Soothing His Madness (10 page)

Chapter Eighteen

The air compressor
at Shift's Garage shut off. Taylor walked across the bay, careful of the air
hose strung across the cement floor. Slade asked her to meet him at work, but she'd
arrived early and waited until Gary left the area before walking into the
garage.

While she'd waited,
she watched. The frown lines on Slade's face worried her. He'd been in a
constant quiet mood all week, since getting out of lockdown. She wondered if
there were problems at work for him too. He had missed a lot of scheduled
workdays lately, not that his absences could be helped.

Whatever continued
to bother him, he wasn't sharing his troubles with her. They both worked their
individual shifts, and took care of the boys on their free time. At night when
she got home from the bar, they had sex, and went to sleep only to wake up the
next day and start all over again.

It wasn't bad, but
it wasn't right. Slade had retreated to keeping any conversations away from
their relationship. She moistened her lips while she waited for Slade to turn
around and realize she'd arrived. She wasn't blameless. Many times, she'd
wanted to talk, but refrained because Slade needed the calm after everything
that'd happened. Her concerns could wait.

Slade turned
around. She waved and smiled. His eyes softened and he motioned her over to the
tool rack.

She approached him,
stretched up on her toes, and gave him a kiss. "Almost done?"

He rubbed his thumb
along her jaw. "Yeah, more than ready to go home. Did you talk with Janice
about watching the kids after school from now on?"

Slade's next-door
neighbor was thrilled to watch the boys and for the added income to offset her
social security. At sixty-five years old, Janice was spry enough to keep up
with two active kids and sedate enough to let them believe she wasn't their
babysitter, but an adult present if they needed her. "Yep. They walked to
her house after school, and Janice called the bar to let me know they'd arrived
safely. I also asked Rain if I could change my schedule and only work three
nights a week. I gave Ginger my one afternoon I work the lunch and dinner
crowd. That way Janice only has to watch the boys twice a week."

Slade paused taking
off his coveralls. "Why would you do that?"

"Are you
serious?" She tilted her head. "I want to be home with the boys and
you during dinner."

"I got things
under control." He lifted his booted leg and unzipped the side of the pant
leg. "Call Rain and let him know you don't need to rearrange your schedule
for me."

She glanced around
to make sure no one was overhearing their conversation, and then shook her
head. "I want to do this."

He threw his
coveralls over on the bench, put his hand on her back, and walked her outside.
"What do you want from me?"

"What do I…?"
She stopped, put her hand on his chest, halting him from walking away from her.
"Listen, I know you've been stressed and we haven't had time to really sit
down and talk without the boys or a Bantorus member around, but why would you
think I'd want something from you?"

"Don't
you?" His question came out sharp and blunt.

"No." She
scoffed. "I also don't like how you're asking questions instead of just
answering my question. If I wanted to play a guessing game, I'd let you know.
But I'm not going to stay quiet, and let you continue being in a pissy mood all
the time."

"I'd be happy
if you do keep your complaints to yourself. If you think I enjoy hearing how
you've rearranged your life and standing here while you throw it in my face, I
don't. I also don't like you going to Rain and asking favors, because you
believe I can't handle my own kids." He walked off and climbed on his
bike.

She stood in the
middle of the parking lot, staring after him, unable to understand what had
happened. She did nothing wrong.

Slade planted both
hands on the handlebar of his motorcycle and gazed back at her. When she didn't
come to him straight away, his hands came off and his shoulders slumped. He
looked away. She walked over to him.

"I don't know
if I'm supposed to let you have space when you get in a mood or it means I need
to force you to talk. I don't want you to distance yourself from me. I also
don't want to start an argument, because what we're arguing about is stupid. I
want to be with the boys and you, that's all. I'll do fine with a few less
hours at work. Most of my money comes from working nights and getting the tips
from the bikers." She waited to gather her thoughts, and then continued.
"You want me and I want you, but I don't think you've wrapped your head around
what that means…or maybe I took it wrong. If you want me for a roommate you can
sleep with at your convenience, then you need to tell me that. We've had that
arrangement before, you came over at least three or four times a week, and I
enjoyed us being together. I think it can be better now that I'm your old lady,
but you're not making it easier."

