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Authors: Karl Pilkington

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The Further Adventures of an Idiot Abroad

BOOK: The Further Adventures of an Idiot Abroad
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ALSO BY KARL PILKINGTON

THE WORLD OF KARL PILKINGTON

HAPPYSLAPPED BY A JELLYFISH

KARLOLOGY

AN IDIOT ABROAD

FIRST PUBLISHED IN GREAT BRITAIN IN 2012
BY CANONGATE BOOKS LTD, 14 HIGH STREET, EDINBURGH EH1 1TE

WWW.CANONGATE.TV

THIS DIGITAL EDITION FIRST PUBLISHED IN 2012 BY CANONGATE BOOKS

COPYRIGHT © KARL PILKINGTON, 2012
CONVERSATIONS COPYRIGHT © RICKY GERVAIS AND STEPHEN MERCHANT, 2012

THE MORAL RIGHTS OF THE AUTHORS HAVE BEEN ASSERTED

PHOTOGRAPHY COPYRIGHT © FREDDIE CLAIRE, 2012
ILLUSTRATIONS COPYRIGHT © DOMINIC TREVETT, 2012
ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPHY
PAGE
HERE
COPYRIGHT © RAY BURMISTON, 2012
PAGES
HERE
COPYRIGHT © DEBORAH SCHILDT, 2012
PAGES
HERE
AND
HERE
(UNDERWATER PHOTOS)
COPYRIGHT © RODNEY FOX, 2012

BRITISH LIBRARY CATALOGUING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA
A CATALOGUE RECORD FOR THIS BOOK IS AVAILABLE ON REQUEST FROM THE BRITISH LIBRARY

ISBN 978 0 85786 749 0
EXPORT ISBN 978 0 85786 886 2
eISBN 978 0 85786 749 0

I was hoping to write this book as a diary like the last one, but the day I tried to start it I woke up in my hotel room in Thailand with my eyes burning and my head completely
numb. It was my own fault. I’d assumed the sachet on my bed in the hotel room was some kind of menthol stuff to put on the pillow to help me breathe more easily as I slept, but I later found
out it was medical gel to ease aching leg muscles. It was at this point that I decided I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to start a diary.

Looking back, it was no bad thing. I very rarely enjoy any of my trips at the time as my head is all over the place. I’m not always feeling my best, what with the flying and the throwing
up and the stupid stuff that Ricky and Steve make me do. So the idea of writing the book once I was safe and sound and a bit happier back at home made sense. I’ve realised that coming back
home is the best thing about going away in the first place.

This second set of trips was set up after a meeting with Ricky and Steve in their office. They came up with the idea of getting me to pick seven things that I would put on my Bucket List.

We’d actually had a similar conversation a few years ago as part of the podcasts. At the time, Ricky asked me what I want to do before I die and I said I wanted to kick a duck up the arse.
It’s just something I always have the urge to do when I see them sitting at the edge of a pond.

For the first series of
An Idiot Abroad
Ricky and Steve sent me round the world to see the Seven Wonders, hoping it would broaden my mind. This time it seemed like they were trying to
flatten it.

‘Come on. You can pick anything. Make your dreams come true! What about sky diving?’ said Steve. ‘That’s a classic Bucket List experience.’

‘Not for me it isn’t. No. I’m not sky diving.’

‘Bungee jumping?’

‘Not a chance. Forget the whole idea.’

I’ve never been one for danger. I’ve done some daft things in my time like putting sausages in the toaster, and climbing out of the bathroom window to go and do my paper round when
me mam hid the front door keys from me, ’cos she didn’t want me going out delivering papers one bad winter. But they didn’t really strike me as dangerous at the time, and they all
served a purpose.

‘Okay,’ said Ricky. ‘How about we make a big list and you can choose what you want to do from that?’

In the end it felt like I was going to be in control, so I agreed.

This book tells the stories of the things I chose to do, plus the extra things that Ricky and Steve threw in along the way. That was the plan anyway, but when I sat down to
write the book I realised that between the first series and the second series, the latest Christmas Special with Warwick Davis, and all the other random stuff I’ve done in my life, I’ve
actually ticked off more than 60% of the Bucket List. I reckon that’s got to be some sort of record. So in the end I’ve decided to write about all of them and also throw in an opinion
or two on the remaining things on the list. Most of these are things that have never appealed, like:

This is when people have it away in the toilets on a plane. I guess this explains why there are always queues whenever I need the loo on a flight. I wish they’d use
the system they use at the supermarket meat counter where they give you a ticket with a number on which the pilot could then read out when it’s your turn to use the toilet. This has got
to be safer than people stood queuing in the aisles.

