Spice & Wolf III (5 page)

Left to her own devices, Holo would most likely eat and drink herself into a stupor, but Lawrence was still grateful for her pleasant mood.

He had to broach a subject that was far from his favorite.

The reason he had altered his usual yearly route, which included Kumersun only in the summer months, was because he was heading for Holo’s homeland.

Lawrence was not clear on precisely where Holo’s home of Yoitsu was. Although he had heard of its name, that was in a story from ancient times, which provided no concrete sense of its location.

He had avoided pressing her for more information thus far, because every time the subject came up, she would smile with nostalgia but soon sink into a depression at the realization of the distance, both temporal and spatial, that separated her from home.

As sad as it was, that was reason enough for him to hesitate to bring up Yoitsu.

But if Lawrence were to mention it now that they were closer, there would be nothing to be sad about, he decided. He sat on the desk that was placed against one wall and spoke.

“So, before you’re three sheets to the wind, there’s something I want to ask you.”

Holo’s exposed ears immediately pricked up.

Her gaze soon followed. “What might that be?”

Evidently her keen wolf senses had already picked up that Lawrence was not engaging in idle banter. A thin smile curled her lips, a sure sign of her good mood.

Lawrence forced the words out of his mouth. “It’s about your home village.”

Holo immediately grinned and took another sip.

This was odd; Lawrence had expected her to turn serious at the mention of Yoitsu.

Just as he concluded that she must already be drunk, Holo swallowed her wine and spoke.

“So you don’t know where it is, eh? I was starting to wonder when you were going to ask.” Then looking down as if gazing at the reflection of her smile in the wine, Holo said, “Do you really think I go to pieces at every mention of Yoitsu? Do I seem so weak?”

Lawrence considered mentioning the time she had cried over a dream of her homeland, but Holo was certainly aware of this. Her tail wagged happily.

“Not at all,” said Lawrence.

“Fool. That was your chance to say ‘Aye, you do!’ ”

Her tail flicked once, as if she had received the answer she actually wanted.

“Still, you do worry over the strangest things. So you decided to finally bring this up now, after seeing my mood at supper? Such a soft touch.” She giggled as she drank her wine, then continued, “I can’t say it doesn’t make me happy, though it’s mostly your foolishness that is so amusing. Did you plan on getting lost in the northlands before finally asking me?”

Lawrence shrugged. “Will you tell me where Yoitsu is, so I don’t look any more foolish than I have to?”

Holo paused, taking a sip from her cup.

She gave a long sigh.

“I do not exactly remember.”

She continued, as if to preempt Lawrence’s imminent protest that she had to have been joking.

“I know the direction, certainly. It is that way.”

Lawrence looked in the direction she pointed, which was obviously north.

“But I do not remember how many mountains to cross, nor how many rivers, nor how long one most walk across the plains. I had thought I would remember as we get closer—will that not do?”

“Can’t you even give me a hint as to where it might be? The path is not a straight one, and once we arrive in the north country, maps will be hard to come by. Depending on the location, the path could be very roundabout. Do you remember the names of any nearby places, for example?”

Holo pondered this for a moment, a finger pressed to her temple. “I remember Yoitsu and Nyohhira. And...hmm...What was it...Pi—”

“Pi?”

“Pire...no, Piro...That’s right! Pirohmoten.”

Holo seemed quite happy to have recalled the name, but Lawrence only cocked his head. “I haven’t heard of that place. Is there anything else?”

“Er...there were many towns, but they didn’t all have names the way towns do now. One could just point and say a town was beyond that mountain, and that was enough. We didn’t need names.”

It was true; Lawrence had been surprised by this the first time he visited the north. He had arrived at a certain town and found that its name was used only by travelers. Neither its residents nor the people living nearby knew or cared about the town’s name.

There were elderly people who claimed that naming a town would bring it to the attention of evil spirits.

Undoubtedly what they really meant by “evil spirits” was the Church.

“Well, we’ll start at Nyohhira, then. I know where that is.”

“That name brings back such memories. Are the hot springs still there?”

“I’ve heard that nobles and bishops secretly visit the town for its hot springs, despite the fact that it’s in pagan lands. According to rumor, it’s even exempt from Church attacks because of those same hot springs.”

“Those springs don’t belong to any one group, after all,” said

Holo before coughing slightly. “If Nyohhira’s our goal, then from Nyohhira it is that way.”

Holo pointed southwest—not north to Lawrence’s relief.

Any farther north than Nyohhira meant lands where the snow never melted, even in the summer.

Yet even knowing that Yoitsu was southwest of Nyohhira left too wide a region.

