Sinful Purity (Sinful Series) (19 page)

I tried calling Kelly Friday night and all day Saturday, but she was never home. I just kept getting her blasted machine. I couldn’t leave another message. I had already left three. I didn’t want to look desperate, even if that was how I felt.

I saw Caleb at church again on Sunday. He gave me another ride home in his roaring black beast. As I climbed in his car, I was once again thankful for him. The weather had turned angry and the sky opened up, pouring down rain. If it weren’t for Caleb, I would have had to walk in this mess.

“I got a letter from my childhood friend, Kelly,” I told him excitedly. I wanted to share the news with someone.

“That’s great. The mail at the college is horrible. I’m surprised you got it at all.”

“Well, she didn’t send it to the college,” I said, realizing it was too late to shove the words back into my mouth.

“Where’d she send it?” He gave me a knowing look, daring me to tell him what he already knew.

“She sent to here, to MIQ,” I answered weakly, wishing I had never brought the topic up.

“Liz, I told you it was okay. I don’t care that you’re an orphan. It’s not your fault. You didn’t choose it.”

“I know. It just still feels strange talking about it, that’s all.”

“So this Kelly, was she at the orphanage with you?” Caleb inquired earnestly.

“Yes, Kelly and I were best friends for almost five years.”

“Did she get adopted? Is that why she left?”

“No, Kelly’s situation was unique. She came to MIQ when she was twelve. She had a brother who wanted legal guardianship, but he wasn’t old enough yet. When he was, he took her and they moved to California. That’s where they are now.”

“California, that sounds nice. I bet you miss them.”

“I do. I really do,” I admitted, all the emotion in my body rising up into my throat and practically choking off the words.

“Well, I can’t do anything about them. But I can find you someone to hang out with,” Caleb announced jovially, trying to lighten the mood and change the subject all in one fell swoop.

“Oh, yeah, who is that?” I joked.

“Zack, of course. He said you guys got along pretty well on the drive home last Saturday.”

“I didn’t kill him, if that’s what you mean.”

“Liz, Zack’s really a good guy. And he’s definitely interested in you. You should give him a chance. It’s not like you can afford to be picky in the friend department. After all, you only have two within a two-thousand-mile radius.”

“I get it, okay? I just don’t have much experience with guys. As I am sure you can guess, growing up behind the virginal gates of MIQ.”

“Hey, that reminds me. Why did you live there so long? Why weren’t you adopted like everyone else? I mean, not to be nosy, but I don’t think anyone’s ever lived there until they were eighteen.”

“I don’t know. For a while I thought I had a family and that they were coming back for me. But it wasn’t true. Anyway, I’m not eighteen for a couple more months.” I almost felt relieved to share my private thoughts with someone else.

“Ah, a couple of months. I’ll have to remember that. Parties are sort of my thing.” Caleb glowed with pride and warning all at the same time.

“You don’t really need to do that,” I pleaded.

“I sort of do. If you’re dating my best friend, that is.” He laughed wickedly.

“Then I guess that I don’t need to worry, because that’s not happening,” I retorted.

“Aw, come on, Liz. Zack is really into you. I’ve never seen him like this before. He’s what you’d say is used to getting his way with girls.”

“I can imagine,” I snapped. The thought of all his previous conquests turned my stomach.

“That’s not what I mean. He doesn’t have to try very hard, that’s all. Usually they just fawn all over him. Like he’s a god or something. Personally, I think they like his popularity more than him.”

“I’m sure they do,” I agreed firmly.

“Liz, I’m serious. Zack’s driving me crazy asking about you, talking about you all the time. I can’t get any peace. Just go out with him once, for me,” Caleb begged.

“I don’t understand why he cares what I think.”

“Liz, you’re not getting it. The fact that you
don’t
care is exactly why he
does
.”

“Does? Does what?”

“Care, damn it!” Caleb bellowed.

“Why would Zack care about me?”

“Because, my dear, Liz. You’re aloof, uninterested, sometimes even put off by him, and it drives him crazy. It’s like you’re playing hard to get without actually playing.”

“I am
not
playing hard to get.”

“I know that! And so does he. That’s why it bothers him so much. He’s never come across a girl who is immune to his charm and popularity. You’re like his most coveted prize.”

“I don’t want to be his prize.” I was becoming increasing irritated with the entire topic.

