Sorrows and Lace (13 page)

“I don’t usually get into bed with my clothes on.” He offered a sheepish smile.

“Take off your clothes, then. It’s not like I’m dressed to go to the opera either, Ronan.” She faced the wall again.

Ronan shrugged. He slid his jeans down and kicked them off, then unbuttoned his flannel and removed his undershirt. His socks followed his pants but his boxer briefs stayed on. She hadn’t said get naked, just take your clothes off. Which sounded similar, but Ronan wasn’t stupid. If he climbed into bed with her naked and held her with her all-but-nude butt inches from his lap, she’d be more than aware of what her nearness did to him. As it was, he wouldn’t be able to hide his growing feelings.

He slid into the bed with her. His heart pounding and his palms suddenly slick. What the hell was he? A damn
teenager? He’d been in bed with Kelsey Redbird numerous times.

This time though, marriage had been proposed.

This time, there wasn’t any talk of love.

When there damn well should’ve been.

Wiggling her hips, Kelsey almost purred in contentment. She hadn’t been so warm
or comfortable in a while. Her eyes flew open.

Or felt so un-alone. If that was the right way to say it.

Heat where his hand fell across her waist sizzled with his fingers brushing up and down as she breathed. She didn’t dare hold her breath… his hand would stop moving!

Wide-eyed, she stared at the texture pattern of the wall inches from her face. The rest of last night rushed over her – Ronan saving her from Sonny, the phone call, Red.

Red.

Tears welled in her eyes. Why did her brother have to die? He’d been nothing to everyone but her. Even their dad had blinded himself to Red’s true character and had let him be lazy and bitter about everything in their lives. He’d never called him to task for anything because Red was his boy, his son.

And Kelsey had gotten him killed.

Tears burned from her already swollen eyes, down her cheek and the bridge of her nose to plop almost silently on the sheet. She didn’t want to wake Ronan, so she bottled up her sobs. The crying was getting old, even at just a little while, because Kelsey was a doer
. Lying in bed, crying, wasn’t doing anything to make herself feel better.

Was it a damn coincidence that she called when Red was dropped off? She couldn’t figure out what was goin
g on. How had there been enough time between Devlyn finding his brother and then being able to send someone after Red?

Once during their marriage, Sonny had taunted Kelsey with her family’s safety. He’d stated that his brother had someone watching everyone she’d ever loved in case she stepped out of line. Could it be true?
Had he been able to make a call and bam there went her brother? The possibilities were endless.

She opened her eyes and then blinked them hard to avoid more tears.

Sonny must have been telling the truth for once. Maybe one of Devlyn’s men had found his brother, told Devlyn and then he’d made a phone call. That had to be it.

What could she do to avenge Red’s death? Getting up and going after… someone or something… didn’t seem appropriate. Or maybe it did? She was so damn tired. So damn confused.

More than a little scared.

And there she was, feeling the safest she’d felt in a while and all because Ronan had offered her something from her long ago dreams.

L
ying in bed next to him with what felt like only underwear between them was more along the lines of doing…

Right up her alley.

She inched forward until she was just out of his reach, where his fingers were about to slip from her skin and then she rolled to face him, adjusting and shimmying until she was right back where she’d started but with a perfect view of his bare chest and broad shoulders.

Watching him would never grow old. Shadows under his eyes testified to his exhaustion.
She wanted to reach up and trace his eyebrows, and then graze the dark gold stubble on his jaw with her thumb. But she didn’t. She just watched him breathe in and out, one hand tucked beneath the pillow.

R
eaching between them to the hand still resting on the mattress, she gripped his fingers in hers. She carried his index finger to her lips and slipped it into her mouth and sucked.

His eyes flew open
. Nothing else moved.

Kelsey grinned, pulling his hand into hers.
“I thought that would wake you up.”

Smiling, he pulled
from her grasp and stretched, rolling to his back and then onto his side again. “Nope. You moving that cute butt of yours woke me.” He ran a knuckle down her cheek, all the humor gone from his eyes as he looked at her with tenderness. “How’re you feeling?”

As if stuck in a time warp, Kelsey couldn’t move or erase the sensation that they were so much younger and she was just spending time with him while his family was away. She stared into his brown eyes, the lashes so long and thick. “I’m fine. Sad, but… if I don’t think about it too hard, I’ll be fine.” She raised her own hand
to run her fingers through the burnished hair on his chest, her fingernails scraping and scratching just enough to show she meant her touch.

She lifted her gaze to his and licked her lips. “Ronan, why don’t you make me forget? You said it yourself, we have heat. We used to have a great time together. Let’s try it out before we do anything else.” She didn’t want to beg, d
idn’t have it in her to be rejected.

More than anything,
she needed to feel alive and of value. Sonny did nothing but leave her empty and worthless. A shell. Back in the James’s household again after so many years only trampled her confidence further underground.

Heat in his eyes,
Ronan reached up and stilled her hand as it moved toward his nipple. “No. We can’t. Not until I have some kind of answer from you.”

Kelsey stared at his neck. She couldn’t answer. Instead she asked in a very small voice. “Do you think you’ll ever love me like you used to?”

“Complete honesty? I don’t know. I don’t think I ever stopped feeling for you the way I did when we were younger. I’m just not certain enough to say yes or no. And I promised myself, I’d never lie to you. Children with you would be a dream come true.” His lips moved slow and with intent with each syllable. “We haven’t been together in a long time. We’ve both changed. I don’t know if what we had could be reinstated. I’ve failed you before. I don’t expect you to trust me so quickly.”

