Read Skinny Melon and Me Online
Authors: Jean Ure
Skinny Melon and Me (13 page)
Monday
I wish I hadn’t laughed about his stupid old fish. He spent ages picking them out, choosing the ones with personalities. Well, he said they had personalities. Perhaps he really thinks they do. It is true he wouldn’t have had time to get attached to them, I don’t think, but I can see that it was a bit upsetting for him. He is quite soft about animals and as a matter of fact so am I, which is why I am glad I have decided after Christmas to give up eating them. Mum is giving up because of Slimey but I am giving up because of principles. Also because of not wishing to be poisoned, but that is really only a small part of it.
I am not sure why Skinny is doing it. Maybe just because of me. She does like animals, but I don’t think she truly appreciates how lucky she is to have a dog. Sometimes she grumbles about having to take Lulu for her walks. I would never do that. If I had a dog I would take it out happily and gladly every single day.
I thought of telling Slimey that I was sorry I laughed about his fish, but if I did Mum would think it was because of her getting mad at me. He would be bound to tell her. They tell each other everything. When I am married I will still want to have secrets.
If I
am married. It might be difficult, living in a cardboard box.
Found out about Parents’ Evening and rang Dad. He said, “Right! Got it. It’s going in my diary. Have you told your mother?” So I went and told Mum and she wailed, “Oh, Cherry! Did you have to?” I said, “Have to what?” and she said, “Invite your father!” I said, “It is
Parents’ Evening?
And Dad is my parent.”
There wasn’t very much she could say to that.
I know why she doesn’t want him there. It’s because she wants to drag Slimey along with us. Well, it’s
my
school and Dad’s
my
parent and he’s going to come whether Mum likes it or not!
Told Skinny about Dad coming to Parents’ Evening. She said, “What about Roly?” I said, “What about him? He’s not my dad!” Skinny said she knew that, but wouldn’t he be hurt?
Why should he be hurt? He can go to Bernard Butter’s rotten Parents’ Evening. He’s not coming to mine!
Forgot to write in here yesterday. I keep forgetting to write. I forgot last week, as well, only then it was Wednesday. And all I wrote on Thursday was just one line. Partly this is because of the enormous gigantic amount of homework they give us at this school and partly it is because of having to stay late for rehearsals and partly it is because of wanting to get back to my book. The
I Capture the Castle
book. I am nearly at the end of it and am getting worried about what is going to happen. I couldn’t bear it if Rose got Neil!
She did! She got him! And Cassandra ended up with boring old Simon. If it hadn’t been for that it would have been one of the very best books I have ever read. Well, it still is one of the best books I have read but I think she got the ending wrong, that is all. I am going to write a note to Slimey and tell him so. And then I am going to put the note under the door of the back room where he does his elves.
I have written the note. It is a nice one to make up for laughing about his fish.
What I have said is this:
I put the xxx bit just to be polite.
Sereena came over for tea. It was Mum’s idea. I kept waiting eagerly for her to start telling some of her dirty jokes but she just sat there looking like she’s made of marshmallow, all soft and sweet and gooey.
It was repulsive! Specially as I happen to know what she’s really like. I told her about Slimey’s book that he gave me and she said it sounded as though it would be a bit too grown-up for her. How two-faced can you get? She said, “I’m still reading Judy Blume.” “Oh, you mean like
Forever
?” I said, kicking at her ankle underneath the table. Her satellite dishes went huge as flying saucers. She said, “That’s a rude one, isn’t it? My mum wouldn’t like it if I read that.”
Mum said, “Three cheers for your mum!” which was a totally meaningless remark considering she hasn’t the faintest idea what
Forever
is about. At least, I don’t think she has. It was also hypocritical, since she has never stopped me reading anything I wanted. She was just sucking up to Sereena.
I was really disappointed in that girl. Talk about playacting! Now of course Mum is convinced she’s the sweetest thing there ever was and is trying to talk Mrs Swaddle into sending her to Ruskin Manor next term. She thinks she would be a good influence on me. Ha!
141 Arethusa Road
London W5
13 November
Dear Carol,
Things go from bad to worse. Now she won’t even talk to Roly but simply puts notes under his door! Well, one note. Ungracious as usual. She says she liked
I Capture the Castle
but thought the ending was wrong. She says Cassandra should have had Neil, as Simon is too old and has a beard. I pointed out rather tartly that as a matter of fact, if she had read the book properly, she would have noticed that he shaved it off, but she said she had read it properly and she knows he shaved it off but it didn’t make any difference, she still thought of him as having a beard. She said that he was “a beardy sort of person” and that Rose going off with Neil ruined the entire story. How perverse can you get?
Roly says she is simply exercising her critical faculty. He also says that her note is in return for his cards and it shows she is willing at last to start a dialogue. Some dialogue! Ungrateful little beast.
The little girl over the road came to tea this afternoon. Sereena. I personally find her quite
delightful – quite refreshingly innocent – and would be only too happy if she and Cherry became friends but Cherry is being her usual churlish self. Whenever I mention her name she either sniggers, as if I’ve said something secretly amusing, or else she rolls her eyes and groans, as if I’ve said something incredibly moronic. Roly, surprisingly enough, has not taken to her. Sereena, I mean. He said there is something that doesn’t quite ring true but he cannot put his finger on it. I told him that he has lived with my ghastly daughter for too long and has forgotten what normal, nice children are like!
Who’d be a mother? Tell your gorgeous Hunk that you intend to preserve your sanity and remain childless!
All my love,
Monday
When I got home from school today there was a parcel waiting for me from America! I tore it open and inside was a box which said “Armadillo Droppings” with a picture of an armadillo. An armadillo looks like this:
Armadillo droppings look like this:
They are round and squidgy and treacle-coloured and you can eat them! Of course they are toffees in fact, but very realistic. Mum said, “Trust Texans!” and shuddered when I offered her one. She said, “They’ll stick your teeth up.” Slimey on the other hand ate two and said they were “yummy” (which is the sort of word he likes to use). For once I have to agree with him! They are incredibly, scrumptiously yummy! I ate four, one after another, until Mum told me to stop being piglike, which is unfair to pigs who are actually not greedy animals left to themselves, but anyway I thought I had better stop or I would have eaten them all and I want to take them in to school tomorrow and see people’s faces when I say, “Have an armadillo turd!”
