Special Needs (11 page)

Liam let his arms drop. “Well, we all do at some point. You just need practice.”

“Fuck that.” Ryan buried his face in his hands. “I don’t wanna date anyone now anyway.”

“When will you?” Liam groaned and pushed the chair towards the car. “When you’re forty?”

“You’re not dating anyone now and you’re still breathing,” muttered Ryan. His voice sounded hollow from behind the mask he made out of his hands.

“Well, I might not be dating, but I’m fucking.” Liam snorted and looked down at Ryan. “It’s mental hygiene.”

Ryan's sigh had an air of finality, as if those words took away his last will to fight. “I’m so freaking horny all the time,” he complained, “and nothing ever happens. It’s just all in my head.”

Liam drew in a sharp breath, his eyes fixed on the juncture of Ryan’s shoulder and neck. He bet it smelt like coffee. “We’ll see what happens.”

“I just wanna
die
. What a stupid day,” Ryan mumbled, watching him open the car door.

Liam squeezed his mouth shut and packed his boss into the passenger seat. Right now, his day wasn’t so great either. Were the sad fries so horrible as well? And was that a sniff or did Ryan just smell his hair?

He shook his head, packed the wheelchair and dropped to the driver’s seat. “If that means I’m dismissed, I’ll go to the beach once we’re back.”

“Yeah, sure! Go to the beach and smoke your cigarettes there!” Ryan snapped, fastening his seat belt.

Liam froze. He was pretty sure his heart did stop for a second.

“I...” His eyes darted to Ryan, brain suddenly empty of any snide remarks he could use to his advantage.

“Yeah?” Ryan raised his eyebrows. “I’m paraplegic. That doesn’t mean I lost my sense of smell.”

“Fuck," Liam hissed through his teeth and smashed his fists against the sides of the steering wheel. He was taking sharp, shallow breaths as his mind tried to come up with something to say.

“Anything else you lied about in your interview?” Ryan's voice could freeze blood in his veins.

Liam went completely silent. He was lying to him all the time and now, Ryan caught him with his hand in the cookie jar.
Shit.
He let out a pained sigh, avoiding Ryan’s gaze.

“I’m guessing it wasn’t about being a cook. Were you convicted?”

“Well, yeah.” Liam closed his eyes. “But it wasn’t serious, I did some community service, that’s all!”

“You’re not a sex offender, are you?”

“Oh, you gotta be kidding me.” Liam shot Ryan a disappointed look. “Do I look like a sex offender to you?”

“I don’t know. You can’t tell these things. I’m just asking.” He tapped on the window.

“I should buy one of those sarcastic moustaches,” complained Liam. He couldn't believe Ryan would suspect him of molesting somebody... unless it was Ryan himself in the shower on that first day. “I would fit the profile.”

Ryan shrugged, slouching even deeper, as if his powerless legs were the only thing that kept him from curling into a ball. “For all you know,
I
could be a sexual predator.”

Liam let his head fall back and he gave a bitter laugh. “Yeah right, you're getting them with your ultrafast Ryanmobile.”

“No. I only employ young, handsome caretakers and then seduce them till they succumb to my filthy needs,” Ryan said without much enthusiasm.

“Well, with this one, you gotta try harder than that.” Liam started the car, struggling not to let his mind drift. “And your needs aren’t filthy,” he said, despite not knowing much about what Ryan really liked in bed. Whatever it was, a guy who paddled his own ass didn't seem like much of a threat to anybody.

“I know, you’re a useless case.”

“What?” Ryan’s words yanked Liam out of his thoughts.

“We were talking about succumbing to Ryan Richards, the sexual predator,” his boss reminded him.

“Oh, oh yeah.” Liam left the parking lot and started driving back to the hotel. His neck felt unbearably stiff, and he’d give anything to have it properly kneaded. “Listen, Ryan... are you going to fire me?” He preferred to know it sooner than later.

