Somewhere Only We Know ....... (4 page)

When I
opened the bathroom door, Shaun was standing dead in front of me.
As I made to pass him he grabbed my hand and led me to one of the
bedrooms, I went willingly. Once in the bedroom he started to kiss
me, and God was he hot. I didn
’
t resist when Shaun
’
s hand found its way up my tee shirt and he started
grabbing at my boobs and I certainly
didn
’
t resist when he pushed
me back onto the bed - I was in heaven.

The kissing
continued, all the time Shaun
’
s hands roamed all over my body, unzipping my jeans and
pushing his hand down into my knickers. I heard him groan when he
eventually got his hand onto my pussy, I was really wet. The
mixture of the drink I had had earlier and the fact that I was so
turned on made me really brave. Before I knew what I was doing I
was unzipping his jeans and groping around to feel for his cock. My
hand wrapped around his shaft and I began to move it slowly up and
down, but his jeans made this difficult so I pushed him off me and
told him to drop his pants.

There he
stood in his full glory. It was the first time I had seen a cock up
close and personal and I liked what I saw. I liked the feel of it
in my hand but most of all I liked the effect my actions had on
Shaun, he was putty in my hands so to speak. I
wasn
’
t interested in my
needs, I knew how my body worked, after all I had been masturbating
for years, but this cock was new and exciting. I continued to wank
Shaun but decided that I wanted to taste him.

I bent my
head and licked the end of his cock, it tasted salty. As I grew
bolder I began to inch his cock into my mouth, licking and sucking
and all the while I kept on stroking in with my hand. Eventually I
managed to get most of it into my mouth, my
‘
upchuck
reflex
’
sprung into action a
couple of times but I learnt that if I pulled back a little it
wasn
’
t so bad the next time
I tried for the full length. I loved it. I could feel Shaun shaking
and his groans were getting louder. I took my cue from the groaning
and shaking and increased my hand strokes and sucking and then it
happened. Hot come spurted into my mouth, the speed and amount took
me by surprise but I managed to hold it together and swallow it all
down.

“
Fuck
me
”
said Shaun and all of a
sudden I was shy again, but I inside I was ecstatic, I loved the
feeling of power I had had over Shaun, that I had made him shake
and most of all I had made him come by using just my hands and
mouth.

We
didn
’
t speak as we sorted
our clothes out but at the door he said
“
thank you, you’re
great
”
. I was on cloud
nine.

At the end
of the party, me and Jenny headed home and we giggled all the way
back when I told her what had happened.
“
Wow
”
she said,
“
do you know how many girls Shaun Jessop has been with?
Loads and loads, but I think you must have made an impression on
him
”
.

The next week at school I had the feeling
that people were talking about me. Girls were giving me dirty looks
and the lads seemed to be leering at me, it seemed word was out, I
was proud and ashamed all at the same time. But the following
weekends there was no shortage of lads trying to get with me and I
enjoyed the attention. I never saw Shaun at any parties which was a
disappointment but I usually managed to amuse myself with someone
else once the boozed up haze kicked in.

I think my
mam and dad were really worried about me but it
wasn
’
t until shortly after
my 13
^th
birthday that I noticed that their marriage
wasn
’
t what it used to
be.

It was one
teatime when my mam came in from work, I think I looked at her
properly for the first time in months and I was shocked that
although her make-up was perfect of usual, there was a definite
bruise around her eye. I didn
’
t say anything but felt terrible that something was going
on and I hadn
’
t seen
it.

A few nights
later I was awoken by shouting downstairs. My mam and dad were
having a full scale blast. I was about to go down when I heard my
dad say
“
she is an absolute
disgrace, you have no control over her Margaret, she goes off on a
Friday night and we don
’
t
see her again until Sunday night, she has marks on her neck and I
told you what Geordie at work said, he saw her with a huge gang of
older kids and they were all drunk and smoking.
I
’
m telling you Margaret if
you don
’
t get her sorted
I
’
m
off
”
. I went back to bed and
pulled the cover up over my head. The row continued and on other
nights I was woken up many times with the shouting and screaming
and banging about, sometimes the rows were about me, sometimes
about other things but one thing was clear, their marriage was in
serious trouble.

My mam and
dad
’
s behavior
didn
’
t calm me down, if
anything I grew wilder. I spent all my spare time with Jenny, her
home was always calm and happy whereas in mine you could cut the
atmosphere with a knife.

One thing
that I found disturbing happened one Saturday morning. My dad
always worked overtime and although I had stayed with Jenny on the
Friday night, I had gone over home on the Saturday morning to get a
top I wanted to wear that night. As soon as I went in my mam asked
me if I would bring the record player down from my bedroom and put
it onto the hall table and plug it in. She then appeared with a
record and said when the phone rings, put this record on, answer
the phone and play the record down the phone. I asked her why but
she just giggled. Anyway I did as she asked and when the phone rang
I played Doris Day
’
s Move
Over Darling to the person on the other end. The record finished I
put down the phone, took the record player back upstairs, collected
my top and left the house. I never did ask who was on the other end
of the phone, it was all just too weird.

