Sinners & Saints (Sinners & Saints #1) (32 page)

           
“Well,
you need to start recruiting. Patrick is a good boy.”

           
“I
know how good he is. He loves me.”

           
“And
you’re entirely sure of that?”

           
“Yes.”
I say without doubt.

           
“Good.
We don’t want a spectacle. Your wedding will be the wedding of the year.
Townsend and Brayson united. I’m already getting calls from acquaintances
excited for your nuptials. How is everything with his mother? Jane, is it? I
heard she’s a piece of work.”

           
“Well,
you know mothers, always a problem until they’re dead.” She narrows her eyes at
me, smirking.

           
“Scarlett,
I’m only here for the night. I’m going to Paris for the rest of the summer. So
let us make do with the time we have. I want to make sure you have everything
set and you’re not being stupid. Patrick Townsend is indeed a catch… you don’t
want to marry someone like
—
”

           
“Like
Daddy?” I finish, smirking. It’s like looking in a mirror. We both have blonde
hair, grey eyes. Our sinister smiles are even alike. I hate this woman.

           
“Yes,”
She sneers. “like your father. Your father was very weak.”

           
“Weak
because he dominated you? Or weak because he didn’t love you enough to stop his
wandering eye?”

           
“Both,”
she says, not caring. “You know I will always tell you the truth.”

“Of course you do. I never believed in
Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. You wouldn’t let me.”

“A child of your demeanor needed to not
be fooled by imaginary heroes. That’s what Jesus Christ is for.”

“Oh, but Jesus did not stop us from
attending Sunday Mass.”

“That was your father. You know this.
His obsession with religion came with his guilt of being a nitwit.”

“I need a drink.”

“Make me one too. We have some bonding
to do.” She sits back. Her idea of bonding is giving me advice on what I’m
doing wrong. She’ll probably start with my weight first. “We need to start with
your weight, sweetheart. You’re gaining.”

I’m going to need a few drinks.

HUGO

If magic were real, I would be on fire
right now. I’m in a church. A holy grail. It has come to this. I could just go
to a therapist, but I find it rather exciting to come to a church.

           
The
sliding screen opens and the face of a man meets me with dark eyes through that
screen.

           
“Uh,
forgive me father. I have sinned?” I ask. “That’s right, right?”

           
“Have
you’ve been to confession before?”

           
“No…
well if the question is ‘have you ever been in a confession booth before’, then
yes, it was the one time with the girl from my school… but of course you don’t
want me to get into detail of that.”

           
“If
it leads to you confessing all your sins and seeking forgiveness, then it’s
okay.”

           
“Yeah,
well I’ve done a lot of sinning. Lots of it. Loads. Sinning is a very
contradicting thing, don’t you think? I mean, take the no lying for example.
Children are lied to every day about a fat man in a red suit with presents. Be
nice and you get a gift; be naughty and you get coal. Not true. I knew this kid
Jason Wong. Horrible little shit. For his birthday he got a pop star and a
Lexus. There are nice kids that live in good homes and there are kids that live
on streets and get pocket change and scraps from the back alleys of sushi bars.
You can’t kill, but sometimes you have to kill to protect yourself.
Self-defense. I haven’t killed anyone, by the way… well, not physically. More
emotionally and, well, mentally. Due to the evolutionary technology and reality
television, the world is just entirely fucked… sorry for the foul language.”

           
“It’s
alright. Go on my son.”

           
“Anyway…
back to the sinning...” I pause, rubbing my temples. “See, I get a headache
about this now. I could easily go down the line of sins I have committed, but
then we would be in here for weeks, but… I want to talk about a girl.”

           
“Alright…
have you committed sin with the girl?”

           
“Well…
actually yeah, I have, but not intercourse. Anyway, this girl… she’s… she’s not
a perfect person, but…”

           
“But
what?”

           
“Have
you ever met someone that made you feel… inferior?”

           
“Explain.”

           
“Okay…
the first part of my life I felt… inferior to my father. I felt useless to my
mother. The only true attachment I had was to my brothers. Then my father
separated us when my mother killed herself. His words were that I needed to
know a life without emotional attachments if I was going to run the company someday.
He told me this when I was nine years old. Then I met this other girl after my
brother killed himself. She made me feel powerful. Now that I think about it,
of course she did. She took my virginity and even though you’re a man of the
cloth, I would assume you have experienced the effects of sexual gratification.
We are boys, men. Our egos are automatically boosted through being inside a
woman… or man. Sex makes us feel powerful. Sex with this girl did that. Then
other things. Sin to the extreme, I would like to call it. A sort of freedom
from feeling inferior to my father. She made me feel superior, but then…”

           
“Then
what?”

           
“Along
the way, I felt too superior. The thing is, Father… when you feel too superior,
you feel that superiority to be more false than true. I’ve found that people
that feel big about themselves still possess this insecurity and because of
that insecurity they feel a need to convince themselves that they are on top.
But with me, I am not insecure. I know what I am in my pros and cons. I accept
it and because I accept it and own up to my nonsense, I feel superior than
most… and this girl. This new girl… she has brought me back down to
inferiority. When you’re truthful, you don’t think anyone can outdo you with
it… but she does. She is truth and… beauty… inside and out. That is a problem
for me, Father.”

