Sincerely, Carter (26 page)

“A Belgian waffle with vanilla yogurt and strawberries—with a sprinkle of chocolate chips,” Ari said.

“A waffle tower with chocolate yogurt, peanut butter, and a sprinkle of Oreo chips and candy on the side” I said, waiting for her to walk away. “For the record Ari, just so we’re clear, it was definitely fifth grade.”

“Are you really going to start an argument with me over this?” She crossed her arms. “Do you really think I’ll ever let you win this? It was fourth grade, Carter. Fourth. Grade.”

“I’ve got all night…”

Track 22. Two is Better than One (3:58)

Subject: Landed

In France. Talk to you soon.

Arizona.

PS—I have my international minutes but no adapter to charge my phone. Sigh. I’ll call you after I figure out where to buy one…

Subject: Re: Landed

Glad you had a safe flight.

Sincerely,

Carter

PS—Looking forward to talking.

She never called.

Never emailed, either.

It’d been three weeks since our last email exchange, three weeks since I last kissed her lips, and life without her at home was taking a lot more time to get used to than I’d originally anticipated. Our usual weekends together at the beach became moments alone for me to study. Our emails about the little things became nothing at all. And instead of buying her breakfast at Gayle’s all the time, I was buying it for our own waitress who, ironically, had never eaten the diner’s food.

I was waking up every morning—reaching for her, rolling over in bed at night to pull her closer, but she was never there. That ache in my chest from the day at the airport intensified each day she didn’t call, and a part of me was starting to wonder if I’d said the right thing at all…

I checked my email and physical mailbox incessantly, hoping to hear something—
anything
, and after not being able to take it anymore, I decided to pen my letter first…

Three Weeks Gone

Dear Arizona,

I haven’t heard from you since you landed, so I hope you don’t mind that I’m writing you first. I’m not sure when exactly you’ll get this, and since it’s been a while since I actually wrote one of these by hand, I’ll try to do my best…

Law school will be starting in a month, and you’ll be proud (and slightly shocked, I’m sure) to know that I completed all of the required reading and turned in all of the required reports already. Josh has yet to start reading the first book, but he’s assured me that he’ll get it done somehow…

Since you’re not here, I’ve been treating our usual waitress to Gayle’s instead. How ironic is it that she’s never eaten there/never really wanted to? She’s hooked now, though. She’s also told me that the owner is considering renovating the place to make it bigger for the onslaught of tourists. If he does, I’ll send you pictures.

Speaking of pictures, here are a few of the beach and a few of the ones we took at the marina together before you left…

Not sure what else I should say right now, but I miss you (a lot…) and hope you’ll come home for that fall break that your school gives you. I also hope you’ll respond to at least one of my emails…I’ve sent you quite a few…

Write back and tell me how everything is going with you.

Hope you’re okay.

I really do miss you…

Sincerely,

Carter

Dear Carter,

I am okay. Glad to hear you are well.

Thanks for your letter,

Arizona

Dear Arizona,

Did you seriously waste an international stamp and three weeks of shipping time to send me that short ass letter? (Also, do you still not have internet? Can you not answer emails?)

Sincerely,

Carter

Dear Carter,

I apologize for the brevity of my last letter. It wasn’t intentional, I promise. I appreciate the photos you sent (I hung them up on my wall) and I wasn’t shocked that you finished your required reading in advance at all. (You got a 180 on the LSATs…I would be more shocked if you didn’t get it done.)

I am actually quite miserable here and I think I might’ve taken that out on you a little bit, so I’m sorry. The classes here are super intense, from six in the morning until six in the evening, and after that we’re required to attend workshops that can last anywhere between four and five hours, so I usually just pass out.

I ordered a charger for my phone from amazon.com, but they sent me the wrong one by mistake. Two times in a row, so I’m hoping the correct one arrives soon.

My roommate is a jerk who barely talks to me so I’ve decided to ignore her altogether.

I don’t really have much else to say, but I promise to call you and do better with emails…

Thanks for your letter,

Arizona

Track 23. Treacherous (3:39)

I can’t do this…

I logged into my email account and saw that Carter had sent me over fifty new emails since I’d come to France. My mouse hovered over the first message—Subject: Truly Missing My Best Friend, but I couldn’t open it.

It’d been hard enough responding to that first letter of his—that generic “Let’s just act like nothing ever happened between us” bullshit, so I shut off my computer and got into bed.

My days were now a lot shorter without talking to him, a lot less memorable and trivial, too. But I couldn’t sacrifice my heartache in exchange for empty conversations between us. Not now.