Somewhere in Between (26 page)

He studied her for a moment. Watching her eyes for any sign of a lie about how she really was. When he saw none, he nodded. "Okay. Tell me if you're not though. I'm here for you, Gemma. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Good. I love you," he said, a smile on his face, hoping to get her to smile in return. While she had yet to say those three words back, he felt it in everything she did to and for him. The fact that she was willing to trust him, being the biggest. "You mean everything to me, you know."

"You mean everything to me, too," she said back. She wished she could tell him she loved him too. Because it was right there on the tip of her tongue and it was the truth, but she was still scared. Her heart wanted so badly to say it, but her mind couldn't stop thinking long enough to allow it. While logically she knew it wouldn't happen, Gemma held the fear that once the words left her lips, Elliot would rescind his and crush her. And her dream from the night before was only reaffirming the strength her fear had on her. For getting the guy she wanted, Gemma really did have a long way to go before she could feel real happiness about it. And that sucked. So very bad.

Taking one of her hands in his, Elliot pulled it to his mouth and gently kissed the back, letting his lips linger momentarily. Gemma had the softest skin, and he loved the way it felt against his lips. He was hoping that one day, he'd be able to explore more of her. Not today, but one day.

"Good to hear it," he smirked at her. "Because you are stuck with me, Grady. I'm like super glue-no, gorilla glue. Permanent and stuff."

"I think I can handle that," she giggled back, grateful for his magic in making her forget the bad.

*LtB*

The rest of break Elliot and Gemma hung out with Trent, Leighanna, and Josh, watching movies, playing video games, and occasionally taking short nature hikes around the fairgrounds - though their park was strictly off limits. Unless it was just the two of them, which wasn't too often.

Trent and Josh were always trying to get Gemma to play Call of Duty or Halo or some other ridiculous video game. In the end she’d conceded and then beat them even though she was a novice to both games. It always made Elliot and Leighanna laugh and the two boys pout.

It was a relaxed break but it passed quickly. As did the rest of the school year. Before anyone knew it, prom had come and gone and graduation had arrived. It was bittersweet. Gemma was so proud of her sister for all her hard work, as Leighanna was Salutatorian with the second highest GPA in her class. But she also knew that meant Leighanna was leaving. In the fall, when she returned to Skyview High as a junior, her sister would be in Tennessee. It hurt, and made her nervous, but Gemma didn't want to let that show. She knew Leigh would change her plans in a heartbeat if she thought Gemma was upset.

And it was a ridiculous thing to be hurt over. Leigh was off to do great things. She had many goals she wanted to accomplish and many causes calling her name. But Gemma knew it had more to do with loving the safety her sister provided and having her sister around safely more than anything. She knew, if not for her attack, watching Leigh leave for college in a few months wouldn't terrify her as much. As it was, the three who hurt her had hurt someone not far from where Leigh and Trent were set to go to school. That thought alone had made her vomit several times already. Thankfully, Leigh comforted her that day, promising not to go anywhere alone, or after dark too much. And she promised to carry a can of pepper spray with her at all times. It was an appeasement, but it helped.

Gemma also felt guilty that for all the attention that had been directed at her the last several months, no one stopped to really appreciate Leigh. Even though she denied it, Gemma knew if had to sting a little. Her senior pictures had thankfully already been taken during August, before the attack, but Leigh didn't seem too eager for the rest of the traditions. Sure she and Trent went to prom, and the gorgeous blue gown she wore was the thrill of the night. And yes, she even got a class ring. But Gemma felt if not for her, Leigh would have had the spotlight as she should have.

However, Leighanna did not agree.

"
What's wrong?"

"
What? Nothing," she says sitting in her nook, staring out the window. It's the middle of May, the sun is out, the weather is warming away from the cold of a late winter early spring, and she can hear birds chirping. She should be smiling. She should be outside, sitting in the makeshift hammock her dad had concocted, trying to read her zombie book that, while she enjoyed immensely, really was taking her forever to read. It probably had more to do with the fact she didn't want it to end than anything else.

