Six Crime Stories (9 page)

"
Whatever you say
,
"
smiled Buddy obligingly.
"
You don
'
t know her
,
she don
'
t know you
,
I don
'
t know her. Nobody knows nobody
,
Bert. Just have a look at this
,
okay? Be a Good Samaritan and do a favor for a stranger.
"
He pushed the white envelope closer to Bertram and shook it a few times.

"
Did she go to school with me or something
?
"
grimaced Bert
,
reaching slowly for the package.

"
Oh
,
I think you two did some homework together
,
"
tabbed Buddy chidingly.

"
Debby Weems
,
"
muttered Bert thoughtfully
,
closing his forefinger and thumb around the end of the envelope.
"
Debby Weems...
"

"
Yeah
,
"
Buddy smirked.
"
You sure did a lotta
'
studying together
,
all right.
"

Then
,
he thrust the long envelope violently forward
,
and Bert
'
s hand felt like it was on fire.

Screaming
,
Bert stumbled backward
,
and Buddy went with him. Bert was too shocked to think of closing the door
,
but he couldn
'
t if he
'
d wanted to
,
because Buddy was in the way. In fact
,
Buddy had attached himself to Bert; the visitor had a very firm grip on one end of the envelope
,
and the envelope contained a very sharp knife which was imbedded in Bert
'
s right hand. The knife had pierced Bert
'
s palm
,
and its blood-reddened tip now protruded about a half-inch from the skin between his second and third knuckles.

Knocked off-balance
,
Bert scuttled back into his living room
,
his brain spinning senselessly. The bearded attacker encouraged him to move by pushing the knife forward
,
causing the brazier of pain in Bert
'
s hand to flare more brightly.

"
Yeah
,
you two sure did your homework
,
"
barked Buddy
,
his friendly grin still misleadingly in place.
"
Stayed up all night pluggin
'
away at it
,
huh?
"

Bert cried out as Buddy shoved him roughly against a wall
,
then continued to drive the knife forward. When the blade pressed its way through his hand and into his stomach
,
Bert pitched his head back and shrieked like a chimp. His body filled with searing electrical flashes
,
neural lightning bolts of unbearable pain.

He was no longer worrying about his thirty-fifth birthday.

"
You were givin
'
her some private lessons
,
right
,
Bert
?
"
Buddy hissed
,
pushing the knife through Bert
'
s hand until the hilt stopped it from moving further.
"
Didn
'
t think I
'
d ever find out
,
huh? Thought I was stupid!
"
While Bert yowled crazily
,
Buddy grabbed his shoulder and propelled him to the floor. Blood seeped from Bert
'
s wounds like lava
,
turning the light blue shag carpeting purple.
"
Well
,
surprise
,
you son of a bitch! You turned out to be the stupid one
,
after all!
"

Wincing
,
weeping
,
writhing
,
Bertram gaped upward
,
saw that Buddy wasn
'
t grinning anymore. He was sneering viciously now
,
and had a mad gleam in his eyes
,
a porcelain sparkle which had probably been concealed there all along.

"
She wants to leave me
'
cause of you
,
y
'
know that
?
"
snorted Buddy
,
walking around to kick Bertram in the crotch.
"
She says she
'
s sick of me
,
'
cause I don
'
t treat her as good as you.
"
Glistening silver-dollar eyes leering downward
,
he thrust his cowboy boot once again into Bert
'
s groin. Bert didn
'
t enjoy it; he wriggled and tried to curl up to protect his sensitive parts
,
but when he moved
,
the pain in his hand and gut only got wilder.

"
Oh God
,
oh God
!
"
wailed Bert while Buddy paused and wondered what damage he should do next.
"
I don
'
t know her! I swear to God--I
'
ve never even heard of her!
"

Buddy decided to land another strong kick in his victim
'
s crotch
,
since that was the part of Bert
'
s body which angered him the most.
"
Bull
!
"
he shouted
,
plunging the pointed toe of his boot into Bert
'
s soft flesh.
"
I know you
'
ve been makin
'
her! She told me your name!
"

"
No...
,
"
whimpered Bert as he twisted on the carpet.
"
Not me! Please...you
'
ve gotta
'
believe me!
"
Frantically
,
he tried to think of some way to escape
,
some way to survive...but he came up with nothing. Buddy was powerful
,
and he had him cornered; even if Bert hadn
'
t been pudgy and slack
,
he would have had a hell of a time trying to fight back or get away with one hand skewered to his belly like a hunk of shish kebab.

"
Forget it
,
you moron
!
"
Buddy bellowed.
"
She named you! Bert Delisky! You
'
re Bert Delisky!
"

"
God
,
no
!
"
Bert quivered
,
shaking his head.
"
It
'
s not me! I didn
'
t do it!
"

"
Oh
?
"
Buddy said
,
lifting his eyebrows and softening his expression inexplicably.
"
Geez
,
I
'
m really sorry I bothered you
,
then.
"

Oddly
,
he turned from Bert and walked out the front door.

Thirty seconds later
,
just as Bert was beginning to hope that his ordeal was over
,
Buddy returned. In one hand
,
he was carrying a pair of scissors with long silver blades. In his other hand
,
he toted a pick-ax.

When Bert spotted the malicious-looking tools
,
he wanted to pass out; he knew that he would be much more comfortable from that point on if he was unconscious
,
or better yet
,
if he was dead. Unfortunately
,
he couldn
'
t seem to faint at the moment. Though he was fairly certain that he would be killed in the very near future
,
his survival instincts kept clamoring for attention
,
demanding that he stay awake and rescue himself.

His survival instincts weren
'
t functioning very sensibly
,
as far as Bert
'
s mental health was concerned.

Buddy tossed the pick-ax aside
,
and it thumped heavily onto the carpet.
"
Y
'
know what
?
"
he laughed
,
walking slowly around Bert
'
s thundering skull.
"
You
'
re a real hound
,
man. I mean it
,
Bert.
"
He sneered down at the pitiful wretch for a second
,
then knelt at Bert
'
s left side.
"
You got a way with the ladies
,
"
he chuckled blithely
,
grabbing Bert
'
s last remaining uninjured arm.
"
If you were doin
'
any other woman
,
I
'
d say
'
Way to go
,
pal.
'
Heck
,
I
'
d prob
'
ly buy you a beer!
"

"
Please
,
"
gasped Bertram as Buddy rolled him over.
"
Please
,
don
'
t...
"

"
Aw
,
relax
,
"
snickered Buddy
,
pinning Bert
'
s arm to the floor beneath his knee.
"
Like I was sayin
'
,
if it had been anybody else except my wife
,
I
'
d
'
ve congratulated you. Problem is
,
"
he said
,
clamping a hand against Bert
'
s forehead
,
"
my wife is off-limits.
'
No Trespassing
,
'
know what I mean?
"

"
I didn
'
t do it
!
"
Bertram whined
,
his eyes ballooning fearfully.

"
See
,
if you
'
re a hound
,
and you come sniffin
'
around my woman
,
well...
"
Buddy snipped the blades of the scissors together twice
,
then lowered them toward Bert
'
s sweaty face.
"
Let
'
s just say you
'
re liable to get your sniffer taken off!
"