Silencing Joy (3 page)

“
You fucking do it!”

The fresh piece of duct tape is ripped away, but she
is still left blind. The cloth on her eyes does not move.

“
You thirsty?”

Kara nods her head yes. A small piece of plastic is
put against her lips, and she realizes it is a water bottle. The
faceless person tips it, and cool water flows between her lips into
her mouth and down her throat. Just that small bit of water
rejuvenates her and brings back some semblance of clarity.

Images of being accosted, bound, and gagged flutter
through her mind, turning the welcome water into ash on her
tongue.

Heavy boots sound against cement. The owner walks as
if their steps are bursting with malice and a false sense of power.
Kara’s body and mind are unconnected and distant, coming to terms
with her kidnapping.

“
Why her?” a voice asks.

“
Because I can!” a deep, angry one answers. The
ruthlessness and inflection causes a nasty cringe through
Kara...Tommy!

Kara blinks away the fog that comes when she opens
her eyes. Her mind registers that she’s no longer blindfolded. She
shifts and tugs against her restraints automatically. She tries to
get a grip on reality, if only just to figure out what day it is.
Her mind is telling her it’s been two days; her body is telling her
it’s been a lifetime.

Going back into my apartment alone was eerie.
I had never even come close to that feeling of aloneness and
vulnerability in my life. Even in high school when my best friend
at the time, Kristin, told me that everyone hated me. She said that
people were putting on a show to be nice to me, but really they
were snickering behind my back. I believed her. I really thought,
why would my best friend make this up?
I felt betrayed and
defeated.

Trusting people was hard back then. I
withdrew from everyone. I couldn’t even tell my parents. They would
never understand. Their solution would be to bake brownies and pass
them out. It was then that I started watching life through the lens
of a camera.

One day, I finally confided in a somewhat
acquaintance at the time, Jen. We were in a couple of classes
together, so we had talked here and there. She cornered me at my
locker one day and asked why I was so sad all the time. I said to
myself
Whatever, I might as well tell her. Everyone is already
talking about me.
I explained the situation.

Jen looked at me perplexed, blinked a few
times. Then she turned to me with the most assured expression and
said,
“Kristin is a bitch. She has been jealous of you for
years. You are just too nice to even notice it. Forget her.”
And with that declaration, Jen and I have been best friends ever
since. We even had the same interest in the arts. She was in to
drawing and sculpture. The fact that I was in to photography made
it a perfect match for us to apply to RISD. After that, we scored
these great studio apartments in converted Brownstones
downtown.

The apartment seemed cold as I walk in. I
looked at the thermostat on the wall, but it was set to 68 degrees,
like always. I shrugged and went towards my bedroom. A breeze
washed over me. The window was open. Confused, I slowly inched over
to it. Outside was a fire escape. I froze as it dawned on me.
Someone is trying to get in...or did get in!
I swung around
where I stood. Standing next to the doorway was a man. I took a
breath to scream, but, in two strides he was at me, reaching for
me. He covered my scream with his hand. I tried desperately to back
up, but he had me. One hand covered my mouth and the other hand
enveloped my waist.
Restrained again in less than 24 hours!
I noticed he was talking, soothingly, mere inches from my face. It
took a minute for me to focus.

“Stop...I’m not going to hurt you.” He shook
me gently to get my attention. “I came to see if you were okay.” He
paused. “I’m sorry about last night.”

Tears spilled from my eyes as I nodded my
head, attempting to get him to understand that I was saying
Okay
. I really wasn’t okay, though. I wanted him to let go
of me, but I thought the best way was to submit.

He relaxed his grip slightly, just enough for
me to pull away and run towards the door. In hindsight, I was
closer to the window. I should have run on to the fire escape
screaming. I didn’t get a foot away from him before he grabbed me
again, this time from behind. I jabbed my elbow into his ribs. He
lets out an
OAF!

Recovering quickly he said, “I guess this is
going to take a little convincing. I know you’re scared. I just
wanted to check on you and give you your phone back.”

