Sleigh Bells in the Snow (31 page)

“I love my job.”

“Yes, but you’ve let your job fill your whole life because you’re afraid of what will happen if you don’t. You do that job out of fear. You work those hours out of fear, because you’re afraid that if you don’t keep moving you might just build connections with people, and the next step to that is becoming involved and that terrifies you. You ran away at thirteen and you’re still running away.”

Her face was so white it almost merged with the snow around her. “That isn’t true—”

“I’m offering you a job
and
a life. And that life includes me.”

“I can’t believe you’re serious.”

“Then maybe this will prove it.” He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out the box he’d zipped in there the night before.

“No! Jackson—” She moaned his name and gasped as he flipped opened the box. The diamond sparkled in the winter sunshine. “Oh,
God,
that’s beautiful.”

He allowed himself a brief moment of satisfaction that he’d got that part right.

“Marry me, Kayla. Stop running, marry me and we’ll build a life together.”

The healthy glow left her cheeks. Her lips were the only stain of colour in her face. She pulled off her glove and her hand hovered over the ring.

His heart lifted and hope, ruthlessly suppressed, broke free.

Then she curled her fingers into her palm and shook her head. “I can’t.” The words were a whisper, and she pressed her hand to her mouth. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”

For the first time in his life he knew how it felt to be desperate. “I know you’re scared, I know on the surface it seems like a risky decision, but I love you, and that isn’t going to change. I’m know I’m asking you to walk away from the safe option, but always choosing the safe option stops you reaching for something more. Is that really the way you want to live?”

She was silent and then finally she looked up at him, her eyes blank. “It’s exactly the way I want to live. It’s the only way I know how to live. I’m sorry, Jackson. I—I really
am
sorry, but I can’t. I have to go back to New York.”

CHAPTER NINETEEN

T
HE
CAB
ARRIVED
at 8:00 a.m.

The snow was already falling heavily, and Kayla lifted her face to it, knowing now that snow was good for the business. Snow meant skiers, and skiers meant money for Snow Crystal.

“Better hurry, lady.” The driver threw her bags into the trunk, and Kayla tucked Maple inside her coat.

She’d spent the night alone on the shelf with just the puppy for company. She’d waited for Jackson, her emotions fluctuating between relief and disappointment when he hadn’t come.

She didn’t blame him. He’d put everything out there, and she hadn’t even met him halfway.

How could she?

What he was suggesting wasn’t just ridiculous, it was terrifying.

She wondered if Elizabeth had known what had happened. Had Jackson told her?

The cab stopped at the main house and she slid out, still holding Maple. For a crazy moment she wondered if she could have a dog in her apartment in New York, and then she realized she didn’t want any dog—she wanted
this
dog and there was no way the O’Neils would part with the puppy. She was as much a member of the family as Jess or Alice, and the O’Neils didn’t consider family members disposable. Even when life was tough, they stuck together.

She walked down the path, steady this time in her beautiful new boots, and paused for a moment to stare at the mistletoe bunched above the door before ringing the bell. There was nothing romantic about mistletoe, she reminded herself.

Mistletoe was poisonous.

The door opened. Walter stood there along with Elizabeth, Tyler and Jess.

Kayla forced herself to hand Maple over to Elizabeth. “Thank you. For being so welcoming, for listening to me, for the necklace—” She reached forward and embraced the other woman, and Elizabeth hugged her back.

“You have such an exciting future. We’re proud of you, dear, so proud.”

Oh, God—

No one had ever said that to her. No one.

“Keep those knives away from Élise in the kitchen.” She pulled away before she made a fool of herself, but then Walter stepped forward and hugged her.

And she hugged him back, surprised by the strength in his bony frame, thinking that this man was as much a part of Snow Crystal as the mountains and the snow. “I’ve set up some interviews. You’re going to be a star, Walter.” Her voice was croaky. “Just don’t scare them too much.”

“You’d better come back and keep me in line. And do it soon.” Patting her back, he released her and cleared his throat. “Alice isn’t good with goodbyes. She’s inside. You could give her a wave.”

Alice was standing in the window holding her knitting, the lights from the Christmas tree glowing behind her.

Deciding she wasn’t good at goodbyes, either, Kayla waved and Elizabeth pressed a small package into her hand.

“A few gingerbread Santas. In case you’re hungry on the journey.”

“You’re not going to cry, are you?” Tyler drawled. “Because if there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s a sobbing woman.”

“Dad!” Rolling her eyes, Jess gave Kayla an awkward smile. “Come back soon so you can teach me to skate.”

