Sorrow's Muse (9 page)

“Shit, I’m almost there,
Col.”

She tightened her grip as
she flicked her wrist.

Julian thrust into her
hand. His back arched and he spurted onto the tiled floor of the shower. He
pulled her to him and kissed her forehead. “You got me all clean, just to get
me all dirty again.”

“It won’t be the last
time.”

He chuckled and they
moved back beneath the spray, rinsing one another off, then stepped from the
shower to dry off.

Ten minutes later, they
were dried and beneath the covers, just on the edge of sleep. Julian drifted
off with no problems.

Colette was another
story.

Propped up on an elbow,
she watched Julian’s chest rise and fall. He always looked so peaceful when he
slept. She reached out a hand to sweep back the hair that had fallen over his eye
in a boyish manner, making her smile.

Her time was running out.

Seven months had flown by
in what seemed like the blink of an eye. She’d been pushing things off for too
long.

I haven’t told him I love
him, yet I’m supposed to spring my true identity? I’ve waited long enough.
Whether he’s ready to hear it or not, I have to tell him I love him. Give him a
chance to get used to that before I dump on him about Mount Helicon and the
possible loss of his career if he chooses me.

He stirred in his sleep.
“What’s wrong? Why are you still up?” he mumbled, eyelids half-mast.

“I don’t want you to
freak out or feel obligated, but there’s something I need to say.” She
swallowed to moisten her sandpaper-dry throat. “I love you.”

His eyes went wide and he
shot up into a sitting position. “What?”

“I—I love you.” Her heart
thudded in her chest.

“I’m not ready—”

She covered his mouth
with a finger. “Shh…I wasn’t expecting you to say anything, Julian. I just
wanted you to know.”

All she’d done was say
the words and he’d freaked out. He didn’t feel the same. The time she’d spent
here was for nothing. Despair washed over her as she fought back the tears that
burned her eyes
.
Awkwardness filled the room. “I think I should go.” She
slid from the bed and began to gather her clothing.

“I don’t want you to
leave like this.”

“I think we could both
use some time to digest things.” She pulled on her clothes as she spoke.

Julian stood from the
bed. The navy blue sheet slid down his body and onto the floor, leaving his
lean form bare. “No. I was afraid to change things between us, scared to mess
with the dynamics that make us so great. But I know if I let you walk out of here
now, things will never be the same.”

He grabbed her wrist and
she allowed the T-shirt in her hands to fall onto the floor.

“I didn’t want to say
this. Not because I don’t feel it, but because I’ve never said it that I can
remember. Not to any foster parent, not to Paul, no one. After what happened
with my parents, the idea of loving someone seemed too risky. You never know
when they’ll be taken away and that pain ...” He paused. “…It’s the most
gut-wrenching, soul-destroying thing anyone can go through. It took finding you
to allow me to truly recover. I love you, Col and it scares the shit out of
me.” His chest heaved and his body shuddered. He dropped her wrist and pulled
her into his arms. “It hasn’t even been a year and I don’t know what the hell
I’d do without you. You’re the sun that brings dawn each day to what was once
endless night.”

Those sentences erased
all the ugly hurt from the moments before. Maybe they could do this, carve
their own happiness out of an impossible situation. She inhaled the familiar
scent of his skin, marveling at the way their hearts seemed to beat as one. One
hurdle down, one more to go.

CHAPTER
THIRTEEN

“T
hanks,
man, this is really going to make this album,” Rocco said.

“Anytime.”

Excitement glistened in
the young man’s eyes as he shook Julian’s hand before he turned to exit out the
front door.

After two months of
working together, they were wrapping the album. It was a masterpiece, an
uplifting album with songs for anyone who’d been through something, was going
through a rough spot, or just needed to find a silver lining. The tempos ranged
from slow to fast, with a ballad, dance songs and catchy tunes he knew would be
on the radio for months, stuck in the eager ears of his fans and others who
maybe didn’t think they’d like his style. He felt damn proud. Rocco had come to
him with three collaborations and one solo. Then they’d added seven more.

Julian locked the door
after Rocco and headed back upstairs to the kitchen. Tonight, he and Colette
would celebrate this in style. They’d been planning tonight’s dinner for weeks
and he had a special surprise for her.

They’d weathered through
every storm they’d been tossed into and he was ready to make things permanent.
He patted the velvet case in his pocket. The oval-shaped pink diamond set in an
antique round setting littered with diamonds had screamed at him from the
window of the jewelry shop he was walking by. He hadn’t even realized he was
thinking about marriage until that moment, when the thought of the ring on
anyone else’s finger but Col’s made him balk.

