Silencing Joy (7 page)

When I was a kid, my parents used to rent a
place like this in New Hampshire. A slight twinge of nostalgia
rippled through me as I thought of the times my Dad tried to teach
me to swim. Every time we went to the lake, he would throw me in
and tell me to kick my feet and swish my arms, but I never could
learn. I just didn’t have the coordination. After every trip, my
Dad would say on the drive home, ‘
Next year, Joy. Next year is
your year.’

Will and I got out of the car. It felt a lot
warmer than it was a couple of hours ago. He lifted my bag out of
the backseat, and we walked towards the house.

“Can I call my parents now?” I asked him.

“Sure, let’s get settled in,” he said.

The cabin was spacious and open. There was a
stainless steel kitchen to the left and a catwalk above with metal
railings. On the back wall was a huge fieldstone fireplace. I ached
to take some pictures. The place was spectacular. Will walked
around checking the windows, then carried my stuff upstairs.

“I’m gonna put this in one of the bedrooms.
Here’s my cell. Don’t tell them where you are.”

As Will went upstairs, I dialed my parents,
calling the house in Michigan first. No answer. Then I tried their
condo in Florida. No answer. Only my Dad had a cell phone, so I
tried that and got his voicemail.

“Hi, Dad. It’s Joy. I just wanted to touch
base with you guys. I’ll try you again later. Love you. Bye.” I
called upstairs to Will, and he appears on the catwalk. “I can’t
get them. I’m going to try Jen.”

I heard his footsteps descend the stairs as I
dialed Jen’s number.

“I’m going to check around outside,” Will
called over his shoulder.

I paced the kitchen as I listened to Jen’s
phone go to voicemail. I left her a message, too, as Will came back
in.

“No luck?” he asked.

“No. So what now?”

“How about lunch?” Will opened the kitchen
cupboards. They were stocked full of canned goods, cereals, and all
sorts of snacks. “I make a mean box of pasta.”

Will boiled pasta for lunch while I explore
my new home for an undetermined amount of time. I couldn’t even
imagine how much this place cost the government just in
maintenance.

“It’s ready!” Will called up from downstairs
after a while. I joined him at the small dinette table in the
kitchen.

“How are you feeling? You’ve been quiet,”
Will asked me between bites of spaghetti.

“I’m fine. I was just thinking about the
house my parents used to rent when I was a kid. It was just like
this one. Well, not as new or large.”

“That’s cool. Did you like going there?”

“Yes and no. My dad tried desperately to
teach me how to swim. It didn’t work too well.”

“You don’t know how to swim?” Will asked
incredulously.

“Nope. Why is that so hard to believe?”

“I was barely ever in a pool, never mind on
vacation with my parents, and somehow I learned how to swim.”

“How great for you,” I said sarcastically,
digging around in my pasta with the fork.

“That’s what we can do today. I can teach you
how to swim.” His face lit up with excitement.

“I don’t think so,” I countered.

“What? Why?” Will looked disappointed.

“Don’t you have FBI stuff to do?” I asked,
trying to get off the subject of swimming.

“Nope. Just waiting for a call that will give
us an update.”

Around Will’s brown eyes was still a
yellowish tint. His lip appeared to be back to normal. He must have
sensed me giving him a once over.

“You sizing me up? Are you questioning my
swimming skills?” he asked with a chuckle. I quickly looked down at
my pasta.

“No, I was just thinking that you were
severely beaten about a week ago. You probably shouldn’t push
yourself.”

“Are you kidding me? The water is the best
thing for me,” he laughed at me.

“What am I going to wear?” I tried again.

“There are always supplies in these safe
houses. Winter jackets, bathing suits, workout clothes. You name
it.”

“It’s freezing outside.”

“No, it’s not, and I bet the water is warmer
than the air.”

After procrastinating for nearly an hour, I
met Will at the dock down by the lake. He was already floating
lazily when I appeared in my borrowed FBI bathing suit, silently
praying that the suit had never been worn. I had my sweatshirt and
sweatpants on over it. To me, it was still chilly out.