Tyler winked and stepped forward to give her a warm hug. “Take care of yourself. Place isn’t going to be the same without seeing you lying flat on your back in the snow every time I turn a corner.” He lowered his voice. “Jackson’s taken the groomer up one of the trails. He said he’ll catch up with you soon.”

In other words he hadn’t wanted to see her.

And she couldn’t blame him for that.

He’d offered her everything, and she’d given him nothing in return. Nothing except her skills at her job, and they both knew that was something she gave freely to anyone with the money to pay Innovation the going rate.

The cabdriver leaned on his horn.

“I’d better be going—” Kayla turned and walked back down the path. As she slid into the cab she felt as if someone had taken one of the boulders from the top of the mountain and pushed it onto her chest.

She sat, flattened by misery and something heavier that she didn’t recognize.

The car moved silently along the snowy track toward the road, and Kayla stared at the lake, her vision blurring. She blinked a few times, remembering the first day she’d arrived here.

“Home for the holidays?” The taxi driver glanced in his mirror and she shook her head.

“I was working. Home is New York.”

Her life was in New York.

She’d come here to escape Christmas, and Christmas was over, so why didn’t she feel more excited about going back?

Trying to pull herself together, she reached for her phone and tried to check her emails, but the signal was so patchy it was impossible to work. Or maybe it was her concentration that was patchy. All she knew was that her head throbbed and she still had preparation to do for her meeting. The meeting with the partners to discuss her promotion.

She should have been buzzing with excitement.

Instead she kept thinking of Alice’s face in the window. Of Walter hugging her. Of Maple licking her toes as she’d stepped out of the shower.

Of Jackson.

Feeling tears burn her throat, she reached into her bag for tissues, and her fingers closed over the envelope she’d forgotten. Her Christmas gift. Numb, she ripped it open and read the card. The message inside was printed, a generic festive greeting that would have been sent to all her father’s clients.

She waited for the thud of disappointment, but it didn’t come.

Somewhere along the way she’d given up expecting anything different from her family. Given up wanting something they couldn’t deliver.

They weren’t close, and nothing she did was going to change that.

Stuffing the envelope back into her bag, her fingers scraped against something rough, and she found the pinecone Jackson had given her the night he’d taken her on the sled ride through the moonlit forest.

And suddenly she realized why she wasn’t more excited about going back to New York.

She didn’t feel as if she was going home.

She felt as if she was leaving home.

Somehow, over the past week, she’d fallen in love with Snow Crystal. And not just Snow Crystal, but with the whole O’Neil family.

And Jackson.

Oh, God, she was in love with Jackson.

Crazily, madly in love with Jackson.

She leaned her head back against the seat.

No, no, no. How had she let it happen?

This was what she’d avoided.

“Stop the car!”

“What?”

“Stop the car—just for a minute—”

She gripped the pinecone, her brain spinning.

What the hell was she doing?

Her life was in front of her, and she only ever looked ahead, didn’t she?

She should do the sensible thing and return to New York and her promotion. She should go back to living behind the walls she’d built and keeping herself safe. She’d direct the account, but someone else would do the real work. Someone else would be the one spending time at Snow Crystal with Walter, Alice and Elizabeth.

Someone else would work with Jackson.

And eventually he’d meet someone.

“Lady—”

“Just a minute...” She pressed her fingers to her forehead, feeling as if she were being torn in two directions, like the rope in a tug-of-war.

Jackson was right,
she thought.
She was scared.

Most of her life, decisions had been driven by fear. She didn’t form close relationships because she was scared of losing. She was good at building walls, but hopeless at opening doors. Jackson had smashed down those walls, pushed his way through the door she’d never opened and found the person she’d hidden away all those years before.

He knew her better than she knew herself.

She thought about their walk through the forest, about skiing together, about the nights lying in his arms on the shelf while they talked about things she’d never talked about before.

The pinecone lay in her palm and she looked down at it, remembering the night he’d given it to her. The kiss she knew she’d never forget.

And then she thought about the life waiting for her in New York. Promotion. Security. She’d have to be crazy to throw that away, wouldn’t she?

The taxi driver glanced in his mirror. “Lady, you need to make up your mind.”

Why was she hesitating?

There was only one decision she could possibly make.

* * *

J
ACKSON
STOPPED
THE
snowmobile and examined the damage to the trail.

Trudging back to the snowmobile, he removed the sticks he’d brought up with him and marked the area.

The phone in his pocket rang for the eighth time, but he ignored it. He didn’t want to talk to anyone right now, especially not his well-meaning family.