He walked into the shop
and purchased it. The piece had been a welcome weight in his pocket at first.
But as time passed, it began to burn like coal in a furnace. He wanted her to
know how much she meant and saying, “I love you” and doing nice things was no
longer enough.

The baked pasta was in
the oven, the Greek salad was in the crisper and he’d purchased baklava from
the local bakery. He had a few hours to set the scene and pray to whoever was
listening that she said yes.

Julian took his time
prepping the house. A trail of red rose petals led up the stairs to his
bedroom. Champagne chilled in the fridge. He arranged white candles in circular
glass votives over the entire home and set the kitchen table with the cream-colored
linen tablecloth and silverware he’d bought just for this occasion. The place
mats were made of a lace the store worker assured him would give the table a
romantic touch. In the center of the table was a bouquet of red roses, mixed
with pops of baby’s breath and eucalyptus.

The stage was set. Now he
needed to get himself ready.

Julian took a quick
shower, dried off and picked out a pair of black slacks, a crisp white
button-down, a black skinny tie and a black vest. He topped the outfit off with
a pair of gray Converse, slicked his hair back off his face and hurried
downstairs to light the candles.

By the time the doorbell
rang, he’d transformed the house. It’s amazing what you could do with some
Martha Stewart directions and advice from women in the shops. He hit the remote
on his sound system and their favorite slow jams filled the air. He set the
remote on the cocktail table and went to open the door. His jaw dropped at the
vision Col was in the doorway.

She wore a pair of
leather shorts that fell to her upper thigh, a black tank top under a fitted
white blazer and a pair of black heels. She’d kept her hair loose and it flowed
around her, framing her face.

“You look amazing,” he
said.

“You too.” She stepped
inside and gasped as he closed the door behind her and twisted the top lock. “I
can’t believe you did all this,” she whispered.

“Do you like it?”

“I love it. It’s
beautiful.” She did a slow spin.

“Good.” He ran a hand
down her back. “Would you like to head into the kitchen? The table is set if you’re
ready to eat.”

“Yes, I’m starving.”

He twined their fingers
and led her over to the table, pulled out the chair and pushed her in.

“I can’t believe you went
through so much trouble.”

“It wasn’t any trouble.
Champagne?”

“Please.”

He took the bottle out of
the bucket on the counter, popped the top and poured two glasses he brought to
the table. As she sipped on the sparkling liquid, he took the Greek salad out,
served it onto their plates and took a seat.

“How was your last
session with Rocco?” she asked.

“Kind of bittersweet. The
album is complete and I can’t wait to get it ready to go out and hear
responses. But I’m sad to see Rocco go. We worked well together and it’s going
to be a while before he records again.”

“You really love what you
do, don’t you?”

“I don’t know what I’d do
if I couldn’t express myself through song. It’s what got me through the lowest
points in my life. How’s the collection for your exhibit coming?”

“Great, a few more pieces
and I’ll be ready to start looking for a place to show it.”

The conversation flowed
between them as they caught up on the past week and bantered back and forth.
His nerves grew thinner with every minute that passed. By the time they
finished the baklava, he was about ready to jump out of his skin.

He needed a chance to
compose himself.

“Let me clear the table.”
He stood, grabbed their plates and took his time rinsing them off in the sink
before he placed them in the dishwasher. His limbs felt stiff and unresponsive
as he walked back to the table and kneeled beside her chair.

“Julian?”

“Col, you’ve changed my
life. You dragged me kicking and screaming back into life and renewed my faith
in humanity. I was on the brink of giving up on happiness being a possibility.
I felt like an outcast, like all I had to offer was music. Then you showed up
and saw something in me.” He took a shaky breath.

Tears streamed down her
face and she wavered in his vision as he held back the excess moisture pooling
in his eyes. He pulled the velvet case from his pocket, pried the lid open with
clumsy fingers and held it out.

“And I started to see it
too. I love you, Col and I’ll spend the rest of my life making you happy and
trying to be the man you deserve. Will you marry me?”

“Julian.” Her voice
shook. She wiped away tears and shook her head from side to side. “There are
things you need to know about me. Things I must say before I can answer. You
may find you’ll change your mind about wanting to marry me.” She glanced at the
ground and a sense of dread made his blood run cold.

“What are you talking
about, Col?”

“Please get up.”

An ache formed in his
chest. Is this when he got the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech?
Numb, he
closed the case and lugged himself off the floor and into the chair across from
her.

*
* * *

Collette beat back the sobs
as she cleared her throat. She hadn’t expected him to do this! She never
would’ve let him ask her under false pretenses.

What a mess I’ve made of
things.
She never should have put it off for so long. She
moved her seat forward and clasped his hands in her own, grateful when he
didn’t pull away.

“I lied. This year was
not the first time we’ve met, Julian.”

