Special Needs (33 page)

Kyle smiled back at him and shook it with vigor that would be surprising from the man Liam once knew. He wanted to comment on it, but no word left his mouth when Kyle looked down to Ryan.

“You got a nice little boyfriend here. Sorry, I do remember you, but your name got lost somewhere on the way.” Kyle's voice was raspy from smoking like a chimney, but this time, it didn't tickle Liam's arousal. Instead, his stomach knotted with anxiety as he peeked down at Ryan.

“I... no, no! It’s not like that.” Ryan took his hand away from Liam’s wrist as if it was on fire. And even though Liam knew where that reaction was coming from, it still felt like a slap in the face.

“Um... it’s Liam. And I still have that ink.” He lifted his t-shirt in an attempt to cover his embarrassment by drawing attention to the band name on his abdomen. His efforts were futile, as after a short excuse, Kyle went on as if he hadn’t noticed the awkwardness.

“You just have something casual?” His smile widened as he reached out and traced the SFU tattoo with the warm tips of his fingers. “You didn’t cover it. Nice.”

“Well you earned it with hard labor,” Liam chuckled, his stomach trembling under the touch. “Always something to remember the badass rockstar by.”

“I wouldn’t call it ‘hard work’, being tied up as you did the rest.” Kyle sounded amused, but Liam swallowed, feeling cold spread through his body as he looked down at Ryan, who was staring at Kyle’s fingers, quiet like a frightened mouse.

Kyle raised his eyebrows, alternating his gaze between them. “He must have bragged about it, right? You seem surprised.” The words came out with another cloud of thick smoke as he spoke to Ryan.

“Uhm... he did say he met you.”

“Yeah, like, met my ass with his dick.” Kyle laughed and pinched Liam beneath the belly button, bold as ever. “You ashamed of me?”

“No!” Liam bit his lip, feeling a slight flush creep up his face. Was that how he was being outed? With a story of how he fucked Kyle Goldberg into the mattress? How motherfucking romantic. “I didn’t know if you’d like me to.”

Kyle just shrugged. “I don’t mind. It’s been years ago. So what’s up with you two?” he smiled at Ryan, whose chest was moving rapidly.

“Liam is my caretaker,” said Ryan, but didn't spare Liam a glance, looking only at Kyle.

Shit.
Liam gritted his teeth, trying not to lose the smile that was making his muscles ache by now. “Yeah, he is my boss. For now.”

“Why ‘for now’? You planning to quit?” Ryan sounded like he was joking, but the tension in his voice was hard to miss. Liam swallowed, feeling blood drain from his face, but he forced himself to chuckle anyway.

“I’m kinda trying to take you out on a date.”

“Oops. Did I create something awkward here?” Kyle bit his lip, quickly taking his fingers away from Liam’s stomach.

“No, no. It’s fine.” Ryan laughed nervously and Liam realized he remembered that tone. It was the same ‘it’s fine’ after which they had an argument about Ryan’s barista crush. His stomach clenched and as if the situation couldn’t get any more awkward, a muscled arm topped Kyle’s shoulders and he was pulled into a gentle, intimate kiss by a spiked collar he was wearing. Liam swallowed, recognizing the buff man in leather with a surprisingly delicate face and a short, pink mohawk.

A sharp nudge to his thigh made him look down into a pretty, but tense face. “Seriously?” Ryan whispered with a hiss.

Liam’s heart sunk. “I was trying to tell you--”

“You were trying shit!” Ryan bared his teeth, but he composed himself as soon as the couple broke their kiss.

“This is my partner Nancy,” Kyle said with a smile, as if they didn’t know. Everyone in the venue knew after a private photo of theirs emerged some time ago. Nancy was just as good looking as in the interview Liam saw, with a broad chest and pleasant features. And there was nothing ‘nancyish’ about him.

“Liam.” He shook the strong hand with a smile, though at this point, most of his thoughts were on Ryan. He messed up again and was struggling to come up with an idea how to patch things up.

“Ryan. You guys are the coolest couple ever.”

