So Much to Learn (10 page)

I smiled warmly
and turned to face him more fully. "You were excellent. You're like
a different band from the one I saw a while ago."

"Yeah?” He
asked eagerly. “We've been hell bent on practising so it’s awesome
to think it’s paying off.”

And, as we’d
done the day before, we slipped easily into a flowing, natural
conversation. Adam was really good fun to talk to, one of those
easy going people where you never have to search for something to
say or worry that they might take offence at an offhand comment. It
felt like we were already good friends. And so, as good friends can
do, we zoned out the people around us and talked for the next hour
or so until my throat felt hoarse from having to talk loudly over
all the noise.

After a
particularly enthusiastic debate over fruit versus vegetables
(including the immortal line 'a celery stick could kick an orange's
arse any day of the week') we lapsed into a lull, whereupon I took
stock of where the rest of my group had got to. Simone and Samsa
were dancing crazily up near the stage where a D.J. had set up,
Jack, Matt and Tommo were leaning against the bar each with a
bottle of beer in their hands, and Micky was talking to Haley near
the exit. Obviously during our conversation everybody had left the
table and I hadn't even noticed.

"Hey, do you
want to dance?" Adam asked suddenly, leaning forward so I would be
able to hear him.

"Oh!" Without
meaning to, my eyes flickered straight over to Jack. He, however,
was deep in conversation with Matt and didn't notice. "Um, OK,
sure," I said hesitantly, getting to my feet and threading my way
through the crowd to a clear space.

I was an
alright dancer, not fantastic or anything, but I could move in time
with the beat and didn't make a complete tool of myself which is
always good. I didn't dance too close to Adam and he didn't make
any attempts to draw me nearer to him so I found myself having a
really good time.

We'd been
dancing for perhaps about three quarters of an hour when, during a
slower bit of the music, Adam leant in and asked, "Do you ever get
the feeling you're being watched?"

I looked at him
in confusion then followed his gaze over to the bar where Simone,
Tommo, Samsa, Matt, Jack, Micky and Haley were all looking over.
They had obviously just been talking about us and the expressions
on their faces told me that they knew they'd been caught in the
act.

I rolled my
eyes at them then turned back to face Adam. "Ignore them," I told
him, making him laugh and say,

“I’ll give it a
go.”

And here was a
shining example of the flipside of being such a tight-knit group of
mates. We all knew everyone else's business and, as wonderful as
that could sometimes be, there were times when it felt
claustrophobic. My shoulders started to feel heavy, but it wasn't
just because I was being watched dancing with Adam, it was because
I’d realised how impossible it was going to be keeping Jack’s and
my arrangement a secret.

We continued
dancing for another half hour or so, but it wasn't as much fun as
before and I begged exhaustion to head back to the table.

"Hey," Adam
said suddenly as we made our way across the room. "What are you
doing next Friday night? 'Cos the cinema near here is doing a Kung
Fu marathon."

"Really?" I
asked, perking up immediately. "New ones or old ones."

"Old I think."
He grinned at my excited response. "So what do you say? D’you wanna
go?"

"Yeah,
absolutely! Oh, actually, hang on." Jack's rules came flooding back
and I belatedly realised I might be contravening the 'no dating'
one. "You mean just as friends, yeah?" I asked cautiously and saw
his expression falter slightly.

"Well, taking
my cues from what you just said, I would have to say that I
definitely mean just as friends," he grinned, recovering quickly
and holding out a seat for me.

"It’s just that I broke up with my boyfriend really recently,”
I said quickly, not wanting things to get awkward, “like
Wednesday
recently, and
cheesy as it sounds, I'm not going to date for a while."

"Hey, that's
cool," Adam said reassuringly. "But we can be friends, right?"

"Of course," I
said, relieved he was being so cool about it.

"Great!” It
looked like he was going to say something else, but then something
caught his attention across the bar and he grimaced. "Gotta go, it
looks like Micky wants to give us a critique on tonight's
performance."

I looked over
and saw that Micky was indeed gesturing at Adam to go over and join
him and the rest of the band.

