Soothing His Madness (2 page)

He started walking.
Every step bringing him comfort the way he imagined a man gut shot looks toward
the light.

"Just take me
home," he said, climbing into the passenger side of her car.

He leaned his head
against the window, wishing he could go back to two days ago when he lived on
hope and had his boys with him. To the morning he had sex with Taylor, and
promised himself he'd do right by her as soon as the court date was over. He
never dreamed his world would blow up in his face.

Chapter Three

Even in his sleep,
Slade's fists clenched and his muscles remained tense and unforgiving. Taylor
walked around the front of the car, opened the passenger side door, and coaxed
Slade to his feet. At first she believed he chose to ignore her when he stayed
quiet on the ride home, but then it was apparent he'd drank too much and his body
finally succumbed to the exhaustion.

She put his arm
around her shoulders and took the brunt of his weight. Between battling him
into the house and getting no sleep last night, she wanted to lie down, wrap
her arms around Slade, and sleep for a week.

First, she had to
get him undressed. She sat him on the bed. He frowned and tried to stand back
up.

"Stop, honey.
No more running." She knelt down on the floor and worked the laces on his
boots. "You need to rest."

"Need to
work," he muttered, letting his eyes close. "Can't stop. Kids need
me."

She swallowed the
lump in her throat. The first thing that attracted her to Slade was his
devotion to his kids. He'd never turn his back on them, never.

"Yeah, they
do." She peeled his socks off his feet and stood. "That's why you
need to take care of yourself."

He let her lay him
down on her bed. "Don’t deserve you."

It was the alcohol
talking. She pulled his stocking cap off and swept his hair off his face before
covering him with a blanket. He was more man than she needed, always watching
her back, supporting her while letting her lead her own life. She wouldn't want
to change one thing about him, except maybe his stubbornness to do everything
himself.

"Sleep."
She kissed him lightly on the lips. "You'll feel stronger in the
morning."

His hand came up
and circled her wrist. "Stay with me?"

He had no idea
she'd taken him back to her home. She wasn't planning to let him stay alone at
his house after Rain called her to come and talk to him at the bar. Every
single person in Bantorus MC was worried. She'd do anything to keep him safe,
including bringing him to her house.

Throughout their
entire relationship, he'd always come here. She understood he didn't want her
around the kids yet. Tonight was different. He needed normalcy, not a reminder
of what he'd lost.

"Always,"
she whispered.

He continued
holding her wrist, so she climbed over top of him and lay beside him. With her
head on his chest, her leg on his thigh, she wrapped her arm around his waist.
His soft snores began before she even closed her eyes.

Only then did she
let herself relax. In the dim light coming in from the hallway, she yawned and
snuggled closer, warming when his arm tightened around her. She loved the
moment between awake and sleep when, in his unconscious state, he held her
tighter as if he never wanted to let her go.

She fell asleep
with hope that every day would get better, and excited to tell Slade her plan
on how she would help him get his kids back.

Sometime later, she
woke to find Slade thrashing on the bed. She rolled and turned the bedside lamp
on. "Honey?"

Slade's hands
covered his head, clenching his hair in his fists. His forehead wrinkled in
angst, and his mouth hung open gasping for air. She reached for his arm and he
swung out, barely missing her shoulder.

"Slade. Wake
up." She got ahold of his arm and hugged it to her chest, keeping him from
hitting out. "Honey, you're dreaming. It's okay. I'm right here."

His eyes snapped
open and he froze. She stroked his cheek. "That's it. You're here, and I'm
with you."

His harsh breathing
filled the room. She leaned closer, kissing his forehead, his eyelids, and
working her way down to his neck. "It's okay."

She placed her lips
on his collarbone. His skin hot to the touch, seared right to her heart. She
wanted to take away the pain.

He cleared his
throat. She pulled back, not letting go of him. "Talk to me."

"I…I need to
get out of here." He moved his legs to get up.

She held on,
glancing at the clock. It was only four thirty in the morning. "You need
to rest. When you wake up, I'll take you back to your house so you can get
ready for work."

"Stop."
His mouth hardened and he looked away from her. "Back off."

She raised her
hands and moved off the bed. He grabbed his boots, shoved his feet inside them and
without lacing, stood, and faced her. "I need the keys to your car."

She hurried over to
the dresser, picked her key ring up, and tossed them to him. "I'll put my
shoes on and grab a coat."

"No." He
picked up his stocking cap off the nightstand beside the bed and pulled the hat
over his hair. "I'll have one of the men bring your car back to your place."

