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“The Rule of Diplomacy: A royal should never get their hands dirty. If you can't reach a compromise, use an assassin. It's called diplomacy.”

—
Thomason's Tips to Ruthless Ruling

“How can you run in those ridiculous shoes?” Rexi huffed and puffed behind me.

Ignoring the barb, I kept running. Plus, I didn't have enough breath to respond anyway. Wanting as much distance as possible from the headhunter, I jogged until a tree root seemed to reach up out of the ground to send me sprawling.

First, I spit out a mouthful of dirt. Then, I screamed at the sky. “That's it! I've had it! Everything is trying to kill me! All I did was make one stupid wish. Aladdin made
three
. I'm the hero of this story, so where's my happy ending, already? It's not fair.”

Rexi bent over, trying to catch her breath. “You know what's not fair? Spending Muse Day as a toad just because the kitchen ran out of frog legs. Or being volunteered for this little journey. So build a bridge, then make like a billy goat and get over it already because no one is listening.”

“I wouldn't expect you to understand, since you never had much to start with.” I sniffed. “Besides, you should be thanking me, since my wish is the only reason you're not still covered in slimy warts.”

“You worthless piece of fluff!” Rexi launched herself at me. “Look around you! Your wishful thinking ruined everyone's life.”

She pinned me against the ground, pulling my hair and scratching my face in the process. I threw up my arms instinctively. Aside from “How to Give an Open-Handed Slap,” the proper way to fight had not been in the princess charm-school curriculum.

With a flurry of hands, I swatted at the space in front me. “I order you to get off!”

Rexi growled in response, yanking my shoulders up before slamming them back down. “Not until you admit it. You're more worried about replacing your wardrobe than getting your parents back.”

The world seemed to go quiet, like it was holding its breath. Kato had been about to intervene but now backed away from the invisible line that Rexi had just crossed. I no longer gave a bubbling cauldron about how a princess
should
fight. Instead, I let my fear and fury take over and started hitting back. Using my legs for leverage, I bucked up and flipped her over. The sparkle of my ruby heel caught my eye. I yanked it out from under the tree root and raised it high.

“Take. It. Back.”

For the first time, Rexi looked at me with fear in her eyes—and not just because a curse said I might end the world.

Her mouth moved but nothing came out.

“I can't hear you.”

“I'm—” Her eyes widened and she pointed behind me. “Look!”

“Try again.”

“No really, I swear,” she said earnestly.

“If she moves, eat her,” I instructed Kato.

I looked to the treetops where Rexi pointed. According to her makeshift map, we should have been in the Sherwood Forest. If that was true, then the wish had struck here as well; the usually rigid ironwood oaks were now gnarled and twisted. The treetops rustled and swayed like they were alive, but only one at a time. In a pattern. That was moving closer. Fast.

Weapon—wicked heel—already in hand, I faced the trees and stood my ground to confront our next opponent. With one fight under my sash, I felt a little more prepared to defend myself. Kato joined me, tail swinging high, ready to use like a whip. Rexi got up off the dirt and leaves to complete our defensive line. Well, more like defensive triangle since she stood noticeably behind Kato and I.

“There.” She pointed at a sparkle of gold moving through the branches.

I squinted to focus in on any details. My heart stilled, then beat wildly. I could just make out a big, bulky black lump riding a sputtering and clunking broomstick.

I bounced up and down unevenly on one shoe. “It's Verte!” It had to be.
Please
be
. “Over here,” I cried, waving my arms.

“Shhh,” someone chided and whacked my back. I turned, ready to let Rexi have it, but she held up her hands.

“The dog did it.”

Sure
. Only in this case, she might be right. Kato poked me in the side with his horns, growling a strange combination of gargling and hissing.
Wait, when did he get big enough to be waist height?

“Bad Kato.” I shook my shoe in front of his nose. “Help is here.”

The broom and its rider crashed down through the trees. Joy leaped through me at the initial sight of black, wiry hair; the feeling quickly dissipated. Verte's hair only covered her head and maybe a bit under her lip and arms—not her entire body. She also favored the pointiest hat she could find, rather than the boxy gold fez that rolled to my feet.

“This is help?” Rexi scoffed behind me. “It's a flying monkey.”

The party crasher was not technically a monkey, but a gorilla in a finely made tuxedo. Wearing those kind of clothes, he must have been human before…

Before
you
and
your
wish
came
along
, a little voice in my head whispered. It sounded remarkably like a certain snarky servant.

“Those who were very recently toads have no room to mock,” I countered over my shoulder to the real Rexi, to combat the imaginary Rexi in my head.

