Shoulda Been A Cowboy (14 page)

“
Cam, it's been a long day, but I appreciate
the good night call. I'll talk to you tomorrow.”

“
Don't you hang up on me.”

Domini sighed. “Look, Cam—”

“
I'll be there in five goddamn minutes. Stay
put. I mean it.” Then he hung up on her.

Pushy jerk.

By the time Cam arrived, Domini had worked herself up
into a rare frenzy. She flung open the apartment door before he
knocked. Once he was inside, she sidestepped him before he had a
chance to grab her, kiss her, and cool down her temper.

“
What happened?”

“
What makes you think something happened?”
she volleyed back.

Cam lifted an eyebrow. “Well, for starters, you're
pacing and snapping like a dog on a leash.”

“
Tell me you did
not
just compare me to a dog.”

He winced. “Shit. Sorry. But you know what I
mean.”

“
No, I don't. I don't know why you're
here.”

His mouth opened. Then shut.

Domini scanned his clothes. Sweat pants. Tight T-shirt,
the armpits and neck hole ringed with sweat. “Where were you?”

“
Working out with Colt.”

“
This late?”

“
Colt waits until Hudson and Indy are asleep
before he comes to town. So are you gonna tell me what's wrong?
Or are you gonna keep changing the subject?”

“
I didn't ask you to come over.”

“
I know, princess, that's why I'm
here. I knew you wouldn't ask me.”

The soft concern in Cam's eyes did her in. Tears
fell again. Before her sobs became incoherent, Cam enclosed her in
his arms. He stroked her hair as he rained kisses on the crown of her
head. “Talk to me, baby.”

Don't be such a pushover. You'll never
tell him what's bugging you if he's touching you.

She wiped her eyes and attempted to retreat but Cam
wouldn't release her.

“
No harm in letting me hold you until you calm
down, is there?”

Yes. I'll start to depend on you for comfort
and support and that's never turned out well for me.

Domini squirmed away. “I'm fine.”

“
Then talk to me. You watched Anton tonight,
right?”

She nodded. “He was really quiet. He's been
that way the last couple times I've seen him. So he let it slip
his father has started coming around again.”

“
Shit.”

Domini didn't have to explain to Cam what a
bastard Rex DeMarco was. The man had harassed her a couple of times
when she'd lived with Nadia and Anton. But Rex was smart and
careful enough not to step over the legal line.

“
I asked Nadia and she admitted she's
considering reconciling with him.”

“
Why?”

“
Nadia claims he's changed. He quit
drinking. Now he wants them to be one big happy family. She just
doesn't see it. Men like him don't change.” Her
eyes searched Cam's. “Do you think he can change?”

Cam sighed. “That's a tricky question. Even
my own family didn't believe my brother Colt had changed. Only
recently have they accepted Colt is not the same guy he was. So on
one hand, yes, I honestly believe some people can change. But this
guy? My gut reaction is no. Rex has way too many issues, coupled with
a history of violence and…”

“
And what?”

“
When Nadia had you as a roommate, Rex didn't
have much chance to be alone with her. My worry was for you in case
he decided to push this issue. So I was goddamn glad to hear you'd
gotten out of that dangerous situation.”

The warmth of Cam's concern didn't loosen
the fear knotting her belly. “Nadia said she's lonely.
She claims I don't understand loneliness because I've
never been in a long-term relationship.”

“
Lots of people are lonely even in a
relationship.”

“
I know! So it's ridiculous and sad
and…
stupid
she's willing to go back to a man who beat her just because she
doesn't want to watch TV alone.”

“
See? That's why this asshole doesn't
want you around her, influencing her to think for herself.”

“
I hate this. I hate that she's putting
Anton's needs last.”

“
And you would put Anton's needs first.”
Cam's fingers caressed the side of her face so tenderly she
felt tears welling again. “He's been blessed to have you
in his life, Domini.”

She'd been blessed. She loved that sweet little
boy. He was the closest she'd get to having a child of her own.
“Thanks.”

“
You're welcome. Now can I kiss you hello?”

Domini parted her lips and Cam's velvety hot
tongue slipped inside her mouth. She wanted to make love with him
like this—face to face, skin to skin, mouth on mouth.

After scrambling her brain for several tongue tangling
minutes, he broke the kiss. “Bedroom. Now.”

“
Maybe I want to drag it out.” Her hands
floated down his chest. “Strip you slowly. Lick and taste and
tease you all over. Maybe you should make me do it.”

His body went stone still. Then his voice was low, warm
and persistent in her ear. “I said bed. Now. We do this my way.
Remember?”

Domini recognized this wasn't about sexual control
with Cam. Heck, it wasn't even about her. She stepped back and
challenged, “And how is your way, Cam? With me bent over the
table, or against the refrigerator, or on my knees, or draped face
first across the bed? Or are we actually going to have sex some other
way for a change?”

His eyes tapered to fine points. “For a
change
?
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

It was difficult to stay the course, faced with his
angry surprise, but she dug in her heels, bracing for a fight. “Every
time, every single time we've had sex, it's been from
behind. I've never kissed you, or whispered in your ear, or
even touched you when you got me off.”

“
Is that a complaint?”

Don't back down
. She
notched her chin higher. “Yes. I guess it is.”

Color dotted his cheekbones and his eyes glittered with
something that looked like resentment, but she suspected was
embarrassment.