“How long did it take to get from Nyohhira to Yoitsu?”

“For me, two days. For a human...I do not know.”

Lawrence thought back to the time he had ridden on Holo’s back when she was in wolf form, near Ruvinheigen. She would have no trouble traversing unimproved roads.

That left too much area to search, even starting from Nyohhira. Searching for a town that itself might only be a tiny village would be like looking for a needle in a desert. It was precisely because Lawrence himself was a traveling merchant, who was used to walking from town to town, that he understood the difficulty involved.

There was also still the fact that Lawrence had heard Yoitsu had been destroyed by a great bear spirit.

If that was true, finding the remains of a town that had been destroyed centuries earlier would be truly impossible.

Lawrence was not a nobleman with the luxury of passing his days in idleness. He could only stray from his original trade route lor six months at the outside. His mistake in Ruvinheigen had set him still further back from his goal of opening a shop, and he did not have anything like a surplus of free time.

He was thinking all this over when something finally occurred to him.

“Could you not find it yourself from Nyohhira? You know the general direction, right?”

If it was just two days from Nyohhira, then just as Holo said, she would most likely be able to remember the details as she got closer.

The words had simply fallen from his mouth without any particular ill intent, but no sooner had Lawrence spoken than he realized his mistake.

Holo looked at him, stunned.

Surprise also registered on Lawrence’s face as Holo looked away.

“Y-yes...if I got as far as Nyohhira, I could certainly find my way to Yoitsu.”

Holo forced a smile. Lawrence wondered what was wrong, then voiced a sudden “Ah—” as the realization dawned.

In the port town of Pazzio, Holo had said that loneliness was a deathly illness.

Holo feared loneliness above all else. Even if he didn’t mean anything by it, she was likely to take his suggestion hard, and she had been drinking.

She probably took his suggestion to mean that he had grown weary of searching for her homeland.

“Hey, now, wait just a minute. Don’t take it the wrong way. There’s no reason I couldn’t wait in Nyohhira while you searched for a couple of days.”

“Yes. That would be enough. You’ll guide me as far as Nyohhira, won’t you? I had hoped to see a few more towns.”

The conversation moved so smoothly it was almost a letdown, and Lawrence had to attribute this to Holo’s agile mind.

Despite her apparent agreeability, a disconnect lay beneath it.

Holo had been away from her homeland for centuries. Just as in the legend Lawrence had heard, she had to have considered the possibility that Yoitsu no longer existed, and even if it did, the countless months and years would have wrought great changes. She must have been filled with uncertainty.

No doubt she was afraid of going to her homeland alone.

That uncertainty was disguised by Holo’s innocent, happy smile when she claimed the liquor reminded her of Yoitsu.

A few moments’ thought made this clear, and Lawrence regretted his rash suggestion.

“Listen, I have every intention of helping you as much as I can. What I said before—”

“Didn’t I ask before how precious a male’s kindness was? I can’t have you being too kind.”

Holo’s forced smile mixed with her troubled expression as she set her cup down on the bed and continued, “I’m in the wrong. I can’t help thinking of things from my own perspective. But you humans, you become old in what seems like the blink of an eye to me. I always forget how precious a single year is for someone with such a brief life span.”

The moonlight streamed in through the room’s large window, illuminating Holo. She seemed almost unreal to Lawrence in that moment; he hesitated to approach her for fear that she would disappear.

Holo looked up after staring into the contents of her cup, still with that same troubled smile.

“You really are too softhearted. What am I to do with you when you look at me so?”

What was the right thing to say? Lawrence could not find the words he wanted.

A rift had undeniably formed between the two of them.

Yet the words to heal it would not come. A convenient lie would be useless as Holo would see through it instantly.

Holo’s words had made it hard for Lawrence to say anything at all. He couldn’t very well tell her he would see her through to Yoitsu no matter how many years it took. Merchants were too practical by far for such grandiosity. The many centuries of Holo’s life were too distant.

“I am the one who lost sight of the obvious. I have gotten too comfortable by your side. I presumed...too much,” said Holo with a self-conscious smile, her ears twitching with her embarrassment. She spoke like a maiden from somewhere near the bottom of her heart.

But such honesty did not bring Lawrence any pleasure.

It was as though Holo was saying good-bye.

“Heh, I seem to be a bit drunk. I’d better sleep, or who knows what I’ll wind up saying.”

Holo was never reticent at the best of times, but the way she talked made it seem like she was simply putting on a brave face.

In the end, Lawrence was unable to say anything to her.

All he could do was take note of the fact that she had not yet simply packed up and left. It seemed simultaneously unthinkable and entirely likely that she would do such a thing.