Something to Believe In (7 page)

Trust me.

The words hung heavy and obtrusive between them, an elephant in
a crowded room.

I’m not supposed to date.

I tried to kill myself.

She opened her mouth but the words died in her throat. She
couldn’t tell him that. He was a stranger and as a stranger wasn’t burdened by
the knowledge of her recent past. To him, she was simply a normal, perhaps
slightly enigmatic, girl.

And she wanted to keep it that way.

Lilah sent a blinding smile his way, concealing the odd pang in
her heart at shutting him out, and said, “You see things that aren’t there. And
this conversation is way too serious for such a wonderful day. Let’s keep it
light, okay?” She didn’t wait for him to agree and simply popped from the Jeep
toward the restaurant. “You coming? Best johnnycakes around St. John. I promise
you’ll love it. Come on, slowpoke.” She cast one last look Justin’s way and saw
him exiting the car, a perplexed expression lingering behind the easy smile she
was beginning to suspect was his defense, just as walking away was hers.

CHAPTER NINE

B
Y
THE
TIME
L
ILAH
AND
J
USTIN
had suffered
through a painfully awkward and tense lunch and a quiet drive back to Larimar,
Lilah was more than ready to escape to her room, but as Justin left her with a
flip goodbye Lora waylaid her in the foyer.

Lilah tried not to let her gaze follow Justin as he disappeared
from the main lobby but it was as if her eyes were locked on target and wouldn’t
let go until he was out of sight. When she reluctantly dragged her stare back to
Lora, it was then she realized Lora was hardly ever behind the reception desk.
“What are you doing? Where’s Celly?” she asked.

Lora’s jaw tensed in a subtle manner as she answered. “Celly
has quit, which is probably for the best. She wasn’t a very good fit here at
Larimar and I’ve been trying to find someone to replace her for quite a
while.”

Lilah’s eyes bugged and she shook her head as if Lora’s
statement didn’t make sense, because frankly, it didn’t. “Celly wouldn’t quit,”
she stated flatly. “What did you do? Did you fire her?”

“Of course not,” Lora shot back. “Don’t put this one on me. She
quit of her own accord. Just ask Heath.”

“I will,” Lilah said, her ears becoming hot as something close
to anger and panic coalesced into a toxic mess inside her. “What happened?”

Lora didn’t look as if she were interested in answering
questions and thus, simply shrugged. “I tidied her desk and she overreacted.
Now—” she drew a deep breath and squared her shoulders “—we need to talk about
other things. Such as who were you with? You know how I feel about dating the
patrons. It sets a bad example. I know it worked out for Lindy but let’s not
make a habit of using Larimar’s guests for a dating pool. Okay?”

Lilah stared at her sister, freshly irritated that she could so
easily sweep under the rug that she’d somehow gotten rid of Celly and then
chastise her for going out with a patron. Of the two, in Lilah’s mind, Lora had
committed the bigger sin. “Celly cannot be replaced,” Lilah said in a low voice,
nearly trembling with anger. “And I don’t need you telling me who I can and
can’t date.”

“Lilah, I’m not trying to be bossy,” Lora said. “I’m just
trying to look out for everyone’s best interests. And as far as Celly goes...she
made her choice.”

“You did something to make her leave,” Lilah said. “I need to
talk to her.”

At that Lora slammed the papers she’d been shuffling onto the
desk with more force than necessary. “Why does everyone assume I’m the bad guy
in this? Celly was an employee. Not a member of this family. I don’t know why
everyone feels the need to rush to her defense but I get thrown under the
bus.”

“Because she
is
family!” Lilah
practically shouted, shocking Lora. “She helps take care of Pops, she cooks all
our favorite meals, and she helps Larimar run smoothly when it should be falling
down around our damn ears! How is it that
you’re
the
only one who doesn’t see how everyone loves her!” Lora blinked and the corners
of her mouth turned down but she otherwise remained silent, the stubborn woman.
Lilah threw her hands up and did an about-face. “I need to talk to Celly. Maybe
salvage this mess before it’s too late and we lose someone else in this
family.”

Lilah climbed back into the Jeep and wiped away the tears that
had begun to leak down her face.
Damn you, Lora.

And damn you, too, Justin.

Perhaps it wasn’t fair to throw Justin into the blame category
but it felt good to vent her anger over how their afternoon had ended. She’d
been on a glorious high until he’d started pushing, wanting more than she was
offering.

And now Celly was gone? The world had tipped upside down in a
space of five hours.

Since when did guys want to get all lovey-dovey? What guy
wouldn’t love the chance to simply let things remain superficial? Sure, she was
stereotyping but the reason stereotypes existed was because there was a certain
amount of truth to them.

