Sinners & Saints (Sinners & Saints #1) (35 page)

           
“What
will be over?”

           
“Every
shed of anger towards my life and just every excuse I have used to do the
things that I’ve done will be a waste. Everything I have devoted myself to
believing and not believing. It will all be a lie.” I open my arms. “It’s like
if a Christian discovered there was no God. They’re whole world would be in
ruins. They wouldn’t know what to do. Everything would be a lie. If I go back
on everything my world will be ruined. I will… I will have to admit that… I
hurt people and… and maybe I’ll even have to feel bad about it.”

           
She
shrugs. She fucking shrugs. “So what? You finally realize that you’re a piece
of shit. You move on, Hugo… you give back by being a better person and I’m not
saying you have to volunteer at every soup kitchen or be kind twenty-four
seven. I’m just saying you can start living your life with a purpose. Believe
in something other than nothing but pain.” She grabs my hands and looks me in
the eye. “And if you’re scared of Karma, well I can promise you that I will
fight the bitch back with you.” My heart sinks deeper and she moves her hands
up my arms to my face and pulls my head down, pressing her forehead against
mine. “Just stay here with me… let me show you how great it could be to truly
let go. I’ll show you everything if you just stay.” She kisses my lips gently,
her eyes watering up, her lips begging me to stay in her room, to be with her.
Be. With. Her. But my stubbornness is only a part of the wall that has been
building all these years.

           
“You’re
never really free,” I say and push away from her.

SCARLETT

I watch in awe as the drugs I slipped
in Rebecca’s drink earlier kick in. Once Patrick and his mother left, I wasted
no time. My mother wasn’t a problem seeing as she left to fuck whatever idiot.
I told Rebecca Hugo was coming over. I told her he said she was cute. She’s
excited. It’s what I need tonight after everything. After Hugo failed me. I
don’t like to be failed. I don’t like to be skipped over for cunts like Juliet
Spears. Someone has to pay tonight and unfortunately that’s poor little
Rebecca, always in a hurry to grow up.

           
“This
is very strong vodka,” she says in a hazy daze.

           
I
smile at her and continue with my drink.

           
“Are
you sure Hugo’s coming?” she asks.

           
“Yes,
of course he is.”

           
She
slowly sits up, her face contorted. “I don’t feel so good, Scarlett.”

           
“Really?”
I nonchalantly ask. “Maybe you should go lie down. You want me to get
anything?”

           
“Um…”

           
I’m
surprised by how far she makes it. Straight to the bedroom Jane sleeps in.

           
I
stand there watching her. My head turns as I hear the door open.

           
“Oh,
hey Hugo,” I smile, still staring at a semi passed out Rebecca.

           
I
look at Chad who’s eyeing Rebecca like it’s the greatest Christmas present.

           
“Did
you have trouble coming in?”

           
“No.”
He smiles at me. “Will you be joining us?”

           
“No,”
I roll my eyes.

           
“Come
on… I miss the times we had,” he says fiddling with the hem of my skirt.
“Remember when Gabriel and I would share you… it was always wonderful.”

           
I
smirk remembering the good times. “I was the one sharing Gabriel with you,
Chad.”

           
His
face frowns. “Let’s not be blind to the way you were not only obsessed with me
but with Gabriel as well. Why do you think you never took well to levity? Your
anger is all aimed at the carnal desires you have for both sides of the sexual
spectrum. You hate Hugo for being the image of the one you sinfully desired.
You love me for my dark heart… you loved Gabriel because he was the most
beautiful boy with the most edible shaft to grace that pretty little mouth of
yours.”

           
He
wraps his hand quickly around my neck, pressing me against the doorway,
squeezing tight.

           
“Now
I’m turned on,” I grit out.

           
His
jaw twitches as he squeezes tighter. I’m losing breath, but we’ve been here
before. He’ll let go. Finally, he does, his chest heaving, fire burning inside
him.

           
“Good…
you always perform better in bed when you’re pissed off.”

           
He
angrily takes off his jacket and heads into the dark room where Rebecca lays,
open and unintentionally wanting.

           
“Hugo?”
she whispers, feeling Chad’s hand crawl up her thigh.

           
“Yeah,”
Chad whispers before kissing her neck.

           
“No,”
she quietly says. “Stop… wait.”

           
I
hear the fainted stop repeatedly, but she’s too weak to even fully comprehend
what’s happening, let alone stop it. There is no stopping it. Never can you
stop a man from taking your virtue… one way or another they always take what
they can’t have, which defeats the purpose of the saying for me. You always
want what you can’t have, but I learned from my father that eventually you can
have it no matter what as long as you annihilate the moral compass.