She stepped toward
him, but he stepped back, putting distance between them. "Wait. Why are
you leaving then? I want you to stay here."

"We're…"
He inhaled swiftly and paused. His eyelids grew heavy, shadowing his dark eyes
even more, and his shoulders slumped forward. "Baby girl, this shouldn't
have happened."

"I know."
She nodded in understanding. "I know, honey. The boys deserve to be—"

"I'm not
talking about them." He shoved the keys in his pocket. "You and me. I
can't keep doing this."

Goosebumps broke
out over her arms. She rocked back on her heels. No way would he suggest they
not see each other.

"I know you've
lost—"

"You don't
know shit." He shook his head. "Everything that's me was ripped away
yesterday. I have nothing. That means I have nothing to give you."

"That's not
true," she whispered. "You'll continue to fight for your boys, and
you'll get them back."

He laughed harshly
and the sound had her back sitting on the edge of the bed, reeling from another
side of Slade she hadn't seen. He was strong, bossy, and opinionated, but he
was never condescending toward her.

"I'll get my
boys if I have to kill someone to do it. I promise you that," he said.

"You can't."
She rushed him and grabbed handfuls of his shirt to stop him. "What will
that do, except ruin any chance of you having them? We'll fight the right way.
I-If you need more money, you can have everything I have. You can get a better
attorney, another court date."

He framed her face
with his hands, forcing her to look at him until it was almost painful. "Go
on with your life, cause I won't be back."

He pulled her head
to his chest, cupping her cheek and held her. She tried to shake her head to argue.
"You can't leave me," she said.

"Have to, baby
girl," he whispered. "It's the only smart thing I've done
lately."

He stepped away
from her. She grabbed his shirt, but the force of him walking away ripped the
material out of her clutch.

"Slade."
She hurried after him. "Damn you, stop."

But he kept going,
through the door and straight to her car in the driveway. She held on to the
railing of the porch, getting a harsh peek at reality. He was walking out of
her life, and she couldn’t stop him.

"Damn
you," she yelled. "You promised never to hurt me. Six months ago,
Slade, you laid your head on my lap and promised me you'd never do anything to
make me cry."

He hesitated beside
the car. She heard him cuss, and then he ducked his head and sat in the car.
She smacked the railing with the palm of her hand. Why was he doing this to
her?

The one good thing
she woke up to every day was her excitement over seeing him again. She thought
about him when she worked, when she slept, and when they were together. Her
whole routine rotated around the Bantorus Motorcycle Club, and Slade was a huge
part of the MC. How did he expect her to forget about him when he consumed her
whole body?

The car reversed
and took off down the street. She hung her head, sniffing the tears back that
she refused to shed. Slade was wrong. He had a lot to give her.

She ran her hands
over her face, digging deep to keep her emotions together. A few more hours and
she would go to Cactus Cove. Slade might say they were done, but she wasn't
giving up on him that easily.

Chapter Four

Three days after
Slade walked out of her house, he all but disappeared from Taylor's life. She
hadn't even seen him stop by the bar and if he showed up for club meetings, he
came late because she hung around until the last possible moment to catch a
glimpse of him before she had to leave the premises.

She set the order
of beer on table number six with a clunk. Even the Bantorus members weren't
giving up any information.

"Hey," Pauline
scooted back in her chair when the beer sloshed over the sides of the mug and
held her hands up. "Watch it."

Taylor tossed her
the towel she'd slung over her shoulder earlier from when she spilled a man's
drink all over the table, luckily missing the customer. "Here."

Pauline wiped up
the liquid on the surface of the table. "What's with you?

"Nothing."
Taylor glanced at Tori, holding her daughter Lilly on her lap, and Ginger, who
both remained silent but were openly curious.

She hadn't gone to
her friends for support, because this wasn't club business. What she and Slade
had together was personal.

"Sit
down." Tori pulled out the chair beside her. "Everyone knows about
Slade and you, since the night…well, since Slade lost his kids. Everyone
figured it out. We're worried."

She sank down on
the chair. "You should be. He's running around, ready to snap, and hiding
out from everyone. He walked out of my life without giving a shit. He's put me
back in the friend zone, even though I had no vote in the decision."

"Bikers don't
spend almost every night over at a woman's house, even if she is his
bitch…which you're not, and claim to be friends." Pauline shrugged.
"I'm a reporter. I know everything that happens in Pitnam and what the
bikers do. Besides, you don't think every Bantorus member knows where Slade is every
minute of the day. They do. That's why you should've come to us and asked for
our help."