The large gorilla bowed low. “Lady Emerald.”

A smile tugged on my lips. “Well, it's about time we met someone with manners—
eep
.”

My sentiment was cut short as the gorilla changed his formal greeting into a forward rush, scooping up his hat—and me with it. Before I knew it, he'd flipped me over onto his back like a mountain troll with the catch of the day.

“Forgive me, but we must make haste,” he said over my shriek while bounding away. “The magical infection has spread to the trees, and we are all in danger of being bushwhacked.”

I stopped beating him with my shoe long enough to look back at where I'd stood. The knots in the trees trunks made a pattern in the bark, like faces. Angry ones. And the branches, having lost their broomstick-flying prey from the sky, silently bent low and reached out for what was on the ground. Clawlike twigs and branches flexed hungrily, making the Bumpkins seem like cheery woodland sprites.

“Move!” I yelled.

Kato was already roaring and chasing after me, though at my holler, he looked behind him. Then he ran faster.

Rexi stayed put with her arms folded. “I'm done rescuing dimwits in distress.”

Why
do
I
even
bother?
I thought to myself.

Out loud, I yelled, “You're about to get a splinter the size of a broadsword, SO DUCK!”

For once, she obeyed without arguing and barely missed being skewered. “AHHH! Why didn't you warn me sooner?” She scrambled away from a slashing branch.

The four of us sprinted through the forest—well, technically three, since I was a reduced to bouncing cargo. My ride was fast, much faster than my companions, who trailed farther and farther behind. With nothing else to do, I could only watch helplessly as the trees pulled up their roots and closed in around them.

Kato tried to hit an oncoming branch attack with his tail, but these trees were not the withered ones from Midas. The ironwood sprouted metal thorns that ripped through Kato's dragon-hide tail. He howled at the same time Rexi screamed after barely avoiding an impossibly fast acorn bullet.

I buried my face in the gorilla's fur. It was bad enough to watch them get hurt knowing I could do nothing—it was soul rending to watch and know the cause of the “magical infection.”

I
wish—
no. I'd never wish again. Instead, I offered a broken prayer in the hopes that the Storymakers or the powers of magic itself would hear my plea.
Someone…please help them
.

Something sliced up the top of my calf. I inhaled sharply from pain. The fur I'd buried my nose in smelled like animal musk, sandalwood, and roses. The wind picked up harshly and brought the scent of burning wood with it.

Crackling and popping sounds came from overhead. I looked up, half-afraid of what I might find. A smoking twig claw retreated backward, the tree it belonged to stood tall again instead of stooping low to attack. Normally, I'd freak with anything associated with fire, but it was working in our favor this time.

The rest of the trees stopped advancing as well and formed a semicircle border behind us. Once they had re-rooted themselves to the ground, they froze in place.

“What are they doing?” I muttered to myself.

The gorilla answered, “It would seem you are not very tasty. And they are most likely petrified, since a Maker's workshop chose to appear in their forest.”

“Huh?” Confused, I twisted my back to look where we were going instead of where we'd been. At the same time, the gorilla stopped running and let go of me. I fell to the ground and landed nose to nose with some sort of worm. It had a green body the size of my fist, a salt-and-pepper mustache, and wore large, round spectacles. He blinked at me and, seemingly unimpressed with what he saw, inched back to a tower of books stacked by
half
of a stone building. If this was the workshop that supposedly “appeared,” the other half didn't make the trip.

“Why are we stopping? I thought stopping equaled dying,” Rexi huffed. She and Kato staggered into the magical clearing, out of breath. “Hey, was this thing here a minute ago?”

“‘Chose to appear.' That's what…” I realized I didn't know the ape's name. There hadn't been time for introductions.
Would
I
have
bothered
to
ask
even
if
there
had
been
time?
How
long
has
Rexi
worked
as
the
kitchen
girl
and
I
just
learned
her
name
yesterday?

“What's your name?” I whispered, so Rexi wouldn't hear and say something to embarrass me further.

“Nikko,” he answered just as quietly before righting the fez atop his head again and peering up at me gratefully.

“‘Chose to appear' is what Nikko said.”

“Every wizard has a workshop,” he clarified. “The more powerful the wizard, the more magical the workshop. And a Maker bends magic and fate at will, so it's not surprising that their workshops can too. Although this one does seem to be in a state of disrepair.”

“Understatement,” Rexi grumbled under her breath.

Bookshelves lined the two and a half walls, and the layer of dust was every bit as thick as the books it covered. Still, the workshop was proof a Maker had heard my prayer.