“Come on in. The water is great,” Will said
with a watery wave of his hand.
Yuck
was the only word that
came to my mind. I slid my pants off, and goose bumps sprouted on
my legs.

I whined at Will, “It’s too cold for
this.”

“The water’s beautiful,” he said, mimicking
my whine.

I finally shrugged out of my sweatshirt and
walked to the edge of the dock to sit down. Thankfully, the suit
was a black one piece. All I needed was for a bikini to ride up on
me.

Will glided through the water over to me, and
I slipped down into it, never letting go of the dock. He reached
for my hand and tried to pull me away.

“No, no. I’m all set right here.”

“Come on,” he chuckles. “There are no sharks
in here. Well...maybe one.” He made his hand into a claw pretending
to bite me.

“Ha ha. Very funny,” I said, not the least
bit amused with his joke.

He attempted to get me away from the dock,
this time reaching for my hand that was clutching the wooden
planks. I didn’t budge.

“Wait, let’s try this.” Will turned his back
to me. “Put your hands around my neck, and I will swim you around
until you feel more comfortable.”
Hmmm,
I thought to myself.
How is squishing my wet body against his supposed to make me
feel MORE comfortable?

“I don’t think so,” I told him. Will pivoted
back around.

“What do I have to do to get you to
cooperate? You are VERY difficult, you know. I am beginning to
think you’re a hostile witness.”

“Oh, ha ha,” I deadpanned again. “The jokes
keep coming.”

As soon as the words left my mouth, Will
submerged into the dark water. I nervously looked around for him,
watching for ripples in the surface.
Nothing.
A tiny inch of
panic reverberated up my spine.

Without warning, Will sprung up in front of
me, catching me off guard. He grabbed my hand off the dock and
rocketed us away and out in to the water. I squealed in shock as I
was pinned to him. Waves of water sloshed around us as he swam on
his back. I had no choice but to cling to him.

After a minute or two, he slowed. He tilted
back up and put his arms around my waist to hold me above the
water. I automatically put my arms around his neck. The situation
had an intimate quality to it. I tried to look anywhere but at him,
which was hard considering his face was only inches from mine. The
silence between us was uncomfortable. Will broke it.

“Now, do you want to try it my way?”

Without waiting for an answer, he switched
easily from me on his front to me on his back. With forward
movements of his arms, we were gliding gently on the water.

“Watch my hands...”

That was all I remembered Will saying because
a peaceful pleasure came over me. The warm water against the
chilled air, the swishing and swaying of waves, and touching Will
combined together, converging into contentment. Looking at the
water this close up was like trying to see through a murky green
glass bottle. I tried not to worry too much about what lived in it.
I concentrated on the soothing pleasure it offered, a welcome break
that eased my tired nerves. Just for a few minutes, I was not
afraid.

Will made his way over to the dock and a
little shock of disappointment shot through me. He turned around,
holding me so I wouldn’t slip under the water.

“Are you even paying attention to me?” he
asked, holding my gaze in his.

“Sort of,” I said softly.

“I hope you pay better attention in those
photography classes of yours.” He smiled. I smiled back.

Silence again.
Awkward...

Will assessed me, as though he were trying to
see right through to my core. He glanced at my lips. At that
moment, I could see he wanted to kiss me. Even with my limited
experience, I knew that’s what he wanted.

I had never had a boyfriend. I kept to
myself, did my own thing. At least that’s what I thought I did.
Maybe, it’s how I explained to myself why I shut people out.
Wow, that’s pretty deep, Joy.

“Do you want to dry off?” he asked
quietly.

“Yeah. I’d like to take some pictures, too. I
haven’t even turned on my camera all week.”

In one swift movement, Will put his hands on
my waist and lifted me easily on to the dock. In the next second,
his was sitting next to me. We dried off with the towels Will had
brought from the cabin.

We stood and continued drying ourselves, and
I caught myself staring. I was bent over drying my legs when I
noticed Will’s toned ones. Blushing a little at my thoughts, my
eyes shifted up his body. He had lean muscles that were defined.
Below his rib cage area were large, dark bruises. Mesmerized, I
walked over to him and rubbed my hand gently over the very sore
looking spots.

