Size Matters (12 page)

Mission accomplished.

CHAPTER
Nineteen

M
ONDAY MORNING,
and Bryn was not liking the morning shift. She hadn’t slept well the night before, unable to get the aggravation out of her head. How could Eli do that to her? He was an all-out asshole, and he’d done it on purpose. If he couldn’t have her, he didn’t want anyone else to, either.

She put her key into the back door of the shop, but it was already open. She looked around and didn’t see Penny’s car. But there she was, head rested on her arms on the break room table.

“Pen, you okay?”

She picked up her head slightly, eyes red and puffy. “No.”

Bryn sat in the chair next to her and scooted closer, rubbing her hand on her back. “What happened? How’d you get here?”

“I walked.”

“Really? It’s gotta be like three miles.”

“I know. We fought for most of the night and I couldn’t sleep. I finally just got dressed and started walking. I thought it would clear my head, but it didn’t.”

“What did you fight about?”

“The same stuff. But this was different. He said something that really messed with my head. He said I needed to chill out ’cause other women weren’t so needy and clingy. What do you think that means?”

Yikes. That didn’t sound good. “I don’t know. Maybe you shouldn’t read into it.”

“You think he’s cheating on me, don’t you?”

The thought had occurred to her. Should she tell her friend that? She could be completely wrong and their argument could have been misunderstood. “I don’t think you should jump to any conclusions. Maybe you should talk to him. Calmly. You need to have a civil discussion and not a shouting match.”

Penny let her head flop back onto her arms. “I tried. It just turned into a crazy argument. And it’s more than what he said. He’s been going out a lot with his friends and he’s real possessive with his phone. I know those are signs. I Googled it.”

Poor Penny. Bryn really had no way to explain that away, so she just put her arm around her while she sobbed. “Why don’t you go home and relax.”

“I can’t. I’ll just think about everything.”

“Okay, then a spa. My treat. Spend the whole day.”

She shook her head. “I have too much to do. I have to finalize the promo for the show and submit it to the printer.”

“I’ll do it. It’s no big deal. Your health and well-being are more important to me. I won’t take no for a answer.”

Bryn pulled her cell phone from her purse before Penny could protest and dialed the number for the day spa they often did packages with. Ten minutes later she hugged her and put her in a cab, sending her for a day of massage, a facial, a mani-pedi, and whatever else she wanted. Penny may be her employee, but she was also one of her closest friends. She’d been there when Bryn had lost Johnny, and Bryn would be there for Penny to help her get through whatever was going on with her marriage.

“WHAT ARE
you doing?” Mia asked, appearing at Bryn’s side.

“I have no friggin’ clue. I guess I didn’t realize what I was getting myself into when I sent Penny to the spa for the day.”

“Uh, why is Penny at the spa?”

“Long story short, her husband might be having an affair.”

“Oh, that sucks. I thought they were trying to have a baby.”

“Yeah, well, apparently it hasn’t been going well and he’s seeking comfort outside their marriage. She was so upset there was no point in her staying for her shift. So you need to help me with this. I told her I’d take care of it.”

“Well, that was a dumb thing to say.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Mia leaned over and moved the mouse around and clicked a few things. “There. That looks better.”

“How’d you do that?”

“I don’t know. I can’t explain it. I just do it.”

“I’m glad one of us knows what we’re doing.” Bryn reviewed the promo postcard and the text looked good. “So, what do I do now?”

“Click this button to add it to the cart,” she said, and pointed to a button with a shopping cart on it.

Bryn stood and moved away from her desk. “Here, you do it. I’m just gonna mess it up.”

Mia moved in and got to work. “So how was the rest of the weekend? I didn’t talk to you yesterday.”

“Troy called and we went to dinner.”

Mia’s head whipped toward her, eyes wide, huge grin. “Really?”

“Yeah. And everything was great until we were rushing to his house to have sex and he got pulled over for speeding.”

“That must have been a buzz kill.”

“Especially since Eli was the cop.”

“No!”

“Yeah. And he was a total asshole. Completely ruined the mood.”

“So you didn’t go home with Troy?”

“No.”

“Why did you let Eli stop you from enjoying yourself?”

“So now you approve of me having sex with Troy?”

“I was only against sex on the first date. This was your second.”

Bryn rolled her eyes and shook her head. “I will never understand your logic.”

“I’m more concerned about why you let a little confrontation with Eli prevent you from getting laid. That’s not the Bryn I know.”