"
Liar." Leigh enters her room and sits on the edge of her bed.

"
I was just thinking." She doesn't look at her sister. "If not for what happened, mom and dad would be planning a party for you instead of just some dinner at the Jim & Nicks. If not for what happened, you wouldn't have thought twice about going to prom. You looked so beautiful, and I know you changed your dress at the last minute because you thought the other one, that red number with the slit up the side, was too revealing."

Leigh sighs. "Gemma, look at me please." Gemma turns her head, sees her sister with a calm face. It's nowhere near the face she expects to see. "For one, I chose the dress I did not because of how much skin it showed, but because the one I wanted cost too much. Seriously, that red dress was almost $200 and the blue one is under $100. And we both know dad would have had a conniption if I tried to walk out of the house with it on. Attack or no." She looks pointedly at Gemma, because she's right. The other dress probably would have given Andrew a panic attack because while Leigh isn't his biologically, he loves her as though she were. Seeing his daughter that… revealed would have made him shit his pants, quite honestly. "And as for the other thing, there are some things you need to know."

"
What sort of things," Gemma asks.

"
For starters, I didn't want a big party. I'd already told mom and dad that at the beginning of the school year," she says quietly. "I have friends, but not a lot of really
close
friends. And the last thing I wanted was to have a bunch of people I don't even like show up. Besides, we're getting a huge table, my few good friends will be there, you will be there, so will Trent. I don't need much more than that. And you know how much I love barbeque."

Gemma wants to cry. She is so lucky to have Leigh as her sister. "I love you, sissy. I hope you know that."

"
Of course I do. You put up with my PMSing when no one else, not even Trent, will." They both laugh at that. But it breaks the tension Gemma has been feeling. "And I want you to know, I know you're worried about next year. But don't be. I have a feeling I am leaving you in very capable hands in regards to Elliot. That boy will do just about anything for you."

"
I know. I'm very lucky."

"
No, you're just you."

After that, Gemma felt less guilt, mostly because if she didn't let some of it go, Leigh would have kicked her butt for it. And so when Leighanna Cage’s name was called that May 31
st
morning, Gemma was one of the loudest cheering as her sister walked across the stage.

That night, at Jim & Nicks, everyone celebrated the accomplishment of Leigh and Trent, as well as Trisha and Jake who were invited as well. While Leigh and Trent were heading south, Trisha was going to Northwestern while Jake was heading to Wisconsin. They were hoping the distance wouldn't be detrimental, but both knew it was going to be hard.

Before leaving that night, Trisha pulled Gemma aside and hugged her tightly.

"I just want you to know, you are one of the strongest people I know. And while I wish so badly we didn't meet how we did, I am so glad I got to know you outside of being Leighanna's sister," Trisha had said while Jake was grabbing their jackets. "You have my number, I'm keeping my cell with me when I move, so if you need anything, even just to talk to someone who understands, I'm here for you, okay? Night or day."

Gemma nodded, her eyes blurry. "Thank you, Trisha."

As Elliot walked up with Jake, still feeling awkward but pushing it aside, he smiled at Gemma. "Your mom is looking to leave in a bit," he said to her. He didn't really look at Trisha, and it wasn't because of guilt at how dumb he'd been, or feeling like he shouldn't look at her with Gemma in front of him. No, Elliot didn't look at Trisha because even though he knew she was there, and Jake too, all Elliot could
see
was Gemma. It was like blinders had overtaken his eyes, and there wasn't anyone else in the world.

She nodded, a shy smile on her face at the way Elliot was looking at her. It was making her stomach flutter and her heart race. It was releasing something inside of her she didn't think could be released yet. "Okay."