Ryan pouted and gave him a flat look. “Not if you sleep with me.”

Liam’s insides fluttered. “Deal.”

“The fuck, Liam?” Ryan hit him on the arm with a fist. “Of course I’m not firing you! Jeez.”

“Will that just be a blowjob, or shall I bend over in your bedroom?” Relieved, Liam found the situation hilarious, but he managed to keep the humor out of his voice.

It did finally squeeze out a small smile out of Ryan, though. “The works.”

“Someone’s needy.” Liam shook his head and watched the road as they drove along the seafront.

“It’s been a while,” Ryan muttered and looked out the window. The sun gave his face a healthy, warm tint.

“Hey, at least you have a grip on the situation, if you know what I mean.” Liam was intent on making Ryan happy again. At this moment, he really needed to see him smile, but there was nothing close to it on Ryan’s face when he turned to look at him.

“No. I have no ide-- oh, God! You bastard!”

Liam got another smack on the arm, but at least he got to see what he wanted. Ryan’s smiles were so open and honest that they melted something inside of him.

“Yeah, that’s me.”

Chapter 6

Ryan was going through his emails yet again, sitting by the desk with his face propped up on his hand. Now, a few hours after the coffee shop disaster, he knew he overreacted and didn’t know how to approach Liam about it. The embarrassment of being such a drama queen had him frozen in his room. It really wasn’t worth it. Okay, so maybe it was the first time in a while that he had his hopes about a guy crushed, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. Rick probably wouldn't have asked him about Liam if he knew what was going on. Liam really seemed like a nice guy, so he probably didn’t mean any harm.

Ryan backed away from the computer screen, to let his viewers see more of him. He liked to add a personal message live, before posting a new video on his website. The one he made yesterday, featured a scene of him going into the bathroom in his wetsuit pants, transferring onto the plastic seat from the wheelchair and taking a shower. He made sure to put all the products he needed slightly farther away than it was comfortable, so that he would struggle to reach them on camera. It was those little touches that made his website so popular.

He had a live chat on, so a few users said ‘hi’ to him, as soon as he turned on the webcam. He had private messages disabled, which helped to keep the conversations mostly decent. He still got strange emails, but he could always mark them as spam, so it was no big deal.

“Hi guys! I know you can’t wait, so I’m gonna be short and sweet.” Ryan smiled at the camera. “This one shows a lot more flesh than usual, so those who like my tats are in for a treat.”

A few expressions of enthusiasm followed in the chat box, but Ryan turned his attention to someone who was asking if he got their email. Ryan sighed, recognizing the nickname. JeffSon21 was unusually persistent, even for a devotee. ‘I’ll get back to you :)’, Ryan wrote and continued talking.

“So guess what? I got a new tattoo today, so if you wanna have a peek, here we go.” He turned the camera down to capture his hips and lowered his pants to show off the sad fries. He removed the dressing beforehand to make the tattoo reveal more appealing. “Don’t laugh! It was a dare!” he added, spotting a few LoL’s in the chatroom.

'What was the dare?' asked JeffSon21.

“My new caretaker dared me basically to stop eating fries non-stop. He’s a great cook, so as you can imagine, he won.” Ryan pointed the camera back at his face with a laugh.

‘What about a video of you being handled?’ wrote someone else.

“Maybe. I’ll have to ask him how he feels about it. I’m not gonna be a creep and sneak-video him! What would you guys most like to see?”

Most users asked for things Ryan already had in his website repertoire. They wanted to see him being carried, dressed (or undressed for that matter) and so on. JeffSon21 had more advanced ideas, of course.

‘Does he help you to work out? Maybe you could put that on!’

“He doesn’t. But maybe I should ask him to.” Ryan grinned. “He’s hot.”

‘You definitely should convince him then,’ wrote one of his shyer regulars.