"You know
where he's at?" Taylor leaned forward. "Is he okay?"

Tori extracted her
hair from Lilly's tight grip. "He's hurting, and Rain has him working
double shift at the garage to keep him off the road. Last night, Rain said
Slade's barely hanging on, so he ordered two members to guard his house and
follow him wherever he goes. At least he'll be safe."

Even though the
news was worse than she'd hoped, Taylor was glad that everyone had Slade's
back. She moistened her lips. "Bruce told me to go home early and put my
feet up. I've had a bad day with the customers. He'd probably like to fire me
for all the times I messed up today."

"He's not
upset at your service, girlfriend. Slade asked him to cut you out of here, so
he can come to the meeting without running into you." Ginger's eyes
softened. "Sorry. Not much happens around here that we don't find out
about."

Her stomach rolled.
It was bad enough to assume, but to hear the truth hurt. "Apparently,"
Taylor mumbled.

"Don't be
discouraged." Tori kissed Lilly's outstretched hand and then smiled at
Taylor. "Stick around and Slade will show up. The meeting tonight's
mandatory."

Hope filled her. "I'm
not allowed—"

"Let me deal
with Rain and the MC rules." Tori grinned, standing up. "He owes
me."

Pauline laughed and
smacked the table in amusement. "For what?"

Tori blushed, which
was a rare occurrence with the Bantorus women, who've seen all and done all.
The weight on Taylor's shoulders eased. She'd been around long enough to know
that Tori had ways of making Rain do about anything for her.

"Thank
you," she said. "I owe you."

Tori squeezed her
shoulder in reply before carrying Lilly toward the hallway. Taylor looked at
the other girls. They were always here for her, and she never should've kept
her problems to herself. Maybe if she had stood up to Slade wanting to keep
their relationship private in the first place, things would've turned out
differently.

He'd wanted to
protect her from Jodie's lawyer going after her and questioning her
relationship with a known biker. Having him not believe she was tough enough to
handle anything thrown her way and it was better for him to walk out of her
life hurt her more.

She understood his
fear of harming his case to get custody, but there was nothing wrong with her.
She never used drugs, had a clean record, and held a full-time job. Granted, it
was at a biker bar, but she was responsible and a good role model.

"Oh shit.
Girlfriend, things are not looking good for you," Ginger said, motioning
with her chin toward the door.

Taylor looked over
her shoulder. Heat flooded her face and she suddenly wondered if trying to talk
to Slade while everyone was around might not be such a hot decision.

Slade's intense gaze
locked on Taylor. Every nerve in her body tingled. She'd missed him, and she
was scared that he would never come back to her.

The last several
days, she'd mourned his absence. Sadness, anger, and finally despondence over
the thought that he'd slipped away from everything he knew settled around her.
But the rage he directed at her, she couldn't handle.

She stood.
Half-afraid she'd run across the room and throw her arms around him or do
something even more stupid, like burst out bawling in relief. He walked
straight for her. His jaw twitched in anger. She stopped, fearful of upsetting
him more and holding him back from healing. She straightened, ignoring the
self-doubts creeping in. She deserved an explanation.

He planted his
boots in front of her. "Bars closed."

His words, cold and
rude, contradicted the intensity of his brown eyes on her, taking in
everything. She crossed her arms. Maybe he'd get the hint she was done with him
pushing her aside.

"Yeah, I know.
I'm staying with the girls while the guys have their meeting." She lifted
her chin, continuing so he wouldn't argue. "I need to talk with you. I
found out everyone pretty much knows we've been seeing each other in secret.
There's no reason we can't talk. I understand you're hurting…I am too."

Slade opened his
mouth to speak, and then changed his mind. She moved in closer and put her
hands on his chest. His heart raced underneath her touch and fueled her
forward.

"Give me five
minutes without shutting me out," she said. "Please."

"Not here,"
he whispered.

"Okay."
She inhaled. This was good. It wasn't a definite
hell no
. "My
place?"

He shook his head.
"Wait for me outside after the meeting. It should only take a few minutes,
and then you can say whatever it is you think you need to get off your chest."

She nodded.
"Yeah, sure. I'll be outside."

His lips tightened
over his teeth. She could no longer hold in the question that she'd been dying
to ask. Not knowing was driving her crazy. "Have you heard from the
boys?"

"No," he
said.

"You'll get them
in two days and see for yourself they're fine." She blinked extra-long and
then looked up at him. "They're
your
boys through and
through."