“What? When? I would
remember something like that.”

“No, you were small,
three.”

“When I was burned? But
how could you remember? What’s going on?” His muscles tensed.

“Please, you’ve trusted
me so far. I’m asking for fifteen more minutes.”

He clenched his jaw and
gave her a curt nod.

“You were in the
hospital, badly burned and running low on hope. I told you then if you would
just fight for me, I would always be with you.”

“You! I knew your voice
was beautiful and I thought ... familiar. Wait! What am I saying? This isn’t
possible.” He shook his head. “I never told anyone that. How could you know
that?”

“Because I’m not from
here, Julian and I don’t just mean America.”

“Where? Why are you doing
this, Colette? If you don’t want to marry me, just say no.” His eyes were wide
and frightened.

She could feel the panic
pouring off him in waves. “I’m a Muse, Julian. More importantly, I’m
your
Muse.”

“No.” He shook her hands
free and jumped up from his chair. “I don’t know why you’re doing this or how
you found out about that voice, but it stops now. I want you to get out of my
house!”

Tears poured down her
face. “It’s true! I swear it. I can prove it!” Her voice shook like a flag in
the wind and she stood and grabbed his arm. “You wrote your first lyric when
you were five. It was an ode to green Jell-O. That was when your love for rhyme
started to develop. It was your way to escape from the other children in the crowded
orphanage. I was there with you, just like I promised.”

He stared at her while
she spoke.

“I breathed life to your
work, whispered the missing lines when you were stalled and increased your
God-given talent. Your parents were extraordinarily talented musicians and
humanitarians. Both traits were passed along to you. You are the very best of
them both.”

He’d stopped protesting,
but continued to shake his head back and forth. “I don’t know how you managed
to concoct this story—”

Colette snapped her fingers.
The stereo switched to a different, song and the volume went up. “I’m composing
this now, in my head and playing it.” It was a sorrowful instrumental that
expressed the anguish of the moment.

“H—how?”

“You know how, Julian.
When you were ten, your music teacher taught you how to play the guitar. He
took an interest in you, even giving you free lessons after class. It was one
of the few times you really saw the good in people.”

“Stop, stop. I don’t need
to hear any more!”

She snapped her fingers
and the music stopped.

“Let’s say this is all
true.” He gestured wildly with his hands. “It still doesn’t answer why you’re
here. Why would a Muse come down from wherever it is you’re from to be with
me?”

“Because I fell in love
with you.”

His jaw dropped and he shook
his head. “Why?”

“Because you’re amazing,
Julian! You’re intelligent, kind and you have a wicked sense of humor. Every
time you triumphed or wrote a new song or poem that moved me, I fell a little
more in love with you.”

“Why did you wait until
now?”

“I was afraid you
wouldn’t believe me and I wanted to give us a fighting chance before I showed
you who I really was.”

“Why tell me at all?” He
looked absolutely miserable.

 The way he looked ripped
her heart to shreds. “Because it’s part of the rules. We can’t just come down
here and mess with humans’ emotions. It’s not how it works. I had to make a
deal with Aphrodite. One year down here.”

“And then?”

“Then you have to choose
me as your Muse or your love.”

His eyes bulged and his
chest moved in and out as he paced the length of the kitchen. “So, it comes
down to the basic question, money or love.” His words were soft. “How much of
what I do is me and how much is you?”

“It’s all you. Think of
me as the cure to writer’s block. I keep things flowing, maybe sprinkle a
little extra on top, but I have nothing to do with the creation.”

“How can I trust you?”

“Because I’ve never lied
and I never will. I withheld my identity because you weren’t ready and neither
was I.”

“I need—I need some
time.”

“I understand.” She stood
and walked for the door.

“Col.”

She paused and turned to
look over her shoulder.

“How long do I have to
decide?”

“One week.”

He nodded and she
continued her walk of shame. Each step felt heavier than the one before. This
was far worse than any disastrous scenario she’d imagined in her mind. Julian
loved her more than she’d ever imagined. He wanted to marry her! How did her
truth change things? Had she been human, she’d ask if the Fates could be so
cruel to
almost
give her everything she wanted. But she knew firsthand,
yes, the girls were that heartless.

She trudged up the stairs
and collapsed at her vanity.

The minute she called
Dite, the woman’s smiling face appeared. “Hello. What happened?”

“He proposed,” Colette
whispered.

“Wait, why isn’t that good?”

“Before I told him the
truth.”

“Oh, goddess!”

She nodded her head as
she sniffed back tears. “I’m tired, Dite. I’ve spent the better part of the
year giving chase to make Julian fall in love with me, only to watch his heart
shatter into a million pieces right before my eyes. I don’t have any more fight
left.”