Sinful (11 page)

Except, by the time the colt was full grown, there would be no herd. These horses were all destined to be tamed and sold as saddle horses. If the colt had been born into a wild herd, it would eventually have fought another stallion for the right to become patriarch. But as far as most folks were concerned, there was no reason to keep him as a stud when all he could pass along were mustang genes.

Before her father had given away his ranch, Eve had imagined her small herd of mustangs roaming free forever. But their lives were going to change, just as hers was changing.

Living with Connor, loving Connor, was a dream
come true—except for the part where he didn’t love her back. Eve didn’t know if there was a way to make someone fall in love with you. All she could do was be the best wife and mother she could be and hope love would grow. There was a great deal of risk in laying her heart on the line. But if she wanted the gold ring, she had to reach out and grab for it.

Eve waited for Connor to mount up. Once he was on his horse, she met his gaze and said, “If we’re going to get married, I think we should do it tomorrow.”

E
VE RODE THE
whole way back to Safe Haven with her heart in her throat, wondering what Connor thought of her suggestion, wondering if she’d made a mistake. There had been no opportunity for him to respond during the trip home, because Frank had joined them in Connor’s pickup. Eve had trouble concentrating on Frank’s ideas for the best way to involve the vets with taming her mustangs, because every molecule in her body was on tenterhooks awaiting Connor’s answer.

As they unloaded the last of the mustangs at Safe Haven, Eve kept glancing at Connor, trying to get a sense of what he was feeling, but he never once looked at her. She felt her stomach clench as the moment approached when they would be alone again. She wondered why it mattered so much to her whether they started their marriage now or six weeks from now. It didn’t take much soul-searching to find the answer.

That brief moment of closeness at Kingdom Come, when Connor had offered support and solace, had shown her what she’d been missing all these years. It seemed like forever that she’d wanted to be Connor’s
wife. Now that the way was open for them to marry, what was the point of waiting even one day longer?

The sooner they were husband and wife, the sooner Connor could start falling in love with her. Even more than the joining of their bodies, she craved Connor’s love. Eve wanted to see the glow in his eyes when he looked at her that she’d seen when he looked at Molly. Most of all, she wanted the freedom, at long last, to express her love for him.

“Thanks for your help, Frank,” she said. “Connor and I couldn’t have done it without you and your friends.”

“There they go,” Connor called out as he put a booted foot on the lowest wooden rail of the pasture gate at Safe Haven and leaned his arms on the top rail. Eve stepped onto the lowest rail beside him, steadying herself with her hands on the top rail, close enough to touch but not actually touching, and watched the last of her mustangs trot off, their tails to the wintry wind.

“I’ll start working with that pinto mare in the morning,” Frank said. “I’ll check with the men and let you know how many of them want to participate.”

“Thanks, Frank,” Eve said. “I appreciate this more than you know.”

“We’re the ones who appreciate your willingness to let us work with your mustangs.” Frank gave her a snappy salute against the brim of his Stetson. “See you later.”

“We’d better go pick up the kids,” Connor said as he slid an arm around Eve’s waist to help her down. “Aiden and Brian must be worn to the bone by now.”

Eve felt her heart beat a little harder, not just because Connor’s arm remained around her waist as
they headed back toward his pickup, but because making sure she was safely down from her perch was one more indication of how considerate and caring he was toward the woman in his life.

She glanced at Connor, looking for even a little of the anxiety she felt, but saw none. Eve wasn’t sorry she’d jumped the gun. She’d listened to her intuition all her life, and her instincts told her that getting married now was the right thing to do.

Her heart skipped a beat when Connor asked, “Do you really want to get married tomorrow?”

Eve’s reply had nothing to do with wanting to be married to the man she loved. Instead she said, “The sooner we’re married, the less chance for either of our fathers to try to stop us.”

“Is that your only reason for the rush?”

She should have known Connor wouldn’t settle for the easy answer. Did he want her feelings to be a part of the decision? She couldn’t admit to loving him. Not now. Not yet. Then she realized the perfect answer was right under her nose.

“I want to be a mother to Brooke and Sawyer. I want to be a part of what you’re doing at Safe Haven. And I want my mustangs to have a home. Those three desires aren’t going to change.”

“Do you want our families to be there?”

Eve made a face. “For a make-believe marriage?”

“It’s not make-believe, Eve. It’s convenient. It’s practical. But it’s entirely real.”

