She Walks in Shadows (15 page)

“Let’s call it a day,” said Ms. Van Helder. “Back to work tomorrow. And Veronica?”

“Yes?” Veronica lagged behind the others.

“Try to be patient with Asenath? She’s been having … family troubles.”

In Veronica’s opinion, that didn’t excuse anything. Asenath had never
not
had family troubles. Just the same, she nodded.

With a heavy heart Veronica changed and went out to wait for her mother by the front doors of Miskatonic High. Asenath was in the parking lot, bundling her uncle into her car, clearly having words with him. She’d changed back into her outfit from that morning; she looked ferocious and intimidating as she shoved the old creep into the passenger’s side seat.

“Not unless you can control yourself!” she shouted angrily, slamming the door in his face after he whined something at her that Veronica couldn’t hear.

Then Asenath noticed her cousin sitting there as she came around to the driver’s side. Veronica, remembering Ms. Van Helder’s admonition, timidly raised her hand in a greeting. Asenath laughed, blew her a kiss as she slid into the driver’s seat. She pulled away just as Veronica’s mother drove up.

“How was your first day?” her mother called out the window.

“Great, Mom,” lied Veronica. “Really great.”

Veronica, mindful of her Bible Camp pledge, tried to forgive Asenath for her antics — she
really
did — but it became increasingly difficult, given how her cousin seemed to want nothing more than to shock the whole school. Every day, she came in wearing a different appalling outfit — tweed blazers and slacks, Hawaiian shirts and brightly-colored shorts, leather jackets and jeans — and with some new girl on her arm, inevitably giggling like it wasn’t social and spiritual suicide for her to go out with a woman. Veronica was mortified, and the worst part was, she didn’t even have cheering as a respite. Whenever Asenath showed up in her mascot’s outfit to practice, the girls went crazy, mobbing her like she was the captain of the football team. Veronica thought that was sick, but she couldn’t say anything — Beth, the team captain, had gone out with Asenath a few times. “She’s the best-looking boy in school,” was her only comment when Veronica remarked on the queerness of it all.

Interestingly enough, for once, the cheerleaders were in the minority in terms of popular opinion; they might coo over Asenath, but the rest of Miskatonic High did not. Girls whispered whenever she walked by; guys shouted epithets. Veronica sensed Asenath was enjoying the attention and would have been more than happy to let Asenath reap what she sowed, just like in Galatians … except Asenath’s refusal to act normally began to reflect poorly on
her
.

“You a dyke, too, Veronica?” shouted Dougie Smithers. The entire lunchroom heard him, given the laughter this sparkling wit produced. Veronica pushed away her half-finished pack of Handi-Snacks, the yellow cheese and buttery crackers now sawdust in her mouth. “Is it true that this Saturday, you’re gonna go cruising for chicks together?”

Veronica refused to acknowledge him, but in her heart, she was seething. It shouldn’t be like this. She was certain no other Varsity cheerleader had ever dealt with such scorn from her peers. Pretending to ignore Dougie and the rest, she put on her Walkman and grabbed her notebook. The rhymes of DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince became her world as she scribbled down some ideas for the new Varsity routine. Then, the notes blurred before her eyes when she had a sudden vision of her cousin prancing onto the field in her costume, proudly flaunting the inevitable catcalls and boos to stunt alongside the
real
cheerleaders.

She’d tried to forgive. She’d tried to forget. She’d been cordial to her, offering to let Asenath borrow her more feminine clothes if she needed to, and prayed for her in church, in the hopes that God would touch Asenath’s heart and help her return to the fold. But nothing had worked. Something had caused Asenath to give up everything — her popularity, her straight A average, her faith, the cheerleading squad — and Veronica couldn’t imagine what it could be.

Dougie slid onto the bench beside her, grabbing a cracker out of her Handi-Snack.

“Hey,” he said, grabbing Veronica’s headphones. “When you lick it, does it look like this?” And he pantomimed something obscene.

“Beware, ladies — he’s clearly no expert.” Asenath grabbed the boy by the collar and slung him off the bench. Dougie landed hard on his tailbone on the linoleum floor of the cafeteria with a thump and then a howl. The laughter was more sporadic than before. Veronica did not take part in it. “Sorry if he was bothering you, Veronica, but everyone knows I don’t cruise for chicks — they come cruising for
me
.”

“You’re disgusting.” For some reason, Veronica was angrier with Asenath than Dougie. She shoved her notebook into her backpack, snatched her headphones away from the boy still writhing on the ground, and stalked out of the lunchroom.

Once the door slammed behind her, Veronica totally lost it. She slumped against the lockers, tears running down her face. When the school board had announced their decision to integrate sex ed into the health curriculum last year, her daddy had threatened to put her in private school. Veronica had begged and pleaded to remain at Miskatonic because of her friends, because of cheering. Maybe this was her punishment for not being obedient to her father’s will.

“Hey.”

It was Asenath. Veronica dashed the tears from her eyes.

“What do
you
want?”

“To talk to you.” Asenath came closer. Today, she was wearing a button-down men’s Oxford tucked into high-waisted Guess jeans that somehow made her long legs look longer. “I’m sorry about what happened back there. Dougie’s a real jerk. But —”

“You’re sorry?” snarled Veronica. “Oh, great! I’m super-excited that you’re
sorry
for ruining my life, Asenath!”

“What?”

“People tease me all the time about … about being like
you
.” As she said it, Veronica knew how petty she sounded, but that just made her angrier. “And you’ve ruined cheering, too, prancing around in that stupid costume. They’ll shout us off the field the moment they see you!”

