She Laughs in Pink (Sheridan Hall #1) (15 page)

I regret not keeping the baby, but at the same time I probably would have regretted keeping it. Sara’s pregnancy was a lose-lose situation. At the clinic that day, we fought. I tried to convince her we could do it—I thought we could raise the baby together with Gram. In hindsight, I know it never would have worked out. Sara and I are toxic together, but I don’t blame her for anything. We were a couple of dumb kids and the whole thing was terrible beyond imagining.

Against my better judgment, I push her hair over her ear, making contact. She stands on tiptoe, reaching her arms around my neck. We embrace on the street even as the rain starts to fall. Old Chase emerges, seeking the comfort of the familiar arms of his first friend and first love. New Chase screams at him to stop.

We duck under an awning. “Why don’t we hang out today?” she asks. “Toast to the new-college-kid-Chase and intensive-out-patient-therapy-Sara?” Black smudges line her eyes, the rain taking its effect on her makeup, but she still manages to look sweet. She’s gotten away with so much over the years because she looks like a little porcelain doll on the outside, even though she sports a major devious streak on the inside.

“I’m done with crazy shit, Sara. I’m really over that kind of thing.”
Hooray for New Chase taking the wheel.

She looks at the sky and puts her hands over her head. “It’s going to downpour on us any second. Are you up for just one drink? Do you still have your ID or was that too much ‘crazy shit’ for you to keep?”

“No, I kept it. I’m not an idiot,” I joke, as the rain falls in droves. Sara hops on my back, and I give her a piggyback ride through the city streets, just as we had a million times before. She’s light as a feather. I squint through the rain and navigate the busy sidewalk.

When Sara and I reach the bar, she whips out her ID with so much confidence that the bartender doesn’t even blink. Nothing will break her fearlessness—not an abortion, not being arrested, not a night in jail or the wrath of her grandmother. She’s a lot like Juliet. They both seem so strong and confident on the outside, but on the inside they’re damaged.
Aren’t we all?
Juliet thinks Ben can fix her. The thing is, I don’t think she needs to be fixed. Sara? Yes. Juliet? No. She’s perfect exactly the way she is.

Chapter Fourteen

Juliet

Four years later, and it’s finally happening.

Ben and I stand under a tree as the rain starts to fall. “Do you remember homecoming?”

I nod. Homecoming is one of my favorite Ben memories. The dress, the party, the laughing. We’d gone together and I felt like Cinderella at the ball.

“I should have had the guts then. And when I found out you were coming to NJU. And then again when you sat on my lap in the lounge last week.”

“What exactly are you saying?” I want this to be clear, for the record.

“I’m saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry it took so long for me to realize.”

“Realize what?”

Thunder rumbles. Ben moves closer, shielding me from the rain. “That it’s always been you, Jules. You’re the one who’s been there for me since the day I found you waiting on the bench. You’re the one who knows me, my family, my history. You’re here with me, so far from home. ”

The rain steadies into an even rhythm. Ben touches my cheek and I reach to him. I’ve touched him a million times, but today it feels different. His
words
make it all different. I put my hand on his wet shoulder and squeeze. He’s standing here, soaking, protecting me again. Whether it’s from the big bad world or a few raindrops, he’s always protecting me.

I pull him closer. “I need you. I always want to be where you are.” He smiles, and I heat from head to toe, but a flash of purple crosses my mind.
Purple, trains, showers, beds.
I’m back in the little room in the city, Chase’s hands on my skin, staring in bliss while he tells me I’m amazing.

Chase…

Ben’s voice brings me back. “Let’s do this. Let’s try. Can we?”

I look into his brown eyes and exhale. “Why now? Just the other day you said I exhausted you.”

Ben holds his fingers to my lips and shushes me. “I was out of my mind. Do you know what I did that night when I left you in the lounge?”

I shake my head.

“I went back to my room and called Evan.”

“Evan? Why?” Ben’s brother Evan is a dream but not exactly experienced in the women department.

“Because he’s always honest with me.”

“What did he say?”

“He said if I let you go again, I’ll lose you. He reminded me how special you are and that you weren’t going to stick around forever waiting for me.”

I smirk. “I always liked him best.” Of Ben’s four older brothers, Evan is the coolest.