Kyle just laughed. “Thanks.”

“He’s the cool one. I am merely trailing along.” Nancy smiled at his partner, with his arm casually draped around Kyle's waist. Liam felt jealous. Not only of what that couple seemed to have, but also because Ryan no longer thought he was the coolest guy around.

“It was really big for me when you came out, Kyle. I got to see guys like me were gay and proud.” Ryan smiled at his idol.

Liam stood there silent, his throat blocked as if someone shoved a rock down his windpipe.

Kyle nodded. “I didn’t have that when I was growing up, so I’m happy it meant something.”

“I hope you guys enjoy the show.” Nancy broke into a wide grin and gently pulled Kyle back.

“Yeah, dammit, see, I can’t keep time for shit.” Kyle looked at his watch. “Have a good time. And good luck with the date.” He winked at Liam before they quickly walked away and disappeared from sight.

The silence that was left between them was so thick that Liam could hear his own furious heartbeat, despite the sound test on the stage.

“Ryan...” It came out as a broken sound, but he didn’t care, when he looked at that pretty, yet unreadable face.

“What?” Ryan snapped at him, blue eyes burning up. “Are you gay, bi? The fuck? And don’t you try and charm me with that date shit.” Ryan’s voice was stern like a cold bar of iron. “You tried to set me up with someone since day one!”

“You are my boss.” Liam bit his lip.

“I’m also your friend. I told you so many secrets, and you just went along with it.”

“I also told you plenty of mine.” Liam moved to kneel by Ryan’s side and grabbed his hand. “And I tried to flirt, but you blew me off.”

The wide eyes made Ryan look like a scared kitten. A very pierced kitten. His lips were trembling, and it made Liam both guilty and horny. “I thought you were joking. You do that all the time.”

“Duh! With you.”

“I told you my fucking sex fantasies, and you didn’t say a word.” Ryan’s face was getting redder by the second.

Liam leaned closer with a soft sigh and embraced Ryan’s shoulders, tightening his grip on the slim fingers. “At least now we have all that shit out of the way.”

“It’s embarrassing.” Ryan reached for his inhaler. His other hand trembled in Liam’s grip, but at least he wasn’t trying to pull away.

“I didn’t want to come out, because you were my boss and then it was just so hard to spill the beans. I’m sorry,” muttered Liam, gently stroking Ryan’s arm. It stung to watch him hunched in the chair. Liam wanted nothing else than to hug him, but he couldn’t do that now.

“I just... I don’t know what to think.” Ryan clenched his hands into fists after taking a deep breath from the inhaler.

Liam swallowed, watching his pale, oddly innocent face from up close. His heart began to race when he realized Ryan might consider him a faker. “I was honest with most of what I said.”

“It’s not fair, you knew how I felt.” Ryan started nervously playing with the ring in the middle of his bottom lip, but the implications of that last statement made Liam’s heart throb.

“Yes, but then you started dating and I didn’t want to make a move, or anything...” Liam trailed off, gently tracing Ryan’s hand with his thumb.

Ryan breathed in from the inhaler again. “A guy like you, liking me?” he uttered, refusing to look at him.

“Don’t insult me.”

“Huh?” Ryan gave him such a bewildered look that Liam had to smile.

“There’s nothing wrong about my taste in men. After all, I fucked your favorite rockstar,” he said with a wide a grin.

“Oh my God,” was all that Ryan managed, before the stage exploded with noise, cutting off any way to hear each other.

Liam flinched, despite knowing that this wasn’t the place for such a conversation. It took a great deal of self-control, but with another gentle squeeze to Ryan’s hand, he got up to watch the show.

Chapter 17

Watching the concert and all the hustle and bustle behind the scenes was like Ryan’s dream come true. He was surprised by the pulsing beat coursing through his body. It purged him of anxiety and for almost an hour, Ryan managed not to think about Liam
all
the time. Deafened by the noise, he couldn’t help but move his body to the energetic rhythm. Kyle was amazing. He danced through the stage like a lunatic, and even stumbled over a cable once, but instead of making a big deal out of it, he finished the song laying on the floor. It had to be the most epic concert ever, Kyle even did that crowd diving thing Ryan has seen on television so many times.

