Authors: Betsy Schow
I was light blind. Unfortunately, I could still hear, but the noise made me wish I was deaf as well.
Glass cracking. Someone screamed. And roaring?
What in Grimm's name was going on?
“Rule #23: If you keep a storybook villain talking long enough, they will never fail to spill all the details of their evil plan. Some might even draw you a diagram.”
âDefinitive
Fairy-Tale
Survival Guide, Volume 2: Villains
When my vision cleared, I had no idea where I was. Surely it could not be the same party. It looked like a war zone. The floating chandelier had crashed and shattered on the dance floor, freeing the now-dark floating orbs. People ran madly for the exit. Some were being chased by pickax-wielding dwarves, to say nothing of the ogres. The floor was littered with frogs. Hopefully they weren't enchanted princes, because some of them were getting squished by the mob.
I looked around for familiar faces. The beautiful people I had known since birth had changed or twisted into things nearly unrecognizable. Rapunzel remained by the treat tables, her hair now lying completely in the éclairs, with not a strand atop her bald head. By the punch bowl was a giant pumpkinâwearing glass slippers. A ferocious growl drew my gaze to the back of the room, where a hairy beast wore a yellow ball gown. I tried to block out the memory of Beauty in that dress earlier this evening.
Shutting my eyes, I shoved the star back into my pocket and willed everything to go away. This had to be a nightmare. Any minute now, I was going to wake up in bed, under my golden-goose down comforter. There would be no party, no beasts, and no engagement.
I needed to wake up. Then I needed therapy.
What was it that you're supposed to doâpinch yourself? Somebody did it for me. My eyes snapped open from the needle-sharp pricks to my toes. “Ow! That⦔
A little ball of fur chewed on my slippers, not caring that my feet were still inside. I'd never seen another creature like it. It had the auburn-colored body of a lion cub, but it also had nubby horns, wings, and a dragon's tail. Its little black talons scratched at my leg; then it stared at me with accusatory ice-water blue eyes.
“No pixing way! Prince Kato?”
The look of disdain the little fuzz bucket gave me was all the proof I needed.
This was all too crazy to be real, but the pain debunked the whole nightmare idea. But maybe there was an upside to this. There was no way I could marry Prince Kato now. I just had to show my parentsâ¦
Where were my parents?
They were gone. The only signs they'd ever been there were their two emerald crowns still spinning on the ground.
Nothing else mattered. I'm not sure how long I stood there frozenâseconds, minutes, hours. I was semi-aware of Kato tugging my gown and growling.
Too
bad, runt.
My attention stayed focused on the spot where I'd last seen my parents.
Until the clapping.
My head reared in surprise. The sound sliced through the chaos, clear and crisp and completely out of place. Making her way up to the dais was the little girl from the garden. The opal necklace flashed with brilliant orange and red streaks against her pale skin.
She ceased her clapping long enough to scoop up my mother's fallen crown and place it on her head. But it was much too large and fell down over her eyes and ears.
My back stiffened automatically in response. Nobody touched my parents' stuff. “Freeze, you freaky munchkin. You've got two seconds to drop my mother's crown.”
“I suppose this child has outlived its usefulness,” she said in that broken-crystal voice. Her eyes narrowed and flashed silver; they were slitted like a serpent's. Her lips set into a thin line while she made some complicated hand gesture and uttered a few words under her breath. Then she disappeared into a puff of metallically specked gray smoke.
When the smoke cleared, instead of a child, a tall, lithe woman stood in front of me, her oversized pewter gown fit like snakeskin now. The woman still resembled the kid, with her porcelain-pale skin and silvery hair, but she was all grown up, and her ageless beauty was mesmerizing. Looking at her was like being hypnotized by a sirenâright before she capsized your ship.
Kato was not impressed. He gave a low grumble in his throat that snapped me out of my stupor.
“Who the spell are you, and what did you do with my parents?” I demanded.
The woman ignored my question and casually pulled a looking glass out of thin air, admiring her reflection in it. After her magical growth spurt, the crown fit perfectly.
“You may call me Queen Griz,” she finally answered with a satisfied smile. She stopped preening and focused her attention to me. “Thank you for cracking open the barrier, by the way. I've been meaning to stop by for ages but never had the chance until now. It's such a shame I have to kill you. You would have made an excellent villain. After all, you've caused more damage in one afternoon than most henchmen do in a lifetime. And I didn't touch your parents. The blame for their loss lies squarely on your shoulders.” She punctuated the
your
by pointing the mirror in my direction.