“You mean besides me?” Ben grins wide.

I shrug. “You’re okay, I guess.”

He gasps and leans into me, pushing me against the tree. “Kiss me, Juliet Anderson.”

This is finally going to happen. It’s finally happening. With my arms around his big frame, I decide to never let him go. With smooth bark on my back, warm arms around my waist, Benjamin Riley leans in and kisses me, gently, with beautiful, soft lips.

Ben’s kiss is perfect, everything I’d dreamed it would be. It’s warm and safe and amazing.

Chase…

I stiffen, open my eyes and snap back to reality.
I’m kissing Ben—my Ben,
after all this time.
I inhale and fill my lungs with the moist air. The rainy scent of fall relaxes me. We move further under the shield of leaves as we kiss, like we’re shooting the final scene of a romantic movie.

Ben stops and smiles, his lips close to mine. “Why’d we wait so long to do that?”

“Good question.”
You tell me
.

“So? What do you say?”

I want to say yes. My brain screams at me to say it, but memories of Chase stop me and I hear myself say, “I need time.”

He traces my jaw with his finger and pinches my chin. “You gave me four years. I’m not going anywhere.”

We kiss until we’re soaking wet. When I start to shiver, he grabs my bag and we run back to the dorm hand-in-hand. We fling open the door to room one, and Pooja groans as we drip all over the floor. “You two brought a rainbow in here with you. You filled the room with color.”

Ben and I beam at each other. He drops my bag onto the floor and twists his fingers around mine.

I squeeze his hand. “Thanks for walking me back.”

“I had a great day today,” he whispers, leading me to the door.

“Me, too. Way better than the library.” On autopilot, I say the words before I think about them. “Thank you.”
Thank you for saving me. Thank you for being you. Thank you for trying us out and for kissing me under the tree in the rain.

“Talk to you later? About everything?”

I nod. “Yes. Everything.”

I have to find Chase. I have to tell him about Ben and make sure what he’d said to me last night is true…that he doesn’t want me the way I thought he might.

* * *

I dream of the Mexican restaurant my parents used to take Justine and I to when we were little. I wake up to the smell of chili—very spicy chili. I open my eyes and check the time on my phone. Someone’s clanking around in the kitchen.

Frank’s voice sings, “I throw my hands up in the air sometimes.” He’s shouting. I just know he’s dancing. It’s his favorite song, and we hear it about a hundred times a day—when he’s getting ready, when he’s working out. We’re all about ready to kill him, or at least throw his iPod in the river.

I’d almost forgotten he’d offered to cook dinner for all of us tonight. He wants to start a Sunday tradition on the floor in honor of Pooja’s “unity” advice, where we can talk and laugh and be honest. In other words, we can vent.

I wake Pooja, who’s slower to rise. By the time we hit the lounge, the table is set and the chili is being served. There’s not enough room, but we move some furniture around and make due with what we have. I kiss Frank and thank him before I sit. Each day I live at Sheridan, I love it more. It’s becoming my home, and these people my family.

Tonight, we’re down by three. Poppy and Darcy are in Boston for the weekend, and Chase is missing. Megan seems less than thrilled to be here, which I’m guessing is because of Ben and me, but everyone else is excited and smiling.

We all dig in and compliment Frank on his chili and his new tradition. We joke and say it’s dynamite, like his theme song.

Rodrigo’s the first one to vent. “The only problem with this idea of a ‘unity’ dinner is there’s no unity on this floor. You’re all coupled off.” He points to Pooja. “You and Rocco,” then to Maggie, “you and Winston,” then to me, “you and…who are you with, anyway, Kiki? Chase or Ben?”

“A-Rod!” Ben passes a giant bowl of guacamole to me and catches my eye. “In modern times, boys and girls can be friends.”

I giggle and scoop some guac onto my plate. The question is valid, and I’m not prepared to answer it. Not until I find Chase.

Rodrigo continues complaining as he pulls a store-made cake out of a bag. “The Fives are hardly ever around. When they are, I think they’re hooking up with each other.” I raise my eyebrows. I’d never considered that possibility, but it makes sense. “It’s ridiculous here, like there’s something in the water.”