“I don’t know. Seeing him . . . it just . . .” She couldn’t look Mia in the eyes.

“You still have feelings for him.”

“Of course I do. But this was different. He looked so hot being all authoritative and dressed up in his uniform. The badge and the gun. It was really sexy.”

“Okay. Being attracted to someone is one thing. Do you think you want to get back together with him?”

Bryn plopped into the other chair in the office. “I have no clue. Part of me, the lower part, sees him and is so turned on, but then my brain reminds me of the times we were together. His insecurities, all of it, it just didn’t work.”

“Then let him go and concentrate on Troy.”

“Maybe you’re right.” Bryn let her head roll back, eyes closed. “Why is this so complicated? All I want is a nice guy who’s great in bed. This shouldn’t be so difficult.”

“It’ll all fall into place. It did for me.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. I used to say that to people all the time when I was happily married and having fabulous orgasms on a regular basis. I never knew how rare it really was.”

Bryn had really lucked out in the man department with Johnny. Maybe that’s why she was having such a hard time now. Maybe the perfect guy for her had already existed and she would never find perfection again.

BRYN PULLED
into her parents’ driveway and saw her mother sitting on the step, looking just like she had when Bryn was ten and had knocked over her favorite vase. This was bad. Very, very bad. She didn’t want to get out of the car.

“Why did you lie to me?” she asked as Bryn stepped toward the house.

“If this is about last night, you didn’t give me much choice.”

“There is always a choice. And choosing the right thing is always the best choice.”

“The right thing for you, or the right thing for me? ’Cause those are two entirely different things.” Bryn had a feeling this was going to be another one of those awful arguments with her mother.

“Those kids deserve so much more than a mother traipsing around town with different men.”

“That’s not what I’m doing.”

“It is. I know you went out with a man last night. Jaxson told me. You lied about who you were going to dinner with and tricked me into babysitting.”

Why? Why? Why? Again Bryn was having the exact same fight with her mother. Why couldn’t she let her live her own fucking life?

“If you would be supportive instead of being a huge bitch, then we wouldn’t have this problem, now would we?” Bryn knew it was wrong the second the B-word left her lips, anger having completely taking over control, but there was no taking it back now. She’d never called her mother that, ever. Even in the midst of teenage hell. “I’m sorry. I just don’t know how to make you understand.”

“I understand all right. You’re perfectly fine sacrificing your children’s happiness for your own, and have a problem with me pointing it out to you. I’m looking out for those poor children—it seems as if I’m the only one doing it.”

Had she really said those words? Was her mother really being this cruel? The sting of tears pricked her eyes. She didn’t even try to blink them away. Her mother needed to see how upset she was.

“I don’t know what to say to you anymore to even try and explain why I’m doing what I’m doing. Regardless of what you think, I am doing this for my kids. So I can give them a complete family and a mother who is whole and happy, too. I don’t expect you to understand.”

Bryn stepped past her mother, wiping her tears, and gathered the kids and their belongings as quickly as she could. She heard her dad calling her name as she walked back to the car, but she ignored him. She just needed to get out of there.

The kids yelled and argued as she drove. Somehow a ball got tossed up into the front seat. Zach was making flatulence noises. Normally these things would have her on edge, telling the kids to cut it out. But she was numb. When they got home, she ushered them into the house, and after they had run off to do their own things, Bryn went to her room, collapsed on her bed, and let the tears come. And they sure as hell came, in big, ugly sobs. Buckets of tears rolled down her cheeks. She hadn’t cried like that in a long time. Not since after Johnny had died.

The doorbell rang. Who the hell was interrupting her misery? Bryn sat up, her head throbbing. Maybe she could ignore them. They’d go away eventually. The doorbell rang again, followed by a rough rapping. And she knew who it was. Only one person knocked like that.

Bryn walked to the front door and opened it. Was she too old to fall into her daddy’s arms and cry? Apparently not, because that’s exactly what she did. And her daddy wrapped his arms around her like he had when she was a little girl.

“She’s tough on you ’cause she loves you and the kids.”

“That’s bullshit.” If he came here to defend her, he could go right back to where he came from. Bryn pulled away, wiping her tears. “Did you hear what she said to me?”

“Most of it.”

“She basically called me a whore. A mother who loves her daughter does not call her a whore.” She stepped back. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m working really hard to make my life complete again and if she can’t understand that, she needs to stay out of my life.”

