Spiritual Care: A Guide for Caregivers (20 page)

Times of extended retreat may be based on the same format,
but with more time to focus on each aspect. I like to spend a day in
prayer at home about once a month. Sometimes I will go off into
the woods or to a church by myself. I take a Bible, hymnal and
note pad. Those times apart usually refocus my priorities and lead
to more productive work in the days ahead.

Other opportunities for spiritual refreshment include organized
retreats and time at a retreat center for a silent retreat. Many
retreat centers provide spiritual directors to offer personal guidance for your time alone with God.

Healthy spiritual growth requires both private time with God
and the fellowship of other believers. Neither is sufficient alone. If
we merely keep our faith private, we cannot be vibrantly attached
to the body. The opposite danger is to become so caught up in the
social aspects of fellowship and service that we miss that personal
relationship with God entirely.

Our relationship with God is similar to a marriage. If a couple
does not relate to others, they become ingrown. God wants to
meet our needs through other people -and expects us to care for
them as well. On the other hand, if a couple is constantly involved
in group activities or running in opposite directions all day, not
guarding personal time for intimacy, their relationship soon deteriorates. God wants us to be balanced, whole people who live in
close relationship with him and with one another.

by does everyone call me when they need help?" Kristin spoke
aloud to no one in particular as she hung up the phone. This was
supposed to be her one day off this week, but by ten o'clock the
whole day was already full. She was planning to take the tape of
Sunday's worship service to three shut-ins, visit two friends in the
hospital and bake a cake for a funeral the next day. Now her nextdoor neighbor, Barb, was in crisis over her dissolving marriage.
She invited Barb to lunch, but she had no idea what she would
serve. Kristin felt that God had given her the gift of "helps," but
she was beginning to wonder how to balance the overwhelming
barrage of opportunities.

Sometimes we create our own stress by being competent and
dependable. At other times we have no control over the stressors that
come our way. However, there are ways to cope, and even thrive, in
the midst of multiple responsibilities. My friend Sylvia wrote, "Since we returned from vacation last month, our ninety-year-old aunt had a
massive stroke and went home to be with the Lord, so we went to her
funeral in Maine. When we got back I faced heavy teaching responsibilities at work on top of writing four major grant proposals. Now we
are in 'panic city' about our upcoming accreditation review next
month. I sometimes long for the old days of being young, naive and
irresponsible. Now, everyone sees me as the 'rock' and integral to all
the functions in the program--a very, very hard expectation to meet.
Through tribulation comes patience."

In the same message, though, Sylvia described her work with a
team of volunteers she coordinates. Nurturing and encouraging
the volunteer team had not been an easy task. Most of the volunteers were inexperienced, and even those who should have known
what to do seemed to have difficulty following directions. It might
have been easier to do the job herself, but Sylvia had patience,
allowing them to almost fail. In the end she delighted in each team
member's contribution. She wrote, "Andrea's focused attention to
detail is a real strength for the team. Cindy's artistic tastefulness
and personal, joyous interactional style are a ballet! Monica's love
for nurses and her strong interpersonal relations with each individual she contacts for Christ is a wonder to behold. They all do
an excellent job keeping people nourished and comfortable. We
should probably do another project in the spring."

Sylvia is already planning how to help the team learn from their
mistakes and build on their strengths. She is also keeping her perspective through participating in group Bible study and enlisting
others to pray with her. She also finds support through networking with other volunteer leaders and seeking their counsel.

The first step in avoiding "compassion fatigue" is to develop a plan for sharing the load. Yet most of us respond to cries for help as
Kristin did. It's flattering when someone asks you for help. You
feel honored and needed. Helping people gives you a sense of
meaning, purpose and fulfillment-and wins praises from others.
This dynamic tends to feed on itself and tap into your sense of
pride. Eventually helping others becomes addictive--the need-tobe-needed syndrome. Sharing the load can be tough at first, especially if you are responsible.

Sylvia is a wise and mature leader, but some of her friends and
colleagues became annoyed when her recent project began to run
into problems. As they sat back and criticized her "lack of leadership," I'm sure she fought the urge to just take over and do everything herself. Instead, she patiently coached Andrea, Cindy and
Monica. She listened, guided, evaluated and demonstrated over
and over again. Now the volunteer team has a success to enjoy,
and next year's project will be easier.

Organizing volunteers to provide spiritual care requires careful
assessment and planning, as well as vision, training and ongoing
encouragement. Even before the recruiting begins, you will need
to determine all the aspects of the ministry you envision. Next,
consider the gifts, skills, interests and expertise of individuals who
might be interested in helping. Some jobs will require initiative
and drive; others will be more behind the scenes.

Some roles will suit people with strong interpersonal skills; others
will draw people with technical expertise. Ask people to do a specific
job, and tell them why you see them as qualified. The team might
include parish nurses, lay visitors, trainers, coordinators, someone
with computer skills, an artist to design appropriate Scripture cards,
a writer to compose newsletter articles, a group of retirees to lick
stamps and stuff envelopes, and someone who enjoys keeping track
of birthdays and significant anniversaries to send cards.