I’m guessing here but I bet people only do the mile high club thing on the outward journey as after two weeks of being away with someone you’re normally sick of them and would
rather watch the inflight movie. Also it’s the return journey when the toilets get blocked due to everyone having dodgy guts after eating foreign food. On my flight back from India
there’s no way anyone could have had a romantic moment in there after the state I left it in.

So that’s the book. Sitting down to write it has been a nice way to sum up three years of travelling.

What follows is the original list of the 100 things I could choose from. As you can see, kicking a duck up the arse wasn’t on it.

1. Fly in a fighter jet

2. Climb Sydney Harbour Bridge

3. Spend a night on your own private desert island

4. Drive a Formula 1 Car

5. Ride the Rocky Mountaineer train in Canada

6. Fly in a helicopter over the Grand Canyon

7. See elephants in the wild

8. Explore Antarctica

9. Climb Mount Everest

10. Travel into space

11. Ride a camel to the Pyramids

12. Travel the Trans-Siberian Railway

13. Catch sunset over Ayers Rock

14. Go wing-walking on a bi-plane

15. Climb Mount Kilimanjaro

16. Come face-to-face with mountain gorillas in their natural habitat

17. Gamble in Las Vegas

18. See orang-utans in Borneo

19. Spot a polar bear on the ice

20. Swim with dolphins

21. Get into the Guinness Book of World Records

22. Watch a Sumo match

23. Drink a beer at Oktoberfest

24. Participate in La Tomatina festival in Spain

25. Cross a country on a bike

26. Master a musical instrument

27. Spend a night in a haunted house

28. Meet someone with your own name

29. Ride the world’s biggest rollercoasters

30. Scuba dive at the Great Barrier Reef

31. Complete a bungee jump

32. Paraglide from a mountain

33. Go ice-climbing

34. Skydive from a plane

35. Experience base jumping

36. Meet the Dalai Lama

37. Research your family tree

38. Go up in a hot air balloon

39. Try a jet pack

40. See a space shuttle launch

41. Meet your idol

42. Cycle a leg of the Tour de France

43. See the northern lights

44. See the glaciers before they melt

45. Learn a martial art

46. Get a complete makeover

47. Learn another language

48. Drive a Cadillac along Route 66

49. Leave a job you hate

50. Become a vegetarian for a week

51. Stand at the North or South Pole

52. Visit every USA state

53. Be part of a flash mob

54. Visit the Seven Wonders of the World

55. Explore the Galapagos Islands

56. Spend the night in an igloo

57. Spend 24 hours in a jungle

58. Stand on the international date line

59. Learn to fly a plane

60. Go storm-chasing in Tornado Alley

61. Get a tattoo and/or piercing

62. Invent something

63. Ride something bigger than a horse

64. Build your own house

65. Skinny dip at midnight

66. Run a marathon

67. Join the Mile High Club

68. Be an extra in a film

69. Protest at a demonstration

70. Run with the bulls in Pamplona

71. Canoe up the Nile River

72. Continue your gene pool

73. Write a novel

74. Visit Angel Falls in Venezuela

75. Trek the Inca Trail on Machu Picchu

76. Climb Mount Fuji

77. Sleep under the stars

78. Ride in a gondola in Venice

79. Have lunch with the Queen of England

80. Walk the Great Wall of China

81. Do some charity work

82. Experience a full moon party

83. See Mount Rushmore

84. Go on an African safari

85. See the statues on Easter Island

86. Touch an iceberg

87. Shake hands with the Pope

88. Climb an active volcano

89. Go to Burning Man Festival in California

90. Partake in a Japanese tea ceremony

91. Float in the Dead Sea

92. Jump from a cliff into the sea

93. Swim the English Channel

94. Take part in a fire-walking ceremony

95. Drive or ‘mush’ a dog sled

96. Spend the Fourth of July in the USA

97. Go whale-watching

98. Live with the Masai people

99. See the wildebeest migration in the Masai Mara

100. Hunt with a tribe

BOOK: The Further Adventures of an Idiot Abroad
9.45Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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