Maybe she should’ve just accepted his offer to go to Rush Tide.
Where was the harm? It wasn’t as if she was afraid of falling in love with him.
She knew it was a vacation thing for him and that was okay with her. So why’d
she shut him down so quickly?

Was she afraid of becoming attached?

Don’t be silly and start focusing on
what’s truly important—getting Celly back.
A transient patron who
just so happens to make her stomach do strange things was not the priority.

Besides, as much as she hated to admit it, Lora was right.
Dating the patrons was probably a bad idea, even if it had worked out really
well for Lindy.

Speaking of... Lilah put the Jeep in gear and pulled out onto
the road. She couldn’t wait for Lindy to get here. She needed some twin time in
the worst way.

* * *

L
ILAH
CHECKED
THE
ADDRESS
and pulled
into the overgrown driveway to park in front of a tiny house that appeared as
though a stiff wind might tear it down. Lilah blinked at the poor conditions and
her ire at Lora bloomed fresh. “Celly?” she called out, exiting the Jeep and
walking toward the front door. The jungle foliage crept and intruded on the
small yard until it was difficult to discern where the yard started and stopped.
She frowned, wondering why Celly didn’t ask Heath to do some clearing for her.
He’d gladly do it if he knew Celly needed it. Lilah made a mental note to ask
him herself.

She knocked on the weathered front door and waited. It was
several minutes before the door opened a crack and Celly peered out from behind
the door. Her eyes registered surprise until a frown quickly formed. “What are
yah doing here?” she queried.

“Celly, I just found out about what happened at Larimar. Or,
actually, I don’t really know what happened but whatever it was, I hope we can
make it better because we need you.”

“Bah, yah don’t need an old woman like me. Lora made that
perfectly clear,” Celly said.

“Can I come in for a minute?” Lilah asked, perplexed by the way
Celly was acting. Celly hesitated but finally relented. “All yah Bells de same.
Stubborn and nosy,” she muttered, opening the door and walking away.

Lilah followed Celly into the musty house, her nose tingling at
the mildly damp smell, and wondered how Celly lived in these conditions but she
kept any comment to herself for fear of offending the older woman.

Lilah took a seat on an aged sofa while Celly settled herself
into an equally old and threadbare chair. “What happened?” Lilah asked, getting
right to the point. When Celly remained stubbornly silent, Lilah pressed gently.
“Listen, I know Lora can be as prickly as a sea urchin sometimes but she’s just
under a lot of pressure. I’m sure she didn’t mean whatever she said to offend
you.”

Celly harrumphed and looked away. “Dat woman is worse than sea
urchin.”

Lilah sighed. “Celly, I’m sorry that she’s difficult to get to
know but she’s trying to make everything work and sometimes she gets so focused
on the problems, she forgets about the people. But her intentions are good. You
know that, right?”

Celly shrugged but Lilah sensed she was gaining some ground.
“Please come back. I’m sure Lora is sorry.”

Celly pinned Lilah with a sharp look. “If she so sorry, why are
yah here saying it instead of her?”

Lilah squirmed a little. Good point. “Deep down Lora is sorry,
but she’s stubborn...like you. Give her time. She’ll come around.”

“No.”

“Celly,” Lilah implored, unable to believe how obstinate the
older woman was being. “Come on...please?”

At that Celly’s hard gaze softened a little and she said,
“Lilah girl, yah good soul. Yah spend yah time and energy caring for everyone
but yahself. It’s time for yah to worry about yah own pretty skin. Lora is a big
girl. If she so sorry...she can find me. Until then...I stay here.”

Lilah couldn’t help but cast a dubious glance around the
dilapidated home and Celly stiffened. “Keep yah eyes in yah head. Nothing wrong
with my home. I’ve lived here since I was a chile and my parents lived here
before dat.”

“Oh, gosh, I’m sorry, Celly,” Lilah said, immediately chastised
for being so transparently appalled at her living conditions. “I didn’t mean to
offend you. I’m sure it’s a great place, but it seems that it’s fallen...apart.”
She bit her lip. “I’m sorry. Why haven’t you asked Heath to come and help you
out with some of these repairs? You know he would.”

Celly lifted her birdlike chin. “I don’t need charity. I work
for whatever goes into my pocket.”

“Of course, Celly. It’s not charity when you help out family.”
She reached over and grasped Celly’s hand. “And you are family. Just as much as
Heath is, you know that, right?”

Celly blinked away the sudden shine in her eyes and murmured,
“Yah a sweet chile, girl. But not everyone feels as yah do. That’s just the way
of tings as dey are.”

Lilah stifled a sigh. Celly needed to hear the words from Lora,
not her. And likely, Lora would rather eat a Japanese pufferfish than apologize.
Lilah rose. “Celly, your job is waiting for you. I promise. Come back when
you’re ready.” She walked to the door, then turned. “Also, I’m sending Heath
over to do some repairs. And don’t even think about saying no because I won’t
listen.” She sent a quick look around the small house, then muttered, “And
neither will Heath so don’t waste your breath.”

