't having sex, I hit my head and I was unconscious. You are just being mean and trying to make yourself feel better by hurting me. I am done hurting for the night Darien, do you get me?”

Darien didn't say anything. He just
stormed off into the woods leaving me standing there with steam coming out of my ears. I felt so bad about everything that I needed someone to tell me things were OK. Up until this point that someone had always been Darien but now he was out of it.

“Go easy on him; he is having a hard time dealing with all this. He lost something that neither of us will ever understand,” Jaden pleaded, coming up
quietly behind me.

I knew Jaden was right.
Darien had lost a baby that he didn’t even know about. I am sure finding out that you were so close to having a family just to have it swept away was horrible. Once again, it was my doing, and instead of letting it go, I had lashed out at him. I didn’t want to carry all of this pain any longer so I lashed out again.

“Ha! What is tonight, asshole night? What do you mean go easy on him? What about me? I know that he is upset about Jewel and the baby but how do you think I feel? Their blood is on my hands Jaden. He hasn’t had to deal with the reality of murder yet. I will dream about the look in her eyes until the day I die. She thought I was there to save her Jaden. I told her that everything was going to be all right and worst of all, she believed me. I have to live with that and I am not breaking down and tearing apart the only people that I have left like he is.”

“Cat there is something that you need to know. Things are way more complicated than you think. Sure, he is upset about the baby, but Darien is a very practical man. He knows that this is no world to raise a child; he actually fought
with Dr Walker about the Doc’s plan for us to have families for a few years there. Darien is more upset that he’s lost the woman he thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with.”

As soon as he said the words my heart crushed and I
became instantly jealous. How was it even possible for me to feel jealousy towards a dead girl? “I know, and I have told you her blood is on my hands. At least I know why he hates me. It is easier to understand now. Thank you Jaden.”

“Cat I wasn’t talking about Jewel, I was talking about you.” 

“What are you talking about? Darien and I are best friends and nothing more. Jewel was supposed to be his mate. They were going to have a family and grow old together and I took that away from them.” I didn’t want to believe what Jaden was saying. I could handle an angry Darien if he was angry for the right reasons.

“You weren’t there Cat. During the last two days, he has done nothing but mourn, and I have been there for all of it. When we thought it was you in there screaming he went mad. He was ready to go in and try to save you even if it meant certain death for everyone. When I wouldn’t let him go, he screamed and
fought and I was pretty sure he wanted to die with you. I have never seen anything like it. When you showed up, it was like he did a complete turnaround. You told him about Jewel and his reaction was nothing like how he reacted when he thought you had died. I know it is awful, but he was glad it wasn’t you that died.”

“He hasn’t lost me, I am still here.” I could tell by the look on Jaden’s face that he wanted to say something else but knew that he shouldn’t.

“He has lost you Cat. He will never have all of you now because you have given a piece of yourself to that monster in there. I don’t know you even a little compared to how well Darien knows you, but every time Akia’s name is mentioned, you light up. I know if I can see it, he can see it too and it’s eating him alive.”  I couldn’t find the energy to argue with him. I turned and tried to walk away, but Jaden grabbed me by the arm before I made it too far.

“I wasn’t done Cat.” I was not sure that I could take anymore, I really wasn’t.

“He has been beating himself up trying to decide how to tell you and I can't deal with him any longer. He underestimates you; he loves you, and sees you differently than the rest of us do. He thinks that you need to be protected and taken care of but I know the real you. I see that look in your eyes every time that you talk about killing a monster. You are stronger than any of us could ever be, Cat.” 

I didn't think that I could handle any more
revelations tonight. Darien had never had any problem telling me anything, and if things were so bad now that he couldn't, I wasn't sure that I wanted to know. “Look Jaden, I don't want to know what you think. I am sure it’s just your way of making an excuse for why Darien is acting like he is. He knows damn well that I didn't have sex with Akia, or Akia would be dead. Darien is just saying things to massage his bruised ego. I am giving up worrying about other people; it doesn't fix anything. It won't bring anyone back, so if he wants to act like that, it’s fine with me.” I knew how ugly I sounded. I was throwing a tantrum, but I couldn’t help it. Darien wasn’t the only one in pain.

“Cat, stop it! Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It isn't helping right now. I wouldn't tell you anything if I didn't think the mission might depend on it. I don't know if his mood is permanent or if it will wear off,” and he stopped and looked at me.

