Siege Of the Heart (29 page)

Her breath caught in her throat as he surrounded her with his warm body. Why was this so important? He had what he wanted. She tried to pull away, but he held her fast.

“Isabel, please...”

The candlelight illuminated the earnestness etched into Alex’s face, and her resolve faltered. She could not bear to be cast aside if he tired of her or relegated her to the solar to care for their children. She thought he saw more in her, but after hearing Hugh dismiss her abilities so easily…

“What is to become of me after tonight?” She barely recognized her voice.

“What do you mean? I will ensure William has no more duties for me here, and we shall return to Ashdown.”

“But you are the legal authority there now. You do not need me at all. Tonight is just an exercise in vanity.”

“Is that what this is about? You are worried I am going to use you and then cast you aside? You know I would never…” He stopped, watching her a moment. “Perhaps you really do not know. Perhaps I have not made it clear,” he said with a hand on her cheek. “You are a part of my life now. Not only am I honor-bound to protect and care for you, but I also need your expertise and your experience managing your father’s lands. And I need you to help me earn your people’s respect. That way your lands, our lands, will continue to prosper.” He paused, his gaze searching. “I also desire you, in a way I have desired no other woman. Surely you know that much.”

He had not said the one thing she was afraid to acknowledge, even to herself. Could he come to love her? He needed her, that much was clear. He desired her, but what of love? She was too unsure of her feelings in that realm to fault him for not mentioning it. Such sentiments would only distort the reality of the situation, sentiments that could never be proven. A stray tear slipped down her cheek.

Alex wiped it away, his touch lingering. “Isabel, talk to me.”

“I know not who I am anymore.”

“You are still Isabel Dumont, which will mean more to your people than your marriage to me. But you are also my wife, who will share in my fortunes equally. Will you do that?”

She nodded. Again, she was surprised by the esteem he placed in her abilities. He knew if he were to succeed in Ashdown without resorting to violence, he would need her full support. This gave her some degree of power over him, but she was not sure how to wield it, let alone when she would have an occasion to do so. He would be the undisputed man of the house, a lord of the realm, but she would be at his side, which afforded her opportunities for involvement that would threaten lesser men. He would share as much as the dictates of society would allow him to, and she would have to take comfort in that. And she did.

Alex’s arms tightened around her. “Will you also allow yourself to trust me?”

“Yes.” The word slipped out before she had a chance to think of the repercussions. But it was the truth, and she had nothing to gain by denying it any longer.

The tension seemed to leave his body as he gathered her close and pressed their foreheads together. “Isabel…” he whispered, as if that summed up everything. He cupped her cheek and tipped her mouth to his, blotting away their words with a kiss. She could not reject the sensations he awakened in her anymore.

He explored her body with his calloused hands. She discovered how they felt through the sheer fabric of her gown. Warm, teasing, a touch she had not known she craved until now.

He trailed his hands down her sides. The heat radiated from his fingers and fed into the quickening sparks of hunger deep inside. He pulled her closer, holding her hips against his, and nuzzled her neck, sending waves of pleasure through her. Isabel clung to him for support as he caressed the tops of her thighs through the fabric. He skimmed his fingers across the silky skin of her legs, the touch penetrating her to the bone.

Breathing was harder now. Isabel was not sure what to do. She only knew she wanted Alex to kiss her again. She reached up, tangled her hands in his hair and urged his lips to hers. He groaned. His demanding mouth soon had her awash in rioting intensity as their tongues coiled together.

Alex grew more daring as he slipped his hands underneath her gown and caressed her femininity. Isabel gasped at the intrusion, her hips involuntarily backing away. He stilled but kept her close. His gaze bored into hers, eyes filled with promise. Slowly, he teased the silken curls at the juncture of her thighs. The sensations—wonder and surprise mediated by the newfound pleasure—overwhelmed her. He bit back a sigh as he slid a finger inside her.

As he continued his exploration, soft little cries she had never made before escaped from the back of her throat. He kissed her again, this time teasing the sensitive skin of her face and neck. She arched against him as unexpected yearnings seized her.

The need was blinding.

She needed to move. She needed to do something. She slipped her hands underneath Alex’s sherte, reveling in his smooth muscles and the ever-present heat radiating from him. As her hand brushed over one of his nipples, he froze. With a groan, he slipped his hand out from under her gown and removed his sherte in one quick movement. He grabbed Isabel again and reached for her breasts. She shivered as he plucked at each in turn. Then he covered them with his mouth, teased the rigid peaks into aching points through the sheer fabric.

Too much. She clutched at Alex, fumbling with the ties to his braies. He helped her, and in moments, stepped out of the last of his clothes. She barely had a chance to take him in before he grabbed her wrist and placed her hand against his engorged length. His gaze pleaded with her to touch him, and she complied, tentatively stroking his velvety hardness. She marveled as his heat melded with that of her hand.

Just as she found the tip, he roughly set her away from him.

Isabel froze as Alex marshaled control over himself. Then he was pulling her close, grasping her buttocks and holding her against his hard body. Her breath caught as she felt him press against her, seeking to slip between her thighs, his warmth pooling with hers. He yanked at the gown and soon had it off her. The silk whispered as it slipped to the floor. His hands were everywhere at once, drinking in the nakedness she was far too aroused to hide from his gaze.

Alex picked her up and carried her to the bed. He looked down at her for a long moment as she lay against the coverlet, vibrating with need in the candlelight. He enveloped her body with his, gently nudging her legs apart to accommodate him. “You know what to expect?” he asked.