“I know. But—”

“No buts.” Bryn had enough confusing and frustrating things in her love life. She didn’t need this, too. “I’m done. She can call me when she’s ready to apologize, and until then, I’ll find someone else to watch the kids I’m apparently screwing up.”

“Bryn, don’t do this.”

“She’s doing this.”

“We have to find a way to work this out.”

“I told you how it can be worked out.” She put her hand to the door and stepped back. “I have to make dinner for the kids.”

Her gaze dropped to the floor. She couldn’t look at her father as she closed the door in his face.

CHAPTE
R
Twenty

A
NOTHER DAY
of work with a raging headache. Bryn emerged from the bathroom after downing a second dose of ibuprofen.

“There’s my girl,” Logan said, arms spread wide.

She hugged him, a smile forming despite her pounding head. She hadn’t seen him since their last promotional event for the dildo line. He was a bit conceited, as most male models are, but he was so sweet. Like a little brother who didn’t annoy her. Too much, anyway.

“It’s been forever. What have you been up to?”

“I’m working at the coffeehouse, but doing some modeling, too. You wouldn’t believe how high the demand is for gay photo shoots. I guess they use ’em for romance novel covers and whatnot.”

“Male-male romance? I like it. And how cool—you’re going to be on the cover of a book.”

“It is pretty sweet.”

Logan was damn adorable. That smile, the eyes, and genuinely one of the nicest guys she’d ever met. “Why can’t you be straight?”

He laughed. “ ’Cause I like cock, just like you do.”

“Fair enough.”

She led him to the break room, where she and Mia had already laid out the men’s lingerie for the fashion show.

Logan picked up a florescent-green thong. “I like this.”

“I figured you would. You have a nice ass, do you mind modeling all the thongs?”

“Fine by me.”

Bryn grabbed the pile and handed them to him. “Try these on and make sure they fit. If not, we need to get them to a seamstress fast.”

As Logan went into the bathroom to change, Bryn surveyed the table, considering what she wanted to wear in the show. Mia and Penny had already put the kibosh on all thongs for both of them as well, so Bryn would be in charge of those. Gee. Who’s brilliant idea was this again? Whatever. At this point in her life, either people liked her body or they didn’t, and she didn’t care which it was.

“I like the hot pink fishnet nightgown thingy.” Penny came in behind her, looking far happier than she had the day before.

“Yeah? You wanna wear it in the show?”

“As long as I can wear something under it.”

“Of course.” Bryn smiled, taking in Penny’s face. Her eyes weren’t puffy and she had some color to her cheeks. She looked rested. “So, you’re still doing the show? Everything’s okay . . . at home?”

“I wouldn’t say okay, but better. We talked last night. Civilly, for once. And it was nice. We’re gonna take a break from the baby thing. Try to get back to us. Have some fun and relax. And who knows, I might get pregnant.”

“Sounds like a great plan to me.” She reached out and hugged her friend. “If Jack comes to the show, and sees you in all this sexy lingerie, he’ll wanna do ya 24-7.”

Penny shook her head. “You’re so bad.”

“Isn’t that the truth?” Mia walked into the break room. “Which items on this table will cover the most skin? That’s what I want.”

“It’s lingerie, not a muumuu show.”

“Very funny. Now please find me the most modest pieces.”

Bryn rummaged through and handed Mia the most unrevealing items she could find. But still Mia made a face.

“Just try them on!”

As Mia headed for the bathroom, Logan came out with one of his balls hanging out of the thong he was wearing. “I think this one’s a little small for me.”

“Oh my God!” Mia laughed and covered her eyes.

“I must have given you the women’s by mistake,” Bryn said, and sifted through the tiny garments on the table, finally finding the right one. She flung the elastic at Logan.

Bryn heard the faint sound of her cell phone ringing. Grabbing her purse, she found it just in time. “Hello?”

“Mrs. Harper? This is Miss McCann from Kenville Elementary.”

“Yes?”

“We had a small problem today with Jaxson.”

“Oh crap. What happened now?”

“Well . . . We found him in the closet with one of the little girls.”

“And?” Bryn was anxious now.

“She was . . . um . . . not wearing all her clothes.”

“Can you be a little more specific?”

“She didn’t have a shirt on.”

“Oh.”

“They both say he didn’t touch her and he was just looking, but I had to call you.”