I should have cursed and stomped off when he accused me of feeling sorry for myself. In fact, I was pretty sure from the look in his eyes that part of him was hoping that I would do just that and let him off the hook. It was his hopeful look though, that made me decide that I was going to stay and hear him out. I never got to take the easy way out it; it was only fair that he wouldn’t get to either.

“Well what are you waiting for? Tell me Jaden; I don't think that anything that
might come out of your mouth can top what I have already been through tonight, but if you think it can then let’s hear it.”

“You know what Cat? If you want to be self-destructive then I will help you. We found a notebook. We didn't know what it was until we opened it and started to read it. It was something of Doctor Walker's that somehow they missed when they were ransacking the place. I don't know how they missed it, but the fact that they did is why we are all still standing here.
Doc was stupid and lax with his notes Cat. He called us all by our names in his notes instead of numbers like he was supposed to.” Jaden was rambling now and it was pissing me off, not to mention that now I knew that they had gone back to base after the others were killed. That was stupid but I would save that lecture for another day.

“Look, I have to go play babysitter and talk
Darien down so we can go in there and get Dr. Walker out. Can we please get on with this?” I said. “The night is growing old and we are running out of time.” I was in no mood to hear that Dr. Walker had done something else wrong; in my opinion everything he’d done was wrong.

“
Tough as nails as always huh, Cat?  I was trying to lessen the blow but apparently you and your brass balls can handle anything. One of the pages was about you. You have too much Dominus blood running through your veins now. When the King of darkness shared his blood with you, he destroyed your usefulness to us. Apparently Dr. Walker didn’t know how to break the news to you so he just told you that he didn’t know if the effects were permanent or not. You can't kill them anymore Cat; not with sex anyway. Your blood matches theirs; in fact it is so much of a match that he couldn’t understand why the blood lust hasn’t hit you yet.”

OK, he proved me wrong;
I had just heard something worse. I had to sit down. I didn't think my legs would hold me up any longer. My first thought took me back to the day before when it took every ounce of will power that I had not to drink Akia’s blood from the wound on his neck that I had made. I had forgotten all about my yearning to drink blood in the mix of everything else. What the hell was I coming to?

“Cat, it said right in his notes that he didn't fully know what the match meant
in the long run. He said that he was going to have to do some tests and see. No human has ever swapped as much blood with one of them without turning completely. The more he wrote, the more he started to doubt himself. Eventually, he wrote that maybe you were never human to begin with. You puzzle him. He didn't know if the change was coming for you and it was going slowly because your body was in shock protecting itself from the truth or if you would soon develop all of their characteristics.” Jaden paused and like an athlete resting, he spit on the ground. He looked at me and went on.

“I think he was wrong Cat. You are just as human as I am. I feel that. That is
another reason why we need to get Doc out of there so he can help you. I am sorry. No matter what happens, you are still one of us and I will stick by you.” I felt like falling and teetered back but Jaden was there to catch me. The big problem being that I didn’t want to be caught. I just wanted to be let alone to fall forever, away from all I’d been told. 

“I promise it will be OK
Cat. We are not going to let anything happen to you.”  His voice was soothing and innocent. Jaden would have made a great father if the monsters hadn’t taken his mate too. The fact that he still cared enough to pledge to help me made me realize that this man was probably the gentlest soul I knew. I didn’t want to be more of a freak than the monsters. I wanted to believe what Jaden believed about me so I did; after all, what other choice did I have?

“Darien, where are you? Stop hiding and get out here so we can go get
Dr. Walker and get out alive.” I didn’t have time to feel sorry for myself and I’d be damned if I was going to let Darien get us all killed because he was pitying himself instead of working with the rest of us. 

“I am over here
and I am not hiding from anyone; especially not you Cat. You are not worth the energy it would take to hide from you.” 

Good, he wa
s angry. I was better with anger than I was with jealousy when it came to handling Darien. “Fine, great, you are not hiding. I am not here to argue with you. Whatever it is that you were doing, you were wasting precious time. We have to get the Doc out of there and then decide what’s next. There isn't any time for me to nurse your wounds right now. We have to go and save the Doc, if there’s anything left to save. He wasn’t looking good earlier Darien. We can talk this over later, once we have Dr. Walker free and clear.”