"Elliot?" It was Trisha. He looked at her then, figuring it would be rude to ignore her. Once his eyes landed on her pale face, Elliot realized many things in that instance. While he still found her pretty, she was nowhere near as beautiful as Gemma. And his heart didn't feel like it was going burst out of his chest at the mere sight. If anything, it calmed, because she wasn't the one it pulsed for. "Treat her right. I may not be around these parts next year, but I still have connections in this town."

Everyone laughed at the stern look and sharp tone. "I will. Thank you."

"Good," Trisha smiled then. "You two take care of each other."

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Summer was finally upon them, bringing warm weather, plans for family vacations and a chance to unwind without the feeling of hundreds of prying eyes everyone Gemma went.

June turned into July, and with it came a humid warmth – though not nearly as humid as Austin would be – that seemed to blanket Thornton and surrounding areas. The monsoon season was kicking off early meaning thunder and lightning storms, with the possibility of tornadoes.

The Wade's held a Fourth of July barbeque and given where their property lie, everyone was able to see the rec center’s fireworks display. Many of the usual suspects were in attendance, as well as some other families, including the Scotts, with Jake attached to Trisha; Lisa and her family; Becky and her parents; and Maggie, Stu and their families. Tony Castens was strictly forbidden from attending until Tony, as Lisa put it, "Got his thick skull out of his ass and started treating her better."

But his family had been welcomed too and did in fact show up, sans Tony, much to Mrs. Castens’s amusement. She liked Lisa and liked that Lisa made Tony
less like a teenaged boy and more like the man she hoped he could be.

It was a great afternoon of good food, good company, and relaxation from the stresses that had seemed to take over two of the families of Wade and Grady.

And then of course, there was watching Trent, Josh, Jake, Stu and occasionally Elliot - when he could be pulled away from Gemma - toss a football around the backyard. Even Dalton and Andrew got in on the action. By then Trent decided they could play a real game with Elliot - when he could be pulled away from Gemma - playing quarterback for both teams. He always had the best arm out of all of them and Trent continued to lament the fact that Elliot enjoyed arts more than sports.

“We could have really used you this last season, man. We were so close to winning but
nooo
, Elliot won’t play.” There was immense laughter throughout each of Trent’s tantrums.

It was a lot of fun, with a lot of sweating and panting, and good-natured ribbing. It was during this time that Christie made her first appearance of the day. And for the first time since that fateful January morning when Gemma's secret was nearly exposed, Christie spoke to Gemma.

The heat was unbearable, so Gemma had opted to wear shorts and a blue tank top, a fact that meant Elliot couldn't take his eyes off of her and the extra skin she was showing, though Gemma tried to pretend to be blissfully oblivious. She was sitting in the lounge chair they had been sharing, laughing at the way her boyfriend purposefully tried to hit Trent on the head with the football, when Christie approached.

"Hi, Gemma," Christie's small voice said as she stood beside the lounger.

Looking up and feeling a moment of shock, Gemma saw her old friend standing beside her. She was paler than any time Gemma could remember, and looked almost hollowed out, as though she were just a shell of a person. "Hello, Christie."

Everything seemed to go quiet in that moment. Gemma could no longer hear the guys playing, could no longer hear the food still cooking on the grill or anyone else speaking. All she could hear was the space between herself and Christie. It was vast and screeching and sad.

"Can we… would you be willing to talk to me for a bit?" Christie finally asked after an immeasurable amount of time had passed. Gemma looked over toward Elliot, who she saw watching her with an uncertain look on his face. He had stopped passing the ball, and that made everyone take notice. Christie must have looked too. "I won't keep you long. I promise."

Taking in a deep breath, and smiling to reassure Elliot, Gemma looked back at Christie. "Okay, yeah. Lead the way."

"It'll be okay, son," Dalton approached Elliot and patted him on the shoulder.

"I know," was all Elliot said as Gemma disappeared inside the house with Christie.

The girls went right to Christie's room, with Christie closing the door as soon as they were inside. It wasn't necessary. No one was going to bother them. Everyone at the barbeque, whether they knew everything or not, knew something had happened between the two friends, and that this meeting was important. No one was going to mess that up.

