Songbird (6 page)

Chapter Six

B
eing on stage again was amazing. The moment I stepped out, it was like the past year had never happened. Nothing could energize my spirit like performing. I felt alive, happy, and invincible. While I was singing, I felt for sure that was where I belonged.

It was only during the quick change or in the silent moments between songs did the doubts start creeping in. I had to push them away or they would consume me. The crowd were my battery,
energizing and encouraging me to continue. They were awesome, way more than I deserved.

Halfway through the set, m
y earpiece suddenly made an earsplitting screech. For a moment, I forgot my lyrics, needing to pull the damn thing out of my ear before I went deaf. I winced with the pain, trying to hear again over the audience’s screaming.

I only missed a line but it was enough to completely
throw me. I tried to continue, straining to listen to the band to find my place again. It was just so difficult to hear them over the audience and with my ear still reeling from the noise.

I turned around, trying to get some guidance. I felt like a fool, probably looked like one too as I stood in the middle of the stage desperately.

I glanced at the sound controllers, waving my hand slightly and letting them know I was having trouble. They understood my cue, instantly scrambling to fix my earpiece. I would have to do without it until the next quick change or everyone would know something was wrong.

Doing a few little dance moves, I tried to pretend I was just really into the song. The audience wouldn’t buy it for too long before they knew I wasn’t singing for a reason. I could already see the scathing tweets about my terrible performance.

I looked back again, trying desperately to get help from somewhere. Forest started mouthing the words to the song as he strummed, looking at me pointedly. I followed along. I knew the song, I just couldn’t hear where they were up to with the music. Everything else was just so loud.

If I was reading his lips
correctly, they had just started the chorus. It was now or never. I put the microphone back up to my lips and started belting out the chorus. The crowd screamed, hopefully in a good way.

I picked up my cue and slotted back into the routine. I finished when the band did – thankfully. I walked back to the stage, getting closer to the band so I could hear them better. Ryan woul
d be having a heart attack backstage.

We continued on for another three songs that way. I could only pray that I was staying in time with the music. The audience were louder than ever before, I was sure of it. They
screamed at every movement I made, every big note, and every time I looked to their section.

At quick change time, my earpiece was replaced with another and quickly tested. It made the change not so fast but at least I would be able to hear again.

“Good work, Brierly,” Ryan said as I passed him. He patted me on the back, perhaps I wasn’t doing such a terrible job as I had thought. I took a few deep breaths as I waited for the stage lights to come up again.

It would have been nice to think that was the only hiccup in the entire show
, but it wasn’t. After the earpiece incident, it seemed everything started going wrong. I almost had a wardrobe malfunction when I stepped on the hem of my own dress and only just avoided falling into the audience, one of the lights went out, leaving me in the dark during a ballad, and I collided with my dancers on more than one occasion. It felt like I was putting on an amateur show and I was sure everyone in the audience noticed too.

After the final curtain, I ran back to my dressing room. I didn’t want to see the disappointing looks on anyone’s face. I had blown it on the first night. All those critics that would have been in the audience were now on their way home, ready to write about how awful the show was. I may as well just cancel the rest of the tour. People would probably start demanding their money back.

A knock on the door interrupted my silent sulking. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but Demi came in anyway. “What are you doing back here?”

“Hiding.”

“From what?”

“From my humiliation,” I replied, like it should have been obvious. She saw the entire show, she should have known.

“You have nothing to be humiliated about,” she said, perching on the table next to me. “The show was awesome. People are still outside wanting more. They refused to leave, we had to get security just to get them out of the auditorium.”

“Seriously?”

“Tonight was a huge success, Brierly. You should be so proud of yourself.”

“But the mistakes…”

“You mean the few interesting things that happened that all those girls can go home and blog about because it’s unique to their experience? Girls love those kinds of things. It’s a nice little story for them to tell. The main thing is you didn’t let any of it faze you. You pulled through.”

I didn’t want to admit how much it did faze me at the time. “You really think the show was that good?”

“It was awesome. Everybody thought so. But we’re going to have to take up the hem on your sparkle dress. I don’t want you landing on any audience members in the future.” She smiled warmly, probably not joking. “And they’ve already worked out the problem with your earpiece. It will be fixed by tomorrow night.”

I felt like crying with relief. I really was my own
worst critic when it came to everything I did. “Let’s go to the hotel then. I want to be rested for tomorrow’s performance. It’s going to be great.”

Demi patted my arm and waited for me to change. She led me through the maze until we reached the door we had originally entered through. Just across the pathway was my waiting town car. The problem was, to get to it I had to go through a dozen screaming girls.

Demi took charge, getting them to stand back. For such a little woman, she certainly knew how to exude power. They followed her directions like scared little mice.

“It’s okay, Dem
i. Did you girls enjoy the show?” They squealed, I took that as confirmation. “I’m so glad.”

“Can I have your autograph?” One of the little girls said, her mother waiting in the wings patiently.

“Of course,” I replied. It took me half an hour to cross the pathway. I signed whatever they had and posed for photographs with them. It was the least I could do, who knew how long they had stood out in the night waiting for me.

Back at the hotel, I was finally alone for the first time all day. Everything was so quiet in the room – too quiet. Normally after a show, especially opening night, we would all go out together to celebrate. Considering my new state that tended to make everyone feel awkward around me, everyone decided to go their separate ways.