“I think it's, um, charming, and we should just be grateful it popped up and not be so quick to judge by appearances,” I said.

Rexi opened her mouth to mock but a tail whack upside the head cut off whatever unpleasant thing she might have said. Instead, she switched her focus off me and narrowed her eyes at Nikko. “Not that I believe for a second that this place is what you claim, but how do you know so much about wizards, Makers, and magic? I don't think you found us by accident.”

“Of course not,” Nikko said brightly, unaware or uncaring of Rexi's implied meaning. “I've been sent to bring the Emerald Princess home.” He offered me his arm. “Shall we go?”

Suddenly, it felt like the three suns would come out tomorrow after all, that birds were chirping again instead of being eaten by fungi, and surely, my happy ever after was right around the corner waiting for me.

“Sent by who?” Rexi asked, not buying it.

“By Mick, the Magnificent Wizard of—”

“That's why you smelled like that yucky incense,” I interrupted, making the connection.

“So you know who he's talking about?” Rexi asked me.

“Yeah. Remember all those singing telegrams and gifts baskets that started showing up about six months ago?”

“I think so,” Rexi said slowly. “Did they smell like someone dumped a bucket of perfume on them?”

“Yup, those were from Mick. He might have some obsession issues, but he's also a wizard, so maybe he's teamed up with Verte back at the palace to help undo the whole wish thing.”

Maybe they'd even already managed to bring back my parents.

Rexi gave a wary look to the vicious yet still unmoving trees, then shrugged. “Okay, then what are we waiting for?”

Nikko put a hand out, stopping Rexi. “I'm sorry, I should have been clearer. The princess and I are going alone.”

“When invited over to a tea party, the only acceptable behavior is to eat every last crumb and drop. Then, even if it turns you big or small, don't forget to say thank you with a tip of the hat.”

—
Hatter's Mad Manners

Everything got a whole lot louder as the three of us yelled at Nikko. Or roared in Kato's case. Nikko slowly backed away from the very real possibility that he might be eaten by the ever-growing beast.

“It's not by my choice, I assure you,” Nikko said.

I positioned myself between ape and winged dragon mutt. Probably not the smartest place to be, but I was too pixed to care.

“Whose choice is it then? My palace, my rules. And I say we go home
together
.”

“That's right,” Rexi said while slowly scooting closer to the building of books and out of Kato-tail range. “Tell him who's boss.”

Great. Now she recognizes my position.

Nikko turned his fez over in his hands. “My apologies, Princess, but it's not your palace we're going to. We're off to see the wizard at the Ivory Tower. It's not far, but my master was most insistent that I only bring you.”

Normally I'd yell and scream until I got my way, but I had a feeling that wouldn't work here. Nikko was just following orders, and you do not disobey someone who has the power to turn you into slimy green things. Just ask Rexi.

So instead, I held my tongue and thought about what to do: Stick to Verte's more dangerous plan, or stay safely in a tower and wait to be rescued? Chasing rainbows hadn't worked out so well and the wizard might be able to just
poof
my parents back. But I couldn't leave Rexi and Kato behind on a
might
.

Well, I could, and it would serve Rexi right for attacking me. But then Kato would probably eat her, and then he'd get indigestion…

I sighed. “If you're positive that we all can't go, then you'll have to go to the Ivory Tower without me too.”

“I knew you'd ditch us…” Rexi spat out, then paused mid-stomp. “Wait…really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Oh. Hmph.” Rexi suddenly became very interested in the scrolls along the closest shelf.

Kato sat on his haunches and growled at me. I had no clue what that meant.

Nikko smiled and patted my arm. “Loyalty is a noble quality, so I won't ask you again to betray it. Thank you for invoking the protection of Oz back at the trees.” He looked off in the distance and shuddered. “Now to deliver the news to
him
.” Nikko ran away, even faster now that he wasn't carrying me.

What
was
he
talking
about? I didn't do anything.
“Hey, wait!” I called, but he was already gone. I took two steps and realized I'd lost my shoes after my last fall. One ruby heel was within reach, the other had—

“Ew, get away from that one-of-a-kind Hans Christian Louboutin shoe!” The bibliobug or whatever had its slimy green body wrapped around my right heel. I reached down to pry it off, but when I touched the worm, it puffed out a little cloud of green dust that smelled like moldy bread.

Now I had the overwhelming desire to sneeze. To my embarrassment, the sound that came out was nothing even remotely close to a ladylike
achoo
. It was more like howling hurricane-force gusts—including the spray.

“Nice one, Sneezy,” Rexi chortled.