“Hey,” he said. “That tickles.” Will laughed
and gently pulled my hand away. I peered up at him.

“Will. That is unbelievable. I can’t believe
I didn’t notice it earlier.”

“Maybe ‘cause you avoid looking at me,” he
countered matter-of-factly.

“What?” I asked disbelievingly. “What are you
talking about? I look at you!”

“You didn’t EVEN look at me at the hotel. You
barely let your eyes meet any part of me, including my own eyes,
while we were in the water. And you must have had the most
interesting pasta in the whole world when we ate lunch,” he rambled
on while drying his brown hair roughly with the towel.

I know I’m a little shy, but I didn’t realize
that it was so noticeable. Suddenly, I realized I had missed two
water droplets on my feet.
“See, you’re not looking at me now.” he chuckled. I forced my now
red face up to meet his eyes. He playfully got in close. “I
challenge you to a staring contest.”

“What? No, that’s stupid,” I said as I
gathered my things...not looking at him again, I might add.

“That’s because you know you’ll lose.” His
voice was challenging.

“It’s getting cold out here. I’m going in.” I
headed towards the cabin, Will right behind me.

“Why don’t we have a bet? I bet you that, if
I win, you have to learn to swim, even if it’s freezing out.”

“What do you have to do if I win?” I stopped
and crossed my arms.

“That’s easy...nothing, because I’m going to
win,” Will commented arrogantly.

“Ugh...” I swatted my hand out at him and
continued into the house.

“Okay, name your price,” he called out.

“I’ll have to think about it,” I said, not
really taking him seriously.

“Great, you have until morning.”

Changing out of the wet bathing suit felt
great. I put back on the government issued sweat suit and slipped
on my sneakers. I came down the stairs and saw Will piling up wood
by the fireplace.

“We can have a blazing fire tonight,” Will
told me as he busily organized the wood. I grabbed my camera
bag.

“Sounds good.”

“I always wanted a fireplace when I was a
kid,” he said. “Where are you going?”

“I really want to take some pictures. The
area is beautiful.”

“Stay close to the house,” he ordered.

“Got it.”

I felt invigorated after the cool swim in the
lake. I think it was the first time I’ve felt that way after
swimming. Every time I got out of the water when I was a kid with
my parents, I didn’t feel invigorated, I felt anxiety ridden. I
also felt like a failure that I hadn’t learned to swim for another
year.

The porch on the cabin was truly amazing. I
stepped back away from it into the driveway by the car. I focused
my lens on the tree-trunks supporting the porch roof. The trees
must have been enormous and old. I pulled the camera away from my
face and went back up the steps onto the porch. I moved one of the
rocking chairs and angled it just right for the perfect shot, then
went back to my position by the car and snapped a few pictures.

The sun glistening on the surface of the lake
caught my eye, and my feet automatically moved towards it. I didn’t
go towards the docks where we swam this time.
Or I should say
where Will swam and carried me.
I headed for a small area lined
with tall grass that didn’t show the effects of autumn yet. I lay
down in it and propped up my elbows. The sun began to cast an
enchanting glow across the water. I had to capture it with my
camera. The thick pieces of grass were tall and surrounded me. For
a brief moment, I was taken back to the nightmare that I had, but I
pushed it away and readied my camera.

With my camera’s capabilities, I was able to
blur the vivid grass in front of me and focus on the shining lake.
When I would get in this
zone
of picture taking, the beauty
of the world never ceased to amaze me. Its sharp lines, crisp
colors, and undying changes made it better and better. That’s why I
always found it so important to create
stills
like this.
This kind of beauty would end with nightfall, and a new one would
slip in.

After dinner, Will loaded up the fireplace
with scraps of paper and thin sticks. I sat on the couch to watch.
He grabbed a few logs from the pile that he had neatly stacked
earlier and placed them on top. In his hand, he had not matches,
but a long lighter. He pulled the trigger on it and it clicked. A
small flame erupted on the end, and he held it under the paper he
had crumpled as the fire caught.

“Wow, its Grizzly Will!” I joked. He sent me
a quizzical look.