The next
couple of months continued much the same, I partied and my mam and
dad rowed. A couple of weeks before we were due to break up for the
summer holidays Jenny dropped a bomb shell. She was 16 now and was
just leaving school, she was starting work at her
dad
’
s solicitor’s office at
the end of August and as a treat before she went into the wide
world her mam and dad had rented a villa for the whole summer
somewhere in Spain. I was devastated. Even though I now had lots of
friends, Jenny was my best one and the thought of not having her
around for the whole of the summer was unimaginable.

But a bigger
shock was in store for me at home. I was summoned into the kitchen
for a chat around the kitchen table. I thought here it comes, they
are splitting up, but what I wasn
’
t expecting to hear from them was that we were moving,
moving back to Kinsley!!!! Our house had been sold and they had
bought one back in my birth place, a place I had visited
infrequently for the past two years and somewhere I
hadn
’
t lived for 8 years. My
world was crashing down around me.

Those last couple of weeks before Jenny went
on holiday were unbearable. We laughed and we cried, we got drunk
and we both whispered long into the night when Jenny eventually
lost her virginity to a lad named David who she really really
liked.

The morning
that Jenny flew out to Spain I
couldn
’
t go and say goodbye.
I stayed in bed in my usual position with the covers pulled up over
my head and pretended I was ill. I heard my mam talking to Jenny
when she came across to say goodbye but I
couldn
’
t go down and see her
and I wouldn
’
t allow her to
come up. And then she was gone.

A week later
we moved back to Kinsley, to a replica house of the one we had just
left.
“
New house new
beginning
”
my mam chirped.
The only good thing about the move was that we lived just along the
road from my Granny
’
s house
and my Granny took over Jenny
’
s role; without the drink, tabs, lads and parties of
course.

I met up
with Jenny in Newcastle a couple of times over the next year, but I
felt painfully shy around her. She was all grown up and
sophisticated now that she worked in the solicitors and she seemed
to have put her wild days behind her. She had settled herself down
with David and they were saving to get married. When her dad died
unexpectedly, I went to the funeral, I was also at her wedding and
then we lost touch for a while. By fluke we both ended up working
in the same office for a while, our friendship blossomed again and
when she had her first baby David Junior I was his Godmother. After
the birth of her second child Hayley, Jenny stopped working to stay
at home to look after the children, we once again drifted apart. It
wasn
’
t until years later
when Facebook became the thing to do that we caught up with each
other again and we became regular ladies who lunch. And I am
pleased to say that she is still happy with David and they went on
to add another two children to their family and they all live
together, along with Jenny
’
s
mam, who never married again as young as she was, in a huge house
in Hexham.

Back in
Kinsley it was a long boring summer. I had no friends and I just
dreaded September coming when I would once again have to start a
new school. I loved spending time back at my Granny and
Granddad
’
s house, there was
only the 2 of them there now, my aunts and uncles were long gone,
so I had my own bedroom there for whenever I wanted it. The house
was still always bustling, my cousins stayed at varying intervals
and my aunties and uncles and their wives and husbands would always
be popping in. Sundays there remained as always, the whole family
arrived on mass for Sunday tea and the Peter Kay sketch about the
family sitting around the table on emergency chairs always makes me
smile, we did emergency chairs and two or three sittings. All in
all my Granny
’
s house was my
haven, and would remain so for the next 30 years, Hannah Hunter, my
wise and loving Granny would also remain my closest confident and
friend for the stretch of those years too. We had a bond forged at
my birth that was unbreakable, even when I became unlovable, she
managed to hold on to the belief I would turn out all
right.

That first
day at school was weird. People from Kinsley recognised me, after
all I had been spending my summers at my
Granny
’
s house for years but
I didn
’
t recognise anyone.
Even when they said they went to infant school with me I was
clueless. But overall it wasn
’
t too bad. I think I was an object of curiosity - I was a
townie so to speak and had all the edginess and know-how of a city
dweller- I smoked and I flirted but I also kept the girls on side,
I had trendy coloured hair which none of the girls in my year or
the rest school for that matter had, so we talked hair and makeup
and where the best and cheapest place in Newcastle was to get
clothes. There was no way was I going to be side lined on my own
again. But of course it was all an act, I
didn
’
t really fit in, I was
still different, now because I was street-wise and just a little
bit wild. But I had another three years left at school and I had to
get through it no matter what it took.

The new
beginning that my mam was hoping for
didn
’
t happen. They were
soon back arguing again, but this time I
didn
’
t have
Jenny
’
s house to go and hide
at, so if I didn
’
t go to my
Granny
’
s I just had to
endure it. The arguments grew more frequent and more violent. There
was often things thrown around, but I just stayed in my bedroom out
of the way. My dad now had a new thing to do at the end of an
argument, he jumped in his car and drove off. I would
hear

my mam
sobbing downstairs, sometimes I would go down and try and comfort
her, more often than not I would make my way to our small spare
room and sit at the window. I would sit for hours and hours until I
saw the headlights of my dad
’
s car turn around the corner and once I knew he was home
safe I would creep back to my own bed.

Obviously
these late night vigils had a detrimental effect on my school work.
It was hard enough changing schools but I was also constantly
tired, I was so tired I just started staying off school. I would
get dressed in a morning and leave for school as normal. My dad
left for work at 7 but my mam didn
’
t leave until just before 9 so I would wait at the top of
the street and when she left for work I would let myself in the
house and put my feet up for the day.