I knew there was no point in trying to sleep, I would only toss and turn for the entire night. I needed to do something to calm down or the adrenalin was going to be coursing around my veins all night.

Unfortunately, my feet moved faster than my brain and I found myself knocking on someone’s door that I really shouldn’t have.

“Brierly, what’s up?” Forest said as he answered. He had changed into a pair of jeans and an old grey t-shirt. Even in his tatty clothes, he looked hot. I totally shouldn’t have gone there.

“I can’t sleep,” I replied simply. It was the truth and I didn’t even know why I was there so
I couldn’t elaborate on it.

He looked me up and down before stepping away from the door to let me in. His hotel room was just like mine except smaller. I guessed there were some perks to being the name on all the posters.

“How about some chamomile tea?” Forest asked, holding up the little complimentary box of teas. I nodded and he started pouring two cups.

“So m
uch for the sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll,” I commented. Once, I would have been out partying until my next show. Then I would throw myself in the shower, dress, and do it all again. I’m sure I did half of my last tour completely drunk. Now my drink of choice was tea.

“It’s overrated anyway.” Forest smiled as he handed me a mug and sat on the small sofa with me. His knee was touching my own, an inevitability in the small room. Still, it distracted me momentarily. “Why can’t you sleep?”

“We survived opening night, I’m still buzzing about it. One day down, only about a hundred left to go.”

“A hundred shows? Wait, I only signed up for twenty.” My eyes shot up to meet his before his lips
curled into a grin. “Joking.”

I punched him on the arm lightly for his attempt, like I wasn’t on edge enough.
“You shouldn’t do that to me.”

It was so quiet in the room that our sips sounded loud. Considering I didn’t know what I was doing there, I didn’t know what I should be saying.

“You were awesome tonight,” Forest said, breaking the silence. “You know, in case nobody has told you that yet. With all the things that went wrong, you still nailed it.”

“Thanks to you. If it wasn’t for your help, I would totally have lost my place in the second set.”

“I didn’t do anything, it was all you.”

Before I started blushing, I changed the subject. “Do you think the fans enjoyed the show? Like, really?”

“I think they loved it. In every quick change, they were going nuts for you. I’ve never seen so many hyped up teenagers in one place before.”

“Did you see Marty get tied up in his guitar lead?” I giggled, fearing the chamomile tea was actually having the opposite effect of what it was supposed to.

Forest started laughing too. “It took him half a song just to get untangled.”

“When I saw him, I almost forgot the words. I would have laughed if I didn’t want to cry.”

We laughed together. Forest had a cute little giggle, manly but authentic at the same time. I could have listened to it all night.

However, in the next instance, our lips were on each other. With no warning whatsoever, we were kissing uncontrollably. His lips were hungry on my
own, delving deeper and deeper with every second that passed. Forest’s arms snaked around me, pulling me even nearer. I was pressed up against his chest, so close I could practically feel his heart pounding away. Or perhaps it was just my own, there was no way to distinguish it.

My brain finally caught up to my body, switching back on. I pushed Forest away, trying to get my breath back again. “I have to go.” I stood, not looking him in the eyes. If he said anything, I didn’t hear him. I was out that door in under three seconds flat.

I ran back to my room and closed the door, leaning against it quickly in case I changed my mind. What the hell was I doing? It was everything I told myself I shouldn’t do. Yet there I was, on day one of the tour, and already breaking my own rules.

The worst thing was, I enjoyed it. If I didn’t come to my senses, then who knows how far I would have gone with Forest? If he was as great in bed as he was kissing, then I probably wouldn’t have been vertical for a long time.

Argh. I hit my forehead, trying to beat some sense back into my head. If Demi found out I was thinking like this, she would play some major interference. She would make it her mission to keep me away from Forest.

Perhaps that’s what I needed, someone to make all the decisions for me. It had worked well last year in the hospital.

But I knew Demi could never find out. Everything in the next year depended on me staying sane. And just like my therapist said, I had to be responsible for my own actions.

I had to give myself a self imposed ban on Forest. No spending time with him alone, no talking to him without other people being present, and definitely no kissing. All hands and other contact was off limits.

When I awoke the next day, I was still determined to stick to the rules. I got up at the crack of dawn and padded down to the waiting bus. We were leaving New York, and hopefully the incident from last night, behind.

As usual, I was the last on the bus. My band, Demi, and Ryan were already waiting. They were huddled around in some in-depth discussion. When I took my seat, I heard the big conversation was about how many times they had each been to the Statue of Liberty.

“What about you, Brier, what’s your number?” Ace asked, including me in the conversation.

“I’m a Liberty virgin, I’ve never been,” I confessed. I had been to New York hundreds of times, but never got a chance to actually go sightseeing. The inside of studios and concert venues was the extent of my Big Apple experience.

“Never been? That’s like against the constitution or something,” Ace replied, pretending to be scandalized by the notion. I laughed, Ace was crazy. He had been with me from the beginning, even when hardly anybody was booking me. He was just like a brother to me now.

They continued on with their discussion of all the landmarks of the city. I purposefully avoided looking at Forest, I didn’t want him to catch me staring at him, it would be too awkward. If we both forgot about the kiss, we could pretend it never happened.

As the bus barreled down the highway, I put my ear buds in and turned on my iPod. I settled in for the ride, denial was a wonderful thing.