Sidelined (9 page)

The lights flickered back on, but my heart pounded so hard I barely noticed.

“Okay,” I said. “I think we need to pack up and get you home. I swore I’d get you back before things got bad, and… I think I’ve already messed up.”

Kayla shook her head. “I think this is just the beginning. If it had been like this for a while, Mom would have called by now.”

She was probably right. The change outside had come out of nowhere. Sure, it had rained but suddenly the downpour was heavy enough to rattle the windows, and another flash of lightning told me it was definitely time to get moving.

“Kayla, go get your things packed up, okay? I’m gonna call your mom now and then we’ll go.”

Chapter
8 – My Mind Was Like A Jigsaw Puzzle

It was a good thing we left when we did. In spite of the hammering rain, strong winds, and the thunder and lightning that made Kayla and I jump every time, it still took us less time to get home than usual. There were way fewer cars on the road, and even driving as slowly as I needed to to keep us safe, we still knocked ten minutes off the usual time.

I’ve never been so relieved to get out of my car. Concentrating so hard really exhausted me, and Mrs Shaw wrapped Kayla and me in a huge, warm hug as soon as we got through the door. Much needed since I’d gotten soaked through.

“Thank you, Bree.” She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “Thank you for getting her home. I’m glad you’re both safe.”

In any other situation, her words would have sounded overly dramatic but I’d never seen a storm like the one that had started to whip itself into a frenzy outside, and I’d witnessed some big ones over the years. Because I’d been focusing so hard on keeping Kayla and me alive, I only just thought; Jude was still at work, unless he’d been sent home early.

I pulled away from Mrs Shaw’s hug and rummaged in my purse for my phone. “Need to call Jude,” I mumbled as the shivers took a hold of my body, making me shake. I must have been in shock from the speed everything had happened. It seemed like a second ago Kayla and I were laughing and modelling. Now we were back at her place, drenched, and my brain hadn’t caught up yet.

Mrs Shaw nodded. “I’ll go get some towels and find you something to wear so I can put your clothes in the dryer.”

She put her arm around Kayla’s shoulders and led her upstairs while I hit speed dial one. Glad to hear the phone lines hadn’t gone down yet, I waited for Jude to pick up. Hoped he would pick up.

“Hey, Bree. I’ve just got home. Where are you?”

A sigh of relief left my body. “I’m at Jesse’s. We just got back, too. It’s scary outside.”

“It sure is. The weather reports say it’s only going to get worse. Richard called off training about an hour ago and most of us left right away.”

My stomach lurched. My friends. What about my friends? Another gust of wind forced the rain to crash against the window, a huge boom of thunder followed, making my trembling violent enough that I had to grip the phone harder.

“Jude,” I said, my voice breathless. “Is everyone else okay?”

“Yeah, I think so. A bunch of us left for home but some of the guys decided to stay at the training ground to wait the storm out. There’s plenty of food there, and things to do to keep them entertained.”

“Who came home?” I asked, panicked. “Freya and Will? Radleigh? Miguel? Bryce? Do you know where Leah is?”

“Calm down, honey. Freya went home, andWill had the day off to go see his mom, remember?”

Ah, right. Will’s mom had had minor surgery, and he’d taken a couple days off to spend time with her, so he was probably safe at her place.

“Sure,” I said. “What about everyone else?”

“Radleigh went home to be with Leah because she hates storms, and Miguel and Bryce stayed at work. I want you to stay where you are, okay? I don’t want you driving home until everything has calmed down.”

I nodded as if he could see me. Staying at Jesse’s would be no problem. As long as his parents didn’t mind. Once I got out of my wet clothes, spending the rest of the day/evening with them would actually be kind of fun. It would sure give me time to get my speeding pulse under control.

“Bree?”

“Yes,” I said quickly. “I’ll stay here.”

“Good. I’ll try to call you later but I’m pretty sure the phone lines will go down sometime before this is over. Stay where you are until it’s calmer outside.”

“Okay. You’re staying in now, too, right?”