His voice was so distorted by desire, Isabel barely understood the question. She nodded, but not before the first glimmer of real fear seized her. It was too late. Alex plunged into her, leaving her breathless and gasping at the sharp loss of her maidenhood.

Other sensations soon eclipsed the pain as Alex moved inside her. She arched her hips to meet his and felt him sheath himself deeply within her. Never had she expected… She was filled with wonder at this man and his ability to make her feel.

Thrust after thrust, her body ached for release, the tension tangible. Soon she was lost in the moment, bucking out of control, soaking up all he would give her. With a hoarse cry, Alex emptied himself into her exhausted flesh.

Isabel stared up at the wooden beams crossing the ceiling. She felt so much. The echoes of her release still haunted her body. The physical intensity left its mark on her, and in its wake she felt the overwhelming urge to cry.

Alex watched on as her silent tears fell, gathering in her hair as they slid down the sides of her face. “Isabel, I am sorry I was so rough with you.” He smoothed her cheek. “A woman’s first time…”

She shook her head, stopping the rest of his words. “
Non
. I just did not realize…” She lifted her shoulder.

“What? What did you not realize?”

“Just that there would be so much feeling. It surprised me.” Everything had changed, and she felt foolish trying to absorb the newness of the situation with Alex examining her every word and action. “I am not myself, forgive me.”

She wanted nothing more than to burrow down in the blankets, but Alex prevented her. He leaned over her, his breath tickling her collarbone. “Do not hide from me, Isabel. Tell me where your thoughts go.”

She looked up and met his earnest blue gaze. “What do you want me to say?”

Alex ran a hand through his hair. “I know not. I just want to know what you are thinking.”

Isabel sighed. “You have destroyed my independence,” she said softly “And I cannot decide whether or not that is a good thing.”

“Isabel, the only thing I took from you tonight was your virginity. Whatever independence you had before marrying was illusory, my dear. As a woman, you would have been subject to your father or brother, had things turned out differently.”

“But now my life is dependent on yours, and that dependence makes me weak,” she said, her voice catching.

“You must not look on it as weakness. Together, we can be so much more than if we were to continue living separate lives.”

Her throat tightened. If she did not speak her mind, she would forever regret the lost opportunity. It was too easy to remain silent and forget her own dreams. To meekly subsume herself into her new role as Alex’s wife, and she realized that was precisely what was upsetting her. “I will not let you make me forget who I am, what I want from life,” she said fiercely. “I am my own person…”

She took a breath, and in that moment she knew what the real danger was in her relationship with Alex. It was nothing he deliberately did to her, it was just the very fact he was a man and now a part of her life. He would eclipse her. Mayhap not now, but eventually she would only exist through him. And the thought terrified her. “I am losing myself in you.”

“Isabel, I was lost the day I met you. I just did not know how much.”

She watched him for a moment, trying to gauge his sincerity. Their intimacy was still so new. Perhaps they would be able to navigate the changes their relationship created together. She wanted to think so.

Alex pulled her against his chest. He held her close, his strength fortifying her. “There is so much I need to learn.” His reverent tone was a caress to her body, which already prepared itself for sleep.

She forced back a yawn. “You know I will teach you all I know about my lands and people.”

“No, teach me about you.”

19

Two days passed before Alex made his excuses to William. They set out for Ashdown early on the third day. After the cloying conditions of London, the wooded roads invigorated Isabel. She breathed deeply, and instead of smoke and too many bodies, only smelled horse and fresh air.

They were finally going home.

As far as she was concerned, they had already wasted precious time in London, when it could have been better spent acquainting her people with Alex as their new overlord. Although no longer upset over Alex’s deception, she still regretted the fact she had not been able to inform her people of the match and spare them the worry.

She stretched out her neck, surprised by the exhaustion still clinging to her. Everything she feared had come to pass. She was married, and, although the man in question was Alex, she still felt he was in many ways a stranger to her. Would he change overnight and turn into the brutish soldier of fortune she had been convinced she could not escape? Alex rode ahead, in conversation with Jerome and Captain Thomas. His laughter floated back to her and dispelled the chill in the air. She did not think so. Alex was kind and noble in his treatment of her, and she could not stop her cheeks from warming when she thought of the few moments they spent alone.

During their final days in London, he had been too busy to fully enjoy their marital bed. He had been up before she woke, only to return late in the evening from all the meetings he had to attend. They found time for only one more coupling beyond the first, but the ecstasy she had felt in his arms went beyond all her expectations. Words such as burden or duty she had heard from other women over the years were not accurate descriptions at all. She was learning his body, what made him smile, and coming to enjoy his company. Indeed, she was almost happy, but that seemed dishonest to acknowledge since too many men had died to precipitate such a future for her.

Before they left London, Isabel and Captain Thomas had made a second attempt to locate more of her father’s men and reports of Julien, but to no avail. She forced back the disappointment with the knowledge the best thing she could do now was remember her brother and her father’s men as they had lived.

When Alex rejoined her, he seemed to sense her preoccupation, but he did not press her. They rode in a comfortable sort of silence for much of the day. As the afternoon hours wore on, it became clear they would not reach a public house before nightfall, having already passed suitable stopping points earlier in the day. They made camp in a clearing well off the main road. Isabel dismounted, eager to stretch her legs. Some of the men were charged with setting up sleeping tents, while the others started a fire. It was not long before the group gathered around the fire to enjoy a hearty stew Averill had prepared, thanks to William’s stores from London.