“Stubborn Bell,” Celly called out after her, and Lilah smiled.
Yeah, she supposed that was accurate.

CHAPTER TEN

L
ORA
DRAGGED
HERSELF
TO
BED
, her head throbbing. The day had been a trying
one to say the least. She changed out of her clothes, slipped into something
that flowed loosely around her body and slid into the bed beside Heath, grateful
for the day’s end.

She and Heath were still at odds but he reached over and
started rubbing her shoulders when he saw the tension in her body. “Everything
all right?” he asked.

“No,” she admitted wearily. “Pops kept asking for Celly and
when he couldn’t understand why she wasn’t around, he became more confused. It
was awful.”

Heath’s sigh said volumes. She looked at him sharply. “She
quit. I didn’t fire her,” she said defensively.

Heath’s mouth tightened but he remained silent and continued to
rub her shoulders. His touch soothed the knotted muscles but did nothing for the
turmoil in her head. Celly was the one who had overreacted. Not her. So she’d
tidied her desk a little...was that really cause to freak out and quit? A small,
nagging voice reminded her that she hadn’t been welcoming to Celly from the
minute they’d met. But surely, they’d gotten over that small bump since then?
“Everyone treats me the same as before even though I’ve changed. Why doesn’t
anyone see that?”

“Sometimes you’re stubborn, that’s all. What you need to do is
go to Celly and simply apologize. That’s all she wants.”

Lora frowned, irritated. “Why should I apologize? I didn’t do
anything worth apologizing for.”

“How about going to her and clearing the air? You know, I think
you felt threatened by Celly, like somehow she was going to replace Grams, but
you know that’s not true. She’s a part of Larimar and we need her. And,
honestly, she needs us, too. She doesn’t have any family left on the island, and
she’s embraced the Bells in her own way. What more could you want in a loyal
employee other than someone who truly cares about the place and people they work
for?”

Damn, she hated when Heath was right and she was wrong. She
sighed and turned to him, wrapping her arms around his solid torso and burying
her nose against his skin. “I know she’s not going to replace Grams. But I get
prickly when I’m around her. I don’t know why.”

“It’s because you hate change,” Heath said, a smile in his
voice. “But change isn’t all bad.”

“Says who?” she groused, internally processing his point. He
was right; she hated change. But to be fair, change in her life had rarely come
without painful consequences. She preferred order and stability to the chaos of
new adventures or new people. “The damage is done. I doubt she’ll come back even
if I begged, which I won’t do, anyway. It’s a moot point. I just need to find
someone to fill her spot.”

“Lora...” Heath’s disappointment weighed heavy in his voice and
she lifted to meet his gaze. “You’re making it ten times worse than it needs to
be. You two need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart. That’s all. And then
things will improve between you. I can almost guarantee it.”

She scowled. “You don’t know that and I don’t feel like
sacrificing my dignity to beg someone to work for me.”

“How about begging someone who cares about this family to
return because we all miss her?”

Lora groaned and pulled away from Heath. “I’m tired and my head
is ready to explode,” she said, turning on her side and communicating that she
didn’t want to talk about it any longer. She hated being on the opposite side of
everyone,
but it particularly hurt when Heath
wasn’t on her side. Tears tingled behind her eyes and she squeezed them shut to
block the moisture from escaping.

Why did the hard decisions always fall in her lap?

* * *

J
USTIN
WOKE
IN
A
FOUL
MOOD
,
still unsettled by the way things had ended between him and Lilah yesterday, but
he was determined to get her out of his mind. If she didn’t want to hang with
him, fine. There were plenty of beautiful women just waiting to spend a little
quality time at his side.

Well, at least there were in New York.

Here on an island paradise he shouldn’t have a problem finding
someone to waste a few hours with.

He spent a long time under the cool spray of the outdoor shower
and then dressed quickly.

Whistling to himself, he passed by the open dining room and saw
Lilah fixing breakfast. He should’ve kept walking, barely taking notice of the
petite, lithe woman, but just the sight of her tugged at him and made him feel
as if the humidity in the air had suddenly worsened. He sucked air through his
lungs but his heart was kicking up a rapid staccato.

Her hair was tucked into a messy bun on top of her head and
plenty of tendrils were drifting along her cheekbones, gently swaying on the
subtle breeze coming through the wide-open portal. She wore a light gauzy skirt
that dusted her ankles and a tank top that wrapped tightly around her middle,
baring a tiny expanse of golden skin that he distinctly remembered tasting just
yesterday.

Damn it. He shook off the desire to join her for breakfast as
if all was forgotten and forgiven and instead purposefully strode away. Justin
Cales did not moon over any chick. No matter how adorable she looked in her
hippie-chic outfits or how his breathing still hadn’t returned to normal.