I lowered my eyes to the bed and, lo and
behold, there was my phone resting on crumpled blankets. He must
have felt me relax because he said, “I’m going to let go now.
Please don’t run.”

The guy slowly let go. I did as he asked for
two reasons: One, I knew now that he was fast, and I would not get
too far. Two, why did he return my phone? I stepped back, turned,
and planted my eyes directly at his face, a lame attempt at
steeling any bravery I had. It was Derek, the guy who came to my
rescue under the bleachers. My heart rate slowed a bit.

“Why?” I asked.

“I knew you were really scared last night. I
couldn’t get away from them to come and find you afterwards. Tommy
threw your phone in a pile of junk at the garage where we stay. I
fished it out this morning.”

“How did you find me?” I asked, voice
cracking.
So much for bravery.
My voice sounded like I was a
2-year-old.

“Come on, why don’t you sit down?” He could
tell I was wavering and very shaky. I picked up the phone and sat
on the edge of the bed with it in my quivering hands. I focused on
the floor. I couldn’t face him when he started speaking again.
“Actually, it was too easy. I used your phone to get on your cell
account. All of your information comes up with the billing
address.” He looked around the room. “Do you go to college
here?”

Derek walked over to the walls where I had
some of my favorite pictures hanging.

“Did you take these?”

He pointed to the one of a quarterback from
Pittsfield a year ago. In it, the quarterback was jumping with a
fist pump in the air, and the rest of the background was muted and
blurry. The quarterback was the only clear image in the picture. It
was one of my favorites. It appeared as if the player was going to
rocket into the sky, he was so happy.

“Yeah. I took them.”

“Wow, you’re really good,” he says, smiling
at me. As the fear subsided, anger started to set in.

“What are you doing here, besides breaking
and entering, not to mention assault?” I tossed my phone back on
the bed.

An amused expression formed on his face and
he shoved his hands in the front pockets of his jeans, “I didn’t
assault you. I just restrained you until you turned off your
‘flight’ response.”

“My what?” Now, I was really getting
angry.

“You know. ‘Fight or flight’ response. When
someone is in a dangerous situation, two things can happen. They
can fight or their body tells them to run...flight.”

I stood up right in front of him, planting my
feet.

“How about this!? Get the hell out of my
apartment and don’t come back!”

As the words with all of their fury flew out
of my mouth, my hand came up. I slapped him hard across the face,
so hard that his head whipped to the side.
I can’t believe that
I hit him!
A red welt formed on his face. I didn’t feel bad
that I did it, I just felt surprised at my own bravery.

“Get out,” I say again, as I back into the
living room area.

He yelled back to me, “That would be ‘fight’
response.”

I turned and ran out the door, up the stairs
to Jen’s apartment. Either Jen heard me coming or had a “sixth
sense” because she opened her door as I raised my hand to knock.
She ushered me inside.

Kara:

“
Get up!” Tommy says, tearing off the duct tape on
Kara’s mouth savagely.

A guy leans down, untying her feet from the legs of
the chair. He looks up at her, and Kara recognizes him as someone
from her science class. He steps behind her and unties the rope on
her hands.

“
Get up!” Tommy barks again, making Kara flinch.
She stands with effort, her limbs betraying her because of their
immobility for so long.

Kara walks stiffly to the bathroom. Slowly, feeling
returns to her extremities.

“
Keep walking,” Tommy gruffly chastises from
behind her

“
I’ll take her,” science-class-kid says.

Kara gazes back over her shoulder, and a jolt of pain
shoots through her neck. Her joints are taut. Science-class-guy has
a twinge of pity in his eyes, and Kara wishes she could remember
his name.

She shuffles to the dirty bathroom and shudders at
the dried urine stains and dirt crusted along the floor and toilet
bowls. The smell is overpowering. Kara jabs her index finger up to
her nose to block the offensive smell.

Her eyes glimpse her wrists, and she is amazed to see
them bloodied and practically skinless. Seeing her body in a
mangled state accelerates her blood and her body shakes.