His thumb brushed over her knuckles and she watched the movement as if from far away. “Would you want that again?
What we had wasn’t steady or stalwart. What I’m offering you now is a contract. You can’t break contracts. They’re put in place for a reason. Both parties are mutually benefitting from the situation. We can both get what we want out of this.”

Kelsey swallowed, the possibility too real of what she was about to suggest.
“What if you fall in love with someone else? What if I do?” She met his gaze, open with her pain.

Ronan’s half-smile appeared, drawing her gaze to his firm lips and almost-perfectly lined teeth. He touched her chin with his finger, then lifted the pad to her bottom lip and softly pulling down. “Kelsey, if I can’t love you, I won’t be able to love
anyone
.”

That had to be some kind of answer. She’d have to take it. But she couldn’t help being upset, feeling like he was taking the easy-ass way out.
She furrowed her brow and clamped her lips together.

“Did I upset you?” His formal talk. Ugh, he
was always so damn cute. And hot. Always hot.

She
shook her head. “No.” Why was she lying? “I’m still upset about Red.”

“Okay. If you’re
alright now, I need to go out and discuss things with my team. They work pretty hard and do a lot around here. I should warn them about the potential danger with Caracus running around.” He pushed from the bed, turning to swing his feet to the floor. “Feel free to take a shower. Be careful though, it looks like your wounds hurt.”

She hadn’t thought about her injuries with him so damn close and not quite touching. Kelsey watched him dress and leave the room.

All of the morning-after-discomfort-and-regret without any of the sex. She flopped onto her back as much as she could, hands in her hair. “Ugh.” She wanted so badly to have him hold her with more than comforting her as his goal.

Ronan had always known how to get her hot and bothered. She wasn’t the type to turn the tables. No. She’d just tell him in no uncertain terms what she wanted him to do to her.

That always got his attention.

~~~

Oh, the hot water was heavenly. She leaned into the pressure. Yes, it stung where her skin had been abraded and rubbed to a sensitive spot, but the warm spray pulsed on her muscles and bruise sites and definitely eased some of the stress out.

She r
insed the shampoo from her hair. Enticing, the inescapable aroma of vanilla bean filled the bathroom.

A door closed, in what sounded like her bedroom. She hurriedly finished rinsing and twisted her hair to remove the excess water.

Sonny’s visit the night before had her on edge. She reached from the glass shower doors for the robe hanging from the hook, but left the water running. Stepping from the enclosure, she wrapped herself securely and then tied the sash.

If it were Ronan in her room, he would’ve said something.
He’d understand her checking.

If it wasn’t Ronan, then she had to be ready.
Not waiting like a damn baited doe in the shower.

She pressed her ear to the door, unable to hear anything over the
sound of cascading water.

Behind her, another
discreetly closed door waited. Hopefully, it didn’t lead into a closet or something. She slowly twisted the handle and pulled. It opened silently into a predominantly male bedroom.

Kelsey almost
laughed out loud at the realization of where Ronan had put her. An adjoining room? Sneaky. Sneaky. Sneaky. And while she should’ve been pissed, she couldn’t help but admire his cockiness. He was so certain of her answer and yet so insecure at the same time.

She crossed the room with a few steps and exited his door to the hallway just as quietly.
Looking up and down the hall, she tiptoed to her bedroom door and stopped to listen.

“No, boss, I’m not sure where
Mr. James is. Yes, she’s in the shower, right now. Okay.” He waited for a long moment, his voice familiar to Kelsey… she just couldn’t place exactly where she knew it from. “Okay, grab her and bring her to the back of the property. Okay. I got it. Yes. You want me to repeat it again? And you’ll leave my family alone when I bring her, right?”

W
hat Sonny had broken had been her self-control regarding anger. She was done. She didn’t care that whoever it was on the phone had family in danger. She didn’t care because she was the one he wanted to hurt.

She waited for him to open the bathroom door,
before she slipped back into Ronan’s room. One thing Kelsey could count on would be Ronan’s obsessive compulsion to have protection available in every room. His father had been the same way. Even decorative firearms on the mantels or shelves worked and were kept highly maintained. Where he slept would be covered in hiding spots for weapons.

The man was a walking cowboy for hell’s sake. He didn’t know how
not
to have a weapon of some kind.

Reaching under Ronan’s mattress close to where his hand would fall, if he were sleeping, Kelsey almost gave up on finding a gun there. But her fingers brushed the butt and she
eagerly grabbed it from its hiding place. A standard six-shooter. Easy to load and easy to fire.

She rushed to the door at the adjoining bathroom and peeked through the cracked opening. She hadn’t closed it because she didn’t want to be too loud. The man reached in to the shower and turned off the water, his blurry form hard to make out in the steam.

He turned, searching the room.

Kelsey needed an element of surprise. He’d be expecting her to go back to her room, but would he? What if he saw the door?

And he did. He moved toward it and Kelsey stepped back far enough to allow it to open and for him to find her waiting, gun trained on his chest.

“You guys are doing a great job. I really appreciate the extra effort you’ve put forth lately with my absence and now with the extra patrols needed.” Ronan
took in the proud expressions of the men he employed. Each face was familiar and he’d grown to trust each one to a specific degree.

They’d never be allowed in the house
alone, but he trusted that they knew who to protect and who was in charge and even to take their jobs very seriously. “I’m counting on you to follow Smith’s lead —” He searched the faces. “Wait a minute, where’s Smith?”

The men
looked amongst themselves. A man in the middle lifted his hand. “He said you needed him at the house?” And he glanced at the man next to him, shrugging.