Two cars pulled out
of the lot. Slade watched them go, ignoring her. She shifted to her left foot
and waited. Both of them needed to leave their problems here and not take it
home with them. The last thing the boys needed to hear was more arguing. They
needed to give the kids a stable environment and so far, that hasn't happened.

Slade squinted at
her. "I'm living a lie and dragging you into my mess. I worry about
someone at the school notifying the judge that I've got the kids and someone
ripping them away permanently from my life. I work while you're at the bar, and
I can't concentrate, because I'm worried every man that stumbles into the bar might
hurt you, because of your association with me."

"That's not
going to—"

"You want to
hear what's wrong or not? I'm not finished." He took his stocking cap out
of his back pocket and stretched it over his head. "I hate that I can't
take care of my woman and she has to work in a bar, because I'm broke, living
paycheck to paycheck. I gave Ray everything I had to keep my family together
and I'm doing a fucked up job of it."

"You're taking
too much of the responsibility onto your shoulders, honey," she said.

"Today, I heard
Ray came looking for me at the garage while I ran to the parts store. That's
twice he's come around. I know what he wants, and I refuse to deal with him any
longer. He's taken everything from me." Slade looked her in the eyes, the
turmoil etched in his skin. "You're picking up the slack, taking care of
my kids, and making our lives resemble a normal family. Every time I hear you
do something that's my responsibility, it cuts, baby girl."

Could she love him anymore?
Inadvertently, she'd attacked the very essence of him. She'd known all along
what kind of man he was, and he would not sit back and let anyone overshadow
him. That strong personality attracted her to him in the first place. Somehow,
she'd overstepped how much he could accept.

"I never meant
to make you feel like you're lacking. I honestly enjoy being a part of your
life and helping out with the kids." She stepped closer. "I know you
can get a babysitter for them, take them to school each morning, and make their
dinner at night. If it's important for you to handle everything, I can step
back, but know that I don't think of it as extra work and I'd like to be
someone they can lean on. I also want you to lean on me, because that's what
kind of relationship I want."

"Baby."
He tagged her hand, dragging her against his leg. "You're not getting it.
I can't do it alone. I thought I could, and look where it's gotten me. I need
you. I need to get Ray and Jody out of our lives. I need to be the man of the
family, and I don't care if that makes me an egotistical bastard, my woman is
going to be there for me. I'm struggling, and half the time I don't know how to
fix all this shit. Everything pisses me off."

"That's why
I'm trying to help, but you have to let me in," she said.

"Right."
He tipped her chin. "Look at me."

She brought her
gaze up to his and melted. She'd be a fool not to see the truth in his eyes.

"I love
you." He leaned over until their foreheads touched. "Don't give up on
me," he whispered. "Don't give up on us as a family."

She tilted to kiss
him. "Never."

A loud pop followed
by the sensation of falling came before his lips touched hers. The asphalt met
the side of her body, and she grunted from the impact, blind to everything
because Slade had buried her head in his chest and rolled on top of her.

Loud bangs echoed
in her ears. She screamed clutching onto Slade, afraid someone shot him. His
body a dead weight on hers, she couldn't move.

"Slade, answer
me," she said.

He put his mouth on
the top of her head. "I'm here. Stay down."

Pressed under his body,
she could hardly breathe. The back of her head dug into the ground. Her heart
raced, and she struggled to inhale enough air to keep her aware of what was
going on. Everything happened so fast.

"Fuck, they're
heading back." He shifted, then ear deafening shots…
boom
,
boom
,
boom
, consumed her whole being. Each explosion jolted her body as if
hitting their target.

