Soul Love (15 page)

Now I had an even bigger secret to keep. Was I up to it? Could I keep it even from my mum? It would help to talk about Gabe with somebody who understood about HIV.

My jacket began to steam as the heat from the sun mixed with the rain-drenched fabric. I turned and walked across the field. I had no idea what time it was, but I decided to head for the village
and whatever company I could find there.

I was marching up the high street when I saw her glaring out of the café window at me. A slanging match with Cleo was the last thing I needed right now so I dropped my
head and walked on by.

I had just made it a few paces past the café when she called my name.

‘Look, I’m in no mood for a . . .’ I began, and then I looked at her expression and stopped myself. She didn’t look angry.

‘Come round to the back. I need to talk to you.’ She pointed to a little alleyway at the side of the shop.

Still a little wary of Cleo’s unpredictability, I followed her round the corner and up to a brightly painted door.

Cleo pulled out a key. ‘Come inside for a bit. You’re soaked.’

‘Got caught in the rain,’ I replied lightly.

Cleo’s flat was small but cosy. She threw me a towel and I began to rub at my hair.

‘I’ll make you some tea.’ She went into the tiny kitchen.

‘Won’t they miss you in the café?’

‘I’m on a break. Besides, we need to talk.’

She returned moments later and placed two large mugs down on the table.

The tea was too hot to drink so I blew on it to keep myself busy. I didn’t want to talk right now.

Cleo settled herself on the sofa. ‘Gabe told me about the letter.’

I looked up warily. Was this some kind of a test?

I nodded.

‘I know everything about Gabe,’ she said.

I nodded again. Why did I feel that she was out to trap me? Would I always feel this overwhelming fear of giving away his secret whenever Gabe came up in conversation?

‘For some crazy reason he has decided to trust you.’

I stood up. ‘It’s time I went.’

‘I’m sorry, Jenna. If Gabriel has been honest with you, then I need to tell you something. Gabriel and I have this really close bond.’

‘He’s told me about it and so have you.’ I didn’t want her trying to make me jealous again.

‘I know for a fact that he wouldn’t tell you everything.’

‘I know that you went out with each other for a while.’ As I said it, I was struck by a horrible thought. What if Gabe had infected Cleo?

‘I am HIV-positive too.’

It was like somebody had pulled the plug on my brain and I slumped to the floor.

‘How long have I been out?’ I asked when I came round. Cleo had put a pillow under my head and covered me with a blanket.

She smiled. ‘I thought you’d be surprised, but I didn’t think you’d pass out on me.’

I sat up. Cleo pulled another cushion off the sofa and sat down next to me.

‘Look, Jenna. I don’t like you that much, but if Gabe has chosen to put his trust in you then I will have to as well. But if you mess him about or hurt him in any way I’ll see
that you pay for it. If it’s the last thing I ever do.’

She fixed me with a hard stare. I was left in no doubt that she meant what she said.

‘We met when I was eleven and Gabe was nine. We met in hospital. We were both beginning to guess the truth about those bugs in the blood – that we might have the same illness as our
mums.’

Gabe had told me that both of them had lost a mother. He hadn’t told me it was from the same cause, though.

‘Gabe saved my life. He keeps my spirits up. We look out for each other. We know how the other is feeling without saying anything. He is feeling pretty upset at the moment about
you.’

I swallowed. There was a huge lump in my throat. Cleo and I would never be best buddies, but maybe we could learn to get along.

‘How are you feeling?’ Cleo wiped a hair out of my face.

‘Like I’m living in a parallel universe that looks like earth, but nothing is quite the same.’

Cleo smiled again. ‘Most of the time I feel like the keeper of a deep, dark secret. I watch everyone. Trust no one. School is a nightmare. Never daring to tell anyone. Having to listen to
all their ignorant comments about people with AIDS and not being able to say a thing in case it drew attention to me. One time I made the mistake of pointing out that being HIV-positive
wasn’t the same as having AIDS. Someone then piped up, “How come you know so much?” and the spotlight landed straight on me . . . You feel so isolated. Mum couldn’t really
believe it was that bad because when she was at school it was during the height of AIDS awareness. It was still a new discovery and they were giving lots of information. My school didn’t tell
us much on account of it being a strict church school. Nowadays it’s up to each school what they decide to teach you about in sex education. So I learned to shut up and say nothing, even when
people came out with the most outrageous things.’