Instinctively, my body recoiled from her and her accusations. “Liar,” I snarled. “I have no magic.”
“Tsk, tsk.” Griz let go of the mirror, where it stayed suspended as if held by strings. Now that her hand was empty, she made a few more hand gestures, and I felt my cardigan lift.
Panicked, I held my clothes down, afraid she was trying to magically strip me. But she wasn't interested in swiping my designer clothes to go along with the stolen crownâjust the contents of my custom-made pockets.
The star that Griz's previous incarnation had given me floated up and away, into the air. As if some glamour had been pulled away, I saw the gift as it really wasânot a poorly made child's craft project but a grisly magical artifact.
“Bone, hair, and blood. I hadn't factored in the blood. The star should have just killed you outright as the cost for granting the first shallow wish that came to mind, but whatever's in your veins protected you and reflected the hex outward a hundredfold. Little wish, big consequences.” She smiled wickedly and flung the star back at me.
I caught it just before it smashed into my face. The word
wish
echoed in my ears. I hadn't wished for this, not really. All I had wanted was a way out of the stupid arranged marriage. I was just tired of the rules, tired of being told what I could and couldn't do.
I'm absolutely sure I hadn't wished for this disaster.
An
ill-worded wish is worse than a curse
, the old adage whispered in my mind.
Not
helping
, I thought back. It would be okay. I'd just take it back. That's how these things worked. I closed my eyes and gave it a try. When I reopened them, my world was still in pieces.
Maybe the dumb thing needed more juice. I squeezed the star and allowed the jagged part to cut my skin again. Then I shook it for good measure. That always helped when my spellphone was on the fritz. “I wish to unwish it.”
Nothing happened.
Hunched over in high-pitched, off-key laughter, Griz fell back and collapsed on my mother's throne. “Oh, you are just too precious. You can't take it back. You've already ripped the fabric of magic. The threads of fate are unraveling as we speak. Even if I were so inclined, I'd have no idea where to begin stitching it back together.” She wiped tears of mirth from the corners of her eyes.
My heart broke. Add it to the list of things that couldn't be stitched back together.
Glancing around for some means of escape, I could see that the room was mostly cleared. None of the other guests who had stuck around seemed inclined to help me. Beauty looked ready to eat me herself.
Griz stood up again and smoothed her dress before advancing on me. Making a dramatic show of large, circular movements with her arms, she gathered a mercuric ball of lightning. “Finally, it is time for the House of Emerald to fall.”
“Why?” I said, stalling for more time, stepping slowly in reverse. It was a dumb question, but the bad guy
always
takes time to explain their whole wicked plan, giving the hero a chance to save the day.
Apparently, that rule of story had disappeared as well.
“Nothing to worry your pretty little head over. You won't have it long enough,” she said and hurled the stormball.
My life flashed before my eyes, and sadly it looked a lot like an infomercial, since my existence had been mostly filled with thingsâjewelry, shoes, dresses, shoes. Very few people. Mom, Dad, Verte⦠“Kato!”
I tripped over the little fur ball, and my feet went flying. As I landed on my royal derriere, the stormball sailed harmlessly overhead.
Well, harmless to me. Not so much for the north wall. It was toast.
Looking annoyed but still deathly determined, Griz raised her arms again to gather the silver lightning.
Her lightning wouldn't miss twice, meaning my time was up. Kato knew it too. He let out a high-pitched whine and scratched my hand with his paw.
“Sorry,” I said. It was inadequate, but it's all I had. I closed my eyes and waited for oblivion to claim us.
It didn't. Griz gave a frustrated wail.
Opening one eye tentatively, I saw a shimmering green film forming a wall between me and Griz. The silver storm glob trickled down it.
“Well, don't just sit there, pup. Get. It's not like I can hold off the Gray Witch all day.”
Verte stood behind me with her emerald staff held out in front of her, a bead of sweat forming on her slightly mustached upper lip. Whatever magic she was doing was difficult and probably wouldn't last long.
I stood up and ran over to her, about to burst with questions. Griz flung balls and sharpened lightning bolts more quickly now, trying to break the shield. Verte flinched with each blow. I tried to help steady her, but she shook me off.
“Why are you still here? Run. Leave the palace,” Verte said irritably.
My body jerked like I'd been slapped. Leave the palace? The idea of actually being ordered to do so was inconceivable. “What about the curse? Where will I go?”
“Your only hope is the spring over the rainbow.” Verte nodded over her shoulder, toward the hallway. “Rexi will help get you there. Then wait someplace safe nearby it and I'll find you.”