A shudder ran
through his body before he stepped away. "I need to go to the meeting."

"Okay."
She watched him walk down the hall into the meeting room in the back of the
building.

She'd worked at
Cactus Cove for seven years, and not once had she been inside the Bantorus meeting
room at the end of the hall. Only old ladies to the members were allowed on the
property during the meeting. Usually the rule never bothered her, because Slade
received something fulfilling from being a member that kept him faithful to the
club.

The last couple of
days, everywhere she turned, signs were popping out all over the place. She
wasn't first in Slade's life and because he'd walked away from her, she wasn't
sure where she fit in. Her parents lived in Arizona, she had no siblings, and
her small circle of friends belonged to Bantorus men. Slade had become the
center of her world.

Tori approached
her. "Hang in there. You need to give him time to accept all the changes
in his life."

She reached out and
rubbed Lilly's cheek, receiving a slobbery grin in return. "I know. It's
just that he's…"

"Stubborn?"
Tori smiled. "They all are, honey."

Yeah, they were and
she loved that about the bikers. Taylor held out her hands. "Let me hold
this sweet baby girl while you go relax."

Tori handed her
daughter over to Taylor. "I thought you'd never ask. She's getting so big,
but I don't think I'm ready for her to start walking yet."

"It won't be
too much longer, and she'll be running all around the bar." Taylor swayed
in place with Lilly on her hip. "Bossing all the men around, and loving
every second of it."

Tori tilted her
head. "You're good with her."

"I like
kids." She shrugged while making kissing noises to Lilly. "My mom
stayed home while I was growing up and babysat for a couple of the neighbors
who had babies. I'd hurry home from school and help her. Then when I got into
high school, I worked at a daycare during the summer."

"Hm,"
Tori said.

Taylor glanced at
her. "What?"

"Just
thinking." Tori raised her brows. "I guess I never noticed how the
Bantorus kids are drawn to you and now that I think about it, you're always
helping fill plates, entertain them, and offering a hug when others are too
busy. It's no wonder you fell for Slade and his boys."

"Yeah."
She hugged Lilly to her and smiled when she put her little head on Taylor's
shoulder. "Well, Kurt and Lee are easy kids to love."

Tori gave her an
awkward hug that included Lilly in the middle. "Thanks."

She shifted Lilly
to the other arm. "For what?"

"For being
there for Slade." Tori flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Now, I'm
going to take you up on the offer of watching Lilly and grab a half a sandwich.
I'm starving. Bring her to me when your arm falls asleep."

Lilly paid no
attention to her momma leaving, and continued to snuggle against Taylor's shoulder.
She walked slowing around the room, swaying side to side, and patting Lilly's
warm back. Tori's contentment and security in her life came out in everything
she did.

To have a baby girl
to hold and hug whenever she wanted would make anyone feel like they won the
lottery. Her friend loved Rain to an unhealthy level, and yet it worked for
them. A pang of loneliness hit her again. She was being silly.

At twenty-nine
years old, Taylor was at the age when she had to think about her future and
decide if children were a possibility. She'd love to have her own child, but
she also knew that she wanted the baby's father in her life too.

Slade had mentioned
before that he never regretted having his kids, but he'd never again put a
child in the middle of a custody battle. He was bitter, and at a different
stage in life than her. He'd had his family. She gazed at the wall of pictures
of Bantorus members beside the pool table. The recordings of happy times were a
new addition Tori put up for everyone to look at and reminisce.

Slade stood in
almost all of the photos, proud, wearing his leather cut, and acting all badass.
She sighed and held Lilly a little closer. She'd be thrilled to be part of his
life, whether or not he wanted more children. She loved him that much and to
think of life without him, she simply hurt because he'd become the biggest
thing in her life.

"Your Uncle
Slade is a hard man to figure out, Lilly," she whispered. "Someday,
you'll grow up and probably fall in love with a biker. If you're lucky enough
to capture him, remember to hold on tight."

Male voices grew
louder. Taylor pivoted and spotted the men walking into the bar. The usual
rowdiness that came after a club meeting was missing.

Slade walked
straight to her and lifted his chin toward Lilly. "Where's Tori?"

"Around. I'll
go find her and give this little girl back to her mom," she said.

"I'll be
outside." Slade walked away.

It seemed like
she'd spent most of the week watching Slade run away from her. She kissed
Lilly's shoulder without waking her. "Let's go find your momma. Then your
Aunt Taylor needs to go knock some sense into your big, bad biker uncle."