           
“And
why is that a problem?”

           
“I’ve
never spoke the word love before… until now. I haven’t thought of the word love
for a few years now. Since she arrived… not a day goes by that it doesn’t
conjure up in my head.”
   

           
“Do
you think love has been planted in your heart? Do you love this girl?”

           
I
don’t answer.

           
“Do
you love anyone, son? Have you ever loved anyone?”

           
I
hold my breath. I stare into my hands in my lap. I ball them up in fists as my
anxiety rises to the edge. I squeeze my hands as tight as I can, cracking my
fingers, burning the skin.

           
Then
I breathe. I release my hands, opening them, staring at the redness sprawled on
them. I clear my throat.

           
“What
days are you here?”

           
“Every
day.” I look at the screen. I see him smiling to himself.

           
“Okay,
well I’ll be back… one day. Aren’t you supposed to give me a task? Penance or
something like that? Hail Marys?”

           
“Why
don’t we save the Hail Mary’s for a later time? I have a feeling that this is
just the beginning for you. Until then, may your soul continue to be protected
by the Lord and give thanks to him for he is good.”

           
“All
the time?” I fire back.

           
“Yes…
all the time. It is people who are not.”

           
“Yeah,
well God made people.”

           
“Yes,
he did. He made you. The ones who’ve wronged you. The ones you’ve wronged. And
the people who’ve inspired you to come today and confess and seek answers.”

           
“You
know, for a priest, you’re not as commonplace as I thought you would be.”

           
The
priest chuckles and I smirk. “Well… God made people who are placed on Earth for
shock value too.”

           
“Can’t
argue with you there. Until next time, Father.”

JULIET

“So the doctor said you were okay for
release?” I ask my dad.

           
“Yes,
rabbit, for the millionth time,” my dad laughs, frustrated at my worrying.
“Your mother has even the maids following me around. Gregor has to be my
lookout for them and your mum now.”

           
“I
can imagine him now in his military costume from last year’s Halloween and
those night vision goggles.”

           
He
laughs. “You are right about that.” I smile through the phone, sitting on my
bed, staring at the space where the broken glass just was. “Rabbit?”

           
“Yeah?”

           
“What
exactly is going on?”

           
“What
do you mean?”

           
“Parents
have an intuition when their child is in trouble.”

           
“I’m
not in trouble… well I don’t think I am.”

           
“What
did you do?”

           
“Dad!
I have done nothing,” I groan. “It’s a boy, okay? A stupid, stupid boy who
makes my insides and heart feel like millions of stupid butterflies
fluttering.”

           
“You
hate butterflies.”

           
“I
know! My point exactly. Dad, he is not a good guy. You would not approve. He is
horrible so forbid me right now. Tell me to never see him again.”

           
“Sweetheart,
you’re twenty one and you and I both know that the Pope himself couldn’t stop you
from doing what you want.”

           
“True,
only my guilty conscience could.”

           
“And
I suppose you don’t feel guilty about this boy?”

           
“No,
I don’t and that’s what’s driving me crazy. I’m scared of him, that’s for
sure.”

           
“He
isn’t violent, is he?”

           
“No,
Dad, please remember Erickson’s son who tried to man handle me at my coming out
party.”

           
“How
could I forget? Your mother went into depression.”

           
“It’s
not my fault. My fist just happened to connect with his nose. He shouldn’t have
been so fragile.”

           
 
“Yes, the little shit did deserve it, but
let me guess, this boy is a bad boy who pretends to be an arsehole.”

           
“No…
he is an arsehole… but he has this way of being an arsehole who can be nice… in
his own way. You get it?”

           
“I
think I’m coming along.”

           
“Remember
August, who I introduced you to?”

           
“Yes.”

           
“That’s
his twin brother. Hugo. Hugo can say the rudest things and then say kind
things. Even through certain rude things, he has good intentions. The way he is
with his brother is out of love. He doesn’t want to admit it, but it is. I just
like him. I don’t know why anymore; I just do and its getting intense and I’ve
never… I’ve never been afraid of getting my heart broken… but now I think I am
and that makes me wonder if…”

           
I
hear my dad sighing. “If your heart is as strong as you think it is.”

           
“Yeah…
yeah, that’s it. I’m like him in that way. We both were so sure of who we are
as people until… until now, at least for me. Ever since Jessie and the
incident, I never wanted anyone to make me doubt the person I have become.
Especially a man
—
no
offense.”

           
“None
taken… listen Rabbit… you know your mum and I are complete opposites. When I
met her, she was neurotic and uptight and just… not what I wanted originally in
a woman. But the thing is, Juliet, when it comes to attraction, lust, and love…
all the ideals of a significant other goes out the window and sometimes it
takes just one thing for us to care and want that person.”