Shifted By The Winds (37 page)

Fear.

The acknowledgement made him both angry and resolute. He was sick and tired of being controlled by fear.

“Boy. You don’t neber stop bein’ afraid. Fear done grab you when you least expect it, but you can always count on it stickin’ its ole head in. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with fear, long as you don’t be lettin’ it control you. The best thin’ you can do is smile at it and then just keep right on doin’ whatever it is that is makin’ you afraid. I reckon them thin’s that cause you de most fear be the ones you be most meant to do
.
”

Sarah’s words roared into his mind with the force of waves pounding against the shoreline. The sound of them in his head was as strong as the day she had spoken them to him. And just like before, the peaceful feeling came instantly. The anger faded away, but his resolute determination was stronger than ever. “You’re right,” he said.

“Yep,” Simon replied, a smile flitting on his lips. “June told me you and Rose are going off to college next year. I was waiting for you to tell me yourself, but then decided I might be an old man before you got around to it.”

“I was waiting for it to seem real,” Moses answered. “Not saying it made it seem less real.”

“You don’t want to go?”

“I was
afraid
to go,” Moses responded. “I’m not anymore.” His decision to face leadership head-on had released an avalanche of feelings within him. Standing on that box and talking to everyone had given him a sense of satisfaction that nothing else ever had. He had been afraid of it, had been certain he wouldn’t know what to say, but the feeling of making an impact with his words was one he wanted to experience over and over. Now he could acknowledge that.

“You have to do more speaking,” Simon said.

“Yes,” Moses replied, surprised when the agreement flowed so easily. “I’m just not sure how.”

“You need to do a meeting at the school once a week.”

Moses froze. “Excuse me?” Deciding to do something was one thing. Having the venue presented to him was something else.

“The only way to do more speaking is to have folks to talk to,” Simon replied as though he was speaking to someone simpleminded.

Moses took a deep breath, pushing away the fear again. “I guess that is true,” he managed.

Simon nodded. “I’ll send out notice for the first meeting to be next week.”

Moses forced another deep breath, his mind racing as he tried to think of a way out of Simon’s proposal, while also admitting the idea gave him a thrill nothing else ever had. “Okay,” was all he said, “but I think we have to wait until after the Harvest Celebration.”

Simon thought for a moment.  “That makes sense,” he finally said.  “But after that…the next Wednesday?”

“Wednesday,” Moses agreed, wondering how it was possible to be terrified at the idea of speaking, while also wanting to be heard with all his heart.

Simon turned to walk away, but Moses stopped him. “There’s something else I need to talk to you about.”

Simon glanced toward the drying barns, about to suggest they talk later. He had a lot of work to do. The men in the barn knew their jobs, but he was proud of the fact he oversaw every barrel of tobacco that left the plantation. It was the only way he could be one hundred percent sure each delivery met Cromwell’s quality standards.

“It won’t take long,” Moses interjected, “but I need to tell you something.”

Simon turned back, intrigued by the sudden insistence in his friend’s voice. “I’m listening.”

“There’s a possibility you will take over the management of Blackwell Plantation.”

Simon’s eyes grew wide. Whatever he had been expecting, it certainly wasn’t this. “Come again?” His expression was one of bewildered confusion.

Moses chuckled. “You know Perry and Louisa Appleton are here on the plantation.”

“Yes.” Simon searched his brain for more information. “I know Louisa’s family owned Blackwell Plantation, which makes her and Perry the owners now that her parents and brother are dead. I know things aren’t going so well for them down in Georgia. I also know Louisa is like a fish out of water around here, because she has no idea what to do with black and white folks treating each other like normal.”

Moses nodded. “All that is true.” He had known June would tell Simon what was going on. He had been counting on it.

“It’s also true that Perry Appleton thinks no nigger will ever be equal to a white man, and he thinks your idea of blacks working his plantation like they do here on Cromwell is crazy,” Simon said bluntly. “I’m sure you understand why your statement about me taking over the management of Blackwell Plantation makes me wonder if you got kicked in the head by a horse.”

Moses shrugged. “I think Mr. Perry Appleton is going to see the light.”

Simon peered at him. “And you’re basing this on…?”

“On a feeling,” Moses admitted.

“A
feeling
…” Simon was back to thinking his friend had been kicked in the head by a horse.

“I know the look of a man struggling with his beliefs,” Moses revealed. “He came out on the porch a few nights ago when I was finishing the report for Thomas. The numbers stunned him.”

“They stunned me too,” Simon agreed, “and I was part of every back-breaking hour it took to make them happen. I told June how much money we are going to make, and she about fell over.”

“Anyway, Perry might be a bigoted idiot, but he’s a smart business man,” Moses continued. “He can’t argue with the numbers.”

Simon considered what he had learned about the Appletons and then slowly but firmly shook his head. “No, thanks.”

Moses cocked a brow, waiting quietly for him to say more.

“Me and June are real happy right here.”