I hadn't seen the girl standing in the hall. Short, blond hair poked out every which way but down. My escape guide didn't look too excited about her new job. She stuffed her fists into her trousers, eyes narrowed and jaw set. But then she nodded in agreement and motioned for me to join her.
For so long I had pined for freedom from these walls, but now I was hesitant to take it.
Of course, the crack forming in Verte's green wall made me a little less hesitant.
Making sure not to trip over the broken debris, Kato and I ran toward the girl and away from Griz.
From behind me, Verte yelled a few final words of advice. “Stay away from fire. Use your head. And for Grimm's sake,
don't lose your shoes
.”
That stopped me in my tracks. I loved my shoes, but come on. Priorities. I was about to say something when another of Griz's stormballs smashed through Verte's shield, causing part of the ceiling to collapse.
Right. Priorities. Escape now. Questions later.
From the hallway, I heard Griz scream, “I'll get you, my princess. And your little fur ball too.”
“Rule #74: When escaping into the wilderness, be sure to pack your magical bag with clean undergarments. And bread crumbs.”
â
Definitive
Fairy-Tale
Survival Guide, Volume 3: Enchanted Forests
After running to my room, the servant girl dove under my bed and grabbed a wicker basket in the name of packing provisions.
“How do you know about my snacks?” The stash was supposed to be a secret. It was stuffed 'round the clock with my favorite treatsâyou never knew when you might want some midnight cake.
She stopped her frantic pace a split second to roll her eyes at me. “Just how do you think that basket gets stocked? Magic?” With a disgusted huff, she opened the lid. “Half-full, even though I stocked it this morning. It'll have to do.”
The click in my brain was almost audible. Rexiâ¦the kitchen girl. “Weren't you just a frog?”
“Yeah, well, thanks to you and your friends, it's been a busy night.” Her point was emphasized by the continued crashing from the ballroom. She sighed and started to leave.
“Where are you going?” I made a move to follow her.
She scoffed audibly and looked me up and down. “You think you can run in that dress? You'd get caught before we made it ten troll's lengths. I'm going to swipe that green wench's Dust Devil.”
Last year, Verte had upgraded her old broomstick for the state-of-the-art vacuum. All her friends at Swampy Acres Home for Retired Witches had one.
“You have exactly three minutes to pack whatever you can carry. Then I'm leaving.” Rexi shook her head slightly, expression tight. “I'm not going to die so you can stuff a few extra jewels down your corset.”
“That would be a dumb place to put⦔ Rexi couldn't hear me; she was already halfway down the hallâa prime example of why I don't like to hang out with other people.
“Doesn't she know that's what purses are for?” I muttered to myself and grabbed my enchanted handbag. Best accessory everâthe size of a book on the outside with the space of a small storage unit on the inside.
I stood looking around my room for a moment. What should I take? I'd never stayed at a friend's for a sleepover, never been on vacation. I'd only seen the outside world through magic mirrors.
The battle for the ballroom raged on. There was more banging and the sound of things breaking and cracking. At this rate, the whole castle would be glittering rubble in a matter of minutes. A noise came from the closet floor. It was a cross between a growl, a whine, and a purr. At first glance, nobody was thereâuntil I looked down, ankle level, and saw what looked like a mini-lion hiding from the witchâin my wardrobe. I couldn't know for sure what he was trying to say, but I had a decent idea.
“The answer is no. You're not coming with us. Go find your own parents.”
The word
parents
ended with a sharp stab to the chest. I told myself they weren't gone. They were just missing. Missing I could deal with.
Missing
could be found.
More crashing from downstairs. Closer this time.
“Look,” I said, bending down nose-to-muzzle with Kato. “Don't give me those puppy eyes. You are not a dog. I don't know what you are, but if you're not gone by the time I come back, I'll take you to the window and see if those wings are just for show.”
Even at the size of a bread box, Kato still had the evil glare down pat.
“Good, glad we understand each other,” I said dismissively and took my bag to the closet, shoving everything inside that wasn't nailed down or dry clean only. By the time I turned back around, the doorway was empty.
The floor rumbled beneath my feet.
Rexi ran back into my room, pockets bulging while lugging the heavy red vacuum. “Time to go.”
She ran back to the bed to retrieve the food while I inspected the Dust Devil. “Are you sure this can carry the two of us?”
She snorted. “That blasted sorceress weighs more than us both combined.” She hefted the basket. “But this thing weighs a ton. How can you keep eating all this and not get fat?”
Some things don't deserve a response.