“Thanks.” What else was she supposed to say? She had no freaking clue what she was supposed to do. “Which girl was it?”

“I’m not sure I should tell you.”

This woman seemed to enjoy pissing her off. “I’m gonna find out anyway when I speak to my son.”

“Okay . . . it was Livia.”

Thank God it wasn’t Amelia. “Thanks for the call.”

“And I have to warn you. I’ll be calling the girl’s parents, too, and if they want, they can have Jaxson kicked out of camp.”

“But he didn’t touch her.”

“That’s what they say, but we have zero tolerance for sexual abuse in our school district.”

“Sexual abuse? Are you freaking kidding me right now? He’s just a curious ten-year-old. He didn’t do anything.”

“Please calm down, Mrs. Harper. It’s school policy to inform both families of the incident. But the parents might not act on it.”

This was a disaster. The throbbing in Bryn’s head was back and worse than before. “Fine,” she muttered, and hung up.

This sucked. The teacher had acted like her kid was a monster. He was just a little boy who wanted to know what a girl’s parts looked like. She needed to have a talk with him. But how? She didn’t have a clue where to start. This is why her boys needed a man in their lives. A good man, who could teach them how to properly treat a woman. A man like . . . Eli.

Bryn hated doing it, but she was desperate. After the way she’d acted the other night, and his stupid actions, too, Eli was the last person she wanted to talk to right now. But he was a dad. He was better at kid stuff than Oliver. She had to do it.

“Hey. I need your help,” she said to his voice mail. “It’s boy stuff and I just don’t know what to do. Call me when you get this. Thank you.”

ELI DIDN’T
think there was anything Bryn could do that would make him not come running when she sounded so sad and so upset. He rang her bell and waited. When she appeared behind the screen door, his gut fluttered. Even just in yoga pants and a tank top, she was so beautiful.

“Hey. How are you?”

“I’ve been better,” she said. “Come on in.”

“Amelia gave me a few bits and pieces, but all she said was that Jax was in the closet with Livia and Miss McCann was really mad.”

“I think she overreacted, but I want to take this seriously. I don’t know what to do or what to say to him, though.”

“I’ll do my best to help.”

Bryn led him to Jax’s room. He was in there alone, sitting on his bed playing a video game. He looked up when they walked in.

“Eli! Hi!” A smile filled his face and he threw down his game. “Are you here to hang out?”

“Uh, not quite. Just came to talk to you.” He crossed the room and sat on the bed.

The smile had faded away. “My mom told you.”

“She did. And I think it’s important that we have a serious talk.”

“I already know. Miss McCann already yelled at me.”

“I’m not gonna yell. I just want to explain some things about girls and women. Is that okay with you?”

He shrugged, gaze on his hands in his lap. “I guess.”

He went on with the speech he’d prepared on the way over. He told Jax how important it was to respect women and respect their bodies. They’re not something to gawk at. He told him it’s okay to be curious, but there are other ways to get the answers he needs besides asking a girl to take off her clothes.

Jax nodded and umm-hmmed the whole time; it seemed as if Eli’s words were sinking in.

“And you can call me anytime you have questions you’re too embarrassed to ask your mom.”

“Really?”

“Yes, sir. I’m your friend and I care about you.” He looked up at Bryn as he continued. “I’m here anytime you need me.” The smile across her face melted his heart, as sappy as that sounded. He turned back to Jax. “So are we good? Do you have any questions?”

“Not right now.”

“Good.” He put his arm around him and squeezed. “I’ll see you soon.”

Eli stood and walked to the doorway. Bryn backed out and Eli closed the door behind him.

“I don’t have a clue how to say thank you for what you did tonight.”

“It’s no problem. I want to help if I can.” In the narrow hallway, he was so close that if he really wanted to, all he had to do was lean forward and their lips would touch. And he sure as hell wanted to.

“Did you have dinner?” she asked. “I made the kids grilled cheese and green beans, but I didn’t eat yet. I can make us something.”

Even if he’d just eaten a five-course gourmet meal, there was no way he would turn her down. “Sure.”

Bryn pulled out a wok and threw in diced chicken and a bunch of random seasonings. They engaged in small talk while she cut up vegetables—kids, weather, summer stuff. She talked about the shop and the upcoming fashion show. He loved listening to her. It didn’t matter what it was about. It all felt homey and comfortable, like normal family life.

