Snared (Jaded Regret #1) (31 page)

I didn’t expect him to get it, and I was glad he didn’t. “Yes. I was worried about what happened to her, and I’m sad she passed away. But what I found out when I saw that picture was . . .”

I broke off, my voice cracking. The words were right there; they just wouldn’t come out. Natalie cleared her throat, getting my attention. She nodded, mouthing
just do it
. I nodded. I had to be straight with him.

“I’m your dad, Robbie,” I said. Once the words left my mouth, I felt like all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. I watched his face as he registered the words, knowing right when he understood me because his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open.

“You . . . what? You’re my
dad
? How is that? I mean, you’re Beau Anderson and . . .”

“It’s true,” April said from beside him. His eyes swung to her and then back to me. “Beau Anderson is your dad, Robbie. He never knew about you, not until you showed him that picture.”

Robbie’s eyes widened. “B-but the picture is what made you upset. Why? You didn’t want me?”

I grabbed his hands and pulled him so he was standing directly in front of me. “No. Please don’t think that. I had no idea you existed, so it was a shock. When I saw your mom holding you and then I realized how old you were, I got upset that I’d missed so much of your life. I was hurt you didn’t live a good life, Robbie. I’d never want that for any child, much less my child.”

“Are you sure you’re my dad?” Robbie whispered.

“When I was in the hospital, I had tests done.” I understood him needing information because all of this was too much to understand. “They took blood from me and some from you.”

Robbie nodded. “That hurt.”

“They told me you’re my son, Robbie. It’s true.”

Robbie’s eyes filled with tears. His small hands were still in mine as I watched him process everything. “You want me?” Those three words broke my heart into a million shards. I hadn’t wanted him. I hadn’t wanted anything to do with having a child of my own, ever. But looking into the face of this beautifully broken boy, I knew I wanted nothing more than to have both April and him. I wanted a family like Bex and Johnny had.
My
family. I also understood him feeling betrayed and unable to trust adults. Been there, done that. But if I had anything to do with it, he’d never have that experience again.

“I want you. I wish I would’ve known all those years ago that you were mine, Robbie. I can’t erase all the bad things you’ve lived through, but I can promise you this—I will try my hardest to make you happy for the rest of your life. You won’t ever have to feel alone again or wonder if you will have a home to live in or if you’ll get taken away again because I would never in a million years let that happen to you.”

“My last name will be Anderson like you?”

I nodded, my throat so thick I knew speaking would be futile. Tears spilled down his cheeks. He hiccupped and sobbed, throwing himself into my arms and burying his face in my neck. I held onto him as he let go of all the years of feeling unwanted. I could feel my pain leaking out with his. I was holding my child. He was okay.
I
was okay. We were going to make it.

I closed my eyes and squeezed him tightly to me, his little heart pounding against my chest. Natalie was openly sobbing in her hand as she used her phone to take pictures. I guess I’d appreciate her capturing this moment.

April scooted closer and wrapped herself around both of us, pressing her lips against mine as we sandwiched my son. “I love you,” April said into my mouth. “I’m so proud of you right now I could burst. You’re an amazing man, Beau Anderson.”

Amazing man. You’re an amazing man
. I smiled at the new voice in my head.

April

I STOOD OUTSIDE
the doorway of Robbie’s room, watching Beau sit on the side of Robbie’s bed. They’d been in there for a good half hour now, most of which I’d been standing right here watching. My heart had never felt so full in all my life. Natalie had left after Beau went into Robbie’s room, choosing to give us some privacy. I was so grateful to her for everything that we’d stood and clung to each other, shedding happy tears at the way the day had turned out.

I hadn’t known what to expect when Natalie told me Beau was getting out today. After he had refused to see me in the hospital, I’d thought for sure things were over with us. When he’d walked into the kitchen earlier tonight and gave me the cold shoulder, I’d known it for sure. He was gone, closed off to the connection we’d previously shared. He’d given up on us. I thought for certain it had been too much for him. I’d been scared shitless to see what had happened to him while he was hospitalized. I had zero experience with things like that, and I didn’t know what to expect. But he’d been the same gorgeous, quiet, brooding Beau, just a little more like the Beau I met months ago instead of the one I’d gotten to know since then.

When we’d sat down for dinner, and he couldn’t eat the meal I’d spent all day fretting over, my heart had sunk into my feet. He’d hardly looked at me at all, even when I willed him with everything I had to give me
some
sign that he was still feeling the same as I was.

After dinner had been over and he’d taken Robbie into the living room without a single word spoken to me, I’d stayed in the kitchen and sobbed. When he’d come up behind me, I’d been taken by surprise. That was when I saw the haunted look in his eyes and knew he was conflicted. It was right then I knew how he felt about me, though he’d thought breaking it off was doing what was best.

I lifted my fingers and touched my lips, the burn of his short beard remaining on my skin. After not seeing him in over a week, combined with the vision of the last time I’d seen him, lying lifeless on the gurney, kissing Beau had been more special than usual.

Things had gone so well with Robbie I almost couldn’t believe it. That didn’t mean we were out of the woods. I’d seen this a lot with kids. Their initial reaction was always to be overwhelmed and ecstatic that someone was committed to loving them for the rest of their lives. Then reality set in. Robbie would face moving, another new school, and Beau would be faced with not just being Robbie’s buddy, but also being his parent. I’d be there every step of the way if they’d let me.