23

REBECCA

My head feels heavy, my body feels sore.
I clench my thighs. I’m sensitive down there. I open my eyes and see the light
in the room.
Shit
, it’s giving me a
headache. I slowly sit up and stare around the bed I’m in. I think this is my
mom’s room. My stomach feels horrible and I think I’m going to throw up. The
sheets are ruffled and
—
what? My
jeans and underwear are off. What happened last night? Why can’t I remember?

           
I
lift the sheet off of me and see the condom rapper and blood on the sheets. I
can’t breathe. What happened last night? How? With who? Wait… Hugo.”

           
“Scarlett!”
I scream with tears falling out of my eyes.

           
I
hear her feet slowly arrive and look up to see her. She looks worried. “What’s
wrong?”

           
“Look.”
I point to the sheets.

           
She
stares at the sheets, her eyes widen. She’s horrified along with me. “Oh my
God. What did you guys do?”

           
“Who?”

           
“You
and Hugo. He came over last night as I fell asleep and you guys continued to
drink.”

           
“Are
you sure?”

           
“Yes.”
She sits on the bed, brushing the hair out of my face.

           
“I
don’t remember. Why don’t I remember? I don’t remember drinking that much,
Scarlett.”

           
She
pulls me in as my heart shatters and my tears fall. “My mom is going to kill
me.”

           
This
wasn’t supposed to be like this. I wasn’t supposed to lose my virginity like
this. And why can’t I remember?!

           
“It’s
okay,” she whispers softly. “I’m here. We will figure it out. I’m right here.”

SCARLETT

I run Rebecca a warm bath. The least I
can do for the girl.

           
“Get
in.” She undoes her robe and slowly gets in the bathtub. She winces the lower
she gets and I bite back my amusement.

           
“I’m
so sore down there,” she says, crossing her arms around her.

           
“It’s
always sore after the first time… it will get better later in time.”

           
“Scarlett,
I don’t…” She hesitates. “I don’t think I was fully aware of everything that
was going on… I didn’t drink that much.”
 

           
I
sit on the edge of the tub. I pull her chin up to me and smile at her. “You
just got a little too intoxicated, Rebecca. It happens… but I suggest you don’t
speak to Hugo about this.”

           
She’s
confused. “Why?”

           
“Hugo
doesn’t like to talk about his indiscretions. Besides, if he finds out that you
don’t even remember, he will be mad. He prides himself in pleasuring women. I’m
so angry. I will talk to him. He shouldn’t have took advantage of you like
this.”

           
“Tell
you the truth, I don’t even think I could ever be comfortable standing in the
same room as him now.”

           
I
brush her hair back. “Don’t worry. I won’t let you get uncomfortable. I only
wish I had someone to walk me through this when I lost my virginity.”

           
She
faintly smiles at me. “You won’t tell my mom… or Patrick, right?”

           
“No…
it will be our little secret.”

           
This
was all for fun, but I have fun in all my moves of mass destruction. This is
just the beginning of the downfall of betrayal. A bomb planted and if Hugo
doesn’t get his shit together… I will light the fuse.

HUGO

I can admit it now. I, Hugo Mandrake,
am nothing but a coward. It’s been four days since I left Juliet in her room.
Her plea for me to stay replays in my head over and over again. I‘ve stayed in
my room most of the time. Kelly hasn’t called me back of course. Can’t blame
her. My father hasn’t called me at all. I don’t really care about that. He’s
still a dick.

           
Tonight’s
the Century Ball in Connecticut. The maid and butler will stay with August.
Last time he went to the Century Ball, it didn’t go too smoothly. I personally
think he can go; he just needs confidence, but I haven’t worked to convince him
because my head has been everywhere. I stayed away from Juliet. She made it
easier by partying with Jordana and Poppy.

           
“Cars
are here, Hugo,” Cody comes in my room to tell me.

           
“Who’s
riding in what?”

           
“Uh,
Ms. Eleanor and her date, Diego, want the limo to themselves so the rest of us
are in the other.” He gives me a nervous look.

           
“What?”
I respond with an attitude. “I just wanted to know.”

           
He
nods and raises his hands at my snappy tone. He leaves out. I pull my hair back
and exhale. I grab my J. W. Hulme duffle bag and head into my brother’s room
first.

           
“I’m
out,” I say to him. August isn’t rude but he has the tendency to not say bye or
thank you out loud. “August.” He groans and looks at me, angry that I would
dare to ruin his concentration. “I’m leaving.”

           
“Bye.”
He waves with one hand while rubbing his eye with the other.

           
That
wave. Juliet got him doing that. He really likes waving. He really likes
Juliet.

           
“August,”
I set my bag down and walk closer to him, watching as he continues back drawing
the maze. “August, I need you to answer something for me.”

           
He
finishes a line before facing my way, staring down at the floor. “Are those my
shoes?”