"Wow, I bet
that'll be fun," I said sarcastically, and his lips spread into yet
another wide smile.

"Yeah, I'm
looking forward to pointing out that he mixed up the verses in the
first song. I may not have a head tomorrow, but it’ll be worth it.
See you." He fleetingly pressed a hand on my shoulder and then was
gone.

He'd barely
moved out of earshot before Simone flew into the vacant seat beside
me and regarded me solemnly with her big grey eyes. "That was very
nicely done," she congratulated me after a moment. "Full
marks."

I sighed and
crossed my arms in annoyance, "I suppose it would be too much to
ask that I could have a conversation without everyone listening
in," I said crankily. "It was embarrassing earlier with all of you
watching us."

Simone shrugged
unapologetically. "You were dancing with a guy you only met
yesterday, it was weird is all," she explained. "I was going to ask
if there was anything going on, but, having just overheard you turn
him down, I guess I'm barking up the wrong tree. Any particular
reason you limited yourself to just being friends?"

"Considering
you were listening in so closely you should already know why I
don't want to date him," I said brusquely. "I broke up with my
boyfriend of six months on Wednesday, Simone, today is only
Saturday." I didn't like only telling the partial truth to my best
friend, but I’d promised Jack we’d keep our arrangement quiet, so
it couldn't be helped.

"Fine," Simone
smiled, letting it go. "God, wasn’t tonight great?" And off she
went in a long tangent about how good The Wheelwrights had been and
how much fun she’d had dancing with Sam. I half listened to her,
but the truth was that I was getting tired. Looking at my watch I
saw that it had gone half 1 and I was more than ready for bed.

"Hey girls," a
voice said from behind me and I twisted around to see Jack bending
down to talk to us. "You about ready to go home?"

Right on cue!
"More than ready," I said with a sigh and Simone nodded her
agreement.

"Yeah, I'm
meeting Samsa early tomorrow for a run so I should be getting
back."

Sam and Simone,
really? I was too tired to latch onto this interesting little
titbit, but I filed it away for future perusal.

"OK then, let's
go, Haley's already waiting for us with the others." Jack gestured
towards the door where Tommo, Samsa, Matt and a whole bunch of
other guys were loitering.

With great
force of will I kept back my shudder of annoyance at Haley's
continual acceptance by the boys who I considered 'mine' and
instead asked, "Is Matt coming back with us?" I didn’t think for a
moment, as I gathered up my bag and coat, that the answer would be
yes. My brother wasn’t the type to leave at half 1, he was more of
the stagger in at 6 the next day kind of person.

Sure enough,
Jack shook his head. "Nah, he met up with some guys from sports
science and I reckon they're going to pull an all nighter."

We headed
across the room saying goodbye to various people as we did so. I
waved at Adam who winked in return then turned back to his
conversation with Micky.

Haley separated
herself from the others as we neared them and, smiling prettily,
placed a hand lightly on Jack's arm. This patently pathetic move
made me clench my teeth so that Simone laughed softly and murmured,
“Easy, tiger.”

I switched my
attention to Matt and gave him a light punch on the arm. "I'll see
you later. Don't die of alcohol poisoning."

"I'll do my
best," he said in the least reassuring way possible. "Jack's
walking you back is he?"

I nodded. "His
week, is it?" I asked sarcastically. From the day I had started at
uni, Matt and Jack had formed a sort of babysitting rotation for me
whenever we went out anywhere within walking distance of our flat.
"Nothing like taking a trip back in time and seeing what it was
like in the 1800's," I sighed as I shrugged my coat on in
preparation for the cool, August air outside.

"Oh you think it's for
your
protection, do you?" Matt asked, reaching up and
fixing my collar which had become twisted. "Well you're wrong." He
leant down so the others couldn’t hear him and added, "It's so you
don't kill Haley on the way home. Now behave for Uncle Jack,” he
said jovially as he gave me a nudge towards the door.

I stuck my
finger up jovially in reply.

Jack, Haley and
I walked Simone to her car and waved her off and then I turned to
Jack.