“
Brian,” he says. He breaks her from her stupor
and she cast her eyes on him. “That’s my name,” he says bashfully.
“I didn’t think you remembered from class.”

Afraid to speak, Kara shakes her head slowly from
side to side, but letting him know that she really doesn’t
remember.

“
I’m really sorry about this... Umm...This never
happened before... Usually, we don’t know the girls.” Brian frowns
in thought. “It’s different.” Remorse showers his features, filling
his eyes with sadness.

“
Hurry up!” a voice calls from the
doorway.

Both Kara and Brian turn to see a guy leaning against
the door jam in a relaxed pose. His body language exudes the exact
opposite. He’s nervous. A telltale tick plays with his left eye in
an uncontrollable wink.

“
Shut up, Mouse!” Brian yells back angrily. What a
fitting name, Kara thinks. “She’ll be out in a minute!”

Brian motions for her to do her business. Kara
complies. She drags her feet over to the row of sinks and picks the
cleanest one. She pushes the pump on the archaic soap dispenser and
nothing comes out.

“
Try this one,” Brian suggests directing her to
the next one. Kara manages to get some soap and turns on the water.
She yelps immediately as the water hits her wrists. Blood pools in
the sink bowl, and she can’t control the tears that come with the
pain. “Shit...” Brian curses. He grabs a bunch of paper towels and
gently dabs her sores.

“
What the fuck are you doing?” Mouse scolds
cruelly.

“
Get the hell out of here, will ya?” Brian retorts
forcefully.

Kara watches as Mouse’s tick accelerates, and he
finally decides to walk away. Brian is very gentle as he tends to
her wounds.

“
Let’s take some of these paper towels with us.
I’m gonna wrap your wrists before I bind them. I’ll use duct tape
this time. It causes less friction.” Brian’s voice is soothing, but
the words are maniacal. Kara appreciates that he is trying to be
helpful, but the twisted and surreal circumstance cancels it
out.

For the next couple of days, I went about my
business monotonously and cried myself to sleep every night.
Nightmares, with Tommy in the starring role, began to plague my
dreams. I felt broken.

Jen and I checked my apartment a couple of
hours after Derek broke in. He was gone. I shut the window, locked
it, and grabbed what I needed for a night or so. I stayed on Jen’s
couch. She insisted, and I didn’t argue. But I couldn’t hide out in
her apartment forever. So, on Tuesday, I believed I was ready to
start sleeping at my place again.

Jen and I went to the store and bought two
baseball bats. I kept one by the door and one near my bed. That
brought me a little peace, even though I was sure these guys were
quite capable of overpowering me.

After attending a lecture about perspective
in art, Jen came over. I didn’t go. I couldn’t concentrate at all
in class. Images and thoughts of Saturday night churned obsessively
in my mind.

The two of us gorged ourselves on chocolate
ice cream. We sat together waiting for our favorite talk show to
come on.

“I think we should take self-defense
lessons,” Jen blurted out during a commercial. “It is a good way to
work-out and get into shape.” What she really meant was that she
didn’t want me spending my life worrying about being attacked
again. It was obvious that I was reverting back to a withdrawn
state like I was in high school.

“I think it’s a great idea. Especially, if it
will get me into shape,” I agree.

Jen smiles at me.

“We can go see some places tomorrow. I was
thinking about something else, too...” I added. Jen raised her
eyebrows at me.

“And?” she asks quizzically.

“I have been thinking that I should go check
on Will. It has been a couple of days. I want to make sure he’s
okay.”

“
Beaten-up-druggie-guy
?” Jen strung
the words out together like that was his name. “Are you serious?
He’s bad news Joy.” Her inflection was sharp. She put her ice cream
down on the coffee table. “It’s honorable that you want to go make
sure he is okay, but, and this is a severe ‘but,’ he was beaten
for a reason
. He is hanging with a tough crowd. He’s
probably a criminal. I bet he has some sort of record.”

Jen pleaded her case and used hand gestures
to send her point home. Yes, Jen did have a point, but, I really
wanted to talk to him.