Something to Believe In (4 page)

CHAPTER FIVE

A
FTER
SEX
, J
USTIN
ALWAYS
felt good. All those
endorphins rushing through his body, that nice, satiated feeling permeating his
bones—hell, sex was just what the doctor ordered most times.

And so yes, Justin felt good.

But there was something else...something he couldn’t rightly
put his finger on, that was tugging at him.

Maybe it was because, even as they were packing up to return to
Larimar, he still didn’t want the night to end.

That in itself was troubling.

He wouldn’t call himself the wham-bam variety of man, but he
wasn’t a cuddler, either. Most times, it just felt awkward and weird and he
spent ninety percent of that cuddling time wondering when it would be acceptable
to get up and leave.

But Lilah wasn’t clinging to him or pestering him for his
number or acting like most random hook-ups, and while he should’ve found that
refreshing...he found himself wondering why.

“So...what’s your schedule look like tomorrow?” he asked as
they walked back to the Jeep.

“I have to work,” she answered, tucking the giant beach bag
into the tiny space behind the backseats before climbing into the front
seat.

“What time do you get off?” he asked, hating how needy he
sounded. “I mean, if you’re not busy maybe we could get a bite or
something?”

She graced him with a sweet smile but didn’t commit, saying,
“Maybe. We’ll see.”

Wait a minute... Did she just give him the polite brush-off?
Yes, he was fairly certain she had, because he recognized the signs from his own
playbook. “It’s cool, I just thought, you know, if you weren’t busy or anything.
I’m probably going to drive around the island, thought it’d be nice to have my
own personal tour guide.”

Way to go, Romeo. I only want you around
to work for me. Nice.
He tried clarifying to salvage his statement,
but he knew there was little hope. “No worries. Maybe I’ll charter a boat or
something.”

“Call Billy Janks. He’s a personal friend. He has good rates
and he won’t rip you off if you tell him I sent you,” Lilah said, seemingly
oblivious to his growing irritation at himself and the situation. “You have to
be careful, some of the charter companies are major criminals. They charge a
ridiculous amount of money if they think you’ll pay it.”

“I’m not worried about money,” he said. Let the old man choke
on the Visa bill when it came. “Is it a nice boat?”

“It won’t sink,” Lilah answered with a hint of cheek.

“Important quality in a boat,” he noted, lifting his face to
the breeze as they rumbled down the mountainside. “So...I had a great time
tonight,” he said, fishing for some kind of confirmation that he wasn’t alone in
his feelings.

“Me, too,” she said without hesitation, even smiling brightly.
He relaxed just a little, but still found his ego bruised by her attitude. They
drove into Larimar’s driveway and she parked in the private parking lot. She
grabbed her bag and then faced him with a cheery smile. “It was so fun tonight.
I hope you enjoy St. John. It’s a wonderful place and I’m sure you’ll take home
plenty of fantastic memories.” She turned to walk away, leaving him
flabbergasted, then stopped and added, “Oh, there’s a continental breakfast
available in the formal dining room if you like. Lots of fresh fruit and
sometimes banana pancakes if Celly is feeling up to it. Good night!”

“Wait,” he called after her, unable to believe she was leaving
without so much as a
hey, the sex was amazing, let’s get
together again soon,
but instead she left him with a breakfast
reminder! “Okay, clearly I’m not speaking your language... I want to see you
again but you haven’t picked up on any of my signals.”

“Oh, I caught them,” she said, surprising him and further
wounding his pride when she added, “I just chose to ignore them.”

“Why?” he asked, suddenly indignant. “I thought you said you
had a good time.”

“I had a great time,” she agreed with a vigorous nod. “It’s
just that I don’t have room in my life for attachments, even short-term ones.
When I said my life was complicated, I wasn’t exaggerating. If I were to tell
you everything, you’d thank me for giving you a graceful out. I had the
most
amazing time, truly. But...you and me...it just
doesn’t gel for anything beyond the superficial.”

“How do you know? You haven’t even given me a chance to ruin
your opinion of me,” he said.

At that she grinned and his heart did a funny flop at the way
her face lit up when she smiled. She reached up on her tiptoes and brushed a
sweet kiss across his lips. “Good night, Justin. Sleep well.”

And then she was gone, leaving Justin to wonder how she managed
to make him feel as if he could fly in one minute and then leave him to feel as
if he’d just belly flopped onto concrete the next.

His dignity demanded that he shrug off her polite rejection and
find a less complicated woman to spend time with, but even as his angry steps
punctuated his growing irritation, he had a hard time even pretending that he
was going to do that.