"Right then," I
said briskly. "Home, James, and don't spare the horses."

He sketched a
quick bow. "As madam wishes."

Haley looked
between us as if she wasn't quite sure what we were talking about
and I found myself smiling at how little she obviously knew about
Jack. Like, for example, that his real name, as in the one written
on his birth certificate, is actually James, but that from pretty
much birth onwards everyone has called him Jack.

Ha! I thought.
Dance around in your frilly outfits and bat your eyelashes all you
want, but we've a past that you can never get your hands on. I felt
like doing a little dance and singing 'na na na na na', but held
myself back with great strength of will.

Jack and I
didn't talk much as we made our way back to the flat, but Haley
kept up an almost constant stream of chatter. It sounded like she
was nervous, but I can't imagine why she would be. I was sorely
tempted a couple of times to tell her to just shut up, but that was
being too rude, even for me, so I just kept my head down and
plodded along the familiar paths home.

I almost jumped
for joy when we finally reached the flats and walked Haley to her
door on the second floor. She, however, seemed reluctant to say
goodbye and stood, with her hand on the doorknob, waffling on for
quite some time until I had to resort to yawning loudly.

Jack looked at me with an expression that told me he knew
exactly what I was doing, but turned to Haley anyway and said that
we'd better call it a night. She thanked him for walking her home,
said goodnight and then,
finally
, went into her flat and
closed the door.

"God, I thought
she'd never stop," I exclaimed as we continued up the stairs to our
floor. "We could have been there all night!"

Jack rolled his
eyes and held the door open for me. "Calm down, Miss Melodrama," he
said wearily. "I've said it before and I'll say it again, she's not
that bad."

"Yeah? Well,
it’s pretty clear you think so,” I said cattily. “Pretty attentive
of her tonight, weren't you? Since when have you been her knight in
shining armour?"

I was aware
that I sounded jealous and petty, but was unable to stop myself.
Jack had always been attentive to Haley, in fact he was attentive
to everyone because he was a nice bloke, but tonight it had
particularly bugged me.

Annoyed that
what had started out as a good night had ended with me feeling
bitchy and cranky, I started towards my bedroom fully intending to
fall straight into bed and sleep off my bad mood. In a few quick
strides, however, Jack was in front of me, blocking the way to my
door.

"Tally," he
said, but I stared down at the carpet and refused to be drawn in by
him. "Tally," he said again, this time with a smile in his voice,
"I'm not Haley's knight in shining armour." When I still continued
to avoid his gaze he crooked a finger under my chin and gently
turned my face up to him. "How could I be when I'm already fully
booked looking after another damsel?" He took his finger away from
my chin and tucked some of my hair behind my ear, his fingers
brushing my cheek as he did so. For the briefest of moments I
thought he might kiss me, but then he seemed to come back to
himself and simply said, "Sleep well," as he pulled away.

I watched him
go into his room, barely able to breath, then staggered to my own
and flopped down on the bed. Sleep well? Who was he kidding? It
felt like every molecule I possessed was buzzing, I was practically
shaking. And, on top of that, I was sure that the second I closed
my eyes I was going to dive straight back into the dreams I had had
the night before.

Sleep well, my
arse. I was never going to be able to sleep well again.

The next
morning I was awakened brutally early by a loud thump on my door. I
opened my eyes and blearily looked at the clock, it read 6:15. For
a moment I was all at sea as to what the noise was, but then I
heard my doorknob turning and sat up to see Matt stagger into the
room.

I should have
known.

"Sorry," he
grunted. "Had a bit of trouble finding the handle."

So, by the sounds of it, he had attempted to walk
through
my door. You
couldn’t fault the decision making of the truly hung
over.

He lurched the
short space to my bed and then collapsed down upon it, burying his
face into my quilt. I tried not to think of the alcohol and
whatever else fumes he was blowing into my bedspread and instead
gave him a little poke to see whether he was in the 'I'm still
slightly drunk and therefore the pain is slight' hangover stage or
the 'I want to die' hangover stage.