“
You told me you wanted to surrender to me,
Domini.
Me
. Which
means I get to call the shots.”

“
Evidently that also means you get to hide.”

“
Hide?” he repeated.

“
I've never seen you naked. Never. You can
blame it on being tied up or blindfolded or whatever you did to
restrain me, but the truth is: you're hiding yourself from me.

“
I've opened myself up to you, Cam. More
than I ever have with any man. And while I'm grateful you
proved my trust in you was justified, I know you don't feel the
same about me.”

The muscle in his jaw jumped as he stared at her with
those hard, dark, cop eyes that scared the crap out of her.

“
You don't trust me, do you?”

No answer.

Domini purposely let her gaze drop to his left thigh.
She let it linger before she looked at him again. “You think
I'll laugh when I see your prosthesis? Or are you afraid I'd
be grossed out by your missing leg and run? Help me understand, Cam,
because as much as I like you and trust you, I can't do this
anymore. It's all or nothing.”

Two-hundred-odd pounds of aggressive, challenged male
was right in her face. “Why are you pushing me?”

“
Because you need it.”

Silence.

“
So what's it going to be?”

The air stayed still and quiet.

It broke Domini's heart to see him retreat. To
watch that strong, chiseled face lower to his chest, almost in
defeat.

After a couple minutes passed, Cam said, “You're
right.”

Her heart beat again; she breathed again.

“
I've hidden my injury, my stump, my
disability, whatever the hell you wanna call it, from everyone, not
just you.”

“
Why?”

“
It embarrasses me that I'm…broken.
Most the time when I'm wearing the prosthesis and it's
covered with regular clothes I can pretend I'm normal. But when
that shit is off and I'm completely naked? I see I'm not
a whole man. I can't lie to myself. And I sure as hell can't
lie to you.”

His anguished tone nearly broke her resolve.
Be
strong for him now because he needs it.

“
The only person in my family who's seen it
is Keely. And that's only because she moved to Cheyenne and
became my personal physical therapist. She kept everyone in our
family away. She helped me deal with all the doctors and the
prosthetic specialists, the millions of prostheses fittings, the
excruciating rehab and learning to walk again. She…pushed me.

“
Keely wouldn't let me give up even when I
wanted to give up on myself.” He briefly squeezed his eyes
shut. “Jesus, did I want to just fucking hide myself and my
ugly stump from the world.”

Even though Domini ached to go to him, she stayed put.

“
After a few months of Keely working her ‘rah
rah you can do anything' magic on me, I tried to reclaim the
sexually charged guy I'd been.” He laughed bitterly.
“What a joke. I had sex one time after I had the hang of
walking on my prosthesis. One. Fucking. Time.”

“
What happened?”

“
I got her clothes off. I went down on her. She
came. I thought all was going great…then she reached for the
button on my jeans and I totally fucking panicked. I mean, the type
of panic that's pure debilitating fear. I knew I should've
told her about my stump. I knew I should've practiced getting
naked because when faced with it with a stranger the first time…I
couldn't fucking do it.”

Domini was well versed in those types of panic attacks,
but she still didn't go to him. He needed to get this all out.

“
I'm thinking to myself, what a fucking
loser I am. Somehow, I managed to pull it together and insisted we do
it from behind. I only dropped my pants far enough she felt my cock
and a little of my upper thighs. I fucked her fast and left. She
probably never knew. But I did. The worst part was I realized I'd
never be the same man. I'd be half a man. I never wanted to try
again…until I met you.”

A million thoughts raced around in her head and she
couldn't seem to voice a single one.

Finally, Cam said, “Say something. Your silence is
killing me.”

“
Well, as encouraging as it is that you want to
return to being that sexually charged man with me, you've still
been selfish.”

Cam's head snapped up. “Excuse me?”

No doubt he'd expected her to coo sympathy. To be
sweet, soft-spoken and pat him on the head while clucking
there
there, it'll be all right little soldier, all is forgiven.

Wrong.

“
Not sharing your body or yourself with me is
selfish. Oh, I understand you wanting to maintain the illusion of
male perfection, but know something? I don't want an illusion,
Cam. I want a real man. I want you. I don't care what kind of
lover you used to be. I care what kind of lover you are
now
.
And I can't be the kind of lover you need if the only part of
you I'm allowed access to is your cock.”

He stared at her with absolute shock.

“
Surprised?”

“
Uh. Yeah. Usually you're so s—”

“
If you say shy I'll brain you,” she
warned.

“
No.” He smiled slyly. “I was gonna
say subtle.”

“
I am subtle and diplomatic most of the time, but
there comes a point where in your face is the only option.”

“
So Miss In-Your-Face, have I fucked this up
completely by being a selfish and clueless dickhead?”

“
Not by a long shot. Not since you're
willing to admit some things need to be different between us.”

Cam released a long, slow breath. “Thank you.
I…I'm sorry.” He laughed self-consciously. “What
do we do now?”

Humbling, that this formidable man looked to her for
direction. The sudden boost of confidence allowed her to erase the
distance between them. She twined her arms around his neck and held
him until he stopped shaking. “First we get completely naked.
Then we see how smokin' hot it is to have sex in missionary
position. Then we test out my cowgirl skills as I ride you. All
within the parameters of your control, naturally.”