Back in New York he had to whack women off with a stick to keep
them from getting their claws into his skin. But here? Well, the one woman who
intrigued him had just said
thanks, Bud, but I think I’ll
pass on a rematch.

Was he a bad lover? Had he totally misjudged his skills with
the horizontal mambo? A moment of insecurity badgered him until he was half
tempted to bang on her door and let him have a second chance but that was
ludicrous and he knew it.

Oh, God. He was turning into a woman. Why was he stressing
about something so completely out of his wheelhouse? Of course he was a good
lover. Never had any complaints in that department.

Never stuck around long enough to
listen,
a small, crafty voice whispered in his head.

Yes, it was official.

He had estrogen running through his veins.

On the wings of that depressing thought, Justin found his bed
and tried to find sleep.

* * *

L
ILAH
LAY
IN
HER
BED
, staring at the
ceiling. Sleep should’ve been easy. Her bones felt soft beneath her skin and her
body hummed with satisfaction.

And yet, her eyes refused to close.

If she were a different person with a different set of
circumstances she could’ve easily seen herself spending more time with Justin.
He was funny, charming and had a body that didn’t quit.

But when she traveled down that road for just a moment—testing
out the possibilities—she hit a mental roadblock.

She wasn’t ready to share her recent past with anyone aside
from family. For that matter, she didn’t really want to share it with them,
either, but she didn’t have a choice. But if there were some way to erase from
their memory what she’d done, she’d jump at the chance.

Of course, that wasn’t a possibility so she dealt with the
consequences; the thought of sharing that burden with even one more person...it
made her shudder with shame.

Dr. Veronica often had to remind her that she was a different
person today than she was several months ago when she walked into the ocean
ready to die.

But sometimes she worried her unwell mirror image was just
beyond the thin film separation and one wrong move could send her tripping past
the barrier into oblivion.

Her heart kicked up a beat and she closed her eyes and
visualized the ocean because it soothed her most. She breathed through the mild
panic attack and rolled onto her side, determined to fall asleep.

She realized she knew very little about Justin aside from the
surface stuff, which was how she’d deliberately framed her relationship with
him.

But her mind wanted to know more. There was something behind
those smiling eyes that begged for a little digging. She knew something about
being a still pool of water running deep. People underestimated her all the time
because she wasn’t loud and in your face with her opinions or actions, but it
didn’t mean she wasn’t a person interested in having her thoughts and feelings
known.

Dr. Veronica was helping her find her voice but old habits died
hard.

If things were different...

She couldn’t imagine a better person to spend a little time
with than Justin.

CHAPTER SIX

T
HE
DAY
BROKE
MUGGY
and overcast but Lilah didn’t mind as she sat
chatting with Celly, their one remaining full-time employee, at the front
desk.

Celly, an older Crucian woman with a thick accent and an
allergy to nonsense, had taken a shine to Lilah from the start, though she still
bristled around Lora. Lilah suspected it was because Lora had made the mistake
of talking down to her when they first met. Or it could be that Lora still
hadn’t given up the notion that they ought to let Celly go.

Lilah wasn’t worried on that score. For one, Pops loved Celly
for her island ways, and honestly, if he wasn’t still in love with his dead
wife, he might’ve actually taken a shine to the Carib woman. And two, as much as
Lora and Celly rubbed each other the wrong way and groused and griped about one
another, they each served an important role at Larimar.

So basically, no one was going anywhere for the time being.

“Yah smile wit a light, chile,” Celly remarked slyly, clucking
her tongue knowingly. “Yah meet a mon when yah out and about last night?”

Lilah laughed, only slightly unnerved by how accurate Celly’s
intuition was at times, and said, “You’re seeing things. I smile all the time
now. Dr. Veronica says it’s good practice.”

“Yah can’t fool dis ol’ woman. There’s only one way a woman
gets dat kind of glow. Either yah pregnant or yah seeing someone that lights yah
up from de inside. Come tell Celly who put dat glow on yah face?”

“Celly,” Lilah said, blushing with mild exasperation. “There
isn’t anyone. I just had a great time last night and it’s been a while since I
could just enjoy myself, so I’m soaking in it.”

Celly shook her head with a smile. “Yah be lying, chile, but
that’s okay. A woman has her secrets, be fine wit me.”

Lilah sighed happily, unable to contain the sound. Her stare
drifted to the open window and gazed out at the ocean view. Even shrouded in
clouds the color of dirty snow, the island was a beautiful place. She inhaled
the sweet scent of tropical flowers wafting from the large vase in the foyer and
her good mood was dimmed only slightly by the realization that Larimar wasn’t in
the clear.