“Of course. I’m gonna go down to the gym and workout for a while to make up for the exercise I missed during training.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll talk to you later.”

“I love you.”

“You too.”

I hung up before giving myself a chance to feel guilty for not actually telling him I loved him. The storm didn’t take away how totally confused I was about everything, or how angry he’d made me over the past few weeks. Perhaps some real time away from him would help me put things in to perspective.

Before I relaxed, I had to call Leah and Freya to make sure they were safe, and that Radleigh had gotten home. Thankfully, Radleigh had arrived at the house a few minutes ago, and Freya said Will was on his way home from his mom’s, and searching for a place to stop and wait until the worst had passed.

A little over an hour later I’d showered, and my clothes had been washed, dried and returned to me. Is there anything better than clothes fresh out of the dryer? Especially when it’s dark and creepy outside. Actually, everything about Jesse’s home was warm and comforting. His parents were super cute together, all hand holding and private jokes. They reminded me of Freya and Will, and how they would probably be in twenty years’ time. I tried not to compare my relationship with Jude but I couldn’t help myself. We used to be that way. When I thought of him I still got butterflies but they were quickly followed by disappointment and hurt.  Jude’s face faded out of my image of
us
in the kitchen, and Jesse replaced him. More butterflies. Huge butterflies. I forced myself to snap out of my trance because thinking of him that way while he sat across from me at the table was pretty awkward. I watched as he ate the chicken noodle soup he’d made – which was totally delicious, by the way – and tried to keep up with the conversations happening around me.

When we’d finished eating, Kayla said she wanted to go finish the book she was reading, so Jesse and I went up to his room, where I’d spent so much time over the last few weeks.

Perched on his bed, for the first time I felt sort of… uncomfortable. My stupid, confusing thoughts about him made me super aware of everything. Did my hair look okay? Probably not since I’d had to blow dry it and then scrunch it back with a hair tie because I didn’t have my straighteners with me. If I sat with my feet up on the bed, would I seem too over-familiar?

Sheesh. I always sat with my feet up on the bed. Sometimes I even sprawled myself out while we chatted because he made me so damn comfortable. Not now, though.

Was he really that hot when I first met him? Or did he seem hotter now because I’d only recently opened my eyes to it? To him. His blond hair was shorter than when I first met him, more cropped, and his eyes… green, sparkling.

It wasn’t only about the way he looked. It was everything.

“Are you okay?”

I blinked at the sound of Jesse’s voice, bringing myself back to the moment instead of daydreaming.

“Yeah. I’m okay. I think I’m still recovering from the journey home. I’ve never driven in weather like that before.”

We both threw our glances to the window. No change. If anything the sky had gotten even darker, the cracks of thunder were louder and the lightning flashes were brighter. When Jesse turned back at me his face had grown serious.

“Bree, is everything cool between you and Jude?”

Crap. He knows. He’s figured me out.

“Bree?”

“Yes. Everything’s cool. Cool, cool, cool.”

I’m such a loser.

The faintest smile graced Jesse’s lips before fading again. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell. After tapping a few buttons, he handed it to me.

Jesse, I think u should know. I talked 2 Bree, we went 2 Genies & she told me she doesn’t want 2 b with Jude anymore. She said she’s in love with u and she wants to break u and ur girlfriend up. I thought I should warn u.

My throat closed over, my mouth opening and closing unattractively as I tried to locate some words to explain.

“How much of that is true?”

“Jesse-”

“Bree.”

I tugged at the end of my ponytail, desperately trying to figure out where to start. Everyone was right. I was dumb and naïve and way too trusting. Even though I didn’t really trust
her
. I just couldn’t stop my mouth vomiting out the words. Like always, Taylor had twisted them, making them into something more than they were.

“This isn’t… this wasn’t supposed to happen.”

His eyes burned through me, not in an angry way, more like a totally confused way. The strength of his stare made my stomach tighten.

“I saw her. We did go to Genie’s. The rest is…”

Unable to figure out what I wanted to say, I bent forward, placing my head in my hands.