Eve could feel her pulse beating frantically in her throat.
Entirely real
. She wanted everything those words suggested. Love. Laughter. Happily ever after.

“It would be difficult under the best of circumstances
to get our families into the same room together without some kind of clash,” she said. “I would rather have just you, me, and the kids there.”

“You won’t miss having a big wedding?” he said as he opened the passenger door of his pickup and set his hand under her elbow to help her inside.

She’d never dreamed of a white wedding dress or a bouquet of white roses and baby’s breath or her sisters dressed up as bridesmaids, because by the time she was eighteen the man she loved was already married to another woman. It had never made much sense to imagine her wedding in any kind of detail when there was no groom she wanted to marry.

“I’d be happy with a simple civil ceremony,” she replied, meeting his gaze as he put the truck in gear.

“All right. We can do whatever paperwork is necessary in town this afternoon.”

Eve’s throat was swollen with emotion. It was hard to believe that by this time tomorrow she would no longer be Eve Grayhawk. She would be Eve Flynn. Mrs. Connor Flynn. As a teenager she’d written those names, embellished by flowers and hearts, in her spiral notebook over and over again. She turned to stare out the window so Connor wouldn’t see the tears brimming in her eyes and stinging her nose. How often did your dreams really come true? Eve felt a smile forming on her face and let herself feel the happiness bubbling up inside her.

The ride to the Flynn ranch seemed short, probably because her mind and heart were both racing with excitement. “Will your father be home?”

“He’s always home.”

As opposed to her father, who was almost never at home.

“What’s he going to think of this marriage?”

“It doesn’t matter what he thinks. We don’t need his permission or approval.”

“He doesn’t control your trust fund?”

“He does, but he’s never interfered with it before. I don’t see why he should start now.”

Eve wondered if Connor was being naïve. Her father was more than willing to apply financial pressure to get what he wanted. It was hard to believe Angus wouldn’t do the same.

Would he be able to talk Connor out of the marriage based on the enmity between their families? Or threaten him with financial consequences if he married a Grayhawk?

“I can’t believe he won’t have something to say about us getting married,” Eve said.

“Dad might have objections, but only because he’s worried about my happiness,” Connor said.

It was hard to imagine Angus the Ogre, as she and her sisters had often referred to him, as a loving, caring father.

“What do you mean?”

“My father is convinced that you three Brats are spoiled rotten. He wouldn’t want me to end up with a wife who isn’t responsible enough to be an equal partner.”

There was just enough truth in the accusation to make Eve defensive. “I’ve grown up a lot over the past couple of years.”

Connor laughed. “I’m not the one making those claims. It’s been a few years, but you have to admit,
that last stunt you and your sisters pulled was pretty childish.”

Eve flushed. “You Flynn boys deserved it after you Saran-wrapped Leah’s pickup in town. It took her an hour to unwrap it—at night, in below-zero weather—before she could drive home.”

Connor laughed. “You should have seen the look on Aiden’s face when he came out to the mudroom in his stocking feet the next morning to put on his boots, and they were glued to the porch. He was mad as a peeled rattler.”

Taylor had discovered that the Flynns left their boots on the screened-in back porch to keep the mud and manure out of the house, which had made the prank easy to accomplish.

The more Eve thought about it, the more she could understand at least one of Angus’s concerns. It was her own fault that she hadn’t moved away from Kingdom Come and started a life independent of her father. Inertia had kept her living at home. She’d told Connor she was a responsible adult, which was true, but she’d never been responsible for anyone but herself. Eve wasn’t lazy, but she’d never had to work really hard at anything, either. She’d been capricious as a child and a thrill-seeker as a teenager, but she’d grown up and out of the sort of behavior that had gotten her labeled as one of King’s Brats. At least, she thought she had.

But wasn’t this marriage the sort of crazy leap across a giant chasm that she and her sisters used to attempt, with calamity waiting at the bottom of the crevasse?

Eve wondered if her sudden angst about getting
married so quickly arose from the fear that she wouldn’t measure up to Molly, who’d been a great mother and a perfect wife.

“Do you have any second thoughts about getting married in such a hurry?” she asked.

Connor’s lips pressed flat for a moment, and he shook his head slightly. Eve waited for him to meet her gaze, but he kept his eyes on the road as he spoke. “In an ideal world, I’d rather spend more time getting to know you. I have an idea of who you are in my head, but that doesn’t mean it’s who you really are.” He met her gaze at last and added, “I like the woman I know. I hope that’s who you turn out to be.”