You might also want to think about involving Sunday-school
teachers and their classes. For instance, at Christmastime our primary classes made cards for all the hospitalized or homebound
church members and collected baskets of personal items for each.
The junior-high students made manger scenes out of clothespins
and shoe boxes. Most of those manger scenes are still sitting by
the bedsides of the recipients, who continue to rave about them.

Another example occurred at a nurses' Bible study. Teresa, who
worked in a suburban hospital, told of a patient she had been
praying with for several days. "He told me that he's terrified
because he is being transferred to a teaching hospital for bypass
surgery and won't have anyone to pray with him there when he
really needs it," she related to the group.

Evelyn perked up immediately, saying that she worked in the
cardiac care unit at that hospital and would be delighted to pray
with him. The group discussion turned to considering how they
could develop a formal system for referring patients who needed
spiritual care when transferred to other area hospitals.

"What we really need is a referral coordinator," someone suggested. The group determined that this person would need to be
home most of the time, enjoy making phone calls and be organized
enough to keep accurate records. Pauline, a retired nurse in the
group, responded immediately. She mentioned that she had been
looking for a way to continue her involvement in nursing and
serve the group. Several group members spoke up at once, asking
Pauline if she would coordinate the program.

Developing a lay visitor program in a church requires a lot of
planning and organization. Let's say that you are interested in
starting one in your church. The following steps will assure a solid
foundation.

1. Find one or two othere who share your interest in starting such a program. Give people the option to say no without feeling that
they have let you down. You want people who really feel called by
God, not who feel coerced. Meet first to pray. Your first meeting
should probably be only for prayer and searching the Scriptures
for guidance. As you become convinced of the need and God's
direction, you will be ready to start thinking about who and what
will be involved. For instance, you will obviously need lay-visitors,
but you will also need the blessing and cooperation of the church
leadership, a coordinator, secretarial help, trainers and resource
people, an educational program, a place to meet, a budget and
funding (yes, even volunteer programs need money for training,
paper, postage and supplies).

2. Meet with the pastor to share your ideas. Be humble. Ask for
advice. If the pastor tells you that the idea has already been tried
but didn't work, ask to hear more about what happened. Be prepared to explain how you would handle potential problems (such
as lack of interest, inadequate support from the board, inappropriate behavior of volunteers or complaints from those visited). Ask
about church policies and procedures for beginning such a ministry. Work within the system, even if it seems cumbersome and
time-consuming-it will work to your advantage in the long run.
A sure way to guarantee antagonism (and failure) is to defiantly
implement a program without full support of the pastor and board
of deacons or elders.

3. Gather information. Assess your congregation's needs using the
guidelines in chapter two. Visit other churches with a similar program. Ask how they got started, how they are organized and if
they have suggestions for you. Find out about existing training
programs and other resources. You may want to link up with a
national program with professional training and materials, or you
might decide to develop your own approach. Your denomination may provide the help you need. Look in Christian bookstores for
books and study guides. New ones are appearing every day. After
examining your options, decide on a plan and include it in your
budget.

4. Begin to recruit volunteers. Invite each one to do a specific job,
explaining why you see him or her as well suited for that role. Be
clear about the time commitment required, including training and
preparation, as well as the actual ministry involvement. Again, be
sure you give each person the option of saying no without feeling
guilty. Set a limit on the commitment, with the option to renew, so
the volunteer doesn't feel it must be a lifetime obligation.

Once your volunteers are on board, the key to keeping them is to
communicate the vision for ministry. If people feel that their services are needed and appreciated, they will be eager to invest the
time and energy required-even when the going gets tough. If
they are doing the job only because they feel coerced or shamed
into it, they will be half-hearted volunteers. Guilt is a poor motivator; vision inspires. Vision enables people to see the good and
gives meaning to their work. Vision can be shared, but then it
must be owned by the other person in order to be effective. The
process of vision-building creates excitement and stirs passion.

The Scriptures provide insights into God's vision for our ministry. For instance, a group of nursing students was studying Matthew 25 and became convicted that God wanted them involved
with serving the poor. They began to volunteer at a homeless shelter, where they did everything from washing dirty feet and serving
meals to leading worship services and praying with individuals.
Their Bible studies then turned to examining how Jesus ministered to people, and they began asking, "What would Jesus do?" in regard to the real-life situations they were facing.

Telling stories communicates vision on an ongoing basis. As
volunteers at a food shelter told friends the stories of those they
served, the number of volunteers steadily increased. My own congregation supported the food pantry by collecting canned goods
on a regular basis, but with a poor response. Then we invited the
directors of the pantry to speak to the congregation. They told of
children from our own community whose eyes lit up upon seeing
even a bag of generic cookies-and who left the pantry hugging
the bag.

They also vividly related the downward spiral of another family
who came to the pantry. The mother was dying of breast cancer.
The father, an engineer, had been suddenly laid off from his job
when his company lost a government contract, leaving him not
only without an income but with no health insurance. Their entire
savings were wiped out by medical expenses. They had managed
to pay the mortgage on their home by working odd jobs, but just
barely. The volunteers began by meeting the family's physical
needs, providing food, finding school bags and shoes for the children, and finding someone to stay with the mother and children
while the father looked for work. They also began meeting their
spiritual needs, praying with them and eventually drawing them
into a church community.