Asenath laughed in her face. “That’s all it takes to ruin your life?”

“What happened to you, Asenath? You used to be so nice. You used to care about important things, like school and cheering — and what people thought about you.” Veronica shook her head. “Now … it’s like … you just can’t be bothered.”

“What happened to me?” Asenath grinned mirthlessly. “
Life
happened. The real world intruded on the fantastical dream-lie that is high school. Sorry if that’s
inconveniencing
you, Veronica. Me? I’m having a great time.”

Veronica rolled her eyes. “So, what — you’re Laura Palmer now?”

“Maybe Bobby Briggs.” Asenath lowered her voice. “I wasn’t the one who went looking for darkness. Somebody …
showed
it to me.” The taller girl leaned in closer, planting her hand on the lockers behind Veronica, bracing herself on them, looming over her cousin. She smelled like cigarette smoke and peppermint gum. “You don’t know what’s out there, Veronica — the sad thing is, you don’t even know what’s
here
, in Arkham. You went to Bible Camp, just like your daddy wanted you to … sang your little songs, prayed your little prayers. Well, baby-girl, sing and pray all you want, because it doesn’t fucking matter.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll tell you what
I
did on my summer vacation.” Her cousin’s intensity was startling. Her prominent brown eyes were shining like stars as her lips pulled back from her white teeth. Veronica couldn’t help but compare her to the mild-mannered, sweet-tempered girl she had once been. “I looked into a well of absolute darkness, a well without a bottom, full to the brim with writhing whispers blacker than the darkness. I looked — and I
listened
.”

“What … what was in the well?”

“Laughter. It laughed at me. The darkness, I mean. A hole full of nothing,
absolute
nothing, and it
laughed
at me.”

“What did you do?”

Asenath stood up, looking around as if to see if anyone had witnessed her losing her cool. “Doesn’t matter. But I tell you what … after that, I decided to live every day like it was my last, and I advise you to do the same. There’s no heaven. There’s no hell. There’s only you, me and this.” She gestured to the hallway. “The things beyond this world don’t give a shit what you do — if you pray, if you’re good, or if you’re bad, according to some outdated notions of propriety.”

“You don’t sound like yourself,” said Veronica.

Asenath shook her head. “I’ve always been this way. The only thing that’s changed is that I know it’s not worth hiding it.”

The bell rang, and students poured out of the cafeteria. Veronica flinched away from Asenath, instinctively, which made the other girl laugh.

“See you around,
Veronica
,” she said.

Veronica barely paid attention to her classes the rest of the day. Asenath’s speech had shaken her. What she really needed was a good, hard practice to drive everything from her mind, but of course, Asenath showed up, to everyone’s delight but hers.

Asenath seemed full of a savage fury that day. Her jumps were high, her kicks, higher. The term, ‘flyer,’ had never been so apropos. She seemed to hover above everyone when she was lifted and hang in the air for an unnaturally long time on the dismounts. Ms. Van Helder was so enthusiastic about her prospects toward the end of practice, she suggested Asenath try a scorpion instead of a full liberty after being popped up.

As Asenath executed the move perfectly, Veronica turned away, reminding herself that jealousy was a sin. Uncle Ephraim was sitting on the lowest bleacher. He was always in attendance when Asenath came to practice, gaunt and horrible in his big weird coat, a Miskatonic pennant clutched in his clawlike hands.

After his outburst the first day, he had remained largely silent, hunched into himself and watching them all with unwavering attention, but today, he seemed agitated. He shifted on his seat, twitching. The sight of Asenath in a scorpion further perturbed him. When she fell into the basketed hands of her fellow cheerleaders, he uttered a grotesque, bubbling cry.

Veronica was the only one who heard him, so she was the only one unsurprised when he began to holler and snort as Asenath tried the move a second time. Asenath wobbled and fell; her cohorts caught her, but there was no saving her from the old man’s wrath.

“Thief!” he cried, staggering toward her. “Mine! It’s
mine!
”

“Asenath,” said Ms. Van Helder, as Asenath stood unsteadily, “are you — is he —”

“It’s fine,” said Asenath, through gritted teeth.

“Thief! Wolf in sheep’s clothing!” The old man drew nearer, but Asenath wasn’t waiting around — she began to advance on him. “Give it back — it’s mine!”

“Shut up!” she snapped, grabbing his arm.

“Mine!” he cried, running his crabbed hand down her smooth arm.

“Maybe it was, but not anymore!” she shouted in his face.

“Asenath, your father’s not well,” said Ms. Van Helder, putting her hand on the girl’s other arm. “You should —”

“Don’t touch me!” cried Asenath, wrenching herself free of both their grasps. Her father, unsteady on his feet, fell to the ground with a heart-wrenching yelp.

“Asenath!” Ms. Van Helder was shocked.

“None of you have any idea about anything!” she screamed, and took off running toward the locker room.

A moment passed where they waited to see if Asenath would return. She did not. “Come on, Mr. Waite, let’s get you home,” said Ms. Van Helder, helping Ephraim to his feet. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into her.”

“She stole it,” he mewed. “She’s a thief.”

“Ms. Van Helder … I could take him home.” Veronica felt bad for her uncle, the latest victim of Asenath’s troubling metamorphosis. Perhaps, if she got him alone, she could talk to him. Maybe he needed help from the Church, or from her father, to deal with his wayward daughter.

“Do you have a car?”