‘It sounds awful.’

‘Welcome to my world, Jenna. There’s only one place that kept me sane and that was a special youth club in London that Gabe and I go to. It’s the one place where we can truly
be ourselves and not feel judged.’

I thought back to what Gabe had said in his letter about being able to relax when he was with me. I felt a buzz. It made me feel special.

‘I won’t do anything to hurt Gabe,’ I said.

‘You’d better not.’ Cleo’s eyes burned fiercely. ‘Gabe and I have been through a lot together. I’d better be getting back to work. Break time’s over.
See you later on tonight at the rehearsal. And don’t tell
anyone
!’

‘I won’t,’ I said.

Chapter Thirty

I
t was now late afternoon and the high street had filled up with people, talking about the festival or carrying
boxes of food. Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone that I thought was Mia, but it turned out to be a false alarm. Meeting up with her right now was the last thing I needed.

I was actually looking forward to doing some work in the shop. There were hours to go before the rehearsal and I needed some distraction. Finding out first about Gabe and then Cleo was too
mind-blowing. It made me wonder how many other HIV-positive kids there were out there and what sort of a time they were having. I also realised how little I really knew about it.

I had so many questions. What was the difference between HIV and AIDS? Cleo had said they were different. What would happen if Gabe cut himself and I touched some of the blood? I knew that
kissing him was probably fine, but would he ever be able to make love?

I felt shallow for being so jealous of Gabe and Cleo’s friendship. There were parts of Gabe’s life that only Cleo could really understand, and I would always be an onlooker. No
wonder Gabe had laughed at the stupid mess I’d got myself into with Mia and Jackson. Bet he’d trade my problems for his any day.

As I walked into the shop, I was feeling less afraid. ‘I can and I
will
deal with it,’ I told myself.

I know Gabe would never do anything to put me in danger. I had to stop thinking of myself. Where was he now? How was he feeling? I wished that I could push the hair out of his face and squeeze
his fingers to let him know that everything was all right. I wouldn’t walk away from this relationship.

As I breezed into the shop Julius frowned at me and raised his eyebrows in a warning signal which I was just trying to figure out when I noticed the vase on the counter and behind it sat Sarah
frowning and chewing her nails.

‘So you found it,’ I said.

Sarah flared up at me, ‘Is that all you can say? Well, at least you’re not pretending to act surprised.’

‘No,’ I began. ‘I was going to tell you, but something came up.’

Sarah shook her head and yelled. ‘You are incredible! How you can just stand there so cool after this. You knew how much this vase meant to me.’

I raised my voice to match hers. ‘I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner.’

‘Why did you do it, Jenna? After all I’ve done for you. You just don’t seem to care. Did it give you some kind of buzz? I would have given you as much money as I could spare
–’

‘Aunt Sarah, stop! I didn’t take your bloody vase! I only saw your vase in the shop window yesterday and I was going to tell you about it. I was pretty certain it was the same vase.
I mean, there can’t be that many hideous-patterned vases in the area.’

‘DON’T MAKE JOKES AT A TIME LIKE THIS!’ Sarah screamed at me.

‘Think I’ll pop out for a breath of fresh air,’ said Julius, edging his way out towards the door.

‘STAY!’ Sarah commanded. Julius froze. Sarah turned back to me. Her face was white with rage.

‘Julius is going to drive us over to the shop and you are going to apologise to Angie, the owner of the shop, for selling her a vase that didn’t belong to you. It was her assistant
who bought the vase and she is working there this afternoon. Lucy will ID you and then Angie may want to call the police and I certainly won’t stop her. Angie does not want word going around
that her shop receives stolen goods. It’s about time you started facing up to the consequences of your actions.’

‘Why are you so sure it’s me?’ I fumed.

‘Lucy says she bought the vase off a young girl with long brown hair and a London accent.’ Sarah was putting on her jacket. ‘I’m not going to push it all under the carpet
like my sister. This time you are going to face the truth of the situation.’

The angry part of me gritted my teeth and followed them out of the shop.

