Soldier On (33 page)

I frown.

“Stephanie, I haven’t been entirely honest with you about something, and I’m only doing it now because I want you to keep it in mind when Brandon returns from leave. When he comes home, the two of you are going to want to . . . be close. And I know you say that you want to be responsible and wait until you’re sure you can be together on a permanent basis, but take it from someone who knows. Hormones take over. Love takes over. And any thought of being noble and responsible just . . . disappears.”

I give her hand a reassuring squeeze. She bows her head and takes a deep breath.

“Your father and I loved each other very much. That was never a question. But he wasn’t eager to get married right after high school. Not as eager as I was, anyway. He had already proposed. I had a ring on my finger. But he was perfectly content to have a long engagement. At that time, he wanted to be a soldier more than he wanted to be a husband.

“What changed his mind?”

Mom eyes swim with tears.

“You did.”

I blink.
What?

“The only reason the two of you got married was because you were pregnant with me?”

“The reason we got married before he went to Basic was because I was pregnant, yes.”

I narrow my eyes. “But you always told me you found out you were pregnant while he was gone to Basic.”

“That’s what I told you, yes. That’s what we told everyone.”

“Why did you lie?”

“We were afraid of disappointing our parents—”

“No. Why did you lie to me?”

She sighs. “Because you are my daughter, and you already carried enough grief on your shoulders. I know you, Stephanie. If I had told you the truth, you would’ve always wondered if the only reason your father and I got married was because I was pregnant with you. And you would somehow twist that into believing that it’s your fault I’m alone.”

“But it
is
my fault you’re alone. If I hadn’t come along, you would have married someone else.”

“See, I knew you’d make that leap.”

“It’s not a leap. It’s the truth.” I shake my head in amazement. “Anyway, why are you telling me this now? Why would you keep this from me all my life and choose to tell me now?”

“Because I see the way you and Brandon look at each other. I watch his eyes glaze over whenever you walk into a room. And I’ve heard you cry yourself to sleep for the past six weeks. I just want you to be prepared for the rollercoaster of emotions you’re going to feel when he comes home.”

The phone rings, and Mom leans over to kiss the top of my head before walking back into the house.

I wish I could say the remaining six weeks are a blur, but every single second crawls along like an inchworm. At Brandon’s insistence, I apply for teaching positions at a few of the junior high and high schools in and around Indianapolis. The chances of him being stationed in Indiana are slim, so I’m not at all heartbroken when my resumes and applications go unnoticed by the local school boards.

During our last call, Brandon told me that some of the soldiers had received news about their first post. Some are staying at Fort Gordon. Others are headed overseas. A buddy of Brandon’s from Montana is being sent to Fort Knox, Kentucky.

If only we could get so lucky.

While we wait for news, I glue myself to my laptop, learning everything I can about Army bases, particularly the ones with schools. I make a list of job opportunities at some of the regional bases, like Fort Knox, Fort Campbell, and where Brandon’s currently training, Fort Gordon. I check real estate in the areas, and then, just to have all the information, I spend some time learning everything I can about actually living on base.

One night, I even find an online chat devoted to Army wives.

I create an account. I don’t want to lie, so I don’t introduce myself. I tell them I’m just there to listen. So that’s what I do. I listen to their stories, and I’m blown away by the sacrifices they make each and every day. Despite the struggles, and there are many, these women still talk about their husbands with such love and pride.

I’m lying across my bed, with Bangle by my side. I’ve just logged in to the group when my video chat screen pops up.

Incoming call from Brandon.

Feeling giddy, I quickly log out and accept the call. The screen flickers to life, and then he’s there, smiling at me with his dimples and camo cap.

“Hey, babe.”

He’s started calling me
babe
. It’s the cutest thing ever.

“Hey.”

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I could ask you the same question.”

He shrugs. “Couldn’t sleep. Too excited. I was going to send you a text, but then I saw that you were online. You okay?”

“I’m okay. Are you okay?”

“I’m fantastic.”

“Fantastic?”

“Couldn’t be happier. Well, I
could
be . . .”

I grin.

“What’s made you so happy?”

“I have news.”

My mouth goes dry.

“Good news?”

He nods. “I think so. Remember our last day at my dad’s? When you asked if a Georgia sunrise could be as pretty as a Kentucky dawn?”

“Yeah . . .”

“You’re gonna get the chance to find out.”

With those words, I burst into tears. I can’t talk for crying. So I just cry and cry, because I know we’re going to be together. He wouldn’t be this happy if we couldn’t be.