"I almost feel like I don't know what to say," Christie began without any waiting, just as Gemma took a seat in the office chair. "I mean I know what I need to say, but… it almost doesn't feel important enough." Gemma looked at Christie as she continued, but remained quietly sitting at Christie's desk. Whatever Christie had asked to speak to her about, she wouldn't contribute or force. It was on that thought Christie started speaking again. "I miss my friend. And I know I'm the one to blame for the chasm that has formed between us. I know that this whole thing is my fault, that without my selfish stupidity, I wouldn't be missing you. But I do."

Gemma looked at her hands, finding her fingers toying the hem of her shirt. Those words gutted her deeply. "I miss my friend, too."

"I am so sorry for the way I've behaved. There is no excuse for any of it. Not a learning disability, because being dyslexic did not make me selfish. Penny and Cassie are long gone, and I haven't heard from either of them for months now, so I can't even blame an excuse as weak as their peer pressure." Christie was pacing in front of her pink, four-poster canopy bed. "The only thing I can say is I'm a very jealous person."

"What are you jealous of, Christie?" Gemma finally asked because she couldn't figure out anything Christie would need to feel jealous over.

Christie just sighed. "So many… stupid things," she began. "I've said this before, but it bears repeating. We were friends first. Before you ever became friends with my brother, you were my friend. Even if he says you two became friends in that class you had. And I know I'm talking only a couple of hours here, but it was significant to me because I haven't always made friends easily and I'm sure it's my personality at play for that, but still, you were my friend instantly. And then you started hanging out with Elliot all the time, I felt like I wasn't number one anymore."

"What are you talking about?" Gemma asked in shock. "You have Josh! I was really only hanging out with Elliot so much at the beginning because you were off with Josh so much. And I know Elliot was only hanging out with me so much because Josh was off with you." Gemma felt flabbergasted. There were so many times she and Christie were supposed to go see a movie at the Fairview, or go shopping, even though Gemma actually couldn’t stand shopping, but Christie canceled because she hung out with Josh instead. But not once did Gemma ever feel slighted. If anything,
she
was the envious one, hoping to one day have that person who held your attention so fiercely that the rest of everything just faded away. It was fortuitous that she and Elliot had so much in common. They were thrown together by circumstance, and a wonderful friendship and eventual relationship was formed from it. "Don't get me wrong, I enjoy Elliot's company immensely, but he and I didn't become the friends we are because I was trying to move on from you or didn't want to hang out with you. I became such good friends with Elliot because we both just happened to be in the same situation."

"I know! I know that, I do," Christie chimed in. "Elliot has said the same thing to me. I guess I just didn't want to know it. I guess I just wanted to be so important that everyone put their lives on hold for me, even when I wasn't doing the same for them."

A frown took to Gemma's face. She didn't really know what to say to that. "But?" she asked, hopeful there was one.

"But I realized the only one I was
that
important to
was
me. And that no one should wait for me." She finally sat down, pushing the canopy back on her bed. "Josh isn't wallowing, waiting around for me to get over myself. Once everything happened this year, he stopped making me a priority and focused solely on himself and other friends. I mean we've hardly spoken at all these last few months, and I heard he even asked that Rita chick out to a movie before school ended." She looked devastated at this point, but Gemma wasn't giving in because Christie
had
brought this one herself. While it was true, Josh had gone out with someone else, he hadn't moved on and Rita knew it. She had told him once she realised what was going on that it was just a couple of friends hanging out and there was no pressure. But Gemma wouldn't tell Christie that. She hadn't earned that knowledge yet. "And in a short amount of time, you and Elliot became inseparable.

"I allowed my entitlement issues to cloud reality. I allowed my ego to get mad at the loss of attention because I wanted it even if I wouldn't' return it," Christie finally said.

"You know, I never judged for doing your own thing. And until Penny and Cassie, I didn't know you were judging me for it," Gemma admitted and realized it was true. Christie had judged her and pretended to her face.