She and her sisters had been trying to devise a plan to save
their beloved family resort but thus far had only managed to meet their payment
arrangements agreed upon by the IRS. Lindy’s fiancé, Gabe Weston, who happened
to be the CEO of Weston Enterprises, had offered to kick in some cash to help
with the resources but Lora had staunchly disagreed, saying it would muddy the
waters between family members. Lilah wasn’t sure, especially when saving the
resort, however they could, was the primary goal. But, in the end, they all
agreed that they wouldn’t lean on Gabe unless it was absolutely dire. That
seemed to be an agreement that everyone was on board with but it hardly seemed
fair that they’d have to battle not only the government who was pressuring them
for payment, but also Pops and his rapidly deteriorating mental state. Frankly,
Lilah had wished they’d simply accepted Gabe’s help to get at least one monkey
off their back while they focused on another.

As if sensing the train of her thoughts, Celly said, “Yah know,
Jack heart-sick. Dis what happens when the soul cries for its mate. Your Pops,
he good mon, but there come a time when there’s not much else can be done that
nature won’t take care of itself.”

“What do you mean?”

“Yah know,” Celly answered cryptically, and left it at
that.

Lilah looked away, not ready to go there. Eventually Pops would
become a danger to himself. He’d already given them plenty of scares when he’d
wandered off, fallen, or ranted and raved about something that happened decades
prior. Once, he’d even taken the ferry to St. Thomas. That’d been a frightening
ordeal—for everyone. They hadn’t found him until the following morning.

Lilah suppressed a shudder. She hated the feeling that her time
with Pops was coming to an end. Even though it’d been ten years, she still
hadn’t come to grips with the loss of her Grams.

“Celly, we have to find a way to save Larimar,” Lilah said
quietly. “It’s the glue that holds this family together. What will happen if we
lose Pops and Larimar? It’s too awful to even contemplate.”

Celly patted Lilah’s hand with her careworn and roughened one
and said, “Yah be surprised what one family can handle when they made to. Yah
worry too much. Everything will happen as it should.” A smile creased her mouth
as her gaze canted sidewise. “Don’t look now but there’s a beautiful mon walking
dis way. Yah call dibs?” Lilah gasped at the island woman’s bold suggestion and
swatted at her. “What? A woman has needs, yah know.”

Lilah swallowed her laughter when she realized it was Justin
walking their way. He walked into a room like a playboy just looking for a good
time, but there was something that pulsed just beneath the surface of that
easygoing exterior that spoke of deep strength. Since going through everything,
Lilah had gained something of a sixth sense about people. Celly insisted that it
was because she’d straddled both worlds with one foot on the earth and the other
in the heavens until modern science had yanked her back to her body. Of course,
when Lora had heard that theory, she’d snorted in derision and muttered under
her breath something unflattering about “that superstitious Crucian woman” and
had rolled her eyes so hard, she nearly tipped over. Lilah didn’t know what to
believe. She just seemed sensitive to people now. And there was something about
Justin that drew her—which was exactly why she needed to avoid him.

“Are all the island women as beautiful as you?” he asked,
staring at Lilah, then deliberately switching his gaze to Celly as if the
question had been directed at her all along. Lilah blushed and looked away. He
extended a hand to Celly. “Justin Cales. Larimar guest. And you are...?”

“Yah be smooth as the underside of a conch shell yah be and
just as pretty.” She chuckled. “What can we do yah for?”

“Actually, I was hoping maybe you could help me to convince
Miss Lilah, here, to show me the sights around your lovely island. Obviously,
I’m not from around here. I stick out like a sore thumb. The locals will see me
coming a mile away and I’m sure I’ll pay way too much for even a taxi. Can you
help a poor guy out? I promise I’m not a pervert or ax murderer...just a mildly
adorable tourist who has a soft spot for pretty tour guides.”

Lilah smothered the grin that found her lips anyway. He made
her insides feel like warm chocolate melting in the humid heat. Damn, he was
charming. And those eyes ought to be illegal.

“Sorry, I have to work,” Lilah declined sweetly.

“Foolish girl,” Celly said, shooing her away from behind the
counter. “When a good-looking man come knockin’ yah don’t show him de door until
yah’ve had some fun. Now go, chile. Nothing here I can’t handle for de day.”

“But Lora—”

“Bah, Lora is in love wit de sound of her own voice. Things get
done, that’s all dat matters. Show this young mon the island the real way.”