‘Fine,’ I said. I knew it wasn’t going to be me who was going to get hurt in the long run. So, Kai was sending his new girlfriend on all his dirty little errands. She had been
sent to check that his precious record collection was safe and sell Sarah’s stuff to the antique shop.

In the car I mellowed a bit. ‘Sarah, please believe that it wasn’t me.’

She turned the car radio on to drown out my plea.

I tried again outside the shop. ‘We don’t have to do this,’ I said.

Sarah ignored me and marched into the shop. For a split second I thought about going along with it and saying I took the vase, to stop her from finding out the painful truth this way.

‘Facing the truth is not all it’s cracked up to be,’ I muttered as I followed her into the shop.

Angie was a tall, smartly dressed woman. She and Sarah kissed each other on both cheeks. Angie tutted sympathetically at Sarah whilst at the same time throwing me a dirty look.

From the back of the shop a door opened and a girl came out carrying a heavy tea tray. Lucy looked me up and down. ‘She’s got the same length of hair, but the girl I bought the vase
off had dark brown hair, not reddish.’

‘Are you sure? Hair colour can change in the light,’ Angie insisted. I got the feeling that she was disappointed that it wasn’t me.

Angie poured some tea. Lucy handed me a delicate china cup and looked at me again and said, ‘Oh I forgot. There was a man waiting outside for her in a car. He had long curly black hair.
Looked a bit like an old rock star.’

Sarah winced as if she’d been kicked and then she quickly recovered.

‘Kai must have taken it and forgotten to let me know.’ She swallowed her hot tea down quickly and went to leave.

Angie scowled at Lucy. ‘You never mentioned that there was a man with her before.’

‘You never asked me,’ Lucy answered, sticking her chin out defiantly. I got the feeling that Lucy was not happy in her work.

Sarah laughed it off. ‘It’s probably one of his madcap schemes. It usually means he’s creating some new poetry.’

I glared. As we were walking to the door I turned, looked at everyone and said, ‘I accept your humble apologies.’

Lucy giggled and said, ‘No way it could have been you. The girl who came in the shop was pregnant. Oops! I must have “forgotten” to mention that too!’

Chapter Thirty-One

S
o much for the peace and quiet of the countryside that everyone raved about. This place was full of surprises.
Living in London was like a rest cure compared to this. I wondered how Jackson and Mia would find it.

I really wished that they weren’t coming. I was in no mood to listen to them poking fun at everyone and everything in sight. Maybe Rebecca’s brother would be flaky and pull out at
the last minute.

This time Sarah didn’t take to her bed and weep. I wished she would cry or get mad or say something, but she just sat stony-faced in the front room. I couldn’t begin to imagine what
she must be feeling. She hadn’t had children because Kai didn’t want them. Now he was leaving her for a young woman who was going to have his baby. How hurtful is that? Plus he was
stealing from her. I felt my jaw tightening and my hand curling into a fist at the mere thought of him.

Even Tallulah was spooked. She ran about the house in a demented way.

The rain had cleared and the sun was setting, leaving a pale raspberry ripple of light in the sky. The vase episode had taken my mind off things for a while, but it was getting close to the time
of the rehearsal. I wondered what the others would say if Gabe wasn’t there and whether I’d have to give an explanation, or would Cleo do it?

I cleared away Sarah’s untouched mug of tea and poured her a new one.

‘The rehearsal won’t last too long. I’ll bring you back some chips. Will you be all right?’

Sarah nodded slowly. It was a relief to be leaving the house for a while.

Charlie and Freddie were already unloading the van when I arrived at the shop.

Freddie grinned. ‘Jenna, the last of the posse . . . er . . . what I mean is, that you are the last person to arrive. Not to worry because Julius let us in.’

Charlie rolled his eyes. ‘I’m not sure which is worse – hip-hop slang or endless sentences. We’re going to start in a few minutes.’

I glanced round the shop. ‘Is everyone here?’

He nodded. So Gabe had made it back from his meeting in London after all.

‘Cleo is getting changed. Gabe is just helping Julius with the camera equipment. We’ve been asked to supply some photos.’

‘And Julius is going to take them?’ I asked as I prepared myself to face Gabe. I wasn’t sure how to act. If I played it too cool, he’d think it was over between us, and
if I was too friendly, then the others would catch on.