"I didn't mean to, but like I said, I wanted to be the center of attention."

"So what happened? Huh? What happened that you couldn't talk to me sooner?" Gemma had to hold back the anger in her tone. She didn't want to fight with Christie. She didn't want her day ruined. Watching the people she loved and cared for having fun was so important to her after the last several months, and she didn't want to lose that "high" from the enjoyment she was feeling.

Looking down, Christie sighed heavily. "After everything happened in January, I thought you would rush to tell me everything that had happened. As soon as you guys were done in the office, I just knew you'd need someone. I thought, well, I'm her best friend, and something monumental has occurred, of course Gemma is going to want to talk to someone about it. I thought you'd want someone to confide in. But instead, you didn't say anything to me. You didn't tell me what happened, what
really
happened, or allow me to get you through it. I felt gipped out of everything. Everyone knows everything but me."

Gemma couldn't help it, she laughed. "Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? Seriously, Christie. You wanted to be a part of my pain, you wanted to know it?"

"I wanted you to trust me enough to tell me about it. But I still only know a small percentage of the truth and I know even Trisha Scott, of all people, knows everything! I mean really, Gemma? Trisha? The girl my brother is obviously so head over stupid for and you trust her above me? That's not uncomfortable, like, at all?"

“And then what? Huh?" Gemma asked, letting her anger finally seep through and ignoring the jab about Trisha. She wasn't going to waste her breath on that one. Christie didn't know anything of the truth anyhow. "This thing that happened to me, it was the night of
Homecoming
. In
October
. Of
last
year. It wasn't the weekend before, or a few days before. It was
months
before. It happened and in the middle of your brother trying to understand and comprehend it, because he is a victim in this too, you berated him, called him names, and then turned around and called me names. Yes, I saw the texts you sent Leigh calling me a pathetic loser." She was on a roll now. And it felt good to finally get it all out. While she may have “forgiven” Christie during Thanksgiving, she hadn’t really dealt with or gotten over the betrayal she’d been dealt by her so-called friend. There had been too much on her mind at that time. And it was all coming to a head now.

"By the time you found out what you had, we hadn’t been speaking at all. So you’re idea of me wanting to take it up with my best friend? To have that support? I already had. Only that person was your brother, because he gave a damn.” She could feel her face heat up with her anger, feel it hotter than the July heat had made it. “I was already seeing a therapist, so the two bitches weren't wrong about that, though they never did find out why. And so by the time you heard something, I was trying to heal. Why would I want to revisit it and bring myself down again just because
you
felt left out?"

"Because we're supposed to be friends! Friends tell each other things." Christie cried.

"Friends," Gemma scoffed with a shake of her head. "Christie, if we were really the friends we once were, you would have noticed something was wrong with me. I mean I was out of school for how long and not once did you call or try to visit to see if I was okay. No, instead you planned vandalism and bullying with Penny and Cassie. Instead you talked bad about me behind my back when I didn’t respond to your texts right away. Which you managed to make about you!” Gemma ran a hand over her face, done with this conversation. “If you were really the friend I met last spring, your brother would not have suffered alone either. But instead," she sighed, the steam running out of her body. "Instead, he had to start seeing a therapist too, because the things he saw, the things he lived through were too much for him and I couldn't help him while trying to help myself. His sister, the one person he was closest to in the world, if she were the person I thought she was, she would have seen past her own reflection to know her brother was suffering. But she didn't because she's not there anymore. So he hid everything, and so did I. And Trisha knows because... because she saw what my
best friend
wouldn't take the time to see."

Tears streamed down Christie's face, and her breathing was hitched. "We're not gonna be okay, are we?"

Gemma shrugged. She didn't have the answer to that question because it wasn't up to her. "I don't know. I'm not the one who changed to please other people. I'm not the one who turned my back on those that gave me everything and then some and then acted like it wasn’t enough."