Slow Sex: The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality (8 page)

Fig. 4.6. Sequence of rotating positions through rear

Physical discomfort can be a major distraction. Instead of tuning in to the pleasure of sensitivity, your awareness is dominated by pain or discomfort. Or sometimes you may feel sleepy, a bit uninvolved, or a bit absent. A shift in position is a good remedy in these kinds of situations.

Whenever you move together the penis stays in the vagina, and you both move around with this connection as the focal point. You do not disconnect. If the penis happens to slip out, simply slip it in again. The intention behind rotating positions is to maximize the correspondence of the penis and the vagina, to keep them connected while changing position, and to bring more variety and quality into the exchange.

SOFT PENETRATION, ENTRY WITHOUT ERECTION

At times, especially when there is an intention to keep the temperature cooler through reducing excitement, it is not unusual to have no erection. In the usual approach, having sex is not an option without an erection—when erection fails, sex fails. However, in slow sex union is always an option because putting the penis in while soft and relaxed has great value, is easy to do, and comes highly recommended. A soft start to sex can become a regular thing, and you may find yourself choosing it as the optimal way to proceed with slow sex. A slow soft approach takes the pressure out of the situation because you can unite at any time you choose. Union is not dependent on stimulation, excitement, or erection.

Figure 4.7 illustrates the easiest position for penetration when there is no erection. Man lies on his side while woman lies on her back, and their legs intertwine in scissors-like fashion. It is recommended that this position be explored from both sides, with man lying first on one side of his body and then on the other. One side is likely to feel more familiar, cozy, and comfortable for you. The other side may feel more challenging in the sense that more is demanded of you in terms of awareness.

Fig. 4.7. Scissors position for soft penetration

This side-scissors position is only a suggestion for an easy starting point. The position per sex is of no great significance, except that it is a very relaxing position in that both are lying down and no one is on top. It’s a curious thing that the person taking the position on top generally feels compelled to do something in order to justify being in that upper position. This is man’s basic sexual reality because he is more frequently on top, the missionary position being very popular. But if a woman is sitting on top of a man, she will notice a similar performance pressure, an escalated need to do something. When lying on their backs or sides, both women and men do not feel such a clear, strong drive to “do.” In the scissors position man is, in fact, lying on his side, which is similar to the sleeping position, and can easily remind him of sleep. When the side position is mantained for quite a while it’s not unusual for a man to drop off to sleep on occasion. Women on the other hand, who are lying directly on the back, will find it less easy to fall asleep in this scissors position. A short sleep can be regenerating, so this is not a matter for concern. If the sleeping becomes a habit, though, it’s good to do some exercise before getting into bed, and to change position more often.

The side position is one from which many other positions can gradually be reached, through delicately rotating around the genital connection as illustrated earlier in figures 4.5 and 4.6. Yes, it’s usually possible with a soft relaxed penis, and remember, should the penis slip out it is easy to slip it in again and continue. Other suitable positions for managing soft penetration are those suggested earlier in figure 4.3, where man kneels in the middle, and figure 4.4, where the couple is rolled over to one side.

Woman Inserts Man’s Penis in Scissors Position

Before you move into position, it is recommended that you gently lubricate your own genitals, as described earlier in this chapter, or lovingly lubricate each other’s. Do whatever feels right in the moment. As soon as you are oiled up, move into the side position as shown above and bring your pelvises close together, with the vagina opposite the penis. From here the woman can proceed by taking the penis in her two hands and gently rolling back the foreskin or any tissues around the head of the penis, pulling down toward the root of the penis. The idea of this is to expose the head’s magnetic surface as much as possible in order to bring increased awareness to the radiant, dynamic qualities inherent in the penis.

Then, as shown in figure 4.8 below, woman (who should have short, rounded fingernails so that she does not scratch the vagina or penis) makes a two-pronged fork with the first two fingers of both hands. Place one finger fork (try the left hand) firmly at the base of the penis and hold the fingers there to stabilize the penis. Place the forked fingers of the other hand (the right) directly on either side and behind the rim encircling the head of the penis. Squeeze the fingers together so that you have a gentle, yet firm grip on the penis. And then pull the penis toward your vagina. When the head arrives at the entrance of the vagina you can push it a little way into the vagina. Pull the fingers back a little, then take another gentle grip on the penis, and walk or feed the penis even farther into the vagina. And then repeat the walking or feeding movement until you have pushed the whole length of the penis into you. Naturally, to do the insertion in one smooth, seamless move will take practice, so at first you may manage to get only the head, or a couple of inches, inside you. This is an excellent start and in time, when you get the knack of putting a relaxed penis into your vagina, doing so becomes second nature.

Fig. 4.8. Woman’s finger position holding penis for soft insertion

It is important to note that woman must keep her vagina relaxed and wide as she inserts the penis. Often her head is raised to look between the legs at what her hands are doing, but this move of the head tightens the abdominal muscles and the vagina. Once the fingers are in position, then woman should lie back and relax before she begins to insert the penis. When the insertion is complete and genitals are connected, wrap your legs around each other and bring your pelvises firmly together.

Bringing the bodies together in this limited-excitement way opens up all kinds of other possibilities during the sexual exchange. Just leave it up to the genitals, supported by your consciousness, and they will know how to communicate in a way that may even surprise you. It is important not to expect anything like what you have known before, and to share in words what you are feeling within. For instance, when a man hears from his partner that she can feel energy radiating from his soft relaxed penis, that is a great relief to him. Discovering that the penis has certain qualities, even if he himself cannot feel them, is very reassuring and relaxing. And instead of worrying about erection and performance, he can relax the anus and buttocks and fall back into his body and pelvis to become aware of himself from the inside out.

SPONTANEOUS ERECTION

The possibility of spontaneous erection through magnetic intelligence is built in to the genitals. The opposite forces have an effect on each other, and the penis has the capacity to wind up inside the vagina in a snakelike coiling, probing way, without any stimulation or excitement. A spontaneous erection is a by-product of the magnetic attraction and requires no effort—it happens. You can’t
expect
a spontaneous erection, because it’s spontaneous. It transpires when there is a constellation of invisible factors, such as when a man and woman are innocently in their bodies and merged with the inner cellular experience. Spontaneous erection is more likely when love is in the air, or where there is an element of polarization in the field, such as when man anchors his awareness in the root of the penis, the perineum, and woman connects internally with her vagina, widening and receiving.

Man will easily be able to feel the difference between spontaneous erection and intentional erection. One will feel inwardly potent and does not need movement or stimulation to maintain, while the other will feel more hollow and disconnected from the inside and is easily lost.

QUALITY IS BASED ON SLOWNESS ARISING FROM CONSCIOUSNESS

In exploring the vagina, you can again and again ask yourself a relative question: How slow is slow? It can become like a Zen koan. The answer depends on how conscious and aware you are willing to be in each and every moment. More awareness will bring more slowness. Perhaps you will be slow as a snail with one penetration taking several divine minutes, as in millimeter . . . pause . . . breath, millimeter . . . pause . . . breath. Slowness can also slow all the way down to the stillness of non-movement, nondoing. This is not a state of deadness, but an immersion within the cellular aliveness and vitality of the body, feeling and being utterly present to what is.

When sex is cultivated with respect, love, awareness, sensitivity, and slowness, the reward is elevated, beautiful experiences of ecstatic pleasure that bring joy, love, and an increased sense of well-being.

Exercise: Become Sensitive to the Quality of Your Inner Landscape

Resting in Consciousness