“I know that. Honestly, I don’t really think it’s about the prize with Zack, either.”

“Then what is it?”

“I think he can be himself with you. You know, let his guard down. The way he can with me. Because when we’re just hanging out on the weekends or at the dorm, he’s just himself, not Zack the track star. But you’re better-looking than I am. That’s definitely a perk for him.” Caleb laughed off the seriousness of his words.

I thought about it for a second. Everything that Caleb had said—the way Zack was when it was just the two of us, talking in his truck—maybe Caleb was right. I didn’t know.

“We’re here,” Caleb announced as he pulled up in front of my dorm.

“Thanks,” I said, opening the car door.

“So, Liz, what do I tell him? Zack. He’s going to ask about you as soon as I get back to my room.”

“I don’t know, Caleb. I’ll think about it, okay?”

“All right, I’ll tell him you’re thinking about it.” Caleb quickly pulled the passenger door shut and started to drive off, leaving me standing there in the rain.

“No!” I called after him. “I said
I’d
think about it. He’s purposely misunderstanding me. That rat!” I muttered under my breath, all the way up to my room.

When I walked inside my room, the small red voicemail light on the white phone that hung on my wall between the door and my closet was blinking. I took off my rain-soaked jacket, laid it across my desk chair, and picked up the receiver to check my messages. Damn, it was Kelly. I had missed her call. Even worse, she said she was going out for the evening. I would have to try to get a hold of her tomorrow.

Left to my own devices, alone in my room with all my homework done and only the rain for companionship, my mind wandered. Well, it more than wandered, it analyzed. It analyzed every nuance of Caleb’s and my conversation. Always coming back to one singular topic: Zack. What was I to do about Zack? Every time I’d left it up to fate, fate chose in his favor. I knew that I couldn’t depend on fate any longer. I needed to decide for myself, and soon. Exhaustion began to slowly creep in and sleepiness took over. It looked like it was the end of my decision making, at least for tonight.

Monday I hurried through my classes and my chores at St. Matthew’s, all so I could rush home and call Kelly. As soon as I stepped into my room, I kicked off my shoes and grabbed the phone all in one premeditated motion. I dialed her number as quickly as I could.

“Hello?” answered the voice on the other end of the phone.

“Kelly?” I asked, full of hope and anticipation.

“Liz?”

“Oh my God. I have been trying to get a hold of you forever.”

“Yeah, I know. I think my answering machine is in love with you.” Kelly laughed.

“So how’s California? Tell me all about it. I want to know everything.”

“It’s great and I’ll tell you anything you want to know. But first you have to tell me where you are. Are you still locked up? Is Sister Sledge letting you make your one phone call?”

“No, I’m at St. Paul’s College. I’m still in Chicago but I live in the dorm.”

“Really? You’re free?”

“Not completely. St. Matthew’s gave me a scholarship. Because they’re paying for everything, I still have to work for Father Brennigan and Sister
Christine four days out of the week and attend confession and Mass on Wednesdays. But it’s not so bad. I have Friday and Saturday off.”

“Ooooh, do tell! What do you do with your free weekends?

I told Kelly all about Lucy and Caleb. She flipped over his hair and piercings. She kept screaming, “I love it, I love it!” She went especially crazy when I told her how he wasn’t afraid of Mother Superior and that she had even allowed him to drive me back to the dorms.

“No way, no way! I’m going to die! I would give my left boob to see Sister Sledge’s face!” Kelly exclaimed.

I went on and told Kelly about the Tripping Donkey. She was so proud, just I like I knew she would be. I told her about paintball and how I’d shot Zack.

“How could you shoot a sexy guy like that?” Kelly demanded.

“It’s hard to explain, Kell. Zack and I are like oil and water—we don’t mix.”

“That’s just because you haven’t been properly shaken up yet,” Kelly mocked, a dirty tone in her voice.

“Kelly!”

“I’m just saying…it’s a shame to waste heat like that.”

“Kelly, we don’t get along. I just stopped hating him a couple of days ago. Now I just strongly dislike him and don’t trust him at all.”

“Good, keep it that way,” Kelly ordered.

“What? I was sure you’d being telling me to throw myself at him.”

“Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie. With heat like that, you won’t need to do any throwing at all. That boy’s gonna come running to you.”

“I seriously doubt that, Kell.”