Eve remained silent, because the good friend to Molly and godmother to his children she’d let him see wasn’t the sinful woman she felt like inside. That woman had coveted Molly’s husband. That woman couldn’t help feeling guilty for the joy she expected to feel as Connor’s wife.

Eve wondered if she should confess all now. Tell the truth, and let the chips fall where they may. But she was too ashamed—and too desirous of the life that finally seemed within reach—to speak. So maybe Angus Flynn wasn’t so wrong to worry that one of King’s Brats might not be such a good wife for one of his sons.

“We’re here,” Connor announced as he shut off the engine.

“I’ve always wondered what your bachelor abode looks like inside,” Eve said.

“What are you expecting?”

“Spartan furnishings. Leather and liniment on every surface. Dishes in the sink.”

Connor laughed. “Come inside and see.”

C
ONNOR REALIZED IT
wasn’t exactly true that his father had never interfered with his trust fund. Angus hadn’t revoked the trust, but he’d threatened to do so if Connor didn’t leave the army. He hadn’t bowed to his father’s wishes, but he wondered now if the only reason Angus hadn’t cut him off was because Molly had died. He felt a shiver of foreboding run down his spine. What if Angus forbade the marriage?

Connor forced his thoughts away from the worst-case scenario. Angus hated King for what he’d done to Aunt Jane, but he’d never gone after King’s daughters. It was Connor and his brothers who’d done that. Connor wasn’t sure how his father would react when he presented Eve Grayhawk as his fiancée.

The subject of marriage between the two families had never come up, not even when Aiden had gone out a few times with Leah. Their relationship hadn’t lasted very long, and once it ended, Aiden acted like it had never happened. He’d known his brother had suffered precisely because Aiden had never spoken of it.

He and Eve came in through the back door, which was where everyone entered a frontier home. The
door was never locked, harking back to a day when men alone on horseback, or with families in Conestoga wagons, found a welcome and often necessary refuge at any homestead on the plains.

When they got to the mudroom off the kitchen, Connor said, “Leave your boots here.” He grinned and said, “With any luck, you’ll be able to retrieve them when you leave.”

Eve laughed as she toed off her cowboy boots. She padded into the immaculate kitchen, with its stainless steel appliances, black granite counters, and oak floor, in her stocking feet.

“Hey!” he called out. “Anybody home?”

Sawyer came running, yelling the whole way until Connor caught him and lifted him high into the air before setting him on his feet again. His son giggled and said, “Uncle Brian is fun!”

Connor forced himself not to take offense at the suggestion that while Brian was fun,
he
was not. He was pleased that Sawyer, who had few memories of him, had come running straight to him and leapt into his arms. But it suddenly dawned on him that to Sawyer, he wasn’t anyone special. He wasn’t “Daddy.” He was just another friendly face.

Connor’s heart nearly broke right then, right there.

He knew he’d done the wrong thing avoiding his children after his wife’s death. But seeing how Brooke cocked her head like a small bird when she didn’t understand something, the same way Molly always had, or seeing Sawyer’s unbounded enthusiasm for life, which Molly had also possessed, made him ache for the loss of his wife.

It also fed his guilt that he’d spent so little time
with her during their marriage. He’d just never imagined that she wouldn’t always be there. He was the one living in danger’s path. He was the one who should have died.

Connor glanced at Eve. He had a second chance to be a better husband. He had a second chance to share more of himself—and his troubles—with his wife. He hadn’t wanted to worry Molly, so he hadn’t told her most of what had happened to him in Afghanistan. But he knew she’d been hurt by his unwillingness to explain the nightmares that had plagued him.

He wanted to do better this time. He just wasn’t sure he could admit the truth about Patrick Daniel’s death to anyone, especially a woman whose admiration he hoped to gain, because of his part in the tragedy. But if he wanted Eve to be open with him, he owed her the same honesty.

Connor’s stomach knotted. Telling the story of his best friend’s death meant reliving it all over again. But that tragedy was the reason he’d been willing to give up being a soldier. The reason he’d started Safe Haven. The reason he wanted to change his life and be a better husband and father. He needed to tell Eve what had happened.

Soon
, he promised himself. When they knew each other a little better he would find the courage to tell Eve the truth. Then she would have to judge for herself whether, after what he’d done, he was a man worth loving.

Connor noticed that Brooke hung back by Brian’s side. Seeing her cling to his brother gave him comfort—and
made his throat ache with unshed tears. She spotted Eve and ran to her, keeping her distance from him.