He knew they were worried about him, but this was one situation he had to handle by himself. Not that he’d done well so far.

What the hell had he been thinking? Had he really expected her to give up her well-paid, secure job to come and work at a place that was teetering on the brink of disaster?

He never should have asked that of her.

No wonder she’d panicked and run.

Right now, he didn’t want to talk about it, nor did he want to be fed gingerbread Santas or think about the work facing him.

He was so desperate to be left alone that when he heard the sound of a snowmobile coming up the trail behind him, he swore. The last thing he wanted was company, not even tourists who were essential for the future of this place.

But it wasn’t tourists, it was Tyler. And seated behind him was Kayla, wearing Alice’s red knitted scarf around her neck.

Jackson stood still. She should have been on her way back to New York.

She shouldn’t be here.

Tyler steered the snowmobile to the edge of the trail. “You need to learn to drive one of these things yourself,” he grumbled. “I’ve got better things to do than drive you around.”

“I will. I promise.” Kayla slid off the back and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. “Thanks, Tyler.”

Tyler threw a wary glance at his brother. “Not my fault. Women just can’t help themselves around me.” Winking at Kayla, he drove off without giving Jackson an opportunity to respond.

Which left the two of them alone.

Jackson took a deep breath. “You’re supposed to be at the airport.”

* * *

I
T
WASN
’
T
THE
welcome she’d hoped for, but she couldn’t blame him for that. “You didn’t answer your phone. I left about a million messages.”

“I assumed it was my family. What the hell are you doing here, Kayla?”

What if she’d messed it up by walking away?

“I couldn’t leave.” She stared through the trees, thinking she’d never been anywhere more beautiful. “You said I needed to experience all that Snow Crystal had to offer and I haven’t even touched on it, have I? I haven’t built a snowman. Walter says I need to see you tap the sugar maple trees. I want to see the lake when it isn’t covered in ice and ride a mountain bike over these trails in the summer. I want to see the fall foliage. But most of all I want—” She broke off and took a slow breath. It felt like stepping off a cliff, especially with him watching her with those blue, blue eyes. “I want you. I want to be with you.”

There was a long pause. Just long enough to make her courage falter.

“You said no.”

“I panicked. It was all so sudden, so unexpected and—and I’m a coward. You were right about that.”

“I never said you were a coward.”

“You said I was scared, and I
am
scared. But I don’t want to be this way anymore. I can’t go back to being the old me. I can’t go back to making choices just because they’re safe.”

He didn’t respond, and she felt a lurch of terror that he might have changed his mind.

“I threw myself into work because it was the one thing I could control.” She tried to explain. “I could depend on it. And I was successful and that gave me a buzz. I worked hard because success made me feel good about myself and because—” she found it hard to admit, even to herself “—and because when I was working I was never alone. Thinking about work meant I didn’t have to think about all the things that were missing from my life. And it became normal for me. I didn’t even question it. I never slowed down. Except at Christmas. That’s the time of year when it’s impossible to miss the fact you have no one in your life.”

His gaze was fixed on her face. “So you’re back here because you don’t want to be lonely anymore?”

“No. I’m back here because I don’t want to live without you in my life. We have so much fun together. You make me laugh. You help me be the person I’m too scared to be by myself. You made me feel like one of the family.” She was not going to cry. She was
not
going to cry. “And you’re indecently hot, of course, and the sex is amazing, and— God, this is the worst speech I’ve ever made.” Hand shaking, she pushed her hair away from her face. “Yesterday, Christmas Day...that is the first family Christmas I’ve had since I was thirteen and when you all gave me gifts...” Tears clogged her throat.

Shit.
So much for not crying.

Jackson frowned and stepped toward her. “Kayla—”

“No, let me finish.” She dug her hands into her pockets, knowing this wasn’t the time to hold back. “Work is important to me. I’m not pretending it isn’t. But I used work to avoid life. I used it to avoid relationships. And you’re right that when I get back to New York the work on Snow Crystal is going to be done by someone else. And I realized in the car that I don’t want that to happen, because it isn’t just an account to me anymore. And you’re not a client. I want to be here with my sleeves rolled up doing the work. I want to be with you.”

There was a long silence. “So does this mean I should cancel my flight to New York?”

She stared at him. “You booked a flight?”

“You wouldn’t stay with me here, so I decided to come to you. I shouldn’t have asked you to give up your job.” His voice was hoarse. “You love it, and you’re so damn good at it. I thought maybe we could find another way. Long-distance can work.”