And definitely no matter how miserable he felt at the prospect
of simply roaming around St. John without her gorgeous behind right beside
him.

He muttered an expletive and climbed into the rental Suzuki
Tracker that looked as if a donkey had used it for target practice, determined
to have a good time without her.

* * *

L
ILAH
SAW
J
USTIN
IN
her peripheral vision but pretended otherwise. She held her breath,
wondering if he was going to casually stroll in and grab a banana as if things
hadn’t ended so awkwardly between them or if he was going to ignore her.

A part of her hoped he kept walking. An angry Justin would
likely move on more quickly, but she actually hated the idea of Justin being
angry with her even more than she disliked the fact that he’d walked right past
her as if she hadn’t existed.

Oh, geesh. Pick a side,
she told
herself crossly.
You can’t be so wishy-washy.
She
wanted to discourage any attachments and so, her method had worked. If only she
didn’t feel unsettled inside, almost carsick at the thought of what he must be
thinking about her at this very moment.

She took a bite of banana and slowly chewed, frowning as she
processed the mess in her head. Pops interrupted her mental turmoil by adding
his own. He’d been having some bad days, which had only worsened when Celly
left.

“Morning, Pops,” Lilah said, forcing a smile as if it were the
most natural thing in the world to see her Pops looking as lost as a baby sea
turtle far from the shore. “Are you hungry?” Pops turned hazy eyes toward her,
his mouth working subtly, as a confused frown marred his beloved face. Lilah
swallowed and the butterflies in her stomach worsened. “Pops? What’s wrong?”

“Well, it’s just sad news. Just sad, sad news.”

“What sad news?”

“She’s gone. Our Lisa...she’s gone. Lana...she’s holding it
together but... Well, her heart is broken.”

Lilah sucked in a tight breath at the mention of her mother and
realized Pops was talking about when her mother died. She exhaled softly and
nodded, not sure what to say. “It’s very sad, Pops,” she agreed. “But she’s in a
better place now.”

God, how she hated that saying but she didn’t know what else to
offer.

“We always wanted more babies,” he admitted, wiping at his
eyes. “But all we had was Lisa. She was our island treasure. Ahhh, Lisa...and
she’s left behind three babies. It’s hard to know what to tell them, they’re so
young. Especially the twins.”

Tears sprang to Lilah’s eyes and she choked back a well of
grief that bubbled from a hidden spot of pain buried deep inside her. “It’s
okay, Pops,” she managed, grinding the tears from her eyes. “It’s okay. They
have you and Grams. They’re so lucky.”

He seemed lost in a memory, shaking his head with raw sorrow
that was tinged with confusion, and Lilah wanted to run away from the evidence
that Pops was rapidly deteriorating. She dropped her banana to the counter and
wrapped herself tightly around her grandfather. “I love you, Pops,” she
whispered. “You and Grams were always there for us. Don’t be sad. Please don’t
be sad.”

Pops patted her back and she inhaled the soft scent of coconut
that lingered on his skin from the sunscreen he wore and she wished she could go
back in time to when life was simple and straightforward.

“What are we going to do without her?” he murmured in a cracked
voice that splintered her heart. She wasn’t sure if he was talking about Lana or
her mother. Perhaps he didn’t know, either.

“I’m here for you, Pops. We’re all here. Your sugar birds,” she
said.

“Sugar birds...sweet, sugar birds,” he repeated as if saying
the words gave him strength. “Yes...we always have our sugar birds.”

“Always, Pops,” she said. “Always.”

Standing in the dining room, hugging her beloved grandfather,
Lilah wondered how they’d manage to get through everything they were facing
without losing their sanity. Was it any wonder she’d walked into the ocean? The
threat of losing everything they’d ever cared about was almost too much to bear.
But she’d never take such a cowardly step again. Her Pops needed her.

Her family needed her. Even though she was scared to death of
failing, she’d give everything she had to Larimar.

She owed it to Pops and Grams.

Which left little room for pining over men who had no permanent
place in her life.

She drew a shaky breath and pulled away from Pops. “Want to
share some papaya on the patio with me? You can tell me stories of how you wooed
Grams with your irrepressible charm,” she teased through a sheen of silent
tears.

At the mention of his past with his soul mate, he brightened.
“Papaya is my favorite, you know.”

“Of course I know that,” she said, smiling as she grabbed a
papaya and the necessary tools to cut and serve. “And I also know that you love
to tell stories. So let’s go. I can’t wait to hear a few.”

And it struck her as they walked to the patio that there would
come a day when Pops wouldn’t be around to share his stories—whether they were
made up or true, the girls were never quite sure—so she was going to savor every
moment she had left with him.