Connor didn’t understand why the child who knew him best skirted him most. Was Brooke old enough, at four, to blame him for being gone so much and leaving her behind? To blame him for not being there to hold and comfort her when her mother died? Surely not. But he had no other explanation for why his daughter so persistently rejected him.

Connor realized he’d been holding his breath and released the air in his lungs in a silent sigh. He’d earned the love and respect of his men in combat. This fight was no less important. He would try harder and hope that cherishing his children and caring for them would be enough to earn their love.

When Aiden entered the room, Connor could sense Eve stiffening beside him. “Where’s Dad?” he asked.

“Where he always is,” Aiden replied.

Aside from all the time spent on horseback in order to run a ranch the size of the Lucky 7, a great deal of business had to be done from behind a desk. Every rancher Connor knew had an office with a picture window so he could still see the sky when he was stuck inside working. His dad was no different.

“I’d like him to meet Eve.”

“He already knows you’re engaged,” Brian said. “After you dropped off the kids, he got a call from the owner of the café where he meets up with his friends for breakfast on Friday mornings.”

“And?” Connor said when Brian stopped himself from saying more.

Brian smirked. “I had no idea he knew some of
the words he used.” He eyed Eve but made no effort to greet her.

Connor noticed Eve’s face was the color of parchment and grasped her hand in case she toppled over. It was cold as ice.

She stared first at Aiden, then at Brian, and finally at him, and murmured, “I can’t get over how much you Flynn brothers look alike.”

“If you say so.” Connor knew why people had that impression. Except for Devon, they were all over six feet tall with black hair and blue eyes. Devon, the youngest, wasn’t quite six feet and had dark brown hair and gray-green eyes. Aside from their looks, the three eldest brothers were nothing alike, not in personality, not in attitudes, and certainly not in the sort of women they preferred.

Then Eve made the mistake of saying to Brian, “I’ve seen you with your wife at a couple of charity functions.”

Brian’s countenance turned dark. “Don’t mention that bi—” He cut himself off as he glanced at the children. “We’re divorced,” he said brusquely.

“I know,” Eve said, taken aback. “I just—”

“And better off for it.” Brian went down on one knee in front of Brooke and gave her a hug, then stood and tweaked Sawyer’s chin. “I gotta go be a fireman. See you urchins soon, I hope.”

“Bye, Uncle Brian. I had a really good time,” Brooke said.

Sawyer waved and said, “Bye, Uncle Brian.”

Brian left without a word to Eve. Connor stopped him at the door by saying, “This is going to happen, Brian.”

Brian turned back, his eyes bleak, and said, “Then I’m sorry for you both.”

A moment later, Connor heard Brian’s boots thumping as he put them on in the mudroom. He met Eve’s gaze and saw she looked as shaken as he felt by Brian’s ominous prediction. He turned to Eve and said, “I think we should take the kids with us when you meet my dad.”

“You just don’t want him to be able to say what he’s thinking,” she replied.

“That thought had crossed my mind,” Connor said with a smile meant to put her at ease.

“That’s not a good idea,” Aiden interjected.

Connor had forgotten his eldest brother was still in the room. “Why not?”

“You need to be able to talk. You won’t be able to do that with kids in the room.”

Connor pursed his lips. It seemed Aiden was no more optimistic about the chances of this marriage succeeding than Brian. “Can you keep an eye on Brooke and Sawyer for a few more minutes?”

Aiden squatted down level with the kids. “I’ve got some chocolate chip cookies and milk, if anyone wants some.”

“I do!” Sawyer said.

“Can I have a glass of water with my cookie instead of milk?” Brooke asked, taking the hand Aiden reached out to her.

“Sure, pumpkin,” Aiden said.

“She’s not a pumpkin,” Sawyer said, seeming amused at his uncle’s mistake. “She’s a girl.”

“Let’s go,” Connor whispered to Eve. “Before they notice we’re missing.”

Connor kept his hand on the small of Eve’s back, directing her past the Great Room, with the inevitable spectacular view of the snowcapped Grand Tetons through floor-to-cathedral-ceiling windows, past the grand staircase that led upstairs to the many bedrooms, all the way to the opposite end of the house. He felt the increasing tension under his hand as they closed in on his father’s study.

“He’s just a man, Eve,” he said in an attempt to ease her anxiety.

“He’s a monster of mythic proportions,” she countered.