“You can make even more money over at Blackwell Plantation,” Moses argued.

“I’m sure we could, but June wouldn’t be around her mama, and little Simon wouldn’t be around his grandma and his cousins. It’s hard to buy something like that.”

“But—”

Simon raised his hand. “It’s more than that. I realize Blackwell isn’t that far away, and I realize we could visit, so you don’t need to throw that argument in the pot. The bigger reason is that I don’t have any intention of working for a man who thinks he is better than me just because his skin is white. I’ve lived with that all my life. I’m done. He may figure out that I know how to make him a lot of money, but that doesn’t mean he’ll see me as anything but a well-paid slave. I like being somewhere where people see me as human.”

“What if Perry changed?”

“I don’t see that happening,” Simon said.

“Thomas changed. Robert changed. I changed when I quit hating white people,” Moses reminded him.

Simon hesitated. “That’s true,” he finally admitted.

“Let’s just see how this plays out,” Moses suggested. “If Perry doesn’t change, then I will agree it’s a crazy idea.”

Simon shook his head as a sudden realization hit him. “Are you saying you don’t want me to take over Cromwell Plantation when you and Rose leave to go to school?” He tried to push away the hurt feeling that tightened his throat.

“What I’m saying is that Rose and I aren’t leaving until next year. What if something happened to delay us? This could be something for you right now. You would be in charge, and you could make a lot of money. I don’t want you to miss the opportunity. Think of what you could do to your place with that kind of money. Think about what it would be like if you could buy more land.”

Simon had just watched Moses push through his fears about speaking. What if he was hiding behind his own fears by not wanting to leave the comfort of the plantation? “We’ll see how things play out,” he finally said. “I’m not saying I will do it, but I’m also not saying for sure I won’t.” He managed a smile. “I don’t even think I’ll need to make a decision. Perry Appleton is never going to go for it.”

Moses smiled. “I tend to agree with you, but I guess time will tell.”

Louisa realized it would be incredibly rude of her not to help with the preparations going on for the Harvest Celebration. She had certainly commandeered enough celebrations at Blackwell Plantation over the years, but she had always been the mistress orchestrating slaves. She knew she had to acknowledge the changes emancipation had brought, but she couldn’t find it within herself to be comfortable with them. She also couldn’t find a way to be comfortable with strolling in to the kitchen and asking if she could help. She had been stuck in her room all morning as she tried to figure out what to do.

Not that being in her room was a hardship. She had not experienced luxury like this since she and her family had fled the plantation in the first year of the war. When she was in her small cozy home in Georgia she hadn’t missed it, but she could admit it was nice to be back in the world she had grown up in. She gazed around at the flowing white curtains and blue bedspread trimmed in white. Perry had laid a fire in the fireplace before he had gone out to the stables with Robert to go for a ride. Succulent smells were drifting up the stairway. If she closed her eyes, she could almost imagine none of the war had happened…or that she hadn’t lost the only life she had ever known.
Almost.

Jasper’s smiling face appeared in the doorway. His blue eyes shimmered with excitement under a thatch of wild blond hair. Louisa had given up on trying to keep him neat. She didn’t demand it at home, so why should she demand it here? She pushed away the uncomfortable certainty that it was because she was trying to keep up appearances for the
people
. There were no more
people
in the South.

“Mama!”

“Yes, Jasper?’ Louisa felt a rush of love as she looked at her son, who was the spitting image of his father. “What are you doing, dear?” Regardless of her own uncertainties, she knew Jasper adored being on the plantation.

“Amber said I could ride Patches, Mama! John said it was all right, too!” Jasper was so excited it seemed he could hardly breathe. “I’ve never ridden a pony before,” he reminded her.

Louisa bit back a smile. “That is true,” she agreed.

“So can I, Mama? Pleeasse…” he implored.

Louisa pushed down her feelings of discomfort again. It would have been common for the slaves to teach her son how to ride in the past. Why was she so uncomfortable with Amber doing it? Now, with her son’s blue eyes begging, was not the time to analyze her reaction. “Of course, but you must do everything Amber tells you to do,” she said.

“I will, Mama!” Jasper cried before he turned and ran from the room.

Louisa smiled as she listened to his small feet pound down the stairs. She had also given up trying to keep her little ball of energy from running in the house. Full speed seemed to be the only tempo he was happy with. Her own mother had been insistent about proper behavior at all times, but she had a houseful of slaves available to enforce her wishes. Now there was just Louisa. She was, quite frankly, exhausted by the life she had suddenly found herself living. In Georgia she had been able to leave the confinements of her past behind when it was just her, Perry and Jasper on their farm together. Being back at Cromwell, and having Blackwell Plantation so close as a constant reminder, had placed a weight in her soul that she couldn’t seem to shake. She could hear her mother’s scolding voice and admonishments in every situation.

Annie appeared in the doorway with a tray. “There be a chill in the air this morning, Miss Louisa. Would you like some hot tea and scones?”