She should know better than to mess with me in the middle of a shoe crisis, so I replied with the well-recognized dwarf hand sign telling her to heigh-ho herself off a cliff.

“Fine, Princess. Walk barefoot for all I care, but let's get going before these trees snap out of their trance and shish kebab us. Besides, it'll be dark soon.”

Finding a shelter, with four walls no less, made perfect sense. So why did I not want to budge? “I don't think they'll come any closer. Maybe we should stay. I have this feeling that we're supposed to be here.”

Rexi threw her hands up in the air. “And I have this feeling you're delusional, probably delirious from shopping withdrawal and hunger.”

A very loud grumble from Kato's stomach put him firmly in agreement. Even my traitorous tummy cramped and reminded me of its emptiness.

Rexi started walking “First food, then sleep. Tomorrow we can keep looking for that rainbow and your moldy green witch.”

Without proof that the trees would stay petrified or a steak dinner would magically appear, I couldn't convince them to stay. And just like I didn't want to leave them behind, I didn't want to get left behind either.

When I didn't argue, Kato took that as a sign to get going. Or he got tired of listening and too hungry to care. He put his nose to the ground and padded off to the west faster than any of Dad's hunting hounds.

I took one last look at the piles of books and the bespectacled bug. He puffed another little cloud of dust and went back to munching the quill pictured on a leather tome. The image had been engraved in sparkly red ink. Guess the bugger really liked red.

Rexi whistled. “Are you coming?”

“Yeah,” I said and hurriedly reclaimed my shoes while the bibliobug was busy with his snack.

Keeping her back to me, she started talking before I reached her. “So I'm sure that you just wanted someone to boss around, but that was kinda cool. You know, not ditching us and stuff. You might not be entirely worthless.” Without waiting for a response, she ran to catch up with Kato.

It was not even remotely close to an apology but better than a punch in the face or a dagger in the back.

The moment Kato smelled something, his whole posture changed. First he went rigid; then he pranced circles around Rexi and I, trying to get us to move faster. A sweet smell wafted on the wind just as the three of us stumbled to the cusp of the meadow that housed the big black spike. The aged, spiraling metal came out of a greenhouse full of plants, flowers, and flutterbeaks. There was also a modest house in the midst of periwinkle blue wildflowers. It gave off a much better vibe than Hydra's little shack of horrors.

The perfection was marred by high-pitched trills. Someone was singing—badly. A short woman with a rather round middle sang while she hung laundry on a line. Black, feathery hair hung down her back. Everything else about her—scarf to ankle boots—was pink. Even her skin was rosy in its coloring.

“We are in the west. There's a spire. Do you think this is Black Crow? The name sounds ominous, but I'd say the whole bubblegum theme makes her look nice and cheery,” I whispered to Rexi, since I knew it was pointless to ask Kato. His dripping saliva answered for him.

A pie wafted delicious-smelling steam from an open window. That clenched the decision for everyone. After over a day with no food, we had devolved into creatures ruled by our stomachs. Kato's rumbled extremely loudly as way of introduction.

“Who's there?” The woman turned around, startled enough that she dropped the hot-pink knickers she'd been hanging on the line.

Either we looked really scary, or we smelled really scary. Most likely we just looked like we'd been to spell and back. Kato, in particular, was starting to look less cuddly and more wild beast.

The woman gathered her hot-pink poodle skirt and ran toward us, getting within touching distance of Kato. She pulled her hand back at the last second. “May I?”

I thought she was addressing me, but her gaze was honed in on Kato. He, in turn, looked at me and shrugged his wings as if saying,
Do
you
think
she'll feed me if I let her?

“Um, he doesn't talk, but I think it's okay if you touch him,” I said, trying to get the woman's attention.

She looked at me for the first time, her eyes large and magnified through Fairy Fizz Bottle glasses.

Her attention to me was brief, and then it was all about Kato again. Instead of petting him, she clinically pulled back his lips and examined his fangs, turned his head this way and that, and even looked up his nose. I'm surprised he didn't bite her. “Fascinating,” she murmured. “A fine adolescent chimera such as yourself should be able to speak.”

“A what?”

“Pardon?” the woman said distractedly.

Rexi stopped staring at the pie and looked at the woman. “You called him something. I've just been calling him fur ball, but is there really a name for what he is? As in, there's more than one of him out there?”

“Fur ball,” the woman snorted in disdain, talking to me and ignoring Rexi entirely. I liked her already. “This noble creature is a chimera. Very rare and clannish. I've never heard of one this far from the mountains.” She looked me up and down with renewed interest. “You must tell me how you enchanted him. Slavery spell? Potion? Or did you somehow manage to smuggle out his egg before he was hatched?”