He stopped outside the study door, tipped her chin up, and, on impulse, kissed her. She seemed startled, and stared at him in confusion. He felt a little confused himself. Why had he done it? To comfort her? Or to reassure himself?

“We’re engaged,” he said. “We’re going to be married. We need to present at least the pretense of caring for one another or my father will eat us both alive.”

“What do you want me to do?” she said irritably. “We’re getting married for purely practical reasons. Any suggestion of affection between us
is
all pretense! Your father’s no idiot.”

Connor pulled Eve into his arms and hugged her close. “This isn’t easy for me, either,” he admitted. “I guess what I’m suggesting is that we make it clear to him that we’re committed to making this work.” He leaned back and looked into her troubled eyes. “That much is true, right?”

She nodded.

“What can I do to make this easier for you?”

She leaned her cheek against his chest and slid her arms around his waist. “This helps a lot.”

He held her close, feeling comforted as he gave comfort. “Ready?” he whispered in her ear.

“As I’ll ever be.”

Connor wasn’t. His body had responded eagerly to the feel of Eve’s, which was pressed against him from breast to hips.
Too many unrequited dreams of making love to her
, he thought. He suffered a pang of guilt at how glad he was that Eve didn’t want to wait to get married. At how happy he was that someday soon she’d be sharing his bed.

He was a widower. He had to go on living, so there was no reason to feel remorse over desiring Eve. He just wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve a woman he’d wanted ever since he was seventeen. The only way to repay such a gift was to be happy, which likely meant allowing himself to love her.

Even if she can’t love you back?

Connor had no answer for that. How could he expect his wife’s best friend to think of him in romantic terms? If love blossomed at all, it was going to take time.

Connor slid an arm around Eve’s waist so they would appear as a couple when they entered his father’s study. He could feel the apprehension in her body and see it in the furrow on her brow.

“Take a deep breath,” he said.

She did.

As she let it out he said, “One more.” He waited while she took another deep breath and asked, “Ready now?”

She nodded.

“All right. Let’s do this.”

Connor knocked and waited until Angus said, “Come in, Aiden.” He didn’t correct his father’s mistake before he opened the door and stepped inside.

Angus was facing out the window with his back to the door and his head bent over a stack of papers in his lap. “I’ve got the bastard,” he chortled. “It’s taken me twenty years, but, by God, this time I’ve got him. He’s invested everything. If I play my cards right, he’ll be ruined.”

There was no doubt in Connor’s mind, or in Eve’s, he was sure, who the “bastard” was. He was sorry to have revealed to Eve that his father was still fixated, twenty years after Aunt Jane’s death, on getting revenge.

“It’s me, Dad,” he said, to cut off any further revelations.

As Angus swiveled his chair around and slapped the papers on his desk, Connor tightened his hold on Eve’s waist. He was struck by how much Angus had changed since the first time he’d gone overseas. His father’s jowls sagged and his eyelids were heavy with age. His once-black hair had turned completely white, making his blue eyes look even bluer.

His posture remained erect, and although his body had thickened, Connor was willing to wager that Angus Flynn could hold his own against many a younger man. In short, he was still a formidable opponent. There was a flare of anger in his eyes at the sight of Eve.

“Did you hear all that, young lady?”

Eve’s chin came up. “I did.”

He turned to Connor and said, “You could have
told me she was in the room, boy.” He sneered. “Doesn’t matter. There’s nothing she or anybody else can do to help King now. I’ve won.”

Connor had felt the verbal slap but knew better than to react to it. As the third son, he’d been lost in the middle of the pack and ignored. The only way to get noticed was to act out, which he’d done in spades. He’d gotten more spankings than all of his brothers combined, but he’d taken his licks and come back for more, because at least that meant he had his father’s full attention.

“I understand you’ve already heard about our engagement.”

“I have.” Angus rose from his chair and said, “Come here, girl, and let me take a closer look at you.”

His father’s eyesight was just fine, so Connor had no idea why he needed to take a closer look. Nevertheless, he let go of Eve, who crossed the room and stood before his father’s desk. He wondered if her heart was beating as hard as his own. Whatever nerves she’d suffered on the way here were absent in her demeanor as she greeted his father.

“Hello, Mr. Flynn. I’ve known of you for a very long time. It’s nice to meet you at last.”

He looked her up and down as though she were a brood mare he was planning to buy, then turned his piercing gaze on Connor. “This is your choice of bride? One of King’s Brats?”