They were going to
die lying on the ground. She'd never have the time to convince him she was
wrong in how she handled everything. The kids—oh God, the kids wouldn't
understand if Slade never came to pick them up.

"Come on, stay
low." He pulled her to her feet.

She followed his
directions, running beside him to the garage. Slade pressed her against the
wall as Gary came out to meet them, shutting the humongous roll down doors and
closing them inside the building. She hugged her middle. Her whole body shook
and she was thankful for the wall holding her up.

"Did you see
who it was?" Gary pulled out his cell phone and tapped at the screen.

Slade tore off his
stocking cap and shoved it in his back pocket. She gazed at the blood trickling
down his arm from where he must've gashed his elbow when he tackled her. She inspected
her body, her legs, her arms, and concluded she was okay. She couldn't tell, because
she had no feeling left in her.

"Yeah, it was
Los Li. I recognized the hood ornament." Slade kicked out, sending a pile
of tires rolling in all directions. "I'm going to stop this. No one comes
after my family."

Gary finished his
conversation on the phone. "First riders are coming over. Rain wants you
to stay put."

"You
think?" He grunted in frustration. "Fuckers come after my woman and
me, and you think I'm going to take her back out there?"

"Man, check
yourself." Gary lifted his chin in Taylor's direction.

Slade's whole body changed.
He stalked over to her and instead of pulling her toward him, he leaned into
her. Caught between the wall and Slade's hard chest, she gave up the fight of
standing.

"Sh, baby
girl. I got you. Nothing is going to happen to you," he said. "I
promise you."

His low voice
rumbled through her. She held on to him and never wanted to let go. She'd
almost lost him tonight.

"Why?" She
sniffed, surprised to find her throat full of unshed tears. "What did we
do to them?"

"Nothing. Not
a God damn thing." His fingers tightened in her hair. "I swear to you,
this will not go down without retaliation."

Chapter Nineteen

Several hours after
the shooting, the Bantorus first riders camped out in Slade's living room,
going over what happened. Slade stood in the middle of the living room unable
to get a grip on the situation and too keyed up to relax. He'd sent Taylor to
the bedroom to sleep, because she was having trouble keeping her eyes open.
Kurt and Lee were safe and sleeping in their rooms.

One thing was clear;
tonight's activities became personal when Los Li decided to single him out.

He waved off the
bottle of whiskey making the rounds amongst the Bantorus members. "I have Bonnie
at Franklin school making sure nobody comes on campus or asks about the boys. Bonnie
and a teacher who used to date Rain in high school will escort the kids to
Taylor's car after school. They know enough to realize this is serious. I
didn't want to give them all the details, only enough to alert them to how damn
unstable the boys' lives are right now. If word got out that I have the boys,
I'd lose them for good."

Rain capped the
whiskey and set the bottle on the coffee table. "We won't let it go that
far."

"Really?"
Slade bit off the rest of his accusation and stepped back. "So far, it's
gone that far. Nothing you, the club, or me have done has stopped Los Li from
coming into our territory, threatening our lives, and our families' lives. Now
I have Los Li trying to put a cap in my ass and take out my woman."

Rain stood. "I've
put out feelers. We should hear something by tomorrow night at the latest. You
hang low, keep your kids covered, and once we find out what Los Li is coming
after, we'll deal."

"Then I want to
go to the table and ask for retribution. No one takes a shot at my
family." Slade waited for Rain to acknowledge his request.

He wasn't foolish
enough to go rogue. If he went after Los Li without Bantorus backing, he'd be
on his own. His protection would disappear. It'd be him against a fucking
nation of criminals.

"Wait
twenty-four hours and you'll have us behind you." Rain walked toward the
door. "You and Taylor stay home tomorrow. Don't come to the bar or go to
work. Take your kids to school and get them away from the two of you until we
know why Los Li is after Bantorus. They'll be safer there."

Slade followed him
out of the house and stood on the porch. The other riders went to their
motorcycles. He wanted to say something and ride out now, but he'd give Rain
the time to learn more. It sucked, but he wasn't stupid.