Justin grinned, placing his hand over his heart in a show of
utter gratitude. “Bless you for helping a poor guy out. Karma will surely smile
on you.”

“Go on wit your pretty mouth,” Celly said, waving him away, but
a smile flirted with her mouth. She waved a finger at him though, saying, “Don’
mess wit my favorite Bell or I send a
jumbie
after
yah.”

Lilah laughed at Justin’s quizzical frown. “A ghost,” she
explained, moving from behind the counter against her better judgment. “But
don’t worry, as far as I know
jumbies
are out of
season right now.” She cast Celly a playfully exasperated look and then followed
Justin outside. “What are you doing? I told you I wasn’t interested in anything
serious.”

“Who said anything about serious? I just need a tour guide I
can trust,” Justin said innocently. “I mean, just because we knocked boots
doesn’t make us married, right?”

Her cheeks heated just a little and she lifted her chin with a
small laugh. “Right. Okay. I guess I got the wrong impression last night. I
thought you were interested in something more...”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We had a great time. Where’s
the harm in spending a few more hours together?”

She weighed his logic and when she couldn’t find an obvious
flaw she grudgingly agreed. What was a day or two? It wasn’t as if they were
going to fall helplessly in love in the space of a few hours. She smiled. “All
right. You got yourself a tour guide. But the minute I feel things are
getting...attached between us...”

“Sounds perfect to me. If you knew me better, you’d know I’m
the last person who’s looking for deep and meaningful. I promise.”

“That’s a dubious way of reassuring me.”

“But does it work?”

“Knowing that you have commitment issues and are likely a major
player?” She took a moment to consider, then answered, “Yes, actually it
does.”

“Great.” He grinned. “Now that we have that out of the
way...refresh my memory on the sex part? Is that part of the tour guide
special?”

She gasped and climbed into the Jeep but a secret smile lit up
her insides. “Get in or you’re going to end up walking into town.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Justin said, chuckling as he climbed into the
Jeep beside her. Then he cast her a glance as he said, “So...just to be clear,
would it be terribly inappropriate if I told you how sexy you look this
morning?”

“Yes.” But she loved it. “Try to keep that kind of talk to a
minimum.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” She leveled a serious look his way
and he lifted his hands in mock surrender. “Can’t blame a guy for trying. But I
should warn you—”

“Warn me about what?”

He leaned forward and she saw it coming but couldn’t seem to
pull away because as much as she was putting up fences, she was secretly
delighted when he pushed them down. “I’m terrible at following rules that don’t
suit me,” he murmured right before brushing his lips against hers.

Oh. Damn.

* * *

J
USTIN
KNEW
HE
SHOULDN
’
T
but
he really, honestly couldn’t help himself. It sounded corny—and if any of his
friends could see him right now, they’d laugh their asses off—but Lilah was a
drug he wasn’t quite ready to quit. Maybe it was because she sweetly but plainly
told him that she wasn’t interested in anything serious, which was a 180 from
the women that usually pursued him. In his current circles, it was as if he had
Most Eligible Bachelor stamped on his forehead in neon letters, because they
simply flocked to him, draping themselves over him and availing him to their
generous assets without reservation. But he could spot a socialite on the
marriage prowl within seconds of meeting a woman. His buddies called it a gift,
a calling to help prevent untimely snaring, so he definitely knew Lilah wasn’t
simply being coy.

But he didn’t care. She was unlike any woman he’d ever met and
he wanted more—any way he could get it.

He pulled away and her eyelids remained fluttered shut; her
dark brown lashes rested on her cheeks as a tiny smile flirted with her mouth.
“You are impossible,” she said, slowly opening her eyes.

“I like to think of myself as an opportunist,” he
clarified.

“And you felt I’d left you a wide-open opportunity to kiss me?”
she asked.

“Can I help it that you are just irresistible? Really, I think
that’s more on you, than me. I’m defenseless against your beauty and charm.”

* * *

L
ILAH
ROLLED
HER
EYES
and gave him a
gentle shove as she started the Jeep. “Don’t push your luck. Now, do you want to
see St. John or not?”

He grinned, not the least bit sorry for stealing that
kiss.
As long as it’s with you, darling...I’d visit the
moon.
And in fact, he was going to steal as many kisses as she’d let
him. “I’m all yours, sweetheart,” he said, sliding his sunglasses into
place.

Lilah chuckled and put the Jeep into Reverse, muttering with a
headshake, “Tourists.”