A few minutes later she served stir-fry over a bed of rice and they sat at the table to eat.

“This is amazing,” he managed between heaping forkfuls. “I can’t believe you just threw all this stuff in a pan.”

“It’s easy. I love stir-fry. I could eat it every day.”

They chatted some more about food. It wasn’t anything special or meaningful, but this is what he craved. Enjoying the little things. He gazed at her across the table, hoping not to get caught staring. She was so damn beautiful. Very little makeup, hair pulled into some sort of messy bun. His chest actually ached thinking about later on when he’d have to leave and go back to his empty house.

And the other night. Damn she was hot when mad. He wanted to tell her then, but he had a feeling it wouldn’t have gone over well. Should he tell her now? There were more pressing issues on his mind, like what actually had happened between them to make her break it off. If he did something wrong, he’d like to know. Maybe he could fix it.

But then they started talking again, and laughing, and the mood was way too good to ruin. Maybe he should just forget what happened in the past. Start new. Maybe this time he wouldn’t screw it up. He just wished he knew how to avoid it.

Bryn walked him to the door, even though he really didn’t want to leave. “Thank you so much for tonight. The stir-fry was hardly enough to show my gratitude.”

“It was more than enough. Really. I had fun with you. And you know I’m always here if you need me. For anything.”

He held her gaze, seeing something familiar there. Desire? Love? Something good. He turned and walked down the porch steps. This had been a good night. A giant leap toward where he wanted to be. Hopefully it was just the beginning. He couldn’t handle stepping backward again.

BRYN CLOSED
the door after Eli and got the kids in bed, not allowing herself to think too much about how nice the evening had been. She got in bed and tried to read her book, but no such luck. Her mind kept flashing her tidbits of her night with Eli. And the more she replayed it, the happier she was.

Maybe he could find a way to get past his insecurities. Maybe she could learn to live with them. In the grand scheme of things, how important was sex? Was it really as big a deal breaker as she originally thought? If a man was perfect in every other aspect, did the sex part even matter?

Bryn really,
really
wished she could answer that last question with a no, but she liked sex. Awesome, wild, passionate, break-the-bed-and-don’t-care sex. She craved it. She needed it. And Eli just wasn’t the kind of guy who could give that to her.

But he was so damn sweet, and everything else about him was so perfect. Maybe it was time for her to reevaluate what was really important. Maybe sex and size really didn’t matter.

This was all so damn confusing, and Bryn was too tired to give it any real thought now. She grabbed her phone to check her messages before she turned out the light. There was a voice mail from Troy, asking if everything was okay. She probably should call him and give some kind of explanation. She’d barely even pecked his cheek the other night when he’d dropped her off.

Bryn dialed his number and it rang a bunch of times. She expected it to go to voice mail, but then he picked up.

“Hey.”

“Hi, how are you?”

“Good.”

“Am I interrupting something?”

“Uh, no. What’s up?”

That didn’t sound too convincing. “Just returning your call. I’m really sorry about the other night.”

“Don’t worry about it. So how do you know that cop?”

“We sorta used to date.”

“That makes sense then.”

“What do you mean?”

“It explains why he was such an asshole.”

The comment sizzled Bryn’s nerves. Only she could call Eli an asshole. “He’s a good guy.” A great guy. The best. A guy she could see herself being with long term.

Whoa. Had that thought seriously entered her mind?

“He obviously isn’t over you,” Troy continued.

“Maybe not.” Bryn couldn’t tell if he was angry or jealous, but he was definitely acting weird and it was annoying. “Okay, so . . . I guess I’ll go then.”

“Yeah. I’ll talk to you later.”

Bryn hit the end button. Very weird. She went to the kitchen for some water, noticing that the kids had left the computer on again. She wiggled the mouse and quickly checked her email. Twenty-five new messages? That was unusual. She opened her in-box. Every single one was a message notification from Forever Mate. Wow. Bryn clicked over, expecting to see messages from a bunch of different men, but they were all from Joel.

Hey. I haven’t heard from you. Where have you been?

How are you? I miss you? Let’s get together soon.

I’m thinking of you. I want to kiss you and hold you, lick every inch of your skin.

Why haven’t you replied? Where are you? I miss you.

Hi! How are you today? I thought about you all last night. I couldn’t stop touching myself.

This was seriously freaking her out. Joel had seemed so nice, but it didn’t take long for the crazy to come out. Looks like it was time to delete her profile.