“Why were you with her?”

“Fight with Jude,” I mumbled, wishing I could melt away into nothingness to end my humiliation. “Taylor was… there.”

“What else is new? She’s always there.”

My head snapped up. “Has she been here?”

Jesse nodded. “I’ve seen her outside the house once or twice. I don’t care about that, though. I care about you.”

Why wouldn’t Taylor leave us all alone? Why did she call Kayla, and follow me, and hang around outside Jesse’s house? How could she seem so cool one minute then stab me in the back the next?

“Jesse, what she said… it’s not true. I mean, you gotta know I would never try to break up a relationship. I know you love Isabelle.”

“Relax, Bree. I do know that. I’m more worried about you and Jude. You told me things weren’t so great between you. I didn’t realise they were so bad you had to turn to Taylor.”

“I didn’t turn to her. Not deliberately, anyway. You know how I am. When I need to talk-”

“You need to talk,” he finished, and his lips turned up into a full smile.

My chest ached because right then, when he was so in sync with me and my thoughts, I felt more for him than I ever intended. It had grown slowly, and it wasn’t love but if things were different. Maybe.

A tear dripped down my cheek, splashing down onto my jeans.

Oh great.

“I’m so dumb.” More tears rained down my cheeks. “I should have stayed away from her. I should have listened to the voice inside me telling me to shut up as soon as I opened my mouth in front of her. Sometimes I… I don’t know where I fit. I love Leah and Freya like sisters but I don’t want to bug Leah while she’s settling in with Radleigh, and now she’s pregnant. She doesn’t need to deal with my drama. And Freya is so happy with Will, I feel like I’ll drag her down if I talk to her. And also, even though they’re not that much older than me, sometimes I feel so naïve. Leah has been through so much in her life, and-”

“So have you. You’ve experienced a lot of stuff most people don’t.”

“And I’m still dumb.”

Jesse put his finger under my chin and tilted my face up. “You’re not dumb or naïve, sunshine. You’re sweet. You’re one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met and Jude’s lucky to have you.”

My insides shrivelled a little more at his words. “Taylor wasn’t lying about everything, Jesse.”

A wrinkle creased his forehead. “What do you mean?”

The sounds of the rain and the thunder faded away. My heartbeat was all I heard. Breathing shallow, thoughts jumbled, I didn’t know what to say next.

I leaned in towards him but before my lips touched his, he moved back. I halted, too freaked out to move.

Did I really do that?
From the way I was still leaning forward, eyes closed like a desperate kid waiting for a kiss during a game of Spin The Bottle, the answer was obviously yes.

“Oh God.” I opened my eyes and backed away.

The wide-eyed shock on his face sent blood racing through my veins until I got dizzy. How could I be so stupid? What the hell did I think would happen? I was a married woman, and he loved his English girl.

I practically fell backwards off the bed in my hurry to get away from him. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled, trying to find my footing and crashing into his bookshelf in the process. My elbow bumped right into the wooden corner, bringing tears of a different kind to my eyes.

Jesse straightened up, panicked. “Bree, wait.”

“No, I gotta go.”

“You can’t go out in the storm, it’s too dangerous.” He reached out to me. “Please. Sit down and talk to me.”

Crap. The weather. I couldn’t stay after what I tried to do. I mean, I practically pounced on him in his own bedroom after his family had kindly let me stay at their house until the storm blew over.

“No, I can’t stay. I’m sorry.”

I ran out of Jesse’s room even though I heard him calling me back. I sped down the stairs, quickly slipping into my shoes, and grabbing my coat without putting it on.

The rain and wind hit me hard, pushing me back against the Shaw’s front door and reminding me why I was supposed to stay inside. How could I go back, though?

I pushed against the wind, stumbling a few times, and jumping at every lightning flash until I got to the car and shut myself inside, soaked to the skin.

Can I stay here? Right here in the car where it’s warm, without having to drive anywhere?

Rolling my still crying eyes, I let out a huge sigh. Lurking made me as bad as Taylor.