           
“No.”
He’s referring to my black Hugo Boss’s leather Oxford shoes. “We have the same
pair. August, I need to ask you something.”

           
“I
didn’t do it.” He shakes his head.

           
“No,
that’s not… whatever you did, I’m not talking about that. I just… I want to
know… what is it about her? What is it about Juliet? Why do you like her?”

           
He
looks up over my head. His face contorts and he gently scratches the back of
his head.

           
“She’s
nice,” he raises one finger up. “She’s so beautiful,” two fingers. “And…” he
laughs, “I like you better when you’re happy.”

           
My
mouth drops and I quickly close it before speaking. “You mean when we are
happy. She makes you happy. I…”

           
He
shakes his head and comes closer to me. He stares at my chest and I don’t know
if I can take this. He presses his hands on my chest.

           
“You…
you happy. This…” He presses harder against my chest, his eyes raking over it.
It’s like he’s trying to search for my heart. “This is happy now. I see it.” I
almost lose the feeling in my body. I grab onto my brother’s arms to keep
myself up.

           
“We
love her… right, Hugo?” he asks me and I try to swallow the lump in my throat.

           
“I…
I really don’t know,” I tell him the truth. “I don’t know what to think or feel
anymore.”

           
August
looks back down and laughs. “Well figure it out, you fucker!” He winces then
laughs again. “I got that from Poppy.”

           
He
goes back to his maze unaware of what just happened. Holy shit, am I starting
to cry? I quickly wipe the tear away and clear my throat. I glance back at
August and the lines he is drawing now are steadier… just like my heart.

JORDANA

“Your father is a child. A fucking
child.” This is usually how me and my mom’s telephone conversations start.

           
“What
did he do this time?” I expect the usual.

           
“He’s
dating that new pop singer.”

           
“Which
one, Mom?”

           
“The
hell if I know. They’re all the same. She’s twenty-one.”

           
“Oh,
an age younger than me. Usually it’s at least two years.” I’m staring at the
high ceiling as my mom continues her rant.

           
“Why
can’t he just grow up?”

           
I
sigh. “I don’t know, Mom. Does this mean you’ll stop hooking up with him now?”

           
“Don’t
be a smart ass, Jordana.”

           
“Me?
Never.”

           
“When
was the last time you talked to your dad anyway?”

           
“We
texted yesterday. He emailed me some new music he’s been working on with this
pop singer… oh, well now I know why he’s been so interested in producing bubblegum
pop artists lately.”

           
“Ugh,
enough about that buffoon. How are you, sweetie? Are you ready for the ball
tonight? I miss you; you should meet me in Siena next week.”

           
“I
miss you too and I’ll think about it.”

           
“I
know that tone.”

           
“This
is my usual tone.”

           
“Yes,
but it’s more dry, meaning something is up. What’s up? What’s new?”

           
“I’m
in love.” It just comes out.

           
“With
who?! Who’s the lucky girl?!” Her excitement is unexpected. She must be
drinking. Not saying she doesn’t support me, it’s just that, well, I get my dry
sarcasm and less enthusiastic side from her. My dad is more shout out on the
rooftops type of guy.

           
“I
can’t tell you.”

           
“What?
Oh, baby, don’t tell me you’re seeing a girl that’s still in the closet.”

           
“Well,
like mother, like daughter. We sure know how to pick the non-committed types.”

           
“No
throwing jabs at your mother, but have you told this girl that you love her?”

           
“Nope.”

           
“Are
you going to?”

           
“Nope.”
I roll my eyes at my wanting an answer to the next question. “What do you think
I should do?”

           
“I
don’t know. I don’t want you getting your heart broken, but you should also
understand this girl’s fear.”

           
“I
do.”

           
“Jordana…”
She pauses. It’s about to get serious. “I know your dad and I aren’t the best
examples when it comes to healthy relationships, but I do know that love will
turn you out.”

           
“Is
that pun intended?”

           
“Yes,
and I’m serious. If you decide to tell this girl you love her, you make sure
that you also tell her that you are worth more than some secret. I have a
feeling I know who this girl is.”

           
My
nose scrunches up and I press my cell harder to my ear. “No, you don’t. How?”

           
She
laughs. “Jordana, you could be a model.”

           
“Okay?”

           
“I
remember distinctively you told me at thirteen that you would never be a model
like I was.”

           
“And?”

           
“And
I also remember when you modeled for your high school fashion show and I was so
beguiled that I had to see it for myself to believe it. I remember visiting you
backstage and I also remember your lingering gaze that just couldn’t help but
fall onto a certain daughter of a certain bigot.”

           
I
frown while she probably smiles. I have nothing to say. I remember. Margaret
Jacobs threw a fashion show our freshman year and I signed up for her. I did
something I loathed for her. I’m more pissed off than I was before. Thanks a
fucking lot mom.