“It’s a fine line between love and hate. And you’ll usually find lust shoved right in the middle. That’s all I’m saying.” Kelly’s wicked chuckle shrilly escaped the phone. “Hey, I gotta go, Liz. I’m sorry but some friends just showed up. I’ll call you again soon, okay?”

“Yeah, okay, Kell,” I said, heartache filling my voice.

“Hey, Liz, one more thing. Stop fighting it and go after Zack already.” She laughed as she hung up the phone.

Of course Kelly would want me to go after Zack. No big surprise there. Anyone with a Y chromosome and a little testosterone was worthy in Kelly’s eyes. I was a little pickier. I did really enjoy talking to Kelly. I was afraid that after all these months things would feel strained, like we had
nothing to talk about. But hearing Kelly’s voice, it was like no time had passed at all. She was and always would be the Kelly I knew and depended on, sarcasm and all.

Tuesday evening I was once again at MIQ, proceeding with my customary duties. I made my way up the stairwell to the infirmary. My mind raced back to all the times Brett and I had walked these very stairs to visit Kelly. I had enjoyed talking to Kelly so much last night. Her sense of humor was as sharp and edgy as ever. My mind was in full recollection mode when Sister Pietra, the nurse, stopped me at the infirmary door.

“May I help you, Mary Elizabeth?” Sister Pietra asked.

“I was just coming up to restock the infirmary, Sister.”

“That won’t be necessary tonight,” Sister Pietra said firmly, an uncommon tone for her.

“Oh, my apologies, Sister. I was just told…”

“The infirmary is occupied, Mary.”

“I didn’t know, Sister.” I bowed my head in respect and turned to leave. But a nagging question gnawed at me, forcing me to do something I never would have dreamed of in the past.

“Is it anything serious, Sister?” I asked, questioning the authority figure. This was completely out of character for me. I could tell Sister Pietra was taken back also.

“One of our new wards,” Sister Pietra said. “He fell extremely ill after Mass last Wednesday. He almost died.”

“Mass?” I asked, shocked. I too had felt ill during Mass last Wednesday. But I hadn’t almost died. It couldn’t be the same thing, could it? Once again my mind ran off with me, forgetting that Sister Pietra was still standing mere inches from me.

“Are you feeling well, child?” Sister Pietra asked. “You look pale.”

“Yes, Sister. I’m sorry, Sister. I was just remembering…”

“Remembering what?” she asked, concerned.

“I didn’t feel well at Mass last Wednesday evening, either.”

“I’m sure it is not the same, child. It is not contagious. Put it out of your mind.”

“Yes, Sister. Thank you. I’ll go now, Sister,” I said, bowing my head once again as I left.

Sister Pietra’s words had given me little comfort. The gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach was still there, urging me to ask more questions.
But I could not; I had already pressed my luck too much for one night. I finished my duties and trekked back to my dorm.

All the next day, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. The feeling that I was missing something, not seeing the whole picture, still lingered. I chatted casually with Lucy and Caleb. Caleb was very conscientious to never ask me anything about my past or bring up MIQ or St. Matthew’s in front of Lucy. I appreciated that very much. Caleb was becoming more and more of a trusted friend every day. It was nice to have someone to confide in. I hadn’t had anyone since Kelly and Brett left. Caleb waited to find a moment alone with me before he approached the dreaded subject of Zack.

“So, have you decided?” Caleb asked coyly.

“Decided what?” I asked, playing along.

“You know damned well, Elizabeth, that I mean Zack.” Caleb was losing patience with our little game.

“I know what you meant. I just wanted you to work for it,” I chuckled.

“Well?”

“Well, I still don’t know. My friend Kelly thinks it’s a good idea. But that’s not saying much. Any guy is a good idea to her.”

“Liz, please, a moment of peace. That’s all I’m asking, a moment of peace.”

“Okay, Caleb. I’m not trying to make this harder for you. But I don’t really know him. Maybe after we talk a little more. Then I’ll decide. Is that okay?”

“I guess it’ll have to be. I’ve never met a girl who was so adverse to a date.” Caleb sounded frustrated.

“A date?”

“Yes, a date. What do you think we’ve been talking about, an arranged marriage? My God, girl.”

“I’ve never been on a date. I just assumed that the guy was supposed to ask you out, not his friend. No offense.”