‘Would you put on a vid with you having sex? Or wanking? ;)’ That was JeffSon21 again. Very active, as usual. And as always, some expressed their enthusiasm, others just waited for Ryan’s reply. No protests though. They all wanted to see him naked, that Ryan was sure of.

“Well,” he started with a smile, “I don’t have a boyfriend at the moment, so sex would be a ‘no-no’, but who knows. I might show you guys a lot more soon enough. Enjoy the video.” He blew a kiss at the camera and turned it off, still watching the chat room. He loved to read live reactions to his submissions from the safe confines of his room. Sometimes, he even jerked off to particularly saucy ones. Unavoidably, his newly revealed relationship status caused a stir among the users, and he knew he’d get date offers with photographs and all, but after one failure, he decided never to date any of his subscribers. Many of them weren’t even gay, they only followed his site because of the wheelchair thing. And there were some women too, and they didn’t shy away from sending him offers either.

He was well aware his own kink was far beyond most people's comfort zone, but at the same time, he didn't want to be with someone who got off only on the disability. Sure, getting a handjob in a wheelchair was super-hot, but he wanted to also be liked for
who
he was.

One of his boyfriends, got off on rubbing the handles of the chair. It frustrated Ryan to no end, but finding out the guy was secretly taking photos of him and posting them online added insult to injury. He wasn’t even eighteen back then! The fact that the guy didn’t bother to include Ryan’s face in the photos had him both relieved and hurt. It was as if the fetish was all that mattered, not the person behind it.

The guy got a restraining order and that was that, but it got Ryan thinking. So he went on a Google spree and found everything he could about people who were into wheelchairs. Suddenly it clicked and, he didn’t feel like such a freak anymore.

Qfreak
: ‘That’s so hot. Wish I could grab you from behind and drag you towards that stool.’

That comment alone was enough for Ryan to push down his pants. His cock was already hard by now, so he just squeezed some lotion into his palm and got on with the business, while trying to type with his left hand.

Ryan
: ‘Yeah? Would you be careful that my legs don’t get hurt? Cause I wouldn’t feel it.’

Paralover
: ‘Do U feel it when someone fucks U?’

JeffSon21
: ‘Would be hot if you didn’t even know I’m inside.’

Ryan’s panting quickened as he pumped his cock with abandon, his imagination recreating the scenes suggested by the users.

Ryan
: ‘I do feel it, but it’s a bit numb. Hard to get off sometimes.’

That was definitely not the case though.

Ryan
: ‘I guess the guy get’s to fuck me longer. He can just spread my legs as he wants.’

Dev83
: ‘Fuck! I’d hold your lifeless legs wide and sink into you over and over...’

Ryan came with a groan, closing his eyes and gave his cock a few more strokes, before finally slouching in his wheelchair. He always had tissues on hand by the computer, so he cleaned up and sat back in his chair, slowly easing his breath. The stiff, tightly strapped braces on his legs hindered movement, making his fantasy all the more real. His legs felt heavy and lifeless when the metal sides made his knees and ankles immobile. Even thinking about it got him hard sometimes. Maybe he was no better than a prick like JeffSon21, who kept emailing him about a fantasy to blindfold Ryan and then come on his legs without his knowledge. And other fucked up shit like that. The worst thing was though, that it did arouse Ryan like nothing else. It was the fact that there were actual paraplegics out there, who could be abused by shitheads like JeffSon21, that got him feeling guilty about his own fetish. He was trapped between wanting it and not wanting to want it. Blah.

Ryan
: ‘Too much cum on my keyboard now guys, gotta go!’

He read some goodbyes and cries of disappointment before switching the chat off.

The warm afternoon sun gave the bedroom a pleasant, innocent glow and Ryan looked over his shoulder to smile at the open window. The weather called out for him to go and catch some fresh air.

He quickly checked the royalty statement on his website, before pushing the wheelchair towards the balcony, with his cock still out. He just couldn’t be bothered to tuck it in yet. Maybe it needed a bit of sunshine as well?