Stepping onto the vacuum, I settled onto the front. Rexi moved in close behind. I tapped the top like I'd seen Verte do countless times.
Nothing happened. “Where the spell is the owner's manual for this contraption?” I muttered, looking around the red machine.
Footsteps.
Someone was coming up the stairs, and there was a fifty-fifty chance that it wasn't my Emerald Sorceress.
I've never been very lucky.
The Gray Witch rounded the banister. “Did you really think you could run fast enough or far enough to get away?” She was at the doorway now. There was plaster in her hair, and her dress was ripped in several places.
“Onâ¦onâ¦where's the Grimm-galled on button?” I panicked.
“Hurry! Figure it out!” my backseat passenger shouted.
“If you thought you could do better, you should've driven.”
“I'm going to enjoy this.” Griz readied her stormball.
Oh, pix that.
I needed this contraption to work now! When in doubt, push every button in sight and then whack it for good measure. The vacuum began to rise. It also started living up to its name. Sparkling dust swirled around me in a cyclonic pattern. My things blew around the room. One of my boots hit Griz in the side of head, knocking her stormball off course.
The stray ball took out the west wall.
“All right. Exit point established. Now how do you steer this thing?”
Once again, when in doubtâ¦
I hit the yellow button and the cyclone tripled in size. The vacuum pitched forward and took off. Rexi squished against me, pushing the handle deep into my stomach.
I would have liked to see Griz's angry face as we flew away, but everything not nailed down whirled around us and obscured the view.
Rexi's screaming I could hear though. “Slow down!”
And exactly how was I supposed to do that? The blasted vacuum wasn't working right, and the wind was too strong. Dust grit blinded me. I reached to push some more buttons.
Something snapped.
Before, we'd been going so fast that my cheeks felt like they'd been pushed back to my ears. Now my guts were twirling around like a jester's cartwheels inside my body.
Don't hurl. Don't hurl
. The Dust Devil clunked and sputtered. Within seconds, the cyclone stopped spinningâin midair. My stomach dropped. We were falling.
Don't die. Don't die.
“Do something!” Rexi's nails pierced my shoulders.
With the ground approaching, I said a quick prayer to the Storymakers and ripped off the front plastic panel. The emergency vacuum bag inflated, acting as a parachute
.
I inhaled a deep lungful of dust, relieved at least that part still worked
. Thank Grimm.
When I looked down, I noticed the specks on the ground were getting larger at an alarming rate.
I'd acted too late. We were going to crash.
⢠⢠â¢
I came to lying in mud. I knew all my body parts were attached because all of them hurt.
Groan.
That wasn't me.
“Get off me, you pixing cow!” Rexi's hands pushed at me roughly.
I took my time. And I might have
accidentally
shoved my elbows in her ribs trying to get up.
Once standing, I surveyed the plastic and metal debris around me. The Dust Devil was groundedâpermanently. One of the clanking sounds I'd heard had probably been the wire thingy falling off. With my handbag inside. All my stuff, gone.
The godmother of luck hadn't totally abandoned us though; the food basket lay a few feet away. Grateful, I scrambled over to check the contents, to see what, if anything, had spilled during the flight.
When I opened the basket, I did not see bread, cheesecake, or even my emergency stash of Chocolate Wands with fudge and caramel centers. I saw tufts of fur and a pair of ice-water blue eyes. I was really starting to hate the color blue.
Flipping the basket over, I unceremoniously dumped Kato out on his horny little head. I shook the basket a few times, but only a couple of wrappers fell out.
Stunned, I plopped down in the muck. “You. Ate. Everything.”
He burped.
Rexi pulled herself out of the mud with a slurping sound. “I'm gonna kill you!”
Looking like a swamp monster, Rexi chased Kato, trying to beat him to a bloody pulp. After a minute, she gave up and collapsed back to the ground. “Just so you know, when I get hungry, I have no qualms about eating you.”
Kato answered by taking care of some business on a golden leaf fig tree.
Yet another item for his list of negatives. “Ugh, so disgusting.” I shuddered and looked away.
Wait. Emerald Kingdom got its name from trees with green gems. We didn't have golden ones.
I jumped up, even though every muscle in my battered body protested. My head whipped around frantically while I tried to get my bearings. Not a trace of the springy green meadows of my home. In the predawn hours, the sky brightened with purple and orange. Logos, the first sun, was just about to rise over the mountain range to the east.
We didn't have any mountains.
“Dear Grimm, we're not in Emerald anymore.” I started to hyperventilate.
Rexi remained sprawled on her back. She barely opened an eye at my hysterics. “Duh.”