He let himself be swallowed by the music and lyrics he knew by heart, but as much as he tried to just live in the moment, his thoughts kept drifting back to all that happened before the music consumed everything else. He still couldn’t wrap his head around Liam being gay or bi. Ryan had no idea if he was simply in the closet, or if he didn’t want a cripple to hit on him? That would make sense if it weren't for Liam's claims that he tried to flirt with
him
. What the hell!? All this time, Ryan had been convinced they were joking around, and now it turned out Liam did mean some of the things he had said? And if he did for some reason like Ryan as much as he claimed, why had he tried to set him up on a date from the moment they met?

They didn’t stay for drinks. Liam didn’t even ask Ryan if he wanted to, and as soon as the show was over, he started pushing Ryan towards the exit of the club. Ryan kept quiet, as the crowd made way for them. He couldn’t stop thinking about Liam’s presence behind his back, and it made his skin tingle. It was strange to be so nervous around him all of a sudden. They’ve become so close, and now Ryan had to reevaluate it all. Would they even talk to each other in the same way?

Soon, they drove down the highway towards Posen Beach, and awkwardness was reaching its peak, as neither of them said more than a few words since the conversation with Kyle. Ryan's gaze lingered on Liam's hands, which were kneading the steering wheel, while his face was set in an uncharacteristically expressionless mask.

Was this how it would be now? Super-awkward? With the silence so thick it was getting hard to breathe, Ryan was determined to save them from suffocating. A few times, he opened his mouth, ready to speak, but changed his mind in the last second, watching the city lights and cars around them instead. When he finally succeeded, his voice sounded hoarse and weak.

“The concert was amazing... seeing them live... just wow.” He couldn't force himself to look at Liam though, feeling like a cat trying to choke up a hairball.

“I know, they’re great.” Liam swallowed hard enough for Ryan to hear, breathing through flared nostrils.

“And I liked that blue drink. What was it called again?” Ryan closed his eyes for a moment, angry at how useless he was at this.
Really Ryan? This is all you can say?

“Let’s cut the bullshit and just have a beer on the beach. What do you say, Ryan?” Liam let out a long breath that didn't belong with someone energetic and young.

Deflated, Ryan nodded with a sigh. What if it all went horribly wrong from now? He didn’t want to lose Liam. Since Liam became part of the household, Ryan’s life became much brighter, they fit together so well. His mind was slowly becoming overheated with the continuous shouting match he was playing with himself in his head. Now that he knew Liam was available, it was hard not to stumble into silly fantasies, and the ringing in his ears didn’t help.

He took a shy glance at the object of his infatuation. Liam had those big hands that could make Ryan shiver with one touch. And he always smelled so good, even when he came back from a run at the beach. He would smell of sand and the ocean, and Ryan loved being carried by him, just so he could be closer to that hot, strong body. Why would someone like that go for a weakling like him? Sure, they had fantastic conversations, joked around all the time and liked many similar things, but would that be enough to be more than friends? Could he even keep Liam’s interest for more than a few weeks when there were so many hotties around?

But just like that, they went on to talk about beer and then other things, extinguishing the conversational fire under Ryan's feet.

Anxiety came crashing down on him when they parked by the hotel and Liam ran inside to get some beer, but Ryan knew he had to get a grip and forced a smile when Liam came back with two cans. Liam insisted they didn’t need the wheelchair, so they left it by the porch and he picked Ryan up. It felt different somehow with the revelations of today. The support Ryan used to see as just that, now seemed more like a gentle hug. He put his head on Liam’s shoulder and smelled him, hoping it was discreet, but it was hard to get enough of the warm aroma. His stomach turned into a self-clenching stress ball, and he wouldn't even need the icy cans in his lap to kill an erection, because he was too nervous to get one anyway.

Ryan closed his eyes, feeding on the smell of Liam’s sweat, with nothing but the cool breeze to calm him down as they descended down the stairs.