“After AIT graduation, my post will be here at Fort Gordon. I’ll be developing and implementing upgrades to the communications and security systems here on base.”

I smile at the screen. “I don’t even know what that means.”

Brandon laughs. “It’s okay. You don’t have to know what it means.”

“For how long?”

“Eighteen months,” he says. “It’s just six hours from home, which isn’t bad at all. I have to live on base, but we knew that.”

Because he’s single.

“Yeah.”

“But I’ve been looking around. There are plenty of apartment complexes close by. There are three school systems. There’s even a school on base, and the teachers are mostly civilians. Can you teach in Georgia? I don’t know how that works. I guess you’d need to get certified. . .” His voice trails off when he notices I’m not saying a word. “Babe?”

“I’m here.”

He grins and places his hand on the screen. I do the same. We know it’s cheesy, but it’s ridiculously comforting.

“You’re not
here
. Not yet. But I want you to be . . . if you want to be.”

“I want to be.”

We smile stupidly at each other.

“Almost over, babe. I’ll be home in two weeks.”

It’s late, and he has an early morning PT, so we make plans to talk to each other tomorrow night.

“I love you, Steph.”

“I love you, too.”

He gives me a wink, and then the screen disappears.

The next two weeks
are
a blur because I don’t stop. The very next morning, I begin making lists and formulating a plan. I get online and learn all I can about Fort Gordon, Georgia. I scope out apartments, schools, restaurants, and libraries. After contacting the state’s education department, I learn that I will need to take another test in order to be certified to teach in Georgia. After registering for that, I then turn my attention to searching for a place to live. Finding one in my price range is difficult. Finding one that allows pets is even harder.

Overwhelmed, I call my pregnant best friend for support.

“I don’t understand,” she says. “Why can’t you live on base?”

“Because we aren’t married.”

“Okay. And why does he
have
to live on base?”

“Because we aren’t married.”

“Hmm. This sound like an easy problem to solve.”

My ear’s going numb, so I put her on speakerphone.

“Not really. Even if we were married, we’d probably be wait-listed for military housing. We could get an apartment off base, though.”

“So you’ve thought about it.”

“Sure, I’ve thought about it. You know me. I have to consider all options.”

“I do know you. It sounds like a lot of this would be solved if
someone
would propose. Need me to make a call? Because if I know soldier boy, he is dying to ask you to marry him. I bet I could have you engaged by lunch time.”

I laugh. “No, Tessa. I don’t want to get married just because of the housing allowance.”

“Well, there are other benefits, too. Like insurance.”

“Tessa!”

“I’m serious. You don’t realize how important insurance is until you’re pregnant and don’t have any.”

Mom chooses that moment to walk through the kitchen. She stops, raises an eyebrow, and then nods in agreement.

“Tessa was just describing all the perks of being an Army wife.”

“I see.”

“Am I on speaker?” Tessa whispers, which is hilarious. Even if you’re whispering on speaker, you’re still
on
speaker
.

Mom steps closer to the phone. “Hello, Tessa. How are you feeling, sweetheart?”

“Oh, hi Cynthia! Ugh, I’m so fat. My feet are swollen. My
boobs
are swollen. And we can’t decide on a baby name.”

I don’t tell her it would probably be easier to settle on a name if they knew the sex. But she and Xavier are adamant about keeping the baby’s gender a mystery.

After we hang up, I take my laptop and head out to the porch swing. Mom is there, reading today’s newspaper.

I sit down beside her and look toward the sky.

“Rain’s coming.”

She nods. “We’re due a thunderstorm. It’s been a day or so.”

I nod and open my laptop.

“Stephanie, I can’t deny I’m a little hurt. If you wanted to discuss the perks of being an Army wife, I would have thought you’d come to me.”

My fingers freeze on the keyboard. “Oh, Mom, that was Tessa just being silly.”

“Was it? I can’t imagine as close as you and Brandon are that the conversation hasn’t come up at least once.”

“Twice.”

She smiles.

“It
would
solve the apartment issue, Steph.”

“Like that’s a reason to get married.”

“So what is a reason to get married?”

“Are we seriously having this conversation?”

“I think we should. What is a reason to get married?”

I sigh heavily and close my laptop.

“Because you love each other.”

“Yes.”

“Because you never want to be without him.”

“Keep going.”

“Because . . . you can’t imagine growing old and gray with anyone but him. Because he loves your cat. And your obsession with the 80s. And he has dimples and a kickass Inigo Montoya T-shirt.”