I leaned in to talk to Black Crow, hoping to make her an offer she couldn't refuse, considering her obvious interest in Kato. “You are Black Crow, right? I'll make you a deal. If you share some of your food and drink with us, I'll tell you all about my friend here.”

She squinted into her thick glasses. “Do I know you? Have you attended one of my Spider's Webinars or perhaps read my latest bog post on potions?”

“Actually, I heard about you from the Queen of the Bumpkins.”

“Hemlock?” Black Crow said.

“Never caught her name.” In my head, I'd just been calling her “icky bug creature” or “queen of the cockroaches.”

Rexi butt in to close the deal. “So, about that food?”

Crow stepped back, and her eyes widened, getting even bigger, as if she was taking in the whole picture for the first time. “Oh. Oh, forgive me. I don't get a lot of visitors and I'm not really good with social situations. Come in, come in.” Her hands flitted about, and she blinked rapidly. “You probably do need help. After all, you look terrible.”

“Not good in social situations? You don't say,” Rexi muttered.

Black Crow didn't act like she'd heard and waddled toward her home. I gave Rexi a look, warning her not to blow this. Kato did me one better and whacked her with his tail.

Crow ushered us inside her home, apologizing for the nonexistent mess.

We all took a seat at the little white dinette set—well, Kato sat under it, so big now that he lifted it up just a smidge—and I explained our chance encounter with the Bumpkins and how that led us to her door.

“How odd,” she said, stirring a little honey into a gaudy pink-rose teacup before she handed it to me. “The rule of favor is broken, you say. I wonder how that happened.”

The tea was sweet with just the slightest tang, like it had a little bite to it. At first my stomach protested the intrusion after being empty for so long. Then it was nice and happy, and it demanded more. It's like that bedtime story
If
You
Give
a
Princess
Some
Tea, She'll Ask for a Cookie to Go with It
.

“I don't suppose you have any chocolate wands, do you?” I asked when she refilled both mine and Rexi's mugs.

She blinked her big eyes behind her thick glasses. “Gracious, no. Why would I have a chocolate wand? They'd melt at the very first spell. Terrible thing to make a magical instrument out of. I do have a fine one made of wormwood if you've lost yours.” Her nose scrunched, and she looked me over again. “I didn't take you for a practitioner.”

“Foooood,” Rexi croaked, looking groggy and very near to passing out.

Crow gave Rexi and me a piece of pie, then put the rest of the tin on the ground for Kato. I was fed, so it wasn't worth explaining what a chocolate wand was and extolling its magically delicious virtues. She looked at me expectantly though. Like it was my turn to give up the goods.

“I'm not a magic user. At least not on purpose.” I settled in and told my story, starting with the odd, porcelainlike child, the gift, and the wish. Things popped out of my mouth that I had no intention of saying—like my initial hatred of Kato, though he was kind of okay now. At least for a pet. Then I went on about the issues with my parents and how much I was beginning to hate rainbows. Soon, I couldn't even remember what I was saying seconds after I said it.

In my mouth, my tongue grew thick and slow. Pink spots danced across my vision, twirling and spinning.

“'Scuze me. Can you point me to the little princess's room?” I slurred.

Crow gave me a friendly smile and patted my head. “Of course, dearie. It's just down the hall. Take your time. I was just going to spell a pot and make a call.”

Her hand made my head feel heavy(er). “Oh, thaz nize.” I got up and stepped over Rexi, who had slipped off her chair to the floor. That made me giggle.

I ambled off in the direction Crow had pointed, and Kato wobbled behind. I placed a hand on the counter. “Why do I feel zo weird?”

Kato whispered, “I dunno. I think we should go.”

“Hey, tha rhymed. Thaz funny.” I broke into a fit of giggles again. “Wait, you can talk?”

I stumbled back into the kitchen, wanting to share my new discovery with Black Crow since she seemed so interested in chimeras. I only made it a few steps before my feet fell off—or at least, I couldn't feel them anymore.

Ah well, the floor seemed like as good a place as any to take a nap—just ask Rexi.

Black Crow was still on her spellphone, so she didn't notice me.
She
probably
wouldn't mind,
I thought as I yawned and closed my eyes.

While I drifted off, my ears still worked. My brain couldn't make much sense of it though.

“You can have the girls. All I ask is to keep the chimera.”

Thunder rumbled in the background, and a voice spoke that reminded me of broken glass.