Yesterday I felt the same way about this floor, but now, as I glance toward Ben, I don’t care
.
I sigh as I pick up a knife to slice the cake.

“Chill out, Rod.” Rocco telling anyone to “chill out” is a sight. “Keep drinking the water, and you’ll find someone, too.”

“Really, Rocco? You’re an ass.”

Rocco’s nostrils flare as he eyes Rodrigo. Thankfully, Frank intervenes. “Cake time! Everyone has to have cake.”

“Got room for two more?” I tear my gaze from Ben at the sound of Chase’s voice. He’s dripping wet, standing next to a tiny girl with dyed red hair, also drenched to the skin. She can’t weigh more than eighty pounds soaking wet. Water flies off his hair as he shakes his head.

“It’s BYOC—bring your own chairs,” Pooja says. “We do have cake, though.”

We all stare at the girl, waiting for an introduction. She grabs Chase’s hand, but he, apparently, doesn’t realize he’s being rude. I stare at their entwined hands until finally, she introduces herself. “I’m Sara, and I love cake.”

Sara?
“You have got to be kidding me,” I mutter under my breath.

Chase

After cake, Sara, Ben, and Megan take over the television for Sunday Night Football, and Juliet corners me in the hallway.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

I take a deep breath and face her, propping myself up on the wall to steady my shakiness. “Sure.”

“How’s Gram?” she asks.

“Dying, and in denial.”

Juliet frowns and reaches out to me, but I twist away. “I’m so sorry about Gloria, Chase.”

“Me, too.” I make the mistake of looking into her warm, brown eyes, and fight the urge to bury my face in her neck. I want her to put her arms around me, like she did the night before, and tell me everything’s going to be okay.

“Chase?” she whispers. “This morning. Did you mean it? About us being friends?”

I nod. I can’t make my mouth form the words. “I think it’s best for both of us if we don’t get…involved.” My emotions are all over. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want her, but at the same time I know it can’t work. It won’t work for us. Not with Ben. Not with Gram. Not with everything that’s going on. Sara’s easy to me. Juliet’s work—work I don’t have the energy to take on.

She bites her lip, just like she did the first time I’d met her.
How quickly things change.
“So you want to be involved with Sara? What about your New Life Plan? I thought you wanted to move forward with your life,” she whispers, glancing down the hallway.

I whisper back, “You’re not exactly an expert on the topic of moving past your first love.”

She frowns and squints. “Wow. Did drinking and backsliding to your ex make you feel better?”

I shake my head. “Sorry Sara and I aren’t as perfect as you and Captain America.”

“Whatever, ‘Coop’,” she says. When she turns away, I look down her body remembering that first day in the train station. Who knew it would lead to this?

* * *

After I walk Sara to the train—Juliet’s train—I quietly open the door to room six hoping Juliet isn’t in Ben’s bed. She’s not. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it when she is. I try to sleep, but my eyes stay wide open.

I toss and turn. Trying to sleep is useless. I give up and pick up my phone to text Juliet.

Hi
.

I lay on my back and hold the phone over my chest so I’ll feel it vibrate if she responds. I don’t have to wait long. She texts me back in seconds.

Hi
.

I’m sorry I’m an asshole
.

I hit send and hate myself.

Eh.

“Eh” isn’t much of a reaction, so I try another tact.

Wanna sext? Get naked and send me a pic.

Yeah, I’ll get right on that.

Huh? Not what I was expecting.

Really?

NO FUCKING WAY
.

Ah. There’s the reaction I was expecting.

Why not?

You already saw too much of me.

You’re beautiful
.

I think about Juliet in my bed, how her hair covered my pillow, how she’d arched her back when I’d touched her, how she’d felt around my fingers, and…I’m hard. She didn’t even send me a damn picture and I’m hard. I tap the phone.

             
I don’t need pics anyway. I have it all in my head.

Fantastic.

I grin, hearing her sarcasm through the phone.

For me, yup.

A few minutes go by and I think she must have fallen asleep. Then my phone buzzes again.

You were right about Ben.

He’d be an idiot to let you go again
.

A few minutes go by.

I thought you and Sara were a disaster
.

We were.

My turn for a topic change.

Tomorrow’s Monday. Can I walk you to class? Just us?

I hold my breath as I wait for her answer.

Yes.