I was glad Natalie had gotten pictures of Robbie in Beau’s arms. Those are moments that would never be forgotten, but having the visual reminder would be good for them both as they navigated their future.

I stepped into the room, wanting to be part of their moment. Beau glanced up and smiled at me. I’d never tire of seeing his genuine feelings. Robbie reciprocated, and it reminded me so much of Beau tears sprung to my eyes again. I’d cried a lot over the last week, but at least these were happy tears.

“Hi, April,” Robbie said.

Beau patted the spot next to him on the bed, and I sat.

“Hi, Robbie. You all ready for bed?”

He nodded. “Beau . . .” His eyes widened, and he stopped.

“What’s the matter?” Beau asked.

“Do I . . . should I call you Beau or Dad?”

As he turned to me, I could see unease written all over his face. I held his gaze, trying to give him encouragement without saying a word. “You can call me whatever you’re comfortable with. As long as it’s not JerkFace or something.”

Robbie laughed. “I’d like to call you Dad. I’ve never gotten to call anyone that before. As long as you’re okay with it . . .”

“Robbie, I
am
your dad. It’s okay with me. It’s more than okay.”

Robbie sat up and wrapped his slender arms around Beau’s neck again. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“You don’t have anything to thank me for,” Beau said gruffly. Seeing Robbie wrapped in Beau’s arms was something that I’d never take for granted. It was a hard earned victory for both of them.

“Uh huh.” Robbie leaned back. “You didn’t have to take me. I could still be in that group home.”

“No way.” Robbie settled back into his pillow and Beau tucked the blanket around him, a big yawn taking over his body. “Time for bed, buddy. We’ll have more time tomorrow to talk and play.”

Beau stood up, and I followed.

“Dad?” Robbie’s small voice saying that simple name had us both turning back to face him. “Is . . . April going to be my mom?”

I could see panic written all over his face at Robbie’s question. I put my hand on his arm. “Robbie, I would like that very much, but I never want to replace your mom.”

“My mom died,” Robbie said. “She didn’t love me enough to stay.”

I crouched down next to his bed. “That’s not true, Robbie. She was sick.”

“The drugs made her sick?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“She’d be happy I was with my daddy now. And you, April. You love B—Dad, right?”

I glanced over my shoulder at Beau, still frozen in place from Robbie’s question. “Yes, Robbie. I love him. He’s the greatest man I’ve ever known.”

He nodded, accepting my answer. “He loves you, too. We’ll be a family now.” Robbie rolled on his side like it was that simple. Well, I guessed it could be. “Good night.”

“Good night, Robbie.” I leaned down and kissed his temple, watching as Beau came back and ruffled his hair, and we made our way out of the room.

I shut the door softly behind us, turning to see Beau resting his head against the wall, his chest heaving like he’d just run a marathon.

“Beau.” I placed my hands on his firm chest. “What’s going through your head? Talk to me.” It was dark in the hallway, and I could barely make him out, but I knew enough to know he was battling with something.

He reached his hand out and pulled me flush to him. He bent down and buried his face in my neck and wrapped his arms around me. I began running my fingers through his hair, sighing as my body relaxed against his. God, I’d missed him. I wasn’t sure if I would ever have this again.

His body shuddered, and that’s when I felt it. Tears dripped down my neck and chest. They were coming from Beau. His hands gripped the back of my shirt as he let go. I couldn’t stop my flow of tears from joining his. We were silent, both of us clutching on to the other in the darkness of my hallway, but no words were needed.

“April,” he said finally, his voice barely a croak. He sniffled, lifting his face from my neck. He was baring himself to me; every single part of him was wide opened and exposed right now.

“Beau.” I lifted my hands until I was using my thumbs to wipe the tears from under his eyes.

He shook his head like he was trying to rid himself of whatever he was thinking. He kissed me, his lips soft and gentle against mine. “Thank you,” he said against my lips. “For everything. For not being afraid of me. For loving me. For wanting to be part of our life. I . . . I have a son.”

“Yes you do, and he’s amazing, just like his father.”

He studied me for a second before grabbing my hand and leading me wordlessly down the hall to my bedroom.

Beau closed the door silently behind us. I heard the click of the lock and smiled. It had been what I was wishing for but was afraid to hope for too much. He’d been through a lot, and I wasn’t sure if he was up for anything more.

My room was dark, but he found me easily, coming up behind me and pulling my hair off of my neck. When his lips touched the skin of my neck, my knees buckled and a small moan escaped my lips. The combination of his soft beard and warm lips made my eyes roll in my head.

Beau wrapped his arm around my waist as I sagged against him. His lips kissed up and down my neck and ear, his breathing erratic as he became aroused, pressing himself into me as he continued to kiss me.

“Beau.” I reached my arms behind me so I could touch his face.

He turned me so I was facing him, shifting my hair on the other side so he could suckle the other side of my neck. Goose bumps broke out on my skin as he simultaneously set me on fire and gave me the chills. My fingers traveled down his chest and lifted his shirt. He broke away for a second as I pulled it over his head. Feeling his bare skin against my fingertips had me throwing my head back farther. He took that opportunity to travel down my chest, his mouth leaving marks on my shirt as he kissed and bit through my clothes.