After they pulled
away, he walked inside, bolted the door, shut off the lights, and checked on
his boys. Leaving their bedroom doors open a crack, he headed to bed. Luckily, he
and Taylor were able to get the kids to bed without them learning about what
went down tonight.

Taylor had warmed
up leftovers, kept them entertained, helped with homework, and oversaw getting
them both to take a five minute shower before he was calm enough to talk with
the boys for a few minutes before they fell asleep. He walked into the bedroom,
leaving the light off. Tomorrow, Taylor would probably find out she had
multiple bruises and aches from when he'd tackled her.

He could still feel
the way her body had shook in fear, and he hated that she had to go through
something that never should've touched her world.

He stripped off his
clothes, peeled back the covers, and slipped into bed. He rolled to his side,
wrapped his arm around Taylor, and pulled her tight to his body. His hand went
to her breast, and her legs molded against his. He closed his eyes, soaking in
the fact she was here in his bed.

She'd stayed calm.
Even after the shooting, she'd bolstered through the shock and stood by his
side. He kissed the back of her head. One day soon, the realization that she
could've died tonight will hit her, along with the fact if she hadn't been with
him, the shooting wouldn't have been a thought, a memory, a scar.

If she were at her
own home and not together with him, she would've been safe, unaffected by the
crime that came his way because he was a Bantorus. He wasn't even sure she'd be
able to handle a lifetime of being his woman. Most women weren't. Jodie
couldn't handle the stress, the unanswered questions, and the way he'd
dedicated his life to the club. All his past girlfriends also gave up and hit
the highway. They hated the alienation when the MC came first in his life or
the kids needed him.

He wasn't immune to
their feelings. Life pledged to a motorcycle club wasn't for everyone. There
were times he wondered if being a citizen wasn't best for everyone. Then he
looked at the support that came with being a member and the benefits outweighed
the heavier stuff. Bantorus MC would always protect his kids. They had family,
where most of his relatives were scattered to the four corners of the world, or
had no idea he had kids. Most of all, his boys had the sense of belonging. The
club grounded them to life, kept them real, and kept them honest.

Club life was
ingrained in him and without the patch, without the family, without someone
making him responsible for his actions; he'd probably be sitting in jail. The
lack of control within himself scared the hell out of him.

"Honey?"
Taylor shifted to her back. "Are the men gone?"

Heaviness
constricted his breathing. Tonight would never leave her and even in sleep, she
worried about Los Li returning. He held on tighter. "You're safe, baby
girl."

The bed moved
slightly and she touched his face. "No, Bantorus men. Are they still
here?"

Maybe he should've
asked a couple of them to stay at the house. He wanted her to feel protected.
"No, they left."

"Good."
She yawned, snuggling closer.

He opened his eyes.
Good?

"We'll be all
right in the house." She linked her fingers into his hand. "You need
to sleep."

Her unselfishness
covered him like a warm blanket. Here he was worrying about not doing enough
and putting her in danger, and she was only concerned with him getting enough
sleep.

"I don't
deserve you," he whispered.

She turned
completely, until they lay face to face. She rubbed her leg against his hip, as
she wound herself around him. He ached pleasantly as her warm breath washed
over his neck. "No, you don't, but you have me and I'm not going
anywhere."

She meant the
remark to be funny, and it only made him sad. He tilted her face and kissed her
lips softly with more care, more love, more patience than he had in him. He
wanted to roll her over, thrust himself deep inside of her, and let her know he
couldn't live without her. To yell how much he loved her. To ease the doubts
she had about them, but never voiced…because she loved him.

That gift, that
all-consuming love, she gave him no matter what went on between them; he'd
never take for granted. He wanted to hold on to her and never let her go. Yet
his own doubts about his ability to love her back equally as strong, to keep
her safe, to go forward and dream of them always having the perfect life kept
him from replying. All because he was a Bantorus member that came with baggage.
And, it killed him.