Sometimes, Forever (Sometimes Moments #2) (19 page)

Month by month, their home had become their own. Memories in frames replaced ones that Peyton felt were more important. She had said the house had felt like a shrine, so she decorated every part of the house her way. She spoke more openly about her past. Days she had spent with Callum. Stories about her parents. Cooper had turned twenty-seven a few months back. During their relationship, they had spent two of his birthdays together. Two of his greatest birthdays to date. He hadn’t wanted a big celebration. But when he had turned twenty-seven, she’d had a surprise party with his family at the hotel.

Megan had changed her mind and married Rhys at the Spencer-Reid months after she had met Peyton. His mother had been stubborn, but his father had worn her down. When his mother saw just how in love Peyton was with him, she had finally accepted her into the family. On his girlfriend’s twenty-third birthday, she had him take her into the city and gotten his name tattooed on her right wrist. He had told her that she didn’t need to do that, but she had said it was all she wanted. She would be twenty-four in a few months. And he wanted her to be his fiancée before then.

Cooper made his way to the front door and held her lavender bouquet tightly in his grasp. He peeked down to make sure the card was still on there. If it wasn’t, and it somehow got lost during his drive from the farm to the hotel, it was proposal aborted. The card was the key. Her ring was burning a hole in his pocket. He knew she’d say yes, but that didn’t tone down his anxiety. He entered the hotel to find it empty, just as Jenny had promised. She had been in on the plans. Just as Graham and Madilynne had.

Peyton, as planned, was behind the desk with papers in her hand. He made his way across the floorboards until he stood at the front desk.

He cleared his throat.

She lifted her eyes from the documents to him and the instant smile on her face made his heart throb. It was the same reaction he had every day that he saw that smile. Every day for over a year. And he hoped every day for the rest of his life.

“Hey,” she said softly, relieved to see him. She set her papers down and tilted her head. “Graham seriously has you doing his deliveries? I thought the new guy was doing them?”

Cooper handed her the clipboard and set the bouquet on the desk. “Well, you’re my girlfriend, and I really don’t want Marvin falling in love with you the way I did when I first met you. Thought since it started with delivering lavender to you, my last shift and final delivery had to end with you.”

“You sure know how to sweet talk me, don’t you?” She let out a laugh and signed her name at the bottom of the delivery invoice. Someday soon, she would no longer sign delivery slips as Peyton Spencer.

Instead, it would be as Peyton Hepburn.

He hoped.

“Who sent them?” she asked as she reached for the card.

“I don’t know,” he said, playing dumb as he took a step back. “I just deliver them.”

She nodded and opened up the envelope. As she took out the card, Cooper reached into his pocket and took out the small box. Peyton unfolded the card and that was when he got down on one knee.

He watched Peyton slowly lift her gaze from the card to him and she let his proposal fall from her fingertips.

“It all started right here, Peyton,” he said as he opened the box to present her the large diamond set on a titanium band. It cost a significant amount of his savings, but when he had sold his house in Warren Meadows, he knew exactly what he’d be spending the money on.

Her eyelids fluttered as tears began to well.

“I once said
sometimes, forever
I’d be whatever you needed me to be. But right now, I just want to be your forever. So like the card says.” He exhaled a shaky breath. “Peyton Olivia Spencer, will you marry me?”

Her stall in the ‘yes, I will marry you,’ response that he expected had him blinking at her. All Peyton did was stare. The smile on her face told him yes. Her silence didn’t give him much confidence in the fact that he’d have a fiancée in a matter of seconds.

“Coop,” she finally breathed. Then she made her way around the desk and stood in front of him. “You know my answer.”

“Then say it.”

“I will,” she promised. “But before I do, we need to go somewhere.”

“What?” he blurted out, stunned. His heartbeats turned erratic. It almost felt as if his heart was straining.

Peyton crouched down so that they were at eye level. “I’m not going to change my mind. You know my answer. We just have to go for a drive before you slip that ring on my finger. So don’t think I’m saying no because that is not happening.” She set her hands on the sides of his face, ensuring his eyes stayed firm on hers. “Do you trust me?”

He nodded. “I do.”

“Can’t wait to hear that at the end of the aisle,” she said as she pressed her lips to his. It was short and it was definitely sweet. Then she pulled back. “We just have to stop by home on the way.”

Peyton parked the car in the parking area of Melbourne General Cemetery. He knew why they were there the moment he saw the sign. She had said nothing when she had stopped by their place and ran inside. Cooper was just about to open his passenger side door when she grabbed his hand. When he imagined proposing, he had no idea that over an hour later he’d be at a cemetery. But he had learnt to follow Peyton. She had a reason for everything. Their visit to the cemetery would be one of them.

“You know why we’re here?” she asked as she shifted to face him.

He nodded.

Callum Reid.

But he didn’t say his name out loud.

Peyton’s hand left his as she reached behind them and grabbed her handbag from the floor. Then she set it on her lap and rummaged around until she pulled out a pink envelope. She had stared at it for a long moment before she handed it to him.

He gazed down to see her name written across the envelope. “Peyton, this is for you.”

She gave him a tight smile. “Actually, he wrote it for you, too.”

“You want me to read this?”

“I do,” she said softly.

He let out a short laugh. “Can’t wait to hear that at the end of the aisle,” he repeated what she had said back at the Spencer-Reid.

Her eyes flashed and he knew she loved hearing it just as much as he loved saying it. Then she said, “I’ll wait outside,” and slipped out of the hatchback. She would need a new car soon. She’d had the small grey car since her final year of high school. It was on its last legs. They’d figure out the new car situation another day.

When the door shut, he looked up to find Peyton waiting at the main gates with her back faced to him. He bit the inside of his cheek as he flipped the envelope over and began to pull out the folded pieces of paper, ready to read the last words Callum Reid had written to Cooper’s girlfriend.

He sucked in a deep breath and unfolded the letter.

Then he read Callum’s last words.

Dear Peyton,

I’m not sure what I can say to make this easier for you and for me. But I am sorry. I never wanted this. I guess I didn’t get the chance to tell you. Maybe I avoided telling you because I was scared to watch you die in front of my eyes. It was selfish of me, I know. So give me a second. Right now, you’re asleep next to me. And I’m sure this is the last time I’ll hold you. As I write this, I’m saying these three words out loud to you:

Peyton, I’m dying.

Cooper tore his eyes off the letter. His heart bled thinking of Peyton reading those three words. Then he thought of what it must have felt like to actually write them. He turned his head and stared at Peyton. She was still there, waiting. He glanced down at the papers in his hands and knew that he and Callum had something in common. They both loved that woman. Cooper knew that he would always treasure Peyton. Unlike Callum, he could love her forever.

He never had to be jealous of Callum.

Because he knew deep down that Callum would have been jealous of him.

Taking a deep breath, he continued to read.

I think I only have days left in me.

I’m hoping I still have days left.

Today, you smiled and I almost told you right there. I almost ripped your heart out with two words:

I’m dying.

You laughed today, and I almost said: I’m dying.

You cried today, and I almost said: I’m dying.

You held me today, and I almost said: I’m dying.

You kissed me today, and I almost said: I’m dying.

You made love to me today, and I almost said: I’m dying.

You told me you loved me today, and I said: I love you, too.

You slept today, and I almost said: I’m dying.

You told me you loved me again today, and I almost said: I’m dying.

You rested your head in my lap under the cherry blossoms today, and I said: I love you forever, Peyton.

We sat in our spot today, and I almost said: I’m dying.

I almost said goodbye today, but you said: I’ll love you more than each breath I take and each moment I live after you. I love you like the waves hug the shores, only apart for so long, always together by nature. I’ll love you even after every star burns out in our galaxy. I’ll love you even after the last breaths of forever are made.

You broke my heart today, and I said: You’ll live a happy life.

You let me hold your hand today, and I thought: You are my forever, Peyton. Never just my sometimes.

You woke up in my arms today, and I almost said: I’m dying, Peyton. Please forgive me today.

I’ve mentally thought of the words I’d say to you. But how do you tell the love of your life that you’re dying? How do you willingly kill yourself before the tumour does? How do you watch the hope and love die in her eyes? How do you keep from telling her that you’ll never see her again, hear her heartbeat, hear her breathe, and hear her tell you she loves you? How?

The answer is: I don’t know how to and I didn’t want to.

There was never a good time to tell you. My plan was never to walk back into Daylesford with you telling me that you loved me back. I never planned to finally tell you that I loved you. I never planned on kissing you, holding you, making love to you, or seeing you smile at me. I never planned, but I hoped—no, I dreamed—for all of those. You, Peyton Olivia, are my biggest dream. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to witness all of life’s firsts you have yet to discover. You will make a beautiful fiancée, a beautiful wife, a beautiful soul mate, a beautiful mother, and a beautiful lover.

I want you to be all those for me. I’ve begged and tried to negotiate with the world. I never wanted a future more than after the tumour came back. If I could marry you right now, I’d do it. I’d kill for it. I’d give up an extra day of my life for you to be Peyton Reid, my wife, my soul mate, the mother of my child, and my ever-so-beautiful lover. If God gave me more time, I would make it all happen. But God gave me limited time and I wasted four years of it away from you. I didn’t want you to see me go through chemo. I didn’t want you to see me want to give up on life. I didn’t want you to think of me dying. I wanted you to live. I wanted you to find happiness and be free from me. I wanted you to be saved from me.

Weeks before I saw you again, the doctor told me that, this time, chemo didn’t work. My first thought was of you, not of my life. I needed to come back for you. This time, I had to make it past the sign. I had to be in breathing distance of you. I needed to feel your pain. I needed to know that being away was the best for you. I needed to remember why I left the first time. I love you, I have loved you, and I will always love you.

I don’t remember how we met. We were just in each other’s lives. But I’ll tell you about the moment that I wanted more from you. The moment that I knew I was in love with you.

I was walking home from town. Mum had me drop off some cakes for some of the businesses. I walked around the lake to see you sitting on the pier. You were watching the sun set. You watched it with this wonder and beauty. You were sixteen. You were beautiful. You had my heart at that moment. I had held your hand at thirteen, but at sixteen, you had my existence. I walked up to you and sat next to you. We were best friends, but this moment was magical. I knew that I loved you at that moment. You made my heart beat for a purpose. I asked you all the time, but this time, it was different. I asked you if you wanted me to walk you home with all my love and with all of my heart. Not because you were my best friend but because I was in love with you. I have been in love with you unconditionally. I have been in love with you for more than forever. You are my one and only love. I will always love you more than the last breath I take in life. I will love you more than the waves hug the shore. I will love you more and more with every day that passes us. I will love you after every star in existence burns out.

My last breath will be of my lungs exhaling my love for you. I will wait for you until I see you again, maybe in heaven or maybe in another life. Heaven may be out of my reach so I will see you in another life. I will be looking for you. I may not know it, but each breath I take and each step I take will lead me closer to you. My favourite flower will be the cherry blossom. That’ll be